A/N: Hey guys, thanks as always for the awesome reviews. I love them. Sorry this one took a little longer, I've had another busy couple of days. Still, hoping it was worth the wait! Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Chapter Fourteen

I Saw

And it's amazing
With the look in your eyes
Like you could save me
But you won't even try
And then you tell me again
How everything will be alright

And if I told you
That I'm sorry
Would you tell me that
you were wrong
Or would you hold me down forever
If I came to your for answers

And I saw
Pictures in my head
And I swear I saw you
opening up, again
Cuz I would be heavenly
if baby you'd just rescue me, now

Matt Nathanson, I Saw

There was a roaring in Lucas' ears, as his eyes darted between Peyton and the guy hovering awkwardly.

"Just walk away. Just say goodbye, turn around and walk away," a rational part of Lucas' brain commanded. But the rest of him didn't seem to be listening, as he remained rooted in place.

The guy was staring at him, scrutinizing his face. "You look kind of familiar…"

He remembered asking Haley if Peyton was with anyone. She'd said she didn't think so, but couldn't be sure…

Awkwardly, Peyton kept her eyes on Lucas. "Luke, this is Will…Will, this is my friend Lucas, from home…"

"Your friend?" Lucas repeated in a low voice.

Will's eyes suddenly widened. "Lucas Scott! I knew you looked familiar." He stepped forward, smiling, his hand extended. "It's great to meet you, man, I'm a big fan…"

Lucas ignored him, keeping his eyes trained on Peyton. "What is this?"

Will flushed slightly, awkwardly lowering his extended hand and turning to Peyton. "Um, it's almost 8, Peyt."

Lucas flinched at the familiarity of his tone and the shortening of her name. This wasn't right, she'd kissed him…she'd agreed to go on a date…

"Okay, just one second," Peyton replied calmly before turning to Luke. "Listen-"

He couldn't take the calm expression on her face, the even tone to her voice. He interjected angrily, "How could you not mention, during all those dinners, that you have a boyfriend-"

Peyton sighed impatiently. "Luke, Will isn't-"

The white hot jealousy was coursing through him, and there wasn't much Lucas could do to defy it. "It just seems like that's the kind of thing you might have wanted to share, seeing as we've been 'catching up' and, oh yeah, you kissed me." God, he hated himself for getting angry at her, but he felt stupid and embarrassed and completely disappointed.

Peyton inhaled sharply, her eyes narrowing. Giving Lucas a piercing glare, she practically hissed, "You cannot seriously believe that you are in any position to judge me. That you have any right-"

From behind her, Will said, "Peyton, I'm gonna wait outside."

Her eyes never leaving Lucas', she demanded, "No, don't go anywhere, he was just leaving."

Lucas opened his mouth to speak. "Peyton-"

She cut him off instantly. "Oh, no way. Don't talk to me." She let out a groan of frustration, raking her fingers through her hair. "You know, after all the shit you pulled three years ago, you are so damn lucky I didn't just slam the door in your face…and you really think you have any right to yell at me for anything? Lucas, let's get one thing straight, okay? I owe you nothing. You don't deserve it." She folded her arms in front of her chest and snapped, "Now get out."

Protests, pleas and apologies filled his throat, but he kept quiet. She's heard them all before. Meekly, Lucas turned and left the apartment.

The door slammed behind him, and Peyton closed her eyes, sighing shakily.

After a beat of silence, Will spoke dryly, "So, Lucas Scott seems to like me."

Still staring at the door, Peyton replied in a tone of forced calm, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that…"

Will placed a hand tentatively on her shoulder, and Peyton jumped, turning around to look at him. His eyebrows were knitted in confusion and concern. "Are you okay?"

She nodded vigorously. "Fine."

Will seemed to be scrutinizing her. "So…does this mean you are the Peyton? The one from the book?"

She sighed tiredly. "Yes."

"Wow. And The Comet? What's the connection there? Seeing as you hate it so much…"

Unexpectedly, Peyton felt hot tears fill her eyes, and she furiously blinked them back, angry at herself for caring. Lucas didn't deserve that, either, as he had just made abundantly clear.

"I don't know….look, I'm sorry, but I don't know if I can do the movie right now…tell the guys I'm sorry."

Will nodded, quelling the questions he was dying to ask. "I can skip it, you know, if you want to talk."

She smiled tightly. "There's really not much to say. He married someone else, and now he's divorced, and he's here and just…" She paused, shrugging helplessly in Will's direction. "I'm sorry he was rude to you."

Will grinned wryly. "Yeah, so am I. It's kind of like being a kid and finding out the guy in the Barney suit's a raging alcoholic."

"He really is a great guy…." Peyton paused, rolling her eyes. "God, why do I even defend him? I take it back, he's an ass."

Will shrugged. "Well, I can't say much for his ability to make a first impression, but I kind of doubt that." After a moment, he said, "God, Lucas married someone else."

Peyton threw him a glare. "So glad you're here to remind me."

"Sorry, it's just…reading that book…I never would've seen that coming."

"Yeah….I never did either."

LPLPLPLPLP

Two days later, Peyton snatched up the phone. "Stop calling here."

There was a brief pause; Lucas had been calling non-stop for two days, and she hadn't answered yet, so he had honestly been unprepared. "I'm sorry."

"And stop saying that. You've overused the phrase."

"I was an idiot."

"Use present tense."

"I am an idiot."

"Very good. I'm hanging up now."

"No, wait, Peyton, please!

She sighed impatiently. "What?"

"Please listen…it was just a gut reaction! It was stupid, but it was all of two minutes-"

Peyton interjected tiredly, "Lucas."

" –and it wasn't about being mad at you, I know I have no right to do that, I was just disappointed-"

"Lucas."

"-it was more like I was mad at myself, really, not you-"

"Luke, stop it!" At the force in her voice, he finally fell silent, and Peyton continued in a flat voice, "Listen, I can't tell you not to stay in Seattle. But I don't want you to stay here because of me."

All the air left Lucas' lungs, and there was a moment of silence before he could say in a strangled voice, "But, Peyton…"

"This…this 'catching up', the working things out…I'm done."

Lucas gripped the phone tighter. "But…we were so close-"

"Yeah, and look what happened." He couldn't tell for sure, but it sounded as though Peyton was trying not to cry. "I'm so tired of this, Luke. I won't do it anymore, I can't. So I'm done."

"Peyton, c'mon, don't do this, not over something like this…I said I was here to fight for you, and that's what I'm doing!"

"You can't fight for someone who doesn't want you to fight for them, Luke. And I don't. Not anymore. Bye, Lucas."

He heard a click; she was gone.

LPLLPLPLPLP

The next day, Lucas stood outside her studio, under an umbrella, waiting for Peyton to come out so he could talk to her. He understood that his behavior bordered on stalking, but felt as though he was slowly running out of options, and had discovered that, apparently, random civilians were not allowed into recording studios.

"Lucas, right?"

Lucas turned to see Will behind him. He was holding an umbrella in one hand and some sort of coffee in the other.

Lucas felt a conflicting flash of embarrassment and anger. He was embarrassed for acting like an asshole to this guy, but he still could not help resent him for his connection with Peyton. "Yeah. Will, was it?"

"Yeah…" His voice trailed off.

Lucas thought of how he'd introduced himself (I'm a big fan…) and his own immature refusal to return an offer of a handshake, and he cringed a little.

After a beat of silence, Will said suddenly, "We aren't dating. Me and Peyton…we're just friends."

Lucas felt a sudden collision of relief and self-loathing. He grimaced, "Probably should have let her explain that, huh?"

Will nodded a bit sardonically, "Yeah, I guess that would've been, y'know, another way to handle it."

He groaned. "I, uh, think I was kind of rude to you. I'm sorry."

Will shrugged dismissively. "It's not me you need to apologize to."

"I know. I tried apologize to her, but…I don't know, maybe I've screwed up too many times to expect that to work anymore…"

Will nodded thoughtfully for a long time, then said conversationally, "You know, when I first met Peyton, I did kinda…have a thing for her. Gave up on that idea real fast."

His eyes on the pavement, Lucas hesitantly asked, "Did she…did she ever say anything?"

"No. She never mentioned anything, but she didn't have to. It didn't take much to figure out she was hung up on someone else." After a pause, he added, "I read your first book. And your second, actually." He smiled wryly. "I never had a chance, man. No one else did."

LPLPLPLPLP

"Do you ever work?"

Peyton twirled her chair around to see Will, holding out her usual drink order. "Yes. Your break just happens to fall during my break."

Will sat in the chair next to her, and informed her without preamble, "So there's this author guy hanging around outside the studio. I think he might be an obsessive fan."

Peyton pressed her palms against her eyes and moaned. "Oh, God, he's out there now?"

"Yeah. He didn't know about the back entrance. And I may not have mentioned it. Seriously, I think he really wants to talk to you."

"We already talked. I told him I was done."

"Okay," Will replied neutrally. Silence fell for a few moments, then Will said suddenly, "You're the comet, aren't you? In the book?"

Startled, Peyton looked up from her cup, eyes wide.

Will added, "That day you bit my head off about it not being a love story…it was, wasn't it? It's about you."

She gritted her teeth, and said firmly, "Supposedly."

Will let out a low whistle. "The boy saw the comet and suddenly his life had meaning. Damn. And now he's standing outside, in the rain, just waiting to talk to you." When she didn't reply, Will added casually, "Oh, I also told him that we aren't dating."

Peyton shot him an exasperated look. "Why? That wasn't the point, Will, he doesn't…he doesn't deserve information."

"I just thought he should know, Peyt."

She stood suddenly. "I should probably go talk to him. Maybe he'll get the message."

"Right."

LPLPLPLPLP

Lucas was hanging close to the locked front door of the studio when it opened and Peyton appeared, not venturing out into the rain, just leaning against the doorway.

He forced a smile. "Hi."

Peyton didn't return it. "Luke, you have to stop this, okay? "

"I'm sorry, but Will…he just told me…he said he wasn't your boyfriend."

Peyton rolled her eyes. "I tried to tell you that the other day. You didn't listen."

"I know I didn't."

She sighed, frustrated. "And you know, not that the point was whether or not I was dating him, because I had no obligation to you-"

"I know that."

"-but …you know, I dated a lot, when I first got here. I mean, after the first awful month or so, I was just…determined. I thought it would go along to this whole fresh start thing, so I started making dates with guys I met…but then I realized I was dreading every one of them, and there were rarely second dates, and never third. So I made a promise to myself…I wasn't going to do anything just because I thought I should want to. I was going to wait until I actually wanted to date." Her eyes moved away from his. "And I still haven't yet."

Lucas wasn't sure why she was telling him all this. All he could think of to say was, "I'm really sorry. For the other night and…and everything-"

"It doesn't matter now. I told you, I'm done."

"I don't get it, Peyton! Why this, why is this one thing so awful? I know I was an idiot, but in comparison to everything else I've fucked up…a brief moment of ill-advised jealousy should not be the deal breaker!"

Angry, Peyton retorted, "It isn't just about this one thing…it's a final straw situation. It's the fact that we can be doing so well, and yet you still, consistently, do something stupid! And I am not spending the rest of my life waiting for your next screw up!"

Lucas stared at her searchingly for a long moment before saying quietly, "I don't believe you."

"What?"

"I don't believe that for a second, Peyton. God, you are so…you listened to me explain the fact that I sent three years married to someone I didn't love, and why it took her cheating on me to come back to you…you let me tell you why I kissed you before proposing to someone else. You have listened, and tried to understand, and you've forgiven all of the things I've fucked up, and I honestly have no clue how or why-"

Peyton's throat was tight, and her voice shook as she shot back angrily, "It's because I'm in love with you! Because I can't do anything except be in love with you!"

Lucas froze, his heart constricting painfully. That was the first time she'd said it since he'd come to Seattle, the first time he'd heard them in so many years; not that she had ever given him reason to question it.

Peyton's voice pulled him back into the conversation, "What's your point, Luke?"

Swallowing hard, he recovered his train of thought, "You're not saying that you're done because you find this impossible to forgive. You're looking for a reason."

"What?"

His heart was flying. It was make or break time. "We kissed the other night, Peyton. You kissed me. And it was amazing and perfect, and we were so close. And that scares you, so the minute I screwed up, you jumped on it as an excuse. You are terrified of giving this a chance!"

Lucas was expecting denial, and more anger. Instead, Peyton looked away for a long moment, blinking rapidly, her jaw set. When she looked back at him, her face was flushed and her voice was low as she said, "Maybe you're right. Maybe I am scared. But you know what, it's no wonder. I don't want to get my heartbroken again, Lucas. I don't want to get hurt anymore."

"But…but aren't you hurting now? Because for me, Peyt…for me, being without you hurts so bad…doesn't it hurt you?"

"Yes, of course it hurts me to be without you! It's been hurting, for six damn years, Lucas, but after that long…at least it's not so raw anymore. If I have to start over with that…I will not be okay next time."

Stammering earnestly, he moved closer to her, "But there doesn't have to be a next time, Peyton, there won't be-"

She cut him off, injecting a note of finality in her voice, "I already told you. I'm done. There's nothing else you can say. I've made up my mind....no more fighting for me."

"B-but, Peyt-"

"I mean it. I'm done." She sighed heavily, unable to meet his eyes. "Go home, Luke. If you honestly think that means Seattle, then stay here. If it means New York, fine, if it's Tree Hill, great."

She turned to head back inside, when he spoke again, "It's you."

Peyton froze, experiencing the inevitable flashback to the moment after the state championship, when she'd been about to walk away from him, only to be called back by those same words.

This time, she didn't turn around, but he continued anyway, a noticeable catch in his voice, "Home. If home is where you feel…happy, loved, safe, all of that…then It's not a place, not really. Not anymore. It's just…you."

He waited expectantly, and Peyton swallowed thickly against threatening sobs, and closed the door behind her.

LPLPLPLPLP

"I don't know what to do, Hales." Lucas said. His defeated tone held a plea for hope, advice, anything.

Hales sighed, steeling herself, then said in a gently voice, "Luke. Maybe now's the time…maybe you have to let her go."

His stomach twisted. "I can't."

"I know it's hard. I know you wanted to fight for her. But if she doesn't want you to, then you have to let her go."

"Do you really think she wants me to leave?"

Haley sighed again. "Lucas, I know Peyton loves you. I'm pretty sure she always will. But you broke her heart so many times…and I know she wasn't perfect, Luke, but you were the one who got married. You're the one that left and gave up. And maybe it's too much to recover from. It's been six years since you two have been together."

Lucas ' head dropped and he pressed his lips together; he was dangerously close to crying, and his attempts to fight it rendered him speechless for a long moment.

Haley broke the silence, "And, who knows, Luke, if you give her more time, maybe…maybe someday she'll show up on your doorstep, and she'll be ready."

Lucas shook his head mutely, a gesture that was lost in this method of communication.

Disconcerted by his continued silence, Haley continued, "Luke, I'm so sorry. But I don't know what else to tell you. Sometimes…sometimes love means letting someone go."

He had a sudden flash of memory.

I was reminded today in a roundabout way that the most perfect act of love is sacrifice. It's what Keith did for Karen; burying his feelings for her for all those years so he could be a good friend. I love you Lucas. And I think I have since the first moment we locked eyes and it is going to suck but if what you want is for me to let go then I'm gonna do it.

Lucas made a strangled sound, somewhere between a gasp and a sob. Haley's voice was full of sympathy and concern, "Oh, Lucas…"

LPLPLPLPLP

Two days later, Peyton hadn't heard from Lucas since the day outside her studio. She had no way of knowing whether he was still in town or if he'd listened to her and left.

She wanted not to dwell on it. She wanted to go back to the way it was before, but she couldn't help walking around with a sudden emptiness, unable to focus on anything unless it was a desperate attempt to pick apart one of their recent conversations.

Another two days passed, and she had honestly resigned herself to the fact that he had gone, which was, after all, what she wanted.

Right?

It was a Wednesday evening, and she was waiting for a pizza she'd ordered. They were late. So it was with relief that she went to answer the knock at the door, cash in hand.

The door swung open to reveal, not the pizza boy, but Lucas, looking ragged with exhaustion.

Peyton couldn't think of anything to say, because she couldn't make up her mind how she felt about his presence.

"I know I'm not supposed to be here." His voice was soft and utterly defeated, and in spite of herself Peyton's felt a sudden ache of empathy. "But I wanted to show you…" He held up the thick stack of papers, bound together by a silver ring. "It's the new book I've been working on. I started it just after I moved to New York, and I've been…I've been writing for the past few days on the last part…but it still…" He paused, staring at his feet briefly, then back up to her. "It doesn't have an ending yet, but I just wanted you to read it."

He extended the stack toward her, and Peyton took it. Lucas continued, "I, uh…I bought a plane ticket to Tree Hill. For Saturday afternoon."

She looked up from the manuscript to his face, surprised.

He seemed to see her surprise, because he added, "If letting go is what you want me to do, then I'm gonna do it. But maybe…maybe you could read that first." Then he turned and left the apartment.