The next few days passed by with Kendall and Logan spending some time with their friends and families, and stealing any moments that they could with each other, and alternating which house they slept over at. They adhered to their unwritten rule of not fooling around in bed when the family was home, so they never got a chance to do much, since Katie was home for school vacation and Dr. and Mrs. Mitchell had scheduled their work as light as possible to spend time with Logan. By New Year's Eve, champagne bottles weren't the only thing ready to pop.
Kendall had to work a four hour shift at the grocery store, and when he got home it felt like forever before Katie and his mom got out the door.
"You and Logan have fun, sweetie, and I won't call tonight, but, please, if you go anywhere, let the Mitchells know, and text me, but don't call, because I can't talk at the ballet…"
"I know, Mom, I know. And don't worry, we're not going anywhere. We're having food delivered and we're staying right here. Don't worry about me. And Happy New Year." Kendall kissed her on the cheek to get her to go. He had put her suitcase and Katie's sleeping bag in the car ten minutes ago, and they still hadn't gotten out the door yet.
"See ya next year, big brother!" Katie said as he hugged her goodbye. She had a duffel bag and her pillow but managed to give him a good hug back anyway.
After some final "I love yous" and "have funs" Kendall finally shut the door behind them and then slumped against it for a minute. But then he roused himself, he had things to do. He went to his room and gathered up all his clothes, throwing the dirty stuff into the hamper in the bathroom and piling up the clean stuff on the bed. Once that was done, he folded or hung up the clothes and got them put away in the closet and bureau. Then he gathered all his books together, putting the school books in his backpack and his own books in his bookshelf, and then tidied up his desk, putting papers into folders, pens into the pen cup, and whatever belonged in the drawers in the drawers. He looked around the room, and the next thing that caught his eye was his hockey gear. He gathered all of it up and brought it down cellar, bringing an empty clothes basket back up with him. He brought that straight into his bathroom and emptied out the hamper plus threw all the towels and facecloths that were out into the basket as well. He brought that back downstairs and started a load of laundry in the washer.
Back upstairs, he returned to his bathroom. He put away all the lotions, Q-tips, cans, bottles, and unnecessary items under the sink, and only left out soap in a pump on the sink and shampoo and conditioner and a bar of soap in the shower. His toothbrush always stood in its stand with Logan's on the sink when not in use, and Kendall left the toothpaste out too, but made a mental note to put it away after he brushed his teeth after his shower. He put out clean hand towels and facecloths on their hooks in his bathroom, and took out a bath towel from the closet and left that on the closed lid of the toilet.
He returned to his room, matched up all the various pairs of Vans, sneakers, and shoes that were scattered about, and placed them in the bottom of his closet. He contemplated his bed for a moment (he had made it before he left for work that morning), and then stripped it down and brought the sheets and pillowcase down to the laundry room in the cellar and then remade the bed with fresh linens. He put his hands on his hips and looked about the room. There was still wrapping paper and scissors and bows scattered about from wrapping presents last week, so he gathered all that stuff up and brought it to the "extra" room where all the totes and boxes were waiting to be refilled when they took down the Christmas decorations. He found the big tote his mom kept all the Christmas wrap stuff in and put his things in there.
Before going back to his room, he once again detoured down to the basement and brought the vacuum cleaner upstairs. He brought it to his room and before plugging it in he had one more detail to attend to. He opened up a couple of packages he had picked up that morning at the store and put their contents where he thought they'd go best. Then he plugged in the vacuum and gave the carpet a thorough treatment.
Once that was done, he went to his bathroom and scrubbed the sink, toilet, and tub with special cleaners made for each job. He cleaned the mirror with Windex. Then he stripped down and had a shower. He wiped down the tub with his towel once he had dried himself off, and went to his room and pulled on some boxer briefs and socks. Then he gathered his wet towel and face cloth, and the clothes he had been wearing, and balled them all up under one arm and picked up the vacuum with his free hand and brought all that downstairs.
Back upstairs one more time and all he had to do was brush his teeth, dry his hair, and get dressed. His room was clean, he was clean, now he wanted Logan. His wish was soon granted. Minutes after he finished getting dressed, the doorbell rang. That was a little weird, Logan usually just walked in the backdoor like he had since he was a kid, but this was a big night. Kendall answered the door and took Logan in at a glance. More handsome than ever, Kendall decided. Kendall gave him a big smile and pulled him inside, kissing him before he had a chance to take his coat off.
Logan had a duffel bag with him, and he dropped it to the floor and wrapped his arms around Kendall, pulling him even closer to kiss him all the better. They finally came up for air.
"Hi," Kendall said.
"Hello. How was your day? How was work?" Logan asked, never taking his eyes off Kendall's.
"Work was a drag-people going nuts trying to grab stuff last minute and get out quick. Good thing it was a short shift," Kendall laughed. "No patience, no courtesy, no manners."
"Aw, poor baby. I promise I'll treat you like a gentleman." Logan didn't mean for that to sound so hot, but somehow it did. Much to Kendall's surprise, he found he liked being called "Baby", at least by Logan.
"So, what's with the duffel bag?" Kendall asked, just to have something to say as Logan took off his coat and hung it in the closet near the front door.
"Some of the clothes I usually leave here. I washed them so I could bring them back-I'll just go toss this in your room…"
"NO!" Kendall grabbed at the bag and stopped Logan from heading off down the hall. "I mean, I'll do that, you're my guest."
Logan chortled. "Since when?"
"Since it's a holiday. You rang the front door!" Kendall said in a tone he hadn't really used since bickering with Katie when he was still in junior high.
Logan figured Kendall didn't want him seeing his messy room, but that was silly, since Kendall's room was always messy plus they'd be sleeping in it later, but since Kendall used that whining tone he must have had some reason, so Logan suggested he'd just put his duffel bag in the hall closet for now too. Kendall was visibly relieved and nodded his head. Logan thought maybe Kendall was just out of sorts from having to work that day. Kendall always had horror stories about how shoppers got when he had to work on busy holidays.
Kendall led the way to the living room. It looked nice and cozy with the tree lit up.
"So, what's the plan?" Logan asked.
"It's almost five now, so I figure we should call in our dinner order, and then I thought maybe we could play backgammon? Or would you rather play something else? Video games, cribbage, Yahtzee?" Kendall said, sounding anxious or nervous, Logan couldn't tell which, and he couldn't imagine why Kendall was so edgy, even if work had wound him up a bit.
"Backgammon would be perfect," Logan smiled. Kendall had never gotten into chess, so Logan played that with his dad, but backgammon was his game with Kendall. James and Carlos didn't have the patience for it, but that was fine with Logan. He liked having things that he only shared with Kendall. Even the grandparents didn't play it with them, whereas all eight grandparents loved cribbage and would play with the boys-and each other-every chance they got.
They called in the food order and were told deliveries were running about two and half hours, which was pretty much what they expected on the biggest night of the year for the best-and only-Chinese food place in town. Kendall got out the backgammon board and they settled down to play. Somewhere midway through the second or third game they came up with a new rule: they kissed every time doubles were rolled. That made the game even more fun.
At around quarter to seven, Kendall's mom called to check in and say Happy New Year.
"I'm in the powder room at the restaurant. We're finishing up here and heading over to the ballet. Grandpa and Gran say 'Happy New Year' to you and Logan. And I just talked to Katie. She's having fun and made it clear she doesn't want to hear from me again till next year," Jennifer laughed. "How are things there?"
"Just fine. Our food should be here around seven thirty. I've been whipping Logan's butt at backgammon." Logan sputtered on the sip of water he had just taken, mainly because a different image popped into his mind when Kendall said he was whipping his butt.
"Well, you boys have fun. I won't call at midnight, I'm sure I'll be asleep as soon as I get back to my hotel. But call if you need me, of course! Even during the ballet-I'll have my phone on."
"I know, Mom, I know. But we won't need to call. You have a great time and kiss Gran and Grandpa for me and we'll talk tomorrow. Love you!"
Kendall hung up after Jennifer said goodbye. "Mom and the grandfolks say Happy New Year," Kendall told Logan, adding a kiss on the cheek to make it even more "official". "You want to play some more backgammon?"
"No, that's okay. And I'll let your lie to your mom go, it being the holidays and all," Logan grinned.
"What lie?"
"The one about you whipping my butt. We've both been winning pretty equally," Logan said.
"Sure, tell yourself that, Mitchell. I was going easy on you because you've clearly gotten rusty."
"Gotten rusty? While at Harvard? Uh-huh."
"You don't play it with anyone there, do you?" Kendall said, another anxious note back in his voice.
"Oh, no, of course not. I don't have time, for one thing, but even if I did, this is our game. I just meant it's unlikely I would've gotten rusty at thinking and strategizing there."
"Okay," Kendall said, relieved. He kissed Logan to show there were no hard feelings. Logan kissed him back to reassure him that there's no one he'd rather do anything with.
The food was delivered and Kendall and Logan dug in. They had ordered about enough to feed an army, or two boys in their late teens who hadn't eaten much all day in anticipation of this feast. They talked and laughed and remembered other New Year's Eves spent together. When they were full, Logan consolidated all the leftovers and put them in the refrigerator while Kendall put the plates and flatware in the dishwasher. They were just about to head back to the living room to put the movie in when Kendall's phone rang.
"Whazzzzzzzzzzup?!" The voice was so loud Logan could hear it, even though the phone had been pressed up to Kendall's ear when he answered it, but he soon held it out away from his ear at that response to his "Hello?" Logan poked the speaker button and Kendall held the phone between them.
"Hi, Carlos," Logan said. "You having fun? Is James there with you?"
"LOGAN!" Carlos shouted. "How are you, brother? Yeah, James is here too, lemme get this thing on speaker."
Kendall and Logan could hear a lot of background noise. The party was in full swing, by the sounds of things.
"Kendall!" James was now yelling into the phone. "You dudes need to get over here! This party is off the chain!"
"Ah, no thanks, James. We already talked about this," Kendall said.
"There's like, at least a dozen hot chicks here, waiting for each of you," Carlos slurred.
Kendall rolled his eyes at Logan. If James and Carlos were already this drunk, he'd hate to see them in almost four hours at midnight.
"Yeah!" James agreed with Carlos' headcount. "What are you guys doing that's so important anyway?"
"We just ate our dinner and we're about to watch a movie. You guys get back to your party and your fun," Logan said.
"Hey! We'll bring the hotties to you! We can get a bunch of the coolest kids, and come over to your house in my mom's limo-it can make a couple of trips..." James said.
"NO!" Kendall was visibly upset, Logan could tell. "James, my mom would kill me if I let a bunch of drunk kids come over here, not to mention if the cops got called, that'd end my chance with recruiters. You know I don't have any interest in partying, you know I don't want to be there, so what makes you think I want you to bring that to my house? Just stay there, have your own fun, and let me and Logan have ours."
"Lighten up, Kendall. We were just trying to save your New Year's Eve. You don't have to get your panties in a bunch," James sneered.
Logan snatched up the phone and took it off speaker before Kendall could reply to that. He was about to say something truly nasty to James, Logan could see that. "He's just drunk," Logan whispered to Kendall, then spoke into the phone, "Yeah, so, you guys have fun there, and Happy New Year. We're gonna shut our phones off now and watch movies. We'll talk to you tomorrow." Logan said that last sentence emphatically, hoping that Carlos and James got the message. There was actually no way Kendall would ever shut his phone off with his mom and sister away. They might need him.
Logan sighed as he disconnected the call and handed Kendall's phone back. "Ready to watch Casablanca?" he asked, snaking his arms around Kendall's waist and hoping a hug would help calm him down.
"Just because we're not watching it in a movie theater doesn't mean my no making out policy doesn't apply," Kendall said darkly.
Logan gave him a squeeze. "I know-and I wouldn't want you to miss a moment of this movie. It truly is one of the greatest of all time. I won't distract you, I promise. It'll be all I can do to keep my mouth shut and not ask you if you're noticing every little thing in it as it plays."
Kendall looked directly at Logan. "Do you want to watch something else? It can't be much fun to see something you've already seen so many times..."
"It WILL be fun, because you'll be seeing it for your first time. I can't wait to share this with you." Logan's eyes were wide open and honest. He really hoped that phone call from James and Carlos didn't spoil the rest of the night for Kendall.
They finally got to the living room, and Kendall shut out all the lights, just leaving the tree on. The DVD was already in the player, so he just had to get the remotes for that and the TV and they'd be in business. He turned on the TV and the screen was blue, awaiting the DVD player to be activated. Kendall just sat there for a moment, staring at the blue screen.
"Kendall? Do you need something? Do you want to make popcorn or get drinks before the movie starts?" Logan asked. He was pretty full himself from dinner still, but maybe Kendall wanted something.
"No...it's just, ah, forget it. It's not worth talking about," Kendall said.
Logan turned so he was facing Kendall on the couch, and took the remote out of his hand and held both of Kendall's hands in his. "No, come on. Something's bothering you, you can tell me," he coaxed.
"It's just, people like James, and even Mercedes. They have it so easy. It'd never even occur to them how much is riding on me behaving myself and not getting into any trouble ever. Without a hockey scholarship, I'm not going anywhere. For them, their parents can literally write one check and pay for their entire college education at any school in the world. And even without college, their parents could hand them jobs that will pay them hundreds of thousands of dollars just to start them off. And, they can have that and good for them and it's not that I'm jealous. It's their blatant disregard for how hard other people are willing to work that bugs me. It's never enough for James to just have his fun-he has to act like I'm doing something wrong for not doing it."
Logan thought for a minute. "Those are all good points, Kendall. I'm sorry, I never realized how much it bothers you. But when you put it all into words like that, you're right. I can't remember a time James just went his own way and did his own thing without trying to drag you along too, and then he doesn't just let it drop, he always says one last thing to you about not knowing how to have fun or whatever. But maybe a lot of that is just because he really does want you along, and he cares that you don't think what he's doing is worth it? Does that make sense? At least a little?"
"He's a tool to me to convince me he's better off ,and I don't mean just financially, and knows more about having fun, that's what it feels like it comes down to, to me," Kendall said. "Now that he's been away a few months and I haven't had to put up with it, I guess I'm seeing it with fresh eyes. Lucky for me, I don't really care all that much what he thinks. I'm just sorry he's not a better friend to us, I guess."
Logan smiled sadly. "Yeah, I guess this is all part of growing up. And give James more time, maybe he'll grow up a bit too."
"Sure. Thanks for listening, Logan."
"Of course. So, you ready to watch that movie now? Or do you want to talk some more? We can, if you want."
"No, it's okay. It felt good to get that off my chest. You're sure you'd rather be here? I'm not holding you back from partying, am I?"
"Kendall, when did I ever want to party? I'm not here with you just because you're not at that party. I'm here with you because there's no place I'd ever rather be. We like the same things. We dislike the same things. Spending time with you is the best thing I get to do. It's never a choice or a sacrifice for me-it's where I feel like I'm meant to be."
"I love you, Logan."
"I love you too." Logan picked the DVD remote back up and placed it in Kendall's hand. "Now, you ready for that movie?"
"Did you say something about making me popcorn?" Kendall looked at Logan with his biggest big eyes look. Logan laughed, and got off the couch to make the popcorn.
After the movie was over, Kendall sat there stunned for a minute.
"Wow...that was really, really good. I honestly didn't think it'd end like that.," he finally said.
"That was how the actors felt too-the movie was being written and rewritten the entire time they were shooting it, and even they didn't know how it would end. Throw in the fact that the movie was made while the war was still going on and it wasn't a sure thing how anyone's lives would be. It wasn't a given that the Allies were going to win it, you know?" Logan said.
Kendall looked at him with awe and pride. "You know so much about so many things," he said, launching himself onto Logan and pinning him down on the couch. He kissed him.
Logan kissed him back for a bit, but then pulled away, as much as he could, with the couch beneath him and Kendall above. "You're smart too, you know. A couple pieces of movie trivia don't make me some sort of genius."
"But you are some sort of genius," Kendall said, looking into Logan's eyes.
"Kendall, I'm not. I'm just able to retain a lot of facts, and I read a lot. You're smart too! Our whole lives, it's always bothered me that people make so much out of me being so smart, and they hardly ever notice you are too."
"I'm only smart about things you showed me, like how to study better and where to look stuff up," Kendall said, puzzled by what Logan was driving at.
"Kendall, honestly, there's more to you than that. I just want you to remember that when you're looking at schools and stuff. I don't think you've ever gotten enough credit for your intelligence. Do you think I'd be able to stand spending so much time with someone who wasn't smart?" Logan's eyes were wide open, he was speaking seriously.
"What brought this on?" Kendall asked.
"I don't know. I guess I was thinking about what you said about James being able to have his mom pay tuition anywhere, and then you said I'm so smart and it got me thinking how you never get to hear that too, but you should."
"Okay, Logan. You're probably right, you're right about everything else, because you're smart." Kendall smiled and kissed Logan again.
"That's the perfect way to look at it. Trust me, because I'm smart." Logan was smiling too now. "What do you want to do now, it's barely ten o'clock."
"We could keep making out..."
"We could, we definitely could, but I've gotta go to the bathroom first," Logan said. Kendall didn't move to let him up. "Um, Kendall?"
"Oh, sure, sorry. Here you go." Kendall moved off of Logan so he could get up. While he was in the bathroom, Kendall carried the popcorn bowl and empty water bottles they had scattered about from the movie to the kitchen. He and Logan met in the hall on their respective paths back to the living room, and they laughed and hugged and kissed standing in the middle of the hall.
"Hey, you brushed your teeth!" Kendall said, licking his top lip with the tip of his tongue after they broke the kiss.
"So? I didn't want any popcorn to be stuck in there," Logan said.
"Well, now I have to brush my teeth too, since you're all minty fresh."
"Okay, you do that. I'll see ya back on the couch." Logan raised his eyebrows and gave Kendall a very smoldering look that he felt all the way down to his zipper.
When he rejoined Logan, they started kissing each other hungrily. It wasn't messy or gross, but it was definitely more serious than before. Their mouths were open and their tongues were exploring, and Logan brought his fingers up to entangle them in Kendall's silky hair and gently hold his head in place as he lowered Kendall down onto the couch, beneath him this time. Kendall's hands came up Logan's back and held on to his shoulders. They kissed for quite a while, their breathing getting heavier and their body temperatures going up, and making little noises of desire that were getting louder.
Finally Logan had to come up for air, and put his hands on the arm of the couch behind Kendall's head to keep his weight off of Kendall as he looked down at him. Kendall's face was lit by different colors from the tree lights, and his pupils were big and dark, drinking Logan in.
"Logan? Would you make love to me?"
Logan almost lost his grip on the arm of the couch. "Wha...what?"
"Logan, please?" Kendall didn't think he could work up the courage to say it out loud again. The first time was harder than he thought.
"Kendall, yes," Logan wanted to reassure Kendall on that point first and foremost, but he had to be sure Kendall really thought they were ready to take this step, "but are you sure? We just started...things, and I have to go back to school fairly soon..."
"And this will be over when you do?" Kendall asked, not panicked, just trying to point out to Logan that was no reason not to keep going.
"Of course not. But it's a big step and then I won't be around...I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't hurt me by loving me, Logan," Kendall said, hugging him around his waist.
Logan bit his lower lip. Then he said, "I don't want you to think I planned for his, but at Harvard they have all these freshmen seminars run by various groups, and a LGBTQ organization on campus had one I went to. Uh, it was called 'How To Make Love To Another Man' and, you know, I had hoped someday, one day, we might...so, I went to it, and, like I said, I didn't come here-I didn't come home, even-planning to seduce you or anything, but I wanted to be prepared if it ever did happen, someday, so, uh, I...wait here." Logan jumped up off the couch and went to the front door closet and dragged out his duffel bag. Kendall sat up on the couch when Logan slung the bag up on the chair that was kitty cornered to the couch and started digging into it. From the bag's depths, he fished out a smaller zipped up bag that looked like it was meant to carry shaving stuff and toiletries. Logan unzipped that and took out a tube of lubricant. He held it in his hand and looked up shyly at Kendall from under his lowered brow. "The guy who gave the seminar, he was a med student," Kendall gave Logan a big smile, and Logan continued, "he said this is vital. And, um, they had pamphlets..." Logan was about to dig into his bag again.
"That's okay, Logan, I'm sure you've done all the reading. You can just fill me in, okay?"
"Ah, okay. So, anyway, it being college and all, they said the other vital thing was a condom, and I do have some, but I've never, the only genitals I've ever been in any kind of contact with are yours...and you never did, right?"
Kendall nodded solemnly. He had never come close to doing anything with Jo.
"But I'll wear one if you want...and, um, you want me to be the one, um, who would be wearing one, if one of us was wearing it?" Logan didn't know why he couldn't just say it. The med student running the seminar said if you couldn't discuss sex with the person you were about to have it with, you probably weren't ready. Logan knew he was ready. He just wanted to be sure Kendall was too.
"I don't think you need to wear one. Let's go to my room," Kendall said.
Logan, as always, wanted to make sure he was thorough and that he, or in this case they, had thought things through.
"Kendall, are you sure we're ready for this? We don't have to rush into doing anything if you're not..."
"Logan, you went to a seminar and came home with supplies. I'm pretty sure you're ready, and I feel like I'm ready. After New Year's Day I go back to school and amateur hockey practice starts for me, and then before we know it, you'll be on a plane back to Harvard. Tonight is the one night we can be sure of that we have the house to ourselves. And most important of all? I love you."
Logan broke into a big smile that took Kendall's breath away. "I love you too, Kendall."
Logan put his hand out and helped Kendall up off the couch. He and Kendall started walking down the hallway to Kendall's bedroom. Kendall stopped them outside his closed door.
"Just give me a second," Kendall said, opening the door only as wide as he needed to to slide through it, and he closed it behind him. Less than a minute later, he rejoined Logan in the hall, closing his bedroom door behind him yet again.
"So, uh, I sort of did plan on this happening," Kendall shyly admitted. He opened the door wide to his room and let Logan enter first. Strung up all over Kendall's bed were twinkling little lights, softly glowing and pulsing like real stars, and a Macintosh candle was burning on his desk, filling the room with its subtly sweet scent. Logan also noticed how clean and organized the room was.
"Wow," Logan said. "You did all this for me?" Kendall nodded. "You even cleaned?" Logan said in amazement. Kendall gave him a light bop on the shoulder.
"Of course I did, don't sound so surprised."
"What did you do-stuff everything under the bed and into the closet?" Logan laughed.
"For your information, I did not. I put everything where it's supposed to be, and that sort of fixed the room up. And then those lights were on clearance at the store, so I bought them today and strung them up. They don't look stupid?"
"They look lovely," Logan told him, in all seriousness. "And I'm very impressed with your cleanup job too. I noticed that your bathroom was unusually neat, but I just figured your mom got on your case about it."
"She's always on my case about it," Kendall laughed. "Today I was just motivated to make it nice in there too. But, um, Logan? Do me a favor, don't look under the bed-I didn't even think of checking under there while I was cleaning. The closet's nice though, I don't mind you looking in there."
"Okay, Kendall. I promise I won't look under the bed, and I look forward to being impressed by your closet-in the morning."
Logan put the tube he'd been carrying down on Kendall's night stand, then turned to face Kendall. He smiled his charming crooked smile, and Kendall impulsively pulled him into a hug, that Logan turned into a kiss, which Kendall responded to with his entire body, especially his hips. Logan's arms were around Kendall tight, and his kiss got deeper and more heated.
"I love you, Kendall," he breathed, looking up into Kendall's eyes.
"Show me," Kendall said, his eyes searching Logan's and seeing love there.
Logan smiled and bit down on his lower lip. He was nervous, no two ways about it. But he was also head over heels in love with his best friend, and if there was someone he could trust and make anything possible with, it was Kendall. He brought his hands up and pushed Kendall's unbuttoned plaid shirt off his shoulders.
"I guess we'd better get undressed," Logan said, smiling once again into Kendall's eyes.
"Yeah," Kendall said, getting his arms out of his sleeves and pulling off the t shirt he had on underneath. Logan started to unbutton his shirt, but Kendall lightly swatted at his hands. "Let me." Logan dropped his hands and continued to stare into Kendall's eyes as he unpopped each button, slowly working his way down Logan's torso. When he got them all undone, he put his arms around Logan's waist under the shirt and pulled him into another hot kiss, his open mouth finding Logan's tongue before their lips met. Logan kissed back and worked his arms out of his sleeves during the kiss, his squirming causing all sorts of good feelings between them. Logan had a particular struggle because he didn't unbutton his cuffs, but he managed to get his hands to slide out eventually.
Their skin on skin contact felt good to both of them, and things were heating up exponentially.
"Pants off?" Logan asked between kisses.
"Everything off," Kendall said emphatically.
Their shoes had been off since they got on the couch to watch the movie, and it was short work to get their pants, briefs, and socks off.
"Oh, maybe we should get a towel…" Logan began. Kendall was out of the room and back before Logan could finish the thought of how cute Kendall's flat butt looked, and suddenly Kendall was walking back towards him, the towel under one arm since Kendall stuck it there to close and lock his bedroom door behind him. Logan found himself staring at Kendall's frontal area, and suddenly found himself understanding all the art he had ever seen but not truly appreciated about the male form.
Kendall walked right up to Logan and stopped inches from him. "Whatcha thinking about?" Kendall asked.
"Uh, what? Oh, why'd you lock the door?" Logan asked, blushing and feeling foggy in his brain.
Kendall shrugged. "Just don't want any surprises, I guess. It'd be just my luck that my mom or James showed up here tonight. I don't want anyone being able to just walk in on us."
"Yeah, okay, makes sense." Logan was feeling nervous again. He took the towel from Kendall just to have something to do, and pulled back Kendall's bedding and spread the towel out on the bed. Kendall stood behind him and put his arms around Logan when he was finished. Kendall sort of swayed them both from side to side and kissed Logan's neck.
"So where do we begin?" Kendall said softly, right into Logan's ear.
Logan turned around in Kendall's arms, not wanting to break the contact between them. He put his hands under Kendall's elbows, cradling them, and looked up at him. "Before we do this, I just want to say-if you change your mind, or want to stop, for any reason, just say so and we will, okay?"
Kendall nodded but said, "I'm not gonna want to stop."
"But we can if you want to," Logan said seriously, wanting Kendall to know it'd be okay.
"Okay, Logan, and same goes for you. I won't take it personally if we…didn't," Kendall said.
"I know, I can trust you," Logan said, tilting his head and smiling at Kendall.
"And I know I can trust you, so, what do we do first?"
Logan laughed. "I'm hardly an expert. One Harvard seminar doesn't really prepare you for…this. It was more about the mechanics, and not hurting your partner, or getting hurt, depending, uh, which position you're in."
"So, we have a lot to figure out on our own?" Kendall grinned. Logan nodded. "Well, why don't we start by lying down, and see where we go from there?"
Logan agreed this was a good idea, and they got into Kendall's bed. They were on their sides, facing each other, and Kendall leaned towards Logan and began kissing him. Logan kissed back, rubbing a hand on Kendall's shoulder, and then pressed against that shoulder to get Kendall to lie on his back. They kissed more and more, Kendall's fingers exploring Logan's back and dimples and back up again. Kendall began kissing down Logan's neck, and then was kissing down his chest and sternum as far as he could reach. Logan arched his neck and pulled up away from Kendall to let him have more access, and looked up at the lights twinkling above them on Kendall's wall.
"These lights are so pretty," he said, looking down as Kendall let his head fall back against his pillow.
"They have different settings," Kendall said. "They can burn steady, or pulsate, or chase, and besides these clear ones, at the store we have strings of colored lights. But I thought these were most like starlight, so I picked the plain ones. And I like the twinkle setting best."
"It's very soothing, and gentle," Logan said, his eyes reflecting the "starlight" as he watched the lights for a moment. He looked back down into Kendall's eyes. "I'll be gentle," he promised. Kendall smiled and closed his eyes for a second, he knew this about Logan, and he couldn't wait. Logan leaned down and began kissing Kendall again, this time also reaching between them and taking Kendall's cock into his right hand with a firm grip, stroking it up and down and letting his thumb graze along the tip whenever his hand got to the end. Kendall moaned into the kiss and wriggled appreciatively.
Logan slid his hand down to Kendall's balls, cupping them and tickling them as he continued kissing Kendall's mouth, cheeks, and neck. Kendall was on fire with desire, his breathing getting heavier and a sheen of light sweat breaking out all over his body. He was lifting his hips towards Logan, encouraging him to get closer, to do even more.
Logan reached for the lube and popped it open with his thumb. He slathered some all over his fingers on his right hand and looked at Kendall.
"You ready?" he whispered. Kendall nodded. "Okay, this might feel weird, so just try to relax and let it happen, okay? And they said to bear down with those muscles, that's actually helpful in getting them to move and stretch, because that's what they're for, okay? Don't worry that it feels counterproductive, I'm able to push back, so it all works out, okay?" Logan's overuse of the word "okay" let Kendall know how nervous he was, but Kendall was already too far gone to care about that. So far everything felt wonderful, he just wanted more.
Logan worked one finger in, then another, still kissing Kendall all the while, and Kendall was kissing back. Logan added a third finger, and Kendall sort of winced beneath him, Logan could feel it with his lips which were upon Kendall's at that moment. Logan pulled his fingers out.
"Logan, don't…" Kendall panted.
"Baby, I don't want to hurt you," Logan said.
Kendall giggled. "Baby," he murmured, "I like that. But, really, some of this is bound to hurt, but there's a reason everyone does it. Let's keep going."
Logan knew Kendall made a good point. The first time was bound to hurt, everything he had read and heard confirmed this. He sighed and smiled a little shy smile and reconnected his lips with Kendall's. And then reinserted two fingers, then the third, into Kendall's bottom.
After that went on for a bit, Kendall said, "Logan, I think I'm ready, are you?" and he wrapped his hand around Logan's erection.
"Mmmm," Logan said, once again sliding his fingers out of Kendall. He sort of sat up on his knees between Kendall's legs, and reached for the lube.
"Please, allow me," Kendall said between panting breaths, taking the tube from him. He squirted some lube into the palm of his hand and was about to put it on Logan, but Logan's voice stopped him.
"More," Logan said, and Kendall raised his eyebrows. "Slather it, Kendall, really. There's no such thing as too much."
Kendall smirked and squirted a big puddle into his hand, and then started rubbing it all over Logan's shaft. Logan watched Kendall's hand moving back and forth and his body, all on its own, started mimicking the motion, his hips pushing towards Kendall and then back again when Kendall pushed his hand towards Logan's body. Kendall dropped the tube out of his left hand and fell back flat on the bed. "Now, Logan, I have to have you now."
Logan positioned himself over Kendall and looked down at him with love. Kendall was shaking all over. Logan pointed it out, saying, "Kendall, you're trembling."
"I'm just about to have everything I ever wanted," Kendall said in a quiet voice.
"This is everything you want?" Logan asked.
"You are everything I want."
Logan smiled his biggest smile, and leaned down and kissed Kendall tenderly. Then he held his penis in his right hand, and guided it to Kendall's bottom. Kendall raised his hips a little, and Logan inserted the tip past Kendall's tight ring of muscles. He gave Kendall time to adjust, kissing him and murmuring "I love you, Kendall" over and over and reminding him to breathe and to try to relax and to push back.
"Okay, Logan, it's okay. Try moving some more," Kendall said.
Logan slowly pushed in a bit more, watching Kendall and stopping yet again. When Kendall nodded at him, he pushed in even more, but still just a little bit. Logan's arms were straining holding himself up off of Kendall, and he was fighting the urge his body had to just push all the way in. Kendall's insides felt incredible and he wanted to be in deeper. Kendall kept giving him little nods after every bit of forward progress, but he was biting his lip now and the next time he let Logan know he could move, tears sprang from his eyes as Logan did so. Logan started pulling back.
"No, no, keep pushing on, baby," Kendall said, holding on to Logan's hips with digging fingers.
Logan obliged, and after a few more slow moves, was finally in all the way. "Kendall, I'm just going to wait, and you're going to tell me when it's okay to move. It's all right, baby, it's all right," he soothed, kissing Kendall's hair and face and just praying he could stay still. The urge to thrust was really strong.
After a full minute had passed, Kendall's fingers relaxed on Logan's hips. His insides seemed to be used to the intrusion now, and he hoarsely whispered, "Move," to Logan. Logan slowly backed out and then slowly pushed back in, and repeated the motion a couple of times. Kendall was pushing back, Logan could feel it, and his muscles around Logan were the most incredible thing ever. Logan shifted his position a bit, and suddenly Kendall was making the happiest noise.
"Oh, god, Logan, yes, yes, right there." Kendall was thrusting his hips up, matching Logan's moves and they were both rocking together. Logan could feel pressure building and a stirring deep inside his lower tummy.
"Kendall, I'm close, I'm gonna…" Kendall was holding on to his hips tight again, keeping Logan inside him when Logan would've pulled out.
"I want you to, Logan. Come on, come on, come on," Kendall exhorted. He was staring up at Logan. Logan had never looked more beautiful to Kendall than he did at this moment. His eyes were wide open and taking Kendall in, his brow beaded with sweat. He had the most serene expression on his face, his lips parted slightly. He lowered his face back down to Kendall's, told him he loved him, and bestowed a kiss. Kendall felt Logan's final thrust, and then warm liquid pulsing into him. He whispered back to Logan that he loved him too.
Logan's eyes came back into focus, and he kissed Kendall again and worked his hand in between their bodies. Kendall was tingling all over and all it took was Logan's touch to bring him to orgasm too. Kendall's muscles were contracting inside, squeezing Logan who moaned with pleasure. All Kendall wanted was to hear him make that sound again, and have himself be the cause of it.
Logan pulled out of Kendall when his orgasm was finished, and flopped down onto the bed next to him. He turned his head to Kendall and said, "We made love!" his voice full of wonder and happiness. Kendall rolled over onto his side and flung his arm over Logan's chest.
"We did," he agreed, kissing Logan's cheek and then resting his head right next to Logan's, looking at his profile and overwhelmed with how much he loved this beautiful man. Logan's eyes were closed, but he felt Kendall's eyes on him.
Logan cracked open one eye, the one closest to Kendall. "You're staring," he informed him. "What are you looking at?"
"Your ear. I'm thinking I want to whisper all my secrets into it, but you know them already."
Logan closed his eye again, and smiled. Kendall was smiling too. He pulled up the covers over them both, and they fell asleep, under the twinkling lights.
Author's Note: I wrote this months and months and months ago, and a couple of days ago doesn't Kendall go and change his facebook cover photo to a picture with twinkling stars in it I see what you did there, Universe. Thanks for all the little signs that I'm on the right path when it comes to Kogan ;) (sadly he's changed it to another one already, but in that one, at least his shirt is twinkly under the lights!)