How Tedious Is A Guilty Conscious*

Hermione Granger stood on the path that led to the Burrow, having just Apparated from the wizarding division of Oxford University where she was majoring in Ancient Runes.

She stared at the crooked house and wondered what she would say to Ron this time.

All of her efforts thus far had been for naught. First she had tried to rationalize with him, but that hadn't worked so then she tried pleading. Once she even tried to guilt him out of his guilt, but that hadn't worked either.

Molly and Arthur had suggested that Ron go and speak with Helena but he refused. All he could think about was to become an Auror so that he could round up as many Death Eaters as possible, especially one named Avery.

Ron went to school, worked out and trained then he'd go home and study — period. He didn't socialize and barely spoke to his parents.

Ginny had returned to Hogwarts for her seventh year and all the other siblings had long since moved out of the rickety, leaning abode. The joy of the Burrow seemed to have slipped away.

~SH~

Severus and Harry turned onto the path that led up to the front door of the Lake House as they returned from Harry's first walk outside since his capture. He had linked one arm with Severus and held onto a walking stick with his free hand for support, and had managed to go about fifty yards.

Even though this was Harry's first walk, it wasn't his first time being outside the Lake House.

During Helena's third visit she had announced that since the weather was still quite nice, she would like to begin holding their sessions outside. Since Harry's legs were still weak and couldn't take him very far, the locations she chose were always near the house.

Upon her arrival, Helena would transfigure this or that into a couple of comfortable chairs. Sometimes she would set them up on the north side of the house, sometimes on the west and other times to the south side; but she always made a point of it to vary the locations.

Concerned that her patient might develop an anxiety disorder as a result from the method in which he'd been abducted; Helena's plan to hold their sessions outside was her attempt to stop this potential problem before it begun.

So it came as no surprise to her those first few times, when Harry did experience strong feelings that someone was watching them.

He kept glancing around, trying to catch sight of an imaginary Death Eater. He could feel his heart race and found it difficult to concentrate on what Helena was saying to him, especially since she really should just stop talking so that they could get back into the house!

She eventually got him to quiet his mind by teaching him relaxation exercises and a meditation technique.

Once he'd learned these new skills, she then gave him the assignment of using them while he was inside, bringing his mind to its most quiet level, and then to imagine himself outside in a calm frame of mind and in control of his emotions. Helena's proactive measures and Harry's hard work paid off so that by the time he was physically ready to begin taking walks, he was also ready emotionally.

~SH~

Even though he had enjoyed this first short walk Harry was exhausted by the time they'd returned.

Severus had suggested that perhaps a nap might be in order, but Harry opted to just rest on the couch for a bit until they ate their lunch. Hermione and Ron were due to arrive for a visit later that afternoon and he was so excited to finally be able to see his best mate.

Hermione had already come to visit Harry twice this past month. They had hugged and cried the first time they saw each other and she seemed to have a hard time letting go of him — he was so thin and frail right after his ordeal that just seeing him broke her heart.

"Please Hermione, stop crying. I know I'm not looking so great right now and I know I need crutches but please … Can't we just have a nice visit and talk about something … I don't know — upbeat?"

"I'm sorry, but you don't know what it was like when you were missing. I was so worried; I didn't know what was happening to you, or if you were even …" She couldn't finish her sentence. "Then they told us all those things that happened to you, but they wouldn't let us see you! And now …. Well, look at you!"

Severus arrived at that very moment with a large mug of strong black tea and offered it to their distraught guest.

"Oh, thank you Professor." She hiccupped.

"Look Mione, why don't you tell me about Oxford?" Harry had suggested, trying to redirect the conversation. "I want to hear all about college life and what it's like to live there at the campus."

They chatted away the afternoon. When Harry grew tired, Hermione grabbed a pillow and insisted that he lay down right there on the couch with his head on her lap. She wasn't ready to let go of him, not yet, not after all the weeks and months of worrying.

Harry got up from the couch when the Floo began to flare. "Hi Hermione!"

"Where are your crutches?" she asked wide eyed.

"I don't need 'em anymore."

"Oh Harry!" She ran up to him and threw her arms around him, almost knocking him over. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks," he said and looked over to the Floo. "Where's Ron?"

She glanced away evasively.

"Hermione?"

"Oh Harry, Ron isn't coming."

"But you said he was coming this time," he pressed.

"I had hoped that he would." Her voice suddenly rose and she held her hands out in exasperation, "I'm so frustrated with him!"

"Why? What's going on?"

When she didn't respond, Harry turned to Severus. "Do you know?"

Severus hesitated a moment but then divulged what Molly had been telling him for weeks: that Ron was racked with guilt, that he barely spoke to anyone anymore and that all he could think about was to become an Auror so that he could avenge Harry for all the unthinkable atrocities that happened to him.

Harry was shocked at the news. "Why didn't you tell me any of this before? Why didn't Mrs. Weasley? She's been here loads of times. All she says it that Ron is busy with his training."

Severus crossed his arms, which Harry had come to learn long ago that meant Sev felt threatened or insecure about something.

"We were trying to protect you."

Part of Harry was angry but as he looked into those dark eyes and thought about how much Severus loved him and had sacrificed for him, he just couldn't muster any ire. "But that doesn't explain why he won't come see me."

Severus' disposition was the epitome of composure but inwardly he was frustrated and angry at Ron for causing Harry to have yet another thing to deal with. "He blames himself for what happened to you; I can only assume that this is his way of dealing with his guilt."

"But it isn't right!" Harry countered. "We need to help him!" He looked desperately from Severus to Hermione. "What if he spoke with Helena?"

"Molly has suggested that to him repeatedly but thus far he has refused to do so."

"Well then what if we …"

"I believe," Severus interrupted, "that the person we should seek guidance from is Helena."

~SH~

The topic of Ron's dilemma was the first order of business the next day during Harry's session.

"Your friend's mother approached me that day I came to see you in the Infirmary. That was about seven weeks ago, if memory serves me correctly."

"And what did you say?" he asked expectantly.

"I stated that because of issues regarding patient confidentiality I typically do not treat two such close friends. But considering the delicate situation regarding your ordeal at the Fastness, I would acquiesce and take on Ron as a patient."

"That's brilliant! Thank you Helena!"

"Remember Harry, this incident transpired roughly seven weeks ago. I've not heard from Molly or Ron since then."

His cheeks flushed with embarrassment when he realized his mistake. "Sorry, I … I still get a little confused sometimes and um …"

"Harry please, you have nothing for which to apologize. On the contrary, I think you've made tremendous strides in your healing and I'm proud of what you've accomplished."

He looked down and began to fiddle with the hole in his jeans. "Thanks," he said softly. "But what are you trying to tell me? You know… about Ron?"

"What I'm trying to say is that I cannot force my help upon your friend."

Then she added, noting his crestfallen expression, "You need to be careful not to overtax yourself with worry over your friend's situation. This is something over which you have no control and the stress could prove detrimental to your recovery."

"All right," he sighed. "I'll try."

~SH~

"Severus?"

Severus was standing on the deck, staring out at the lake. He startled and turned quickly at the sound of her voice.

"I'm sorry," Molly called out and stepped out onto the deck. "I thought we had agreed that I'd come at three, but no one answered when I called from the Floo."

"My apologies," he replied as he walked over to her. "I was lost in thought."

"Is something wrong? Where is Harry?" she asked when they entered through one of the French doors.

"Resting," Severus said glanced toward the closed bedroom door. "He had a rather long session with Helena this morning.

"Is everything all right?" Molly asked. "You seem tense.

"I'm worried about Harry having to deal with added stress.

"Added stress? What added stress?"

Severus turned and looked directly at the matronly witch. "Ronald."

She closed her eyes in frustration. "What are we going to do? Both Arthur and I have tried time and time again to talk to Ronny, we've asked and encouraged him to speak with Helena — but he won't do it."

Tears began to well in her eyes. "We're both at a loss at what to do for him."

Severus watched as she pulled a hankie from her pocket to dab away the tears. "Is Ronald at home?"

"Yes, he is. He doesn't have classes on the weekend. He's up in his room studying as usual."

"I must make an effort to rectify this situation. With your permission, I would like to go and speak with your son. Would you be willing to stay here with Harry while I'm gone?"

"Of course I'll stay." She sniffed and added, "Hopefully you can help him to see reason."

~SH~

Ron was seated at a small desk in the corner of his seventh floor bedroom. He was still fuming over the fact that he'd been called to the administrator's office the day before; it was all he could think about.

It wasn't my fault that Jack looked the wrong way and let the practice Death Eater get past us. It wasn't my fault the entire family of dummy Muggles got killed. How could they think I was being out of line? What if that had been real? Jack just needed some straightening out. He can't let his guard down like that! So what if I got a little rough with him? That's better than …

A knock at the door interrupted his mind's ranting. "Mum, go away! I'm busy!"

"Mr. Weasley, I'm not your mother nor am I going away!"

Ron's eyes just about popped out of their sockets. He jumped from the chair, unbolted the door and yanked it open. There standing before him in full black robed regalia was none other than the dreadful Professor Snape, glaring daggers directly at him.

Ron shifted full speed into panic mode. Why else would Professor Snape come to the Burrow, walk up the stairs and knock on his very own bedroom door? Something terrible must have happened to Harry, there could be no other reason.

"Professor, what's happened? Is Harry hurt? He's not …. Please don't tell me that he's …"

"Mr. Weasley, are you going to invite me into your room or am I expected to remain out here in the hallway?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Sir. I mean … I apologize Professor. Please come in and have a seat."

Severus stepped into the room and looked around for a chair. The only options was the small one that Ron had just vacated or the bed, so he transfigured the chair into one substantially larger, took a seat and then stared at the young man whilst exuding the cold persona of indifference he had so perfected.

Part of Severus held a great deal of contempt for this person whom had caused Harry so much grief, but the side of him that had been softened by his raven-haired, green-eyed love, saw a young man racked with guilt and having no idea how to cope with it.

"Professor, please tell me what's happened."

"You honestly have no idea?"

"No, I don't!"

"It is you Mr. Weasley; you are the thing that has happened."

"Me? What are you on about? I don't understand?"

"Well then, allow me to enlighten you." But instead of explaining, Severus continued to stare heatedly at the young man.

"Professor?"

"Mr. Weasley, I assume you are aware of what happened to Harry during his captivity?"

Ron's breathing immediately increased and his face turned red. He stood up abruptly and headed for the door. "I can't listen to this."

The door slammed closed and was warded in an instant.

Ron whirled around to see Snape's black wand pointed directly at his chest.

"Either we do this the easy way or we do it the hard way. The choice is yours."

Ron was so transparent. Even without the use of Legillimency Severus could almost hear the young man's mind try to think his way out of this situation.

"I assure you Mr. Weasley; your skills are no match for my own. You will sit down and listen to me without interruption either of your own accord, or I will immobilize you. The choice is yours, but do understand — you are taxing my patience."

Ron held a healthy respect for the skills of his old Potions Professor / Death Eater / Spy / Double Agent. Ron knew that he was out of his league and so he moved back to the bed, sat down and waited.

Severus lowered his wand but kept it trained on the young man. "Now Mr. Weasley, you will explain to me without deviation or embellishment, why it is that you refuse to see Harry."

Ron hadn't expected that question from the man seated before him, a man with a wand trained on him. He was speechless.

"Answer the question Mr. Weasley. Answer it in one sentence."

"Uh ..."

"That is not a sentence."

"I just can't."

Severus sighed, "That is not an explanation. This is your third chance. Explain yourself this time, or I will use Legillimency and obtain the answer myself!"

The threat worked and Ron caved. "Professor, it's all my fault. Everything that happened to Harry, it all happened because of me. It was my idea to go to that pub; I talked him into it. I promised him we would all leave in one hour and then when it was time to go, all I did was make fun of him. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me. I can't see him. I can't face him!"

By the time he'd finished, Ron had tears rolling down his cheeks.

Severus, who had endured more agonizing nights and days racked with guilt as a result of the activities required of him in his role as a Death Eater, could easily sympathize with what this young man was experiencing. And he realized at that moment that he was probably the only person who could actually help Ron, and he would — he would do it for Harry.

"Ronald, you are obviously dealing with a tremendous amount of guilt. I am not going to cajole you by saying that your guilt has no basis, it does. You made a mistake. But you are further compounding that mistake by your denial to face the fact."

"I am facing the fact! I know it was my fault! That's why I'm going to become an Auror and …"

"Oh please," Severus cut Ron off in mid-sentence. "Do spare me from having to listen to your delusions. Try to think clearly for one moment: What is the main constant in all of your guilt? What is the cause of your guilt? What is the focal point of your guilt?"

Cornered by Snape's logic, the answer became immediately clear. "Harry."

"Correct. And until you face Harry and ask his forgiveness, you will never be free of your guilt. Trust me, I speak from experience."

Ron sat on the bed, anxiously wringing his hands.

"Listen to me Ronald," Severus' voice softened the tiniest of bits. "Yes you made a terrible mistake — a mistake that caused a chain of events to unfold that greatly injured someone for whom you care a great deal. I have personally been down this road many times, and the only way to move forward is to face your guilt, ask for forgiveness, analyze your mistake, learn from it and then … move on."

Ron had covered his face with his hands, trying to hide the fact that he was crying and the scene reminded Severus of his moment out on the deck a couple of weeks earlier.

"Are you aware of the fact that Harry blames himself for your grief?"

"What?" Ron looked up, his tears forgotten. "None of this is his fault. How can he even think that?"

"Be that as it may, he does. Your denial to see him is causing him even more distress. Your self-righteous guilt is doing more harm than good. You're hurting Harry by denying to see him and causing further injury to your supposed friend. Because of his concern over you, his healing is being hampered. Is your righteous guilt more important to you than the life and well being of your friend — the friend upon whom your guilt is based? Does that make any bit of sense to you?"

Severus could be stupendously intimidating when he chose to be and Ron's bravado was no match. He now began to sob and Severus entertained briefly the notion of going over and consoling the young wizard, but his task was not yet complete.

"I am going to give you a choice, Mr. Weasley. Either have yourself in the Headmaster's office tomorrow at precisely 3:00 PM, or you will face my wrath."

It took a little while for Ron to collect himself, but eventually his tears subsided enough that he was able to speak. "You want me to go and see Harry?"

"Obviously."

"I know you're right and everything you said makes sense; but how can I face him?" Ron asked in despair.

"I believe the question you need to ask yourself is: How can I not face him?"

~~~~~SH~~~~~

Reference:

BNET Business Network: Putting Guilt in its Place

*Quote by John Webster