Lily woke up the next day expecting to still be at the hospital, but she looked around and realized that she was in her own bed at home. She rolled over. James wasn't there.

Then all of the memories of the last few days came rushing back. She had lost the baby. In the few months that she had known, she had started to get really attached to the idea of having James' child. Now it was all over. Voldemort had killed it.

The door opened and James walked in carrying a tray with breakfast on it. He looked just as sad as Lily felt.

"Merry Christmas," James said, not quite sounding as happy as he should for it being Christmas.

"It's Christmas already?" Lily asked, "How long have I been sleeping?"

"It's Christmas Eve actually, the doctors gave you a sleeping potion, they thought it might be easier for you that way, you've been sleeping for a couple of days."

"Have you told anyone?" Lily asked.

"The Order knows. We sent a letter to Remus when we found out you…were pregnant, but he never responded. So we don't think he got the message, and we haven't bothered to send another letter," he replied.

Lily started to eat, and they sat in silence for a while.

"Lily it's my fault." James said quietly.

Lily gave him a funny look and he continued.

"If I hadn't been bothering you, Voldemort wouldn't have heard it."

"That's not your fault. I shouldn't have come along," Lily assured him, "It's my fault, I should have been more careful."

"Yes, but I tried sending a shield, and it wasn't strong enough," James replied hoarsely.

"You think that anyone's shield would have been strong enough to stop him?" Lily laughed, she didn't feel like she should be laughing, but it just came out.

James looked hurt, "I was just trying to protect you," he whispered.

"I'm sorry, can we just not talk about it, forget it?" Lily asked.

James nodded, and they finished breakfast.

Lily went downstairs and started to cook Christmas dinner, Sirius was coming over. James began to decorate the house.

The doorbell rang at about five that evening. Lily answered it. It was Sirius.

"I'm so sorry, Lily," he said after she greeted him.

"Thank you, but we've decided we're not going to talk about it anymore," she mumbled, looking down. It was painful to hear.

"Things can't get better if you don't talk about it, Lils, just remember that," Sirius replied, giving her a hug.

"Shut the door before you let all the cold air in!" James shouted from the living room.

Sirius laughed. "He sounds like his mother," he whispered. Lily wiped a tear from her eye and laughed also.

Dinner passed uneventfully, and afterwards they went for a ride around the village looking at Christmas lights.

"It seems like the whole village is decorated except for our house, James," Lily noticed.

James agreed and they stopped in the local pub for a cup of eggnog.

The three were seated at a table in the back corner and soon an older woman came to take their order.

"You guys don't look very familiar, where are you from?" she asked.

"We just moved into the house on top of the hill," Lily replied.

"It's too bad you guys didn't decorate at all, the people that lived there before always went all out. Everyone was disappointed. I would have thought that people your age would enjoy decorating a home for the holidays, I suppose though, after buying a house that expensive there wouldn't be much left over to decorate with, what do you guys do for a living anyway?" the waitress asked.

"Maybe they just haven't been up to decorating, and it's too bad you're nosey, they could've been your biggest customers. I think it's safe to assume my friends won't be coming back," Sirius growled.

The three of them got up and left.

"Sirius I think you were overreacting a bit in there. You shouldn't have done that. They were treating us differently enough as it was," Lily said as they drove up the hill.

"It's not really a loss; there is something funny about that place, and those people. I don't ever want you down there without me, alright? They're dangerous," James ordered.

"You can't tell me where I can and can't go, James," Lily yelled.

"You are required by law to do what I say, Lily," James shot back. Sirius stayed quiet.

"I thought that you loved me enough to let that go, you said that you accepted because you were trying to save me from that," she sobbed.

They pulled into the driveway, Sirius bid them goodnight and disapparated, James went into the house and slammed the door. Lily stayed outside on the porch in the cold, with the streams of tears running down her face turning to ice.

She found herself falling asleep outside on the porch steps. She woke up in James' arms. He was carrying her up to bed.

"I was so worried about you. You're blue!" he said quietly.

"I'm sorry about last night, it's just that I want you to be safe, I don't want to cause you any more harm," James continued. He carried her up to their bed, and lay down next to her. They didn't sleep, they just lay there for awhile.

They got up when light started to pour through the windows.

"I got something for you," James said happily.

"Oh, James, I'm sorry. With everything that happened, I forgot," Lily replied, blushing, "I feel so bad."

"Don't worry about, you can make up for it later, my birthday is New Year's," James said with a grin.

"I can't believe I didn't know that. See how little we know about each other?"

James came back with large package, "Open it!" he said excitedly.

She did, and inside was…a bunch of baby stuff: clothes, bottles, toys.

Lily started to cry. How could he do this to her? She ran out of the room and down into the bathroom, locking herself in.

James still sat on the bed. He flipped the box over so he could see what was inside, and it was not what he had gotten for Lily.

He could hear her sobbing. He knocked gently on the door.

"Lily, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant to give you. I don't know what happened," James said quietly.

"That's a lie, James!" she screamed through the door, "You've always been an insensitive ass. You've always liked making me feel miserable!"

"Honestly Lily, open the door. I had gotten you something really special," he yelled.

"It was your fault it died. You didn't want it, you wanted it dead!" she screeched.

Hearing that broke his heart. James slid down so he was sitting with his back against the door. He didn't want to hurt her anymore. He now knew what it was going to take to make her happy again, and he was really hoping it wouldn't have to come to this.

"Lily…"