Felicity

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

My Immortal, Evanescence

The room is dark, musty. A knock at my door startles me awake. It creaks open a tiny bit and in walks It. It has followed me here, at school. I whimper and beg It to leave me alone for just one night. It bellows. Its large rough hand covers my mouth as I scream out.

"The quieter you are, the easier this will be." It's lips are on my ear, nibbling. It removes the hands and slides them to my breasts—just developed recently. "Well these are new." It chuckles. The lips are on my neck as my hands are forced into Its pants. I grab hold of the hard demon there and squeeze as hard as I can. It bellows out in pain and rolls off of me. I run.

My door leads to the realms. The bright light burns as I adjust to it. In the distance I see Pippa laughing and playing with Ann and Gemma. I run to them. Pip hugs me tight—her body pressing up against mine pleasantly. She takes my hand and leads me to our clearing in the middle of the forest.

In the center a picnic is set up for just us two. She has laid a blanket. There is no food, but we pretend otherwise.

"This is beautiful Pip. I love it." Her smile pierces my heart with its beauty. "I wish I could have had food and candles. I am sorry it is not as perfect as it should be."

"No Pip, it is more perfect than I deserve." We sit quietly watching the wind carry the leaves towards the sky where they drift down slowly—light as a feather.

"Fee, have you ever wondered what it would be like if I never ate the berries?"

Without making eye contact, I reply, "I think about that everyday."

"Do you wish I hadn't?"

"No. If you hadn't have eaten the berries you would be married to some unbelievably lucky man and we would never see each other. I would have never told you how I feel. Just the thought of that scares me. Now that we are together, I cannot imagine a world where we are not."

"Suppose I did not have to marry anyone. What if I was free to do as I please? Then would you want me to be with you there?"

"Pip, that is impossible. It does us no good to waste our thoughts on what is impossible."

"But what if? Please Fee, I need to know that you feel the same as I do."

I do wish I could have Pip in our world, but I know it is impossible, even if she had not died. I decide the best way to answer her is directly, to be vulnerable for her. "A world where I could be with you every second of everyday is ideal. But it is unrealistic. I do not care where we are, as long as we can be together."

I expected Pip to be happy, but not this happy. She leans in and kisses me. It is not soft like all of our previous ones. Her lips move quickly; I struggle to keep up with them. Her tongue slides across my bottom lip cautiously. I regain leadership in the kiss by sliding my tongue into her mouth. She is sweeter than I had imagined. For a second our tongues meet and we both pull away with force. We are out of breath. I am intoxicated with her scent and taste.

"Was that ok?" Pippa asks, genuinely concerned that she did something wrong.

"That was…amazing," I reply honestly. She still looks embarrassed so I lean back in. My lips are against her, but we are not kissing. "Pip, you are unbelievable. Do not ever apologize for kissing me like that." And with that her lips fold over mine like a blanket made of silky strawberries.

I wake up, but do not open my eyes in hopes of returning to that place. When I cannot fall back asleep, I roll over and open my eyes. It is still dark out. I wish it were morning. Pip's lips felt so real. I dart my tongue across my lower lip and taste only myself on it. It was only a dream, but I wish it weren't.

The moans escape rapidly as the tears streak my face. I cannot control them. For a second I realize that I have cried more in the past week than I have my whole life combined. I laugh suddenly, and it sounds awkward and unknown. Who laughs while they cry? I must be going insane.

My door opens slightly and Gemma peeks in. "I couldn't sleep and then I heard sobs. Are you alright?"

"No. I am falling apart and the world around is crumbling too." Gemma shuts the door behind her and crawls into my bed.

"You are not falling apart. You are just a little…confused at the time being."

"How would you know?"

"Because I am not so different."

"It is different for me."

"Why?"

"Because I am different."

"In what way? Because you prefer the love of women? Felicity, that does not make you inhuman. Just like me you lost the person you loved. Just like me you are suffering because of it."

I am speechless. Not only has Gemma hit the target as to the way I feel, but she managed to comfort me in the process. She loves me even though I am different. She does not think something is wrong with me.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," she replies, kissing the top of my head lightly. She continues, "Would you like me to sleep hear tonight?"

For a second I want to say no, but that would be idiocy. I know I will not fall back asleep without her. "That would be greatly appreciated."

"Well in that case, good night Felicity."

"Night," I whisper, though I am not sure if I am talking to her or myself.