A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are the best!
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, its characters, or any copyrighted material.
EPOV
I was upstairs in my room when I heard a very loud conversation in the living room. Emmett and Bella were apparently framing Jasper for destroying Alice's closet. I don't know why, but at least it got me out of trouble.
I heard Jasper come into my "range" as he ran in the forest. He was having some kind of argument with himself that consisted of "No you're not" and "Yes I am". I also picked up something about a psycho empath. Strange.
Alice came storming up the stairs, muttering under her breath about murdering useless husbands and burning the remains. I walked out in the hall and said, "What's the matter, Alice? Jasper do something?"
She had a half-crazed look in her eye and her hair was sticking out more than usual. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID? HUH? HUH? HE DESTROYED MY CLOSET! MY OWN HUSBAND!"
"Woah, Alice, calm down" I said in a soothing voice "It's gonna be okay."
"NO IT'S NOT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT WAS IN THERE? MY VINTAGE SKIRT FROM 1940! IT WAS MY FAVORITE! IT MADE ME LOOK TALL!" she screamed back as her voice broke.
Suddenly she was extremely calm and had the most frightening look I had ever seen on her face.
"Oh, Jasper will pay, yes he will pay" she said quietly, rubbing her hands together. I high-tailed it out of there.
RPOV
I was in my room listening to my iPod when I decided to go prank someone, anyone. This was boring, and I might not get this chance for a long time.
I decided to go talk to Carlisle. He usually stayed out of this, but Edward did burn his books. He might be looking for some revenge.
I found him in his office, searching on Ebay for books to replace his library. I sat down and explained my little plan.
Edward's CDs and Volvo had already been ruined. Bella had been emotionally tortured, and even I wasn't cruel enough to put her through anymore suffering. That left his piano. He had packed it away in a back room in the basement for the weekend, afraid of it getting hurt.
We decided to do things that weren't really noticable at first glance. That way he would be even more shocked when he found it didn't play. I cut all of the strings on the inside so it wouldn't play.
Carlisle broke the pedals almost off, but they were still barely hanging on. When Edward tried to press them down, they would fall off. I also glued the keys together so it was past repair.
This was so much fun! We should do it more often. Except Edward might attempt to kick me out of the family if I destroy two of his pianos. Oh well- he deserves it.
ESME POV
I finished my list and printed it off. Then I went to find Emmett.
He was sitting on the couch with Bella, both of them laughing their heads off at something. Bella had pink hair and Emmett was dripping wet.
I walked up to them and, turning my head so Emmett couldn't see, winked at Bella. Then I began my little act.
"Emmett, honey, I'm afraid I have some bad news. I found this on the Internet this afternoon." I handed him the paper and winked at Bella again.
As he read down the list, his face grew darker and darker. When he came to the grizzlys, he blew up.
"What the hell? What is wrong with this world? I'm changing this stupid rule right now!"
Esme said soothingly, "Emmett, it's ok. But think how disappointed Carlisle would be if you did this now. These animals deserve a chance to survive."
He seemed to consider this, and calmed down slightly, but stalked off.
We could hear him muttering, "Stupid grizzlys.....stupid list.....stupid rules......stupid Carlisle."
As soon as he was out of hearing range, Esme and I started laughing hysterically. "That was good, really good." I said as I gave her a high five.
She replied, "I know, wasn't it?" as she looked as if she would be crying tears of laughter if she could. Good times, good times.
APOV
Oh God, I was so MAD! This wasn't even funny! My beautiful clothes are ruined.
Suddenly I was sucked into a vision.
Jasper and I are in the mall. Jasper looks weary and is holding so many bags you can barely see him.
I am bouncing around, excited. "Ooh, let's go in there!" I say.
"Alice, we've already been in every store in this mall at least twice" Jasper replies exhausted, "Can we at least go to some new stores?"
"But I need clothes to replace my clothes!! You should have thought about this before you destroyed my closet, huh?"
"For the last time, I did NOT destroy your clothes. How many times must I tell you that?" he cried.
Bwhahaha. This looks like fun. And I think that is the Mall of America. Victory will be mine!
Jasper may be my husband, but sometimes a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.
EPOV
I ran into the forest to get away from the wrath of slightly deranged (okay, so maybe not so slightly) Alice.
Just then I crashed into Jasper. I guess I was a little preoccupied. Jasper had a good reason to not be paying attention to where he was going-
If I had a wife like Alice after me for destroying her closet, I would be praying to crash into a tree and die.
Jasper panted, "Is she here? Is she after me?"
I chuckled, "No, she's still at the house. But hey, buddy, now the pressure is off me and on you. Good luck with that."
He glared at me, "Yeah, but now she will kill me and bring me back to make me go shopping with her. What did I do in my previous life to deserve this? Why, God, WHY?!?!?"
Then he looked at me with a speculative look in his eye. "I can't do anything about shopping, but you will pay for destroying her closet in the first place and then letting them blame ME for it."
I backed away slowly. He took a step forward. Okay, this was creepy.
Then he lunged. I reacted instinctively, tackling him in midair. We wrestled around, with him pinning me to the ground and then suddenly our positions reversed. A human watching this would have seen almost nothing, we were moving so fast.
I finally got free of Jasper, but I could find no other option than to run away. Even with the advantage of reading his mind, I could not do more than hold him at bay; his military expertise was too great.
As I ran, he stood there watching me. He called, "This isn't over, Eddie. I would watch anything that is near and dear to you. Bella might just find herself kidnapped and locked up."
His words chilled me, and I ran toward the house to find Bella. She wasn't going to leave my sight until this was over.
A/N: Okay, so what did you think? Good? Bad? I need feedback! Thanks for reading and reviewing!