Chapter 14

Arin Greene stood in the brig, the blue forcefield before her blocking her from escape. She reached out hesitantly and touched the humming film just to test it. The shock in her hand at the contact made her pull back reflexively.

Arin sighed and turned to the small mirror that was a part of the brig's sparse accommodations. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were red, and all color had fled from her cheeks. She looked a terror.

Arin didn't want to wallow in self-pity any longer, so she sat on the white bench, the cushioning making her feel almost comfortable. She drew her knees up to her chest and closed her eyes, thinking of all the chaos of the past few days. All the tied up emotions, all the conflict, the confusion…everything. Everything was swirling through her head all at once.

She heard the doors to the brig whoosh open, and she opened her eyes. Through the blue forcefield that stretched taut like a membrane over the octagonal opening, she saw a man in command red walk over to her. After another moment she noticed it was Captain Picard.

She groaned internally. Then she noticed another figure walk in behind him. The figure's long dark hair and maroon jumpsuit made Arin recognize immediately that it was Counselor Troi.

The two stood in front of her, silent. Arin waited for them to say something, but they didn't. It got to the point where she started to feel uncomfortable and she shifted her gaze to her gnawed fingernails.

"I think you know why we're here, Miss Greene." That was the captain's voice. Oh, gods, here it comes. He wants an answer and I don't feel like it right now!

At Arin's silence, Deanna stepped in. "Arin, I know you're uncomfortable right now, but this is not the time. We need an explanation."

Arin sighed and stood up. She paced around the tight room, then stopped. "I don't know how to begin," she said. But, contradicting her last sentence, she started speaking. "When I was twelve, I told you I was on a field trip to the outpost in Sector Z-6 for my Honors Exobiology class. Then, navigations got confused, the Romulans came, and so on…" Arin paused for a moment. "The Romulans kept me captive, and, especially being twelve, I was scared out of my wits. I just wanted to go home.

"The Romulans immediately separated me from the others. I'm not sure if they separated the others from each other, but all I know was I wasn't in contact with anyone but Romulans. I was terrified. I would disobey them and they would punish me, leaving me without food for days, keeping me locked in dark rooms, hurting me with their technology…anything and everything. They knew me to be a young member of the Federation, so they didn't interrogate me or force information out of me that I didn't have. That was the only pain they spared me. I went through all the stages of grief—denial, anger, then, finally, acceptance." Arin blinked and tossed a strand of dark hair out of her face.

"Soon I was taken aboard a transport and brought down to their home world, ch'Rihan. That's what they call Romulus. Seeing their home planet was quite exhilarating. I was seeing the Romulan capital! It was bustling and lively, like any city on Earth. Instead of being afraid, I became exited.

"I was given to the Romulan named Commander Taelar. I don't know why I was being given to someone. I hadn't even heard about what happened to the others from the transport. All I knew was I had to survive.

"Commander Taelar was kind to me. He treated me with civility, even though I was little more than a pet to him. Soon I started to feel at home. By the time I was fourteen I had forgotten all about life in the Federation. I became fluent in Rihannsu—Romulan—and grew to learn their culture and practices. This only seemed to please Commander Taelar even more.

"Soon, Taelar—being a soldier— was sent away on a mission. He had been on Romulus seeking to please the Praetor and gain a higher position, but his attempts had landed him nothing more than his command. He left the next day he was summoned and took me with as his servant. Aboard the warbird, Taelar taught me about life aboard a Romulan vessel. I started to understand the hierarchy and the actions of every position aboard the vessel. With time I was gaining my own ideas about what should and shouldn't be. Commander Taelar noticed this, and, instead of punishing me for sharing my ideas, he encouraged me. He then became comfortable enough to make me his spy. After I revealed his subcommander's whispered remarks about overthrowing Commander Taelar and becoming commander herself, I was praised by Taelar and hated by everyone else. But I didn't care about everyone else. All I cared about was the affection Taelar gave me. Being alone and away from anyone who cared for me, even Commander Taelar's affection became addicting. But it also led me to thoughts about my own parents.

"One day I had been brooding about, depressed and moping. Taelar, knowing my personality, had asked me what was wrong. I shook my head, but he insisted I tell him, as his servant. I looked him straight in the eye and told him I wanted to see my parents. I missed them and I wanted that life again. He looked shocked for a moment, then disappointed. Then, he smacked me across the face. Romulans being like Vulcans—much stronger than humans—his force made me bleed. But the pain in my face was nothing like the pain I would feel at his next words. 'Your parents are dead. Starfleet killed them. They died on a ground mission.' These words left me stunned. I asked him, 'How do you know?' He told me they had their ways, and my four years surrounded by Romulans made me believe him."

Arin stopped talking, anger and upset clouding her thoughts. The emotions flowed from Arin and to Deanna. Deanna breathed in sharply at the clarity of the feelings. These were clearer feelings than she had ever sensed from Arin before. Captain Picard gave Troi a side look, and Deanna looked back at him meaningfully. Picard decided to let Arin finish her story before he told her the truth.

"I hated Starfleet and everything to do with it from that moment on. My hatred grew so strong I vowed, in front of Taelar, to do whatever it took to seek revenge. His eyes lit up as I said this, and he leaned over and took me by the shoulders. He said he had been planning something for a while, something that would raise himself in the eyes of the Praetor. Something that would prove his loyalty. Something that I could help with.

"I was doubtful at first, but when I was told his plan would help me seek revenge on Starfleet, I was more than willing. Commander Taelar taught me everything I needed to know about what we were about to do. He also taught me how to hide my emotions, how to keep them from showing on my face and from getting in the way of actions. I became so good at this that I even knew how to keep my emotions so locked up I couldn't even feel them anymore. So, when the time came, I was ready.

"I was placed aboard one of their shuttlecraft, and fired at. They had promised me they wouldn't fire enough to truly hurt me, but I didn't see how they could avoid that. When the shuttlecraft and I had been fully beaten, Commander Taelar called me from the warbird. He told me that if I was serious about my revenge, I wouldn't let small cuts and bruises get in my way. The way he said this encouraged me, and I continued through the Neutral Zone and to the nearest Federation vessel.

"This vessel was a ship called the U.S.S Prometheus. I was told to appear before the ship as I did with this ship—a helpless runaway of the Romulan Star Empire. Being Starfleet officers, they brought me aboard and healed my wounds. They checked my shuttlecraft to make sure it had been damaged by Romulan weapons, and they questioned me and checked my records. I had been expecting all of this.

"As soon as my story had been confirmed, I put my plan into action. Nobody expected a small girl who had made a daring escape from Romulan hands to be a saboteur. I sabotaged the Prometheus, ran to the shuttlebay, stole a shuttle and flew away from the ship before anyone could catch me. I had set small detonators in key points of the Prometheus and, by the time I had left the ship, I set them off. The ship was destroyed." Arin sighed and rubbed her head.

"Instead of feeling relieved, like I had just served justice, I felt unsatisfied, and partially terrified with myself. I had just killed hundreds of people. But my training kept my emotions repressed, and I hid my true feelings of horror from myself. At the designated time, Commander Taelar picked me up and brought me back aboard the warbird. I was treated like a queen. The crew respected what I had just done for them, and Commander Taelar was nearly delirious. He kept talking about how I had done so well and how I should be pleased with myself. How he would be recognized as the loyal citizen he was and would be treated to luxury on Romulus. He would be a legendary hero for the rest of time, and I would bask in his glory. I just needed to destroy more ships.

"Nearly a year later, when he thought the time was right, he set me off on a bigger, more 'honorable' mission. The Praetor had been concerned that the Federation was sending military aid and weapons to the planets lining the Neutral Zone, and that an attack was imminent. Taelar told me it was my job to be picked up by the Enterprise, gain information on the weapons, destroy the ship like I had done last time, and leave." Arin sat down on the bench in the cell and cradled her head in her hands. She took a deep breath, then continued.

"Everything was going according to plan. I had found my way to Main Engineering and placed detonators where I could, which was why I was late to your meeting, Counselor. I knew the closer to the warp core the explosions, the more damage would be inflicted." Arin looked ashamed at this confession. "I locked the doors to my quarters because I didn't want anyone to find the detonators that I had sneaked out of the shuttlecraft and hid in my quarters until I needed them. Everything was working out until that tricorder told me the 'weapons' were actually medical supplies. That's when everything came falling into place. You weren't sending military aid to the planets, but medical aid. That was when all my doubts, all my fears, all those horrible emotions after killing all those people smacked me hard. I hated myself for what I had done, and I couldn't continue. But, when the time came for Commander Taelar to pick me up, the deed was not done. That's when he uncloaked and fired at you. That's why he was acting so desperate, and why he told me that it 'wasn't supposed to get this far'. His plan was shattering before he was promoted to legendary hero."

Arin Greene stopped talking and turned away. "Are you satisfied now?" she asked them. "Now that you know everything about me?"

"Arin, there is something you don't know." Arin turned at Picard's comment, looking him in the eye. "Your parents weren't killed on an away mission. They were killed by the Romulans."

Instead of being upset with Picard for sharing this shocking bit of news with her at this time, she felt respected. Like he wasn't going to hide the truth from her and treat her like a child or a criminal.

"Thank you," she said, quietly. "Thank you for telling me the truth."

"No, Arin," Picard said. "Thank you for being honest with us and for not going through with your revenge when you saw the truth of our mission."

Arin smiled a small smile at this praise. But, like any time a person realizes that everything they had done was in vain, and that the whole time they had actually been supporting the real enemy, Arin broke down. She cried until she fell asleep.

When she opened her eyes and looked up, Picard and Deanna had left the room. But another person stood before her, his familiar gray outfit and big brown eyes giving him away.

"Wesley…" she said. "I'm so sorry!" If she had any tears left, she would have cried again.

"Arin," Wesley said, and walked toward the forcefield. "I heard everything at the meeting."

Arin nodded. "I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm so sorry I…used you." The words were hard to say to him, but she needed to be honest. "You have every reason to be upset with me."

"I do," Wesley said. "You took advantage of my feelings, you led me on, and, in the end, you never cared about me, running off to do your own thing. I should be upset with you."

Arin's shoulders slumped at his brutally descriptive words.

"But, Arin, this is what Commander Taelar did to you. You've been through all of this pain. He took advantage of your need for affection, he led you on, and, in the end, he ran back to the Neutral Zone when things got tough, leaving you to face the consequences. I forgive you, Arin. I forgive you for the past five years, if that means anything coming from me."

At these words, Arin forgot why she hated Starfleet so bad. This was a person, her age, who had gone through the pain of having his father die in service. And here he was forgiving her for her crimes against the people he loved best, even for hurting him personally.

Wesley continued. "You can change, Arin. You can be the happy, loving person you were before. I know it. You've been through a lot, and I know that if you can go through all that, you can be happy again."

Arin was touched by his words. "I don't know how you can forgive me, Wesley Crusher. Your words are more than I deserve. But, I thank you for your hope."

"Maybe that hope is contagious." With these words, Wesley Crusher gave her one last look—full of youth and optimism and hope—and left the brig.

Suddenly, Arin didn't feel so pitiful anymore.