Chapter 14
Lily woke up with a start. She tried to focus her mind on something else, but when she shut her eyes all she could see was Mike. Quickly she ran to the bathroom and vomited until she couldn't anymore. Staring into the bottom of the toilet, she kept reminding herself that Mike was dead.
"He's gone. It's never going to happen again." Lily told herself. "He can't hurt me anymore." Though no matter how many times she repeated it, somehow she still felt his presence lurking around.
She pulled her knees to her chest and darted her eyes around the room. The door squeaked and she let out a little gasp. She felt cold all over, the paranoia getting the better of her. "Leave me alone." Lily said, her words echoing off the bathroom walls.
The door squeaked again, but this time Jackson walked into the bathroom. He looked at Lily crouched down by the toilet, obviously scared. He kneeled down beside her, hoping to offer some comfort. Though he had no idea what to say and sitting there with Lily felt so awkward to him.
"Did I wake you up? I can't help it, he's everywhere." Lily told him, her eyes opened wide.
"I heard you in here and wondered if you were okay. You know I'm here for you right?" Jackson asked, reaching out a hand to touch Lily's arm.
"I'm going mad." Lily replied softly. "I see him everywhere."
"Mike's dead. You don't have to worry about him anymore. You're safe now. You have your friends and you always have me." Jackson answered.
Lily wasn't listening. Instead she leaned against the bathroom wall and banged her head against it over and over. "No matter what happens he's always going to be here."
Jackson looked worried, trying to get Lily to stop. "Calm down, nobody is here but me."
"I'm going mad and nobody gives a damn about it!" Lily continued bashing her head against the wall even harder until Jackson pulled her to him.
Jackson cradled Lily's head in order to keep her calm. "I do, we all do. If we didn't care do you think we'd let you stay here?"
Lily tried to push away. "Leave me alone, there is nothing left for me anymore. I wish mom had shot me instead."
Jackson bit his lip, trying not to get too emotional over watching the person he loved act in such a way. "Don't even think that way. Just calm yourself down."
"I try to but I can't. I'm never going to be happy again am I?" Lily let Jackson stroke her hair for awhile, shutting her eyes and listening to his words. "It's so hopeless."
Jackson picked her up and carried her downstairs. "I can't sleep, I'm going to go and drive around for awhile. Maybe you could come with me. It might make you feel better about things. At the very least it will get you out of the house, only if you want to though."
Looking up at Jackson, Lily knew that he was right. "I don't want to be left alone. Of course I'll go with you."
He walked out to his car and set her down in the passenger seat. She seemed so lost and depressed, but Jackson was determined to make her feel better if only for a brief time. For awhile he drove around the familiar spots in Malibu, hoping it would trigger some happy memories in Lily. She seemed a little happier as the wind blew through her hair. When he reached his favourite spot near the secluded end of the beach Jackson stopped the car.
"What are we doing here?" Lily asked, looking around. "It's quite pretty here actually."
"No-one really comes up this end of the beach, since the fast food and good surfing is all down the other end. I come here sometimes to think about things." Jackson turned to Lily. "If you want, we could sit on the beach for awhile."
Turning to Lily for a reply, Jackson realised that she had passed out. Sighing, he watched the moon in contemplation. Seeing Lily shiver slightly from the wind he decided to put up the convertible top. For a while he just watched Lily sleep, just like he had done while she slept in his room. She looked more calm and peaceful than she had previously acted.
"I love you Lily." He whispered, kissing the sleeping figure before drifting off himself.
"Wake up sleepy head." Jackson nudged Lily as he parked the car out front of one of the local diners.
Lily stirred and rubbed her eyes, her body protesting to waking up in the car seat. "I can't believe I fell asleep in your car. Thanks for the drive last night though, I really appreciate it."
"Don't mention it." Jackson slipped an arm around her, but since she looked a little awkward, he removed it. "Anyway, I figure you better eat something, so I'm going to buy you whatever you want for breakfast."
"I'm not really that hungry." Lily lied the truth was she didn't know if she had the strength to eat anything.
"In that case, you can watch me eating, because I'm starving." Jackson stepped out of the car and opened Lily's door for her. "Come on, I'm not going to eat alone."
Lily hesitantly followed him into the diner. She didn't know why, but she was sure people were talking about her. Keeping her head down, she sat down with Jackson at one of the more out of view booths. Tracing patterns in the table with her finger, Lily couldn't even bring herself to look at Jackson.
Jackson kept staring at her from over the top of his menu. Just once he wished that she would look him in the eyes. Figuring that it would take some persuasion, he dropped his menu and picked up her chin to make her look into his eyes. He ran his thumb over her bottom lip, so she softly kissed it.
The moment was interrupted by the appearance of the waitress. She seemed unaware of what she had potentially broken. "What can I get you two today?"
Jackson pulled his hands back and glanced at his menu again. "I would like pancakes, the large size please. Lily what do you want?"
"I told you, I'm not hungry." Lily replied, once again staring at the table. "Thanks anyway."
The waitress took down the order, leaving the table in a tense silence. Soon enough, she came back with a big stack of pancakes for Jackson. "You could cut the tension here with a knife." Both heard her mutter as she went to serve others.
Jackson began scoffing down the pancakes quickly, stopping at brief moments to let his mind wander away from the food and to the woman sitting opposite him. Looking at the remaining pancake on his plate, he began to strategically cut it until it was in the shape of a heart. Pushing the plate towards Lily, he wondered how she would react.
"I don't want any…" Lily saw the cute little heart, managing a hint of a smile. "Could you be any goofier Jackson?"
"Let's cut to the chase. We belong together Lily, you know that. It would take a miracle for us to get through this on our own." Jackson reached over and cupped her face.
"I can't keep running to you whenever I have problems." Lily touched Jackson's hands, eventually removing them from her face though she still kept holding them. "You'll resent me for it eventually."
"I could never resent you in any way." Jackson explained squeezing her hands. "After all that I've seen who could understand better than me. It disturbs me too and it's going to take time, but we can stick together."
"It is much easier when you are around, I have to admit." Lily sighed and moved her hands away. "It makes all of this so much harder."
"It doesn't have to be this hard." Jackson told her, moving over to her side of the booth.
Lily looked into his eyes, feeling warm and fuzzy all over. "I'm scared. I'm scared that you'll hurt me. I don't think I could handle it."
Jackson moved his face closer, shutting his eyes slightly. "You'll never have to be scared of that." His lips brushed hers softly, before the moment was ruined once again.
"That's her daughter. Her mother is all over the news for killing her husband. Shot him right where it hurts." The waitress pointed at them, directing another woman. "That guy who's with her, he saw it all."
Lily broke from the potential kiss, feeling hurt and enraged. "Why can't they just leave me alone? Can't they mind their own business?"
The woman came over, looking too happy for someone that had heard the gist of a horrific story. "Hello, I was wondering if I could talk to you both."
Jackson glared back at her, partly for the invasion of privacy and another reason was destroying their reconciliation. "We're trying to eat here."
"It will only take a moment. I'm doing a piece and I wondered if I could get a few quotes from you about what happened." She took a seat opposite them, despite not being invited to do so.
"Listen lady, I don't know what you're playing at but can't you see that you've upset Lily?" Jackson slammed his hands on the table. "She's dealing with a lot right now and the last thing she needs is you coming up with your perky smile trying to talk to us like we're friends."
The woman seemed to be affected very little. "I was just trying to…"
Lily jumped up from the table shoving Jackson out of the way so she could exit the booth. Grabbing the lady's notebook, she ripped it up in a rage. "Mind your own business you ugly little tart. All of you can just go to hell." She ran out of the diner and down the street.
Jackson hurried after her, seeing her blonde hair flying behind her as she ran so fast down the street. He decided against following her on foot and ran to his car. Stepping on the accelerator, he caught up with her down the street. He matched the cars speed to Lily's jogging, trying to coax her in.
"I just want to be alone Jackson, please just drive off." Lily folded her arms across her chest, slowing down so she was walking.
Jackson quickly pulled the car over to the side of the road. He followed Lily, catching up with her. She didn't stop, so he just kept walking beside her. "We both know that you don't want to be left alone Lily, you said it yourself."
"I can't deal with this. I can't deal with people so please just go." Lily turned and stopped Jackson in his tracks. "Just leave me alone, I don't want you to see me like this."
"Why? We shared something back there before that woman came. Don't pretend you didn't want to get back together." Jackson's eyes were pleading with Lily at this point.
"I need to do this. I have to see that you want to be with me because you love me, not because you feel sorry for me." Lily's eyes turned deadly serious.
"Of course I'm with you because I love you. You should know that."
"You keep talking about all this stuff that we know, but the truth is I don't know. I don't have a clue anymore and right now I need time to figure things out and you have to respect that." Lily turned away and began walking off again. This time, Jackson knew better than to follow her.
Too soon the day came of Nicole's arraignment. Lily had been quiet all day, sitting and watching all the people scrambling around the courthouse. She didn't have the guts to go up there herself, nor did she want to be harassed by the various people trying to get words out of her. So she sat with Miley, Jackson and Oliver at a nearby café, watching. Lily's sundae had melted in the bowl in front of her, but she didn't care. It was hard to care when she knew that at that moment her mom was pleading guilty to voluntary manslaughter.
"Screw this, I'm going over there. I can't stand the silence anymore." Jackson blurted out, standing up from the table. The truth was, he wanted to give Lily some time away from him, hoping it would help her work out her feelings faster.
Before anyone could reply, Jackson stormed over the road. On seeing what exactly was outside, a surprised look appeared on his face. What he thought from a distance was camera crews and journalists, was actually a group of protestors. Various domestic violence groups and woman's rights supporters were voicing their opinions and making themselves heard. A couple had even brought signs sporting the slogan "Free Nicole Wade."
He moved towards them, though it appeared everyone had caught on to exactly who he was. A couple of journalists appeared, asking him various questions about Mike's death. Shoving them out of the way he regretted coming over. Realising that some were still following him, he figured it best to lead them away from Lily to prevent them from harassing her. Most of them stopped following him, in order to get shots and statements of Nicole. However, one lone woman continued after him.
"Jackson, wait please. I'm not a journalist. I just want to talk to Lily." She cried out, trying to catch up.
Jackson turned around, throwing his arms up in frustration. "You people just won't quit will you? I know I was stupid for walking right into that but please, leave Lily alone. She's suffered enough." He tried to walk away but the next words the woman said stopped him in his tracks.
"Please, you must listen. I know what she's going through and I'm here to help. You see, before there was Lily…I was Mike's victim."