Thanks for the reviews on chapter 13 to: Shado Librarian, mary-v, KirijamaScion, danielle, JamesTKent, htbthomas, mistressbabette51, mitzi67, mak5258, MsSupaFan, septempopuli, Rowja70, atlantiandragoness, The Kiss of Death, Nightlyeclipse, Miss Kryptonite, winddancer55945, AniJap, skykestrel, blightedmetal
Chapter 14
You Promised Me The Stars
"Take care, Kitty," Clark said, closing the woman into a brief hug. "And don't give up. I promised you something last night. I'm going to keep my promise."
Kitty silently nodded, and giving Lois, Martha and Jason a last glance, she got into the helicopter that would transport her to Metropolis.
"Are you sure you don't want to join?" the officer sitting in the chopper asked Clark. "I heard you all were from Metropolis."
"No, thanks."
The officer shrugged and shut the chopper's door.
Clark felt Lois slipping her hand into his as the helicopter took off. "Mom and I could've gone with them while you and Jason wait for Richard… partly because I really don't feel like facing Richard at the moment…" he said with a grimace, "but… I don't want to return to Metropolis yet."
"You want to go to Smallville, don't you?" she asked.
"I have to. I'm still pretty weak. I think I'm even coming down with a cold. It will take me weeks before I can even hover, let alone fly into the stratosphere for some unfiltered sunshine. I'll need to recuperate, and I can't think of any place better for that than the Kent farm… Besides, I don't even have an apartment in Metropolis yet." He coughed a bit and massaged his throat. He didn't remember ever having had a sore throat before. "Let's admit that being homeless in Metropolis isn't good for a sickly guy like me."
"You, sickly? Have you ever been sick before?"
He pulled a face. "I don't think so. Only when there was Kryptonite around. Do you think Betsy could give me some Halls drops?"
"I bet she'd give you anything." Lois evilly wriggled her eyebrows.
He scowled her. "So you noticed."
She rolled her eyes, chuckling. "I couldn't not notice it. She was practically devouring you with her eyes, and she was looking daggers at me when we kissed yesterday…"
"I didn't notice her looking daggers at you." He shrugged with a goofy smile. "I think I was… otherwise occupied."
"Mommy, Mommy, Daddy's plane's landing!" Jason yelped, pointing at the sky.
Lois and Clark looked up, but all they saw was a tiny dark dot in the distance. It was still too far away to tell that it was a seaplane, but Jason with his special vision had no problem making it out.
"Well… let's go and say good-bye, shall we?" Lois suggested, and the four of them walked back into the Sheriff's office. They thanked the Sheriff and Betsy for their help, and the Sheriff wished them a pleasant journey. They were just about to leave the building when Betsy called after them.
"You know what, Mr. Kent? You would have been a much better Superman than Dean Cain. You not only have the height and the build, but the proper eye-colour too."
"Er… re... really?" Clark stammered.
"Really really." She fluttered her eyelashes at him.
He let out a nervous laugh. "I'm sorry, but I don't intend to become an actor. I'm not particularly good at… pretending to be someone else. Good-bye, Miss Bones."
When they were far enough from the Sheriff's office, Jason took his father's hand. "I think you could be a great actor, Father. You fooled everyone but me."
"He's right, you know," Lois commented with a reproachful expression. "Either you were a great actor, or we were completely blind. I'd say the latter. Then again, Jason saw through your mask in an instant."
Clark shrugged. "You know what the fox told the Little Prince… It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential, is invisible to the eye. I guess children are unspoilt enough to see things with their heart."
"Who's the Little Prince?" asked Jason.
Clark bent and scooped up his son. "You're my little prince, Jason. Never forget that."
The child frowned at his father, as if not understanding the sadness in his eyes. How could he have known that in his mind's eye, Clark was already seeing himself drifting away from his family, observing them from a distance, longing to touch them, hold them, but knowing that they were out of his reach?
The tiny dot in the sky grew bigger and bigger, and now even Clark and Lois managed to make out the hydroplane's wings.
A few minutes later they reached the pond, and by that time, Richard was already climbing out of the plane, hopping into the water that reached to his knees, not caring that his feet got wet.
"Daddy!" Jason jumped down from Clark's arms and ran to Richard, who dropped to his knees on the shore, closing the little boy into his arms.
"Oh, Jason…"
Clark saw tears running down Richard's face, and he knew exactly what the other man was feeling right now – the same he had felt when he first held the boy in his arms after they had escaped from Luthor and the avalanche. He had told Richard the previous day on the phone that Jason was doing fine, but hearing it and seeing it with your own eyes were two completely different things.
Finally, Richard released the child and stepped to Lois. Clark saw Lois send her fiancé a faint little smile that carried all the insecurity and shame she must have felt at the moment. At least, Clark thought she was feeling ashamed. She had, after all, deceived Richard for years, lying about Jason's paternity and her own feelings… and recently she'd even cheated on Richard… Clark knew that he, at least, would feel ashamed in her place. And truth be told, he was feeling ashamed. He should have been strong enough to say 'no' that night in his cell… but he'd been too weak, both physically and emotionally. And for that, he couldn't forgive himself.
Despite everything he'd gone through, despite everything he'd learned in the past two weeks, Richard seemed to interpret Lois's smile as a smile of gratefulness and hope. Hope… that they could carry on with their relationship where they'd left off?
Clark felt his throat constrict, and this time not because of his nasty cold, but because of the sight of Lois in Richard's inviting arms, Richard's hands gently and reassuringly massaging her back as she hid her face in his shirt…
"It's okay, Lois… everything's okay…" Richard muttered into the woman's hair, and as he looked up, his eyes met Clark's.
"Thank you for coming, Richard."
"I've come for my family… Clark," the other man replied, his voice sounding icy. "But of course, you're also welcome in the plane. And the elderly lady too. Your mother, I trust?"
Clark nodded, dreading the conversation that awaited them. Embarrassed explanations, blatant lies and forced smiles. He had never been particularly good at rhetoric, and he knew he was even worse at lying. His whole life had been a huge lie, but at first, he had regarded it as a white lie, for the greater good: saving mankind from all kinds of dangers. Recently, however, he felt that his lies had turned dirty and unforgivable, ruining lives and breaking hearts.
Because of him, Richard and Lois might never be as happy together as they had been before. Because of him, Richard would never be able to look at Lois and believe a hundred percent that her heart truly belonged to him. Because of him, Lois could never look Richard in the eye and say 'I love you' without feeling ashamed. And because of him, Jason would never have a balanced childhood and a proper father figure.
He felt someone squeeze his arm, and saw it was his mother. "Come on, Clark. Let's get into the plane." He looked up from the ground he'd been examining to see that the little family White had already waded into the pond to climb into the plane.
With a heavy heart, he followed them, supporting his mother as much as he could, so that she wouldn't slip and fall in the knee-deep water. He would have scooped her up if he could, but he felt his strength wasn't enough for that. Carrying Jason's 40 lbs was one thing, but however small and fragile Martha Kent was, she still weighed three times as much as the child.
When they reached to the plane, Lois and Jason were already sitting inside, and Richard helped Martha climb in, then he gave Clark a cold glance and disappeared into the vehicle, leaving Clark to struggle out of the water on his own. Strangely, Clark found that he couldn't blame Richard. The other man regarded him as a rival, someone who could take everything from him that he held precious. And, he had to admit that he didn't like Richard any better than Richard liked him.
As he took a place next to the window and watched as the houses of Leadville turned into matchboxes below, he heard Lois tell her fiancé, "We've got to make a detour to Smallville. Clark and Martha would like to go home."
"All right," Richard replied in a tired voice. "The fuel wouldn't have lasted back to Metropolis anyway… I hope this Smallville is big enough to have a gas station…"
Clark felt like snapping at the city slicker idiot that life existed outside Metropolis and there was no need for talking about small towns in such a patronising tone, but he held back. After all, the 'city slicker idiot' had come for them, and even allowed him, Superman, travel on his plane.
With a sigh, Clark sank back onto the seat and listened to Lois filling Richard in on the details of their kidnapping. As the previous evening Lois had been told everything about Luthor's death and Kitty's heroism, she managed to retell the whole story without Clark having to add anything. He thought he heard her voice tremble when she reached the night of their escape from the Luthor villa. Although Lois was facing away from him, in his mind's eye Clark saw her cheeks flush as she talked about Kitty's involvement in freeing them, leaving certain things conveniently out of her story.
Grateful that he wasn't questioned by Richard and that Richard seemed to accept everything his fiancée had told him, Clark drifted off to sleep.
o O o
"Lucky that Smallville has a lake too," Lois perceived as Richard landed the seaplane. "Hey, Sleepyhead, wake up."
"Huh?" Clark opened his eyes, stifled a yawn and looked around. In the distance he spotted the familiar houses of his hometown. The sunrays' angle suggested it was early in the afternoon, and the cornfields surroundings the lake shone green and yellow in the sunshine, their sight warming his heart a bit. "Ah. We've arrived. Well… thank you very much, Richard… Um… would you, Lois and Jason like to spend some time with us on the farm? Get refreshed, have lunch… you could even sleep over. I'm sure you need it, Richard. You must've been flying for almost a day."
Judging by Richard's expression, he didn't want to stay at the Kent farm, but Lois put a hand on his arm, squeezing it gently. "Clark is right, Richard. You look awfully tired. We should really go to the farm… that is to say," she glanced at Martha, "if you don't mind."
The old woman smiled at her in a motherly way. "Of course I don't mind, dear. I'd be more than happy to have you around, even if only for a short while. And I'm sure Jason will like it on the farm, Clark could show him the chickens and Shelby…"
Richard's eyes narrowed at the suggestion of Clark showing Jason around, Clark spending time with Jason… But he had to admit he was indeed tired and needed some rest. "All right, thanks for the invitation, Mrs. Kent." He deliberately hadn't thanked Clark, even though it had been him who had invited them in the first place. "But careful with the animals. Jason is allergic to them."
"Am not, Daddy. I've outgrown all my allergies! I no longer get rashes when I eat things I wasn't allowed to eat earlier, and I don't get a runny nose either when plants are around… there were lots of plants in the forest, many flowers too, and I had no problems with them," Jason said proudly just as Clark sneezed. "What are you allergic to?"
Clark shook his head. "Nothing… outside Kryptonite. It's just the cold."
Richard forced a smile on his face. "No allergies, Jason? That's great."
"Yeah, isn't it?" Jason beamed. "I've become pretty strong, you know… I can lift wooden girders and metal-framed beds, and I can run so fast you only see a blur!"
Richard gulped. "Wow, Jason… that's truly… something."
"And that's not everything! I can see through walls and hear things that happen miiiiles away. I can hear for example that your heart's beating real fast, Daddy. Is something wrong? Are you nervous?"
The man shook his head. "No, Jason. I'm really… proud of you." Richard's eyes met Clark's, and Clark thought he'd never seen someone looking so dejected.
Seeing the awkward glances the two young men were exchanging, Martha decided to speak up. "Let's go, shall we? If we hurry, we can have lunch in about an hour. I trust you're all hungry, aren't you?"
"Very!" Jason replied. "Do you have tomatoes? Or at least ketchup?"
"What about some spaghetti Bolognese?" his grandmother suggested.
"Cool!" The little boy clasped his hands.
"It's Clark's favourite meal too," Martha said, taking the child by the hand and leading him to the plane's door.
Clark glanced at Richard to see a grimace spread on his face. He gave the other man an apologetic look as he fished for a handkerchief in his pocket and blew his nose. "Ah…a lot of people like ketchup. It's not like…"
"No need for explanations, Clark." Richard shook his head. "Does… does he know?" He whispered, looking at Jason, who was busy opening the seaplane's heavy door.
"Yes," came the equally silent reply. "He knows everything."
"What do I know?" Jason turned around.
Richard blinked in surprise.
"Super-hearing." Clark shrugged, sniffing. How he hated this stupid cold!
"You were talking about me, weren't you?" Jason asked. "What do I know?"
"That you're… my son," Clark said with an embarrassed smile.
"Of course I know!" Jason grinned back. "But I'm also Daddy's son!" He ran up to the two men, and took Clark's right hand and Richard's left. "I have the two best daddies in the world! Don't I, Mommy?"
Lois glanced at Jason's 'two daddies', and found that the looks on their faces were priceless. Fighting back a chuckle, she sent her son a loving smile. "Yes, honey, you do."
o O o
Lois didn't know how long she'd been lying awake next to Richard – half an hour? An hour? Two hours? She'd been listening to his breathing, wishing it would finally turn rhythmic enough to suggest he'd fallen asleep. It must have been at least midnight when she was perfectly sure her fiancé was finally asleep.
Careful not to wake him, she slid out of the bed and tiptoed to the door. Thankful that the guestroom's door didn't creak at all, she closed it behind her and headed for the adjacent room – Clark's. She badly needed to talk to him in private, and she didn't know if she'd have another chance before she, Jason and Richard left for Metropolis.
Lois pressed her ear on the door, but this time she didn't hear the soft rumble she'd heard coming from his room last time she'd slept in this house. Silently, she pushed the handle and entered.
"Clark?" she whispered into the darkness, but no one replied – there wasn't even an annoyed groan meaning that she was disturbing his slumber. "Clark?"
Lois felt around the doorframe for a switch. In an instant the room was bathed in light, and there was no trace of the man she was looking for. Disappointed, Lois turned off the light, wondering where he could be and what he could be doing when he was supposed to be sleeping and healing.
Then she saw the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. Of course! When they were on the run from Luthor's goons, Martha had told her that she and her husband Jonathan had often found little Clark outside on starry nights, staring at the sky.
Lois quietly closed Clark's door and headed downstairs. She smiled to herself as she passed by Martha's room – her little boy was sleeping there with his granny, given that the only two rooms in the house with a double bed were Martha's and the guestroom. Besides, when Jason had insisted that he wanted to sleep in 'Father's room, Martha explained to him that Clark needed rest in order to heal and that Clark's bed was simply too small for two people. Lois had seen a flash of pain in Richard's eyes when the little boy had insisted on sleeping in 'Father's bed, but Richard had been tactful enough not to comment.
She walked across the kitchen, to the front door, and left the house. The cool night air made her shiver in the nightdress Martha had kindly lent her. Even though there was only one single lamp on the porch to provide some light, she managed to spot a hunched figure sitting on the fence, facing away from the house.
As she approached him, her slippers – also lent to her by Martha – soaked through in the dewy grass.
"The starry sky's truly beautiful," she said, making Clark jump and fall off the fence.
"Good grief, Lois, don't that again, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" he chuckled, climbing back onto his perch.
"It's payback time," she laughed lightly, joining him on the fence. "You kept doing the same to me."
"I was amnesiac then," he replied. "I didn't remember how to appear in a way that doesn't give someone a heart attack."
"I know… but your amnesia belongs to the past, thank heaven. I'm just wondering… what about our future?"
"Our future?" he asked in a hoarse voice. "What do you mean by that?"
She reached out and grabbed his right hand, as much as she could see where it was in the darkness. "What do you think I mean by that?"
He covered her hand with his left, sandwiching her small hand between his big and warm ones. For a minute he didn't speak, just caressed the back of her hand with his thumb. "You're wearing an engagement ring, Lois," he said finally.
She looked up at him, even though she didn't see anything of him but his silhouette. "I would give it back any time… if you just said the words."
"What words, Lois?" he asked heavily.
"Three very simple words, Clark: I love you."
He swallowed hard. "Lois… it's… it's not that easy. You know I love you… more than anything… but I can't be with you… like that. I could never be a proper husband and father. Richard can. With me, your and Jason's life would be in constant danger."
"Jason can take care of himself," Lois replied, her voice sounding a bit sharper than usual. "He's strong, he even saved you from a black bear, for heaven's sake! But his powers haven't yet fully developed. He needs his father's guidance to properly control them."
"Lois… I will be there for him to teach him… but I can't be more to him than… a mentor."
"You're his father!" she snapped.
The movement of his silhouette suggested he was shaking his head. "The fact that the… sperm comes from me, doesn't make me his father. I have no right to him, Lois. Richard does."
"But Jason already regards you as his father!"
"I know… and you have no idea what a wonderful feeling it is to know that he thinks of me as that…" Although Lois couldn't see his features, she imagined he was smiling sadly. "It is an amazing feeling… but I can't ruin the life you and Richard built for him. For a child, that is a safe life. Jason needs an anchor… something I can never be for him."
"And what… what about me?" Lois whispered, her eyes filling with tears.
Clark heaved a sigh. "You have always been and will always be the only woman I ever loved. And that's why I have to give up on you. It's the best for all of us."
Lois slipped her hand out of his. "Is this your final word?"
"It is."
Now tears were freely running down Lois's cheeks. What an idiot she had been to expect that amnesia, fatherhood and the trials they'd gone through together would change his opinion and make him less damn selfless! Apparently, there was no power on Earth to persuade Clark freaking Kent that he could be himself with a family, and not only lonely-wolf-Superman… Some things never change. Clark's sense of responsibility for humankind and for his loved ones didn't either.
He'd made three big mistakes in his life – first affording himself to be happy with Lois, then giving up on her and wiping her memories, finally, leaving her and humankind behind in a futile attempt to find people of his own kind. All his life, he had been a thoughtful person, only in these three cases had he acted irresponsible… and he didn't seem to ever forgive himself for what he'd done. And now, he was punishing her and her son for his own irresponsibility. Life wasn't fair. Far from it.
"I understand," she whispered, wondering if he'd heard her heart break into a million pieces. "But you're not escaping me that easily, Clark Kent."
He took a deep breath to reply, to protest, but she continued before he could: "You made me a promise."
"Er… what?"
She sniffed, recalling a happy memory of him holding her hands, gushing about the beauty of the stars. "By Niagara Falls… you promised to teach me the constellations. Will you?"
His voice had never sounded as gentle as when he replied, "Gladly."
o O o
Richard awoke late in the night to not find Lois next to himself. His heart sank at the thought that she might be in the adjacent bedroom, sleeping in Clark Kent's arms. But surely… she wouldn't sink so low as to cheat on him when he's sleeping in the neighbouring bedroom?
Deciding that he didn't want to see Lois in bloody Superman's arms, he walked to the window. He badly needed some fresh air to get rid of the disturbing thoughts. He opened the windowpanes and stared out into the darkness. He managed to make out the outlines of the barn, Martha Kent's van and two figures huddled together on the fence. His throat constricted at the sight. The smaller figure's head was bent on the bigger one's shoulder, and the bigger one was pointing at the sky. Well, at least they weren't sleeping in the adjacent bedroom… but seeing them together still hurt Richard. A lot.
o O o
"Pegasus? The winged horse?"
"Yes, there, that rectangle under Andromeda. And that cute little trapezoid over there is Pegasus's little brother, Equuleus. It means 'foal'."
Lois chuckled. "It's amazing how many shapes and stories there are in the stars. I never would have thought astronomy was so interesting."
"Jason thought it was amazing too. I told him a story about Andromeda's family and he made me promise to tell him more stories from Greek mythology."
"And you will… won't you?"
"If you don't mind me taking him sometimes… I mean, outside our so called 'training sessions'…"
"Of course I don't mind. He can even sleep at your place."
"When I find a place in Metropolis," he replied, his voice a tad sarcastic.
"What do you intend to teach him first?" she asked, rubbing her arms in the cold night air.
Noticing her discomfort, he put an arm around her, warming her as much as he could without his ability to transfer body heat the 'super-way'. "I think… he first needs to control his X-ray vision and super-hearing."
"What is there to control in X-ray vision?"
"Uh, you know… if you can't control what you want to see through… then you can see through everything."
She pulled back a bit in surprise. "You mean my son… our son, can see through our clothes, and-"
"Yes, everything. He said he didn't like what he'd seen under Luthor's clothes… but he found his Mommy really pretty under her clothes. I can understand that."
"Clark!" she said, trying to sound scandalised, but she didn't really manage.
"Er, well, Lois… you needed to know this… you know, in case you and Richard wanted to… get intimate… before I returned to Metropolis to train Jason… Gee, that's so awkward… My point is that you two should be… considerate."
Considerate. His earlier words of rejection had stabbed a dagger in her heart, and now his speaking about her and Richard getting intimate gave her the coup the grace. She felt completely ruined. "Don't worry, Clark. We are going to be considerate," she whispered. "Thank heaven that Jason didn't see us when we were-"
For some mysterious reason a coughing bout came over Clark.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Yes… cough… yes, just…" He turned away from her.
"Clark Kent. You're not telling me something."
"Is it that obvious?" He sniffed, pulling his handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbing at his nose.
"Yeah. Funny that I didn't notice earlier just how obvious it was whenever you were lying or hiding something."
He heaved a sigh. "All right, Lois. I didn't want to tell you, but you deserve to know… Jason did see us that night."
She gasped. "He didn't!"
"Yes, he did."
"Oh, my gosh. My poor baby, what must he be thinking of us now?"
"Nothing bad, I promise. I sort of… explained things to him."
"What, the birds and the bees?" she asked testily.
"No. He doesn't know how babies are made, if that's what you're wondering. All I told him was that you and me were making love, because we loved each other. And he accepted that. Of course, he doesn't know that what he'd seen us doing was… wrong in any way. He's just five and too innocent to comprehend that, bless him."
"Did it feel… wrong to you?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
"It felt anything but wrong, Lois… but you know that from a certain point of view, it was wrong. You cheated on Richard, and I let you do it. I feel totally crappy because of it… but I think… it was what saved my life. Your love, Lois."
"And you still want to give up on it," she said incredulously.
"I have to," he muttered under his breath. "We should be going back or you'll catch a cold too."
She nodded and climbed off the fence, onto the wet grass, shivering. October nights in Metropolis were never as cold as they were here.
"Clark…"
"Yes, Lois?"
"Do I get a good-bye kiss?"
"I have a cold, Lois."
"I don't care," she said defiantly.
"Are you sure?"
"To hell with the germs, just kiss me!"
"My stubborn vixen…" He cupped her face, running his thumbs up and down her cheeks in a gentle caressing motion. "Never change, Lois. Stay always like this. This is how I love you. This is how I want to remember you." He bent and touched his lips to hers. She melted into the kiss, slipping her arms around his neck, clinging to him as for dear life. If this was her last chance to kiss him, she wanted it to be memorable.
As his hands encircled her tiny waist, she felt a shiver run down her spine, but this time it wasn't a shiver due to cold. She was feeling warm, electrified, excited. Richard's kisses had never managed to arouse her like this, to make her lose her head, go mad with desire… and Richard never managed to make her feel abandoned, deprived and lonely when he pulled away. Clark Kent – Superman – always managed to make her feel like that. And it was wrong. It was unfair. It was sheer torture for which she wanted to take revenge.
Not letting him to pull back first, she broke the kiss, gasping for breath.
"This is how I want you to remember me," she said firmly, then turned on her heels and hurried into the house.
o
In the guest room, Richard quickly got back into bed, his stomach clenched painfully and his mouth as dry as a parchment. Lois had never kissed him as long as he'd just seen her kiss Clark bloody Kent. Ten seconds must have been his and Lois's record together. This kiss, however, must have lasted… what, three minutes?
He closed his eyes, willing his breathing to slow down to fool Lois into thinking he was fast asleep. He turned in the direction of the window, facing away from Lois's abandoned pillow and blanket.
As she climbed into the bed next to him, a single tear ran down Richard's face. He didn't know that as soon as her head hit the pillow, tears began running down hers as well.
o O o
Um… review?