Starsky vs Hutch

Chapter 13

Ten days later Hutch was once again at Huggy's for lunch. He sat at the bar while Huggy looked after his other customers, the two friends talking quietly.

"He's taking such little steps. I sometimes think he's not making any progress at all. Some days he never speaks at all."

Huggy looked shocked. "Starsky? Not talking?"

Hutch smiled. "Yeah, I know." He paused while he gathered his thoughts. "And now they say I can take him out tomorrow."

"Hey, that's good, man...isn't it?"

"I dunno, Hug...yeah, it is good. We've wandered around the unit a bit and been outside but...I'm not sure if he's ready for an outing."

Huggy snorted a laugh. "C'mon, Hutch. This is what you've been wantin' and now you've changed your mind? They wouldn't suggest it if he's not ready."

Hutch ran a hand over his face. "Yeah, I guess so. Hey, you wanna meet us at his place at about five?" Huggy readily agreed, eager to see his old friend again.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The afternoon passed much the same as all the previous ones and Hutch was finding it increasingly difficult to remain upbeat in the face of Starsky's indifference and occasional hostility.

Dr Brumley and Danny seemed encouraged by Starsky's progress but Hutch wasn't seeing much evidence of improvement. He supposed he had naively hoped that being together would remind Starsky of his previous life and he would miraculously recover. He was worried that he was not feeling the familiar connection to his partner on which he relied so much and it saddened him that Starsky apparently couldn't feel their bond either.

Scrabble and a chess set had followed the Monopoly to Starsky's room but he seemed to have little enthusiasm for the games, preferring to look at the photo albums or do nothing at all, other than brood.

Hutch kept giving him small choices but Starsky stubbornly refused to cooperate, watching Hutch's reaction with a glint in his eye. Hutch refused to take the bait but could feel his irritation rising.

Truth to tell he was nervous about the following day's outing, but he kept that to himself.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The following day dawned cloudy but dry with a hint of autumn in the air. After leaving headquarters, Hutch drove to the unit and made his way to Starsky's room.

"Are you ready, buddy?" Hutch looked carefully at his friend, noting the ill-concealed tension as he perched on the edge of the bed. Starsky gave a curt nod and stood up. "I thought we'd have a quiet drive, maybe go to the beach? Huggy's gonna meet us at your apartment later. That sound okay?" Starsky merely shrugged.

Hutch attempted to inject some jollity into his voice to hide his uncertainty. "C'mon, Starsk. Grab your jacket and lets go."

He hustled Starsky down the corridor to the reception desk where Danny was waiting. Danny looked at Hutch. "You okay, Ken?" At Hutch's nod he turned to Starsky. "Enjoy your afternoon, David."

As they neared the door Danny couldn't resist calling "Hey, Ken...don't lose him!"

Hutch gave a hollow laugh. That was only one of his concerns about the afternoon.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Starsky eyed Hutch's car but uncharacteristically made no comment. Hutch slid into the driver's seat and turned the key. Thankfully his temperamental car started first time, with only a small cough. As is the nature of inanimate objects, it would normally behave itself for Hutch but seemed to take pleasure in embarrassing him in front of Starsky. But not today. "Even the car can't feel him," Hutch thought morosely.

As Hutch pulled away he glanced at his silent passenger. He searched for something to say, aware that conversation between them was not normally a problem. He opened his mouth to break the silence but Starsky jumped in first, hiding his own nervousness behind an aggressive tone.

"Shut up, Hutchinson. Jus' let me enjoy the journey. Where we goin' anyway?"

"Uh...I thought we'd just drive round our beat a bit and maybe go to the beach?"

Starsky grunted a reply which Hutch took to be agreement.

They drove aimlessly for nearly an hour, Hutch subconsciously driving up and down as though they were on a normal patrol, even scanning the sidewalks for potential trouble. He could almost pretend it was a routine patrol.

Starsky looked out of the window enjoying the freedom, although nervous of all that entailed. Over the days and weeks he was coming to see that the blond cop was one of the good guys and acknowledged the possibility that Charlie had lied to him, but he couldn't understand why the man seemed to be spending all his spare time with him.

"I'm not worth it," Starsky thought. "I tried to kill him. I should be in a cell."

"Let him in," came the little voice. "He's your friend. Please let him in."

He shook his head to quiet the voice which was gradually becoming more insistent.

"You all right, Starsk? Headache?" came a concerned voice from his left. "Maybe I should take you back."

"Don't wanna go back!" he said with a vehemence that surprised him as much as it did Hutch.

"Okaaay," said Hutch uncertainly, drawing out the word. "Let's go to the beach for a bit, hmm?"

Starsky glanced at him quickly then away again. "Um yeah, if you want to," he mumbled.

"This isn't about what I want, Starsky, this is about you!" Hutch flared up and just as quickly doused his anger with a hefty sigh. "Sorry, Starsk. Do you wanna go to the beach or go home?"

Starsky was silent for so long Hutch was beginning to think this was yet another either/or question he wasn't going to answer.

"I think I wanna go home," he said at last.

Hutch smiled and turned the car towards Starsky's apartment. Fifteen minutes later he pulled up behind the Torino.

"My car," whispered Starsky, getting out of Hutch's car and walking slowly towards his own. He walked all around the Torino touching the paintwork tentatively as though afraid the car was a mirage.

Hutch watched with an indulgent smile on his face. "Hey, it's real, buddy. It's not gonna disappear. Let's go inside and see what else you remember."

He led the way to the door, trusting Starsky would follow him. "My key! I ain't got my key!"

"Hey, it's okay. I've got mine," Hutch said quickly, pulling it from his pocket. Seeing Starsky's suspicious look he added "You've got a key for my place too."

Hutch opened the door and held it for Starsky to enter, resisting the urge to touch his friend as he normally would, in the certainty that Starsky would not tolerate it. He was beginning to realise just how much he missed the little pats and touches that had always been an inherent part of their relationship. He went to the kitchen and filled the kettle leaving Starsky to reacquaint himself with his apartment.

Starsky prowled around, touching some of his favourite knick-knacks and checking his plants. He turned round to see Hutch leaning against the door frame, arms folded across his chest, observing him. "Was it you watered my plants?" he asked.

"Yeah and talked to them too. Told 'em you'd be back soon to sing to them."

"Sing?" Starsky queried, his voice rising to a squeak at the end of the word.

"Yeah...sing."

"I don't sing," Starsky groused.

"Hmm. Think the plants might agree with you," Hutch grinned.

Starsky gave him a quick look as though uncertain how to respond, then gave a small smile.

Hutch swallowed his disappointment that Starsky did not fall into their familiar bantering. "I've made some coffee, you want one?" he asked.

"Um yeah, I think I do...thanks." Starsky followed Hutch to the kitchen, retrieved a cup and returned to sit on the couch.

Hutch followed more slowly, debating whether to join Starsky on the couch and then decided to sit on the chair. He took a breath and began to speak.

"Starsky, I wish I could help you. I wish you'd let me in. What can I do? Please tell me..."

Starsky took a sip of his coffee while Hutch was speaking, then put the cup down carefully.

"Why?" he said. "I don't understand. I'm not worth it. Why d'you want to help me?" Starsky's voice began to rise and he jumped up in agitation.

Hutch rose slowly, feeling out of his depth. Under normal circumstances he would know exactly how to help Starsky but this was totally out of his experience. He did not know what to say or do for the best. He'd been told to follow his instincts but was scared they would lead him wrong and he would do more harm than good. He began to stretch out a hand but Starsky wheeled around and headed for the bedroom.

"Where are you going, Starsk? Please talk to me. We can sort this out if we work together."

Starsky expression grew dark and he backed away. "Leave me alone," he growled. "I need to be alone."

"You can't do this by yourself, Starsky. Please..."

Starsky slammed the bedroom door, cutting Hutch off.

He threw himself onto the bed and lay on his back, his whole body wracked by tremors which he fought to bring under control.

The small voice inside his head was becoming more and more insistent as it began to dismantle the walls it had built to hide behind.

"Let me out, let him in, let me out, let him in, let me out, let him in..." it intoned over and over. Starsky was beginning to think he was going mad.

"I've got to get out of here," he thought. "I've got to get away from him."

"No," came the voice again. "Trust him."

"I can't," he whispered. "I can't trust anyone. I need to get out of here."

Starsky jumped off the bed, crossed the room in four quick strides and wrenched open the door, taking Hutch by surprise. Starsky was out the front door almost before Hutch could react.

Hutch raced after him as Starsky ran down the steps and began to sprint up the road.

"Starsky! Stop!" Hutch shouted, beginning to pursue his wayward partner. His longer legs began to close the distance between them. As he drew nearer, a quick glance to his right showed a car bearing down on Starsky and he realised his friend was oblivious to its presence in his headlong dash.

With a frantic shout of "Starsky!" he threw himself forward and shoved Starsky out of the car's path.

Starsky staggered and fell to his hands and knees. Turning angrily, he was just in time to see the car strike Hutch, spinning him around to fall motionless to the ground as the car driver stamped on the brakes.

TBC