Secret Treasures of the Uchiha
by TimeLoopedPowerGamer

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

Summary: An AU story from the moment Sasuke decides not to get up again in his first encounter with Itachi, after the Chūnin Exam finals and invasion. Instead of spending a couple of months in a coma while Naruto is off finding Tsunade, he explores the abandoned Uchiha compound, finds a hidden storehouse, and gets dragged kicking and screaming by Hiashi Hyūga into clan politics and an arranged marriage.

Warnings on content: Rated M for face-stabbing levels of violence and also some mature content, mostly consisting of frustrated teens not getting any. So, really more like immature content. Also, foul language, and lots of it.

Chapter Fourteen

It was worse than Sasuke had expected. Sakura and Naruto were yelling at each other, of course – he couldn't tell about what or even if they were listening to what the other was saying or just barreling through with their own shrieks as fast as possible. The little punk looked fine, better than fine actually – he had a healthy glow, a tan, and a huge smile on his face.

Not that he ever looked sick or really tired or anything. He sometimes seemed worn out or too bored to move or something, but any physically draining activity merely left him in a temporary state that went away almost visibly fast. Sasuke also couldn't remember the last time the orange turd even had the sniffles, let alone a sprain or a broken bone. That was one of the reasons Sasuke always went all-out on him during spars – the smiling idiot absorbed damage like a sponge and seemed to like the attention of a fist in his face.

Kakashi was there and a little weak on his feet – over a month in a coma was apparently enough to slow down even the lazy elite jōnin. Not exactly an important weakness, though Sasuke had some dark suspicions about what had done that to him as he filed the information away. He would put off asking his sensei about whether or not a certain traitorous shit stain of a brother of his and his spinning eyes were responsible. He didn't actually know if his sensei would even answer truthfully. Didn't matter – his new plan to grow stronger was working. Everything else was a distraction, including the impending fleet of annoying girls in his life.

Leaning against the wall outside the Hokage's office, Sasuke kept a watch on Hinata out of the corner of his eye. The quiet young girl was almost grinning as she looked at Naruto; even though she hadn't yet even said a word to him or vice versa, it was clear she was happy to see him. Just knowing he was okay seemed enough for her.

Looking back at the pair of idiots, blond and pink, he saw Sakura was back to looking at him and then pretending she wasn't when he looked directly at her. Annoying. Naruto was starting to wander over to him, looking around like he had never seen the office waiting room before. Looking straight at Sasuke now, Naruto cracked a huge, shit-eating grin.

"Hey Sasuke! What's up, you smug bastard?"

"Hn," he replied, barely keeping a grin off his face and fearing he hadn't kept the smile from his eyes.

"Hinata-chan! Great to see you again!" he almost yelled, causing the dark-haired girl at his side to rock back a little and start looking at her feet. She was instantly blushing deeply and started pressing her index fingers together in front of her gray jacket nervously.

"H-hello, Naruto-kun," she said at a whisper, "it i-is g-good t-t-o s-see, t-to s-see you are b-back, back s-safe." Sasuke had no idea if Naruto even heard her, let alone cared what she had said.

Storming ahead, the blond continued babbling, "Guys, my trip was SO. AWESOME! We went all over Fire Country and I learned some powerful new moves and an ultra-powerful new jutsu and I had to learn it fast or I'd lose and we met the two other Sannin and fought a giant snake and there was this ninja traitor and I was like, no! I will fight you!" Sasuke's eyes were starting to glaze over as the idiot's babble continued. It seemed to go on forever.

"And then I hit him and the other guys ran away and we won the fight!" Naruto finished up, flinging his hand in the air in what Sasuke could only assume was the winning blow. The torrent of nonsense had ended, leaving Hinata wide-eyed and sort of wobbling back and forth, face like a tomato, and one of Sasuke's eyebrow twitching convulsively.

Sakura was ignoring it all (clever girl) and trying to talk to Kakashi (coolly distant and reading his book as usual) about something but was very obviously keeping an eye on him, occasionally sparing a strange look he didn't understand for the pale-eyed girl standing beside him. Did she know something about their situation? Didn't matter, really, but it could be annoying if she did. More annoying. Whatever.

"Hn," he said, summing up his complicated feelings of disdain for Naruto's disjointed narrative structure and his storytelling skills in general. Especially the special effect henges he'd tried out (Kakashi stopped him when he started trying to imitate foreign ninjas outside the Hokage's office, the idiot) and the sound effects he had continued to use throughout the story.

"T-that is a-amazing, N-Naruto-kun," Hinata said breathily beside him, staring at the orange idiot. Sasuke rolled his eyes, not that anyone noticed or cared. Naruto chuckled at her almost inaudible praise. "Thanks Hinata-chan!" he yelled almost directly into Sasuke's face.

"Tsunade-sama will see you and your team now," the ANBU guard at the office door told Kakashi. Sasuke practically leapt off the wall (but was too cool to actually do so), slouching quickly to Kakashi's side and moving toward the large double-doors. At the last moment, he remembered that Suzume had left Hinata with him after leaving to carry her backpack to the Uchiha mansion. He wasn't sure if the girl's bodyguard had returned or not. Hinata might need an escort home. Troublesome. He turned back to see if she'd already left.

Still standing in the waiting room, the young Hyūga seemed a little nervous to be this close to the Hokage's office. Maybe it was the casual exercise clothing she was wearing. She'd rushed over after hearing Naruto was back, so she obviously hadn't had a chance to change. But she also hadn't left yet, even after getting a chance to talk to Naruto. Sasuke wasn't sure why. Maybe she was still waiting for her bodyguard.

Meeting his eyes (strange that she wasn't staring at the ground) she bowed her head ever so slightly to him then sat down in one of the waiting room chairs, patiently folding her hands in her lap. When she glanced up at him again, gaze firm and not submissive as he had expected, he blinked, then nodded in return and followed the rest of his team through the large double-doors.

Blah blah blah, safety of the village, blah blah blah, Spirit of Fire. Ninjas like them were critical to the future of the village, they would be working hard because of the losses suffered during the sneak attack by Orochimaru and Sand, and (damn it!) Kakashi would be busy on missions most of the time so they'd be training on their own between D-rank missions assigned by the central office.

The woman wasn't sitting behind the big desk yet, but was instead sprawled out on one of the couches the Third had kept around for more informal meetings. His team was standing at a relaxed attention in front of her, listening (or half-listening, in Sasuke's case) to the usual ninja pep talk. The children were the hope for tomorrow, the village was building a bridge to the future, blah blah blah-

"Wait a sec," Sasuke suddenly thought, pulled from his disinterested haze, "did she just say 'blah blah blah?'"

Anyway, this Tsunade woman was going to be the next Hokage, it seemed, and Naruto had gone out to find her with Jiraiya. So that was their secret mission. Sorta cool but mostly lame. Sasuke was sure the Sannin Jiraiya had done all the work.

Tsunade seemed okay in a creepy-aunt sort of way and as one of the Sannin must be insanely powerful, but Sasuke just couldn't feel comfortable around her. She looked at people strangely – sort of like the Third had, gaze piercing their souls but still smiling and grandfatherly and everything. Hers was less indulgent than the old man's had been. Kakashi got exasperated looks, Sakura an annoyed glare, and Naruto got something uncomfortably like Itachi had looked at Sasuke, back before- never mind. When the young-seeming woman (who must have been at least 60) looked at him, Sasuke felt a cold, calculating glare.

"What does she have against me?" he wondered silently to himself. Didn't really matter, he decided. The meeting was starting to wrap up (the next Hokage's time was valuable, after all) and he had been ready to leave five minutes ago. As they were dismissed and started to walk out, she spoke up suddenly. "Uchiha, stay a moment. You can catch up with your team in a minute."

Cautious of the powerful woman's mood, he merely politely turned around and waited as the rest of his teammates and his sensei filed out the door. After it closed behind them, the legendary Sannin just stared at him for a minute, then turned and spoke to someone invisible in a dark corner of the room.

"Well, are you happy, you old pervert? Orphaned, pretty-boy clan heir with a budding new harem – sounds like he practically just wrote your next book for you."

Stepping out of the shadows was the same strangely-dressed shinobi Sasuke had first seen saving his and Naruto's asses from his brother and another probably-S-ranked nukenin – Jiraiya of the Sannin. Great, now all Sasuke had to do was have the snake Sannin show up and try to kidnap him and he'd have the full set in the room. The old man was grinning and scribbling rapidly in a small notebook, ignoring Tsunade's biting comments in a similar way to how Sasuke had been. Well, Sasuke wasn't leering like a pervert, but still, they both knew to ignore the old bat.

"Well kid," she said, turning back to him and stretching her arms across the couch (pulling open her loose blouse and exposing even more of her huge cleavage in the process – his recent experiences and new discipline helped him not stare), "I'm aware of the mess young Hiashi has made of everything, especially this latest thing with the harem or whatever.

"Still not sure if that egomaniac intentionally leaked it to you or not. But the fact that you're not grinning from ear to ear about it means I won't have to arrange for something unpleasant to happen to you. Technically, none of the girls Hiashi is trying to rope into this are being forced into anything." Clenching one fist until her knuckles loudly popped, she continued to stare at him impassively.

"However, personally and unofficially, I am not happy with the situation at all. His own daughter, even..." she drifted off into some unpleasant internal musings, then speared him with a sharp look. "If I find out you have taken advantage of or mistreated any of these poor girls I will, personally and unofficially, remove your manhood. That's the promise of a lifetime, brat." Sasuke was proud that he didn't even flinch. Relaxing again, she leaned back into the couch. The white-haired Sannin was watching all this quietly with arms folded, no longer smiling.

"The Uchiha have been a powerful, politically important clan in Konoha stretching back to the founding of this village, as has my own, now virtually dead clan, the Senju," she said, folding her arms in front of her and glaring at Sasuke.

"If the Uchiha clan can truly be brought back from the dead and restored, I will be honor bound both as Hokage and as the last heir of one of the Foundering clans to support such an effort. This is what the clan council and Hiashi are counting on. That does not mean I like the idea of enslaving some poor young women in a planned breeding program. Among nobles and powerful clans, words such as 'love' and 'equality' might be irrelevant in situations where marriages are made for political power, but I will not have citizens of Konoha abused in any way." Glaring at him, she obviously expected a response.

"I do not wish a weakling for a wife," Sasuke scoffed, folding his arms, "let alone four of them. I will have a strong and willing kunoichi at my side to restore my clan, not a gaggle of doormats and broodmares. The Hyūga's plotting only delays my own plans. I have already told Hinata that she and any other weak, unwilling women caught up in this will be ignored until I am of age to take over the clan. Then, I will simply divorce them all in civilian court."

Eyes narrowing, most likely at the implied insult to theoretical women everywhere, Tsunade nevertheless seemed at least slightly pleased with the answer. "You are a young idiot but at least you don't appear to be a hopeless pervert," she said, glancing over at Jiraiya who was rolling his eyes at her. "I can't stop the marriages from occurring but your plan seems sound, assuming there are no children involved. Then it gets messy. Keep it in your pants and don't let that happen or I won't jump in to save you, understand?"

"Hn," Sasuke grunted in reply.

"Dismissed," she said, ignoring his disrespectful response and turning back to the paperwork on her table.

After Sasuke had left, Jiraiya finally spoke up. "This could work, you know. Virtually any teenage boy surrounded by beautiful, fit young kunoichi would be inclined to ensure it stayed that way. There is darkness in him still, but it isn't as bad as I was expecting after more than two months with Orochimaru's cursed mark. So far, he's doing even better than Anko-chan was at this point. Maybe he's just naturally a bit of an asshole. Kami knows his father was."

Tsunade snorted, then sighed deeply, causing her chest to do interesting things. Jiraiya surreptitiously watched out of the corner of his eye. "You're right. I just don't like it," she said. "Hiashi could force the issue with Hinata-chan because of their twisted clan privileges and the hold those give him over her, but I can't see any of the other clans agreeing to something their daughters wouldn't like. There are also some hints of political intrigue within the Hyūga relating to this, something regarding the succession, but it isn't technically any of my business. Additional forced marriages are. But given how many eager young Uchiha fangirls there are out there, that might not be a problem at all."

"His teammate, the bubblegum girl?" Jiraiya asked with a smirk.

"Yeah, she's on the list too. He has plenty of fangirls, her and many, many others," she huffed. "I've seen the security and psychological intel reports. Virtually his entire class's female population, as well as a couple of years above and below his. And most of the civilian girls. And some of the other young women in Konoha, civilian and ninja. And some of the older housewives, widows, and at least one jōnin Leaf kunoichi. And possibly visiting foreign noblewomen, enemy kunoichi, and a secret, half-demon succubus disguised as a ramen stand attendant, for all I know!"

Rolling her eyes, she started drumming her neat, short-trimmed nails on the arm of the couch. "I can see it, you know, even with my limited, non-perverted powers of perception." Jiraiya smirked at her again, she continued, "He oozes this...mysterious, dark charisma. Pretty as a young male model, too. And then he opens his mouth and pisses me off."

Pondering a few more moments, she asked, "Do you think he'll take advantage of Hinata? From what her sensei said, she's kind of a meek and submissive little thing."

"I wouldn't worry about it," Jiraiya said, "her sensei and a Hyūga bodyguard will be looking out for her and anyway, he seems pretty cold. Didn't take a peek at your boobs once, even when you practically took them out and waved them at him while looking the other way."

"Ha, noticed that did you? People forget I'm a highly trained kunoichi sometimes, just because I loudly say how much I hate the perverted stuff. Never any harm in letting them have a look for the purposes of completing a mission. If I constantly said how much I hated swords but had a huge one slung bare over one shoulder all the time, what would be the obvious conclusion? Bah, young ninja these days never look underneath the underneath anymore."

"You still aren't allowed to look underneath anything though, you pervert," she added without any heat, almost as an afterthought. She sat quietly for a moment, thinking.

"Maybe he's not into women?" she suggested.

"Nah, I was watching the kids while they were in the waiting room," Jiraiya said immediately. "He looked at his pink-haired, fashion queen teammate more than even Naruto did and he kept checking on how the little Hyūga who was following him around like a puppy was doing, too. I've seen all kinds and I'd bet big money on him being at least mostly straight. He'll end up being at most a 1 on the scale, more likely a 0."

"No bet," she said immediately. "Knowing my luck, he'd turn out to actually secretly be a girl AND a lesbian, and I'd lose all my money on a technically."

"Ha. Hmm. Maybe he just isn't a boob man," he suggested, leering at her. "Or maybe you're just losing it, princess." Guffawing loudly as she threw something sharp at him, he simply dodged to one side, watching as she went back to her paperwork.

"If burying him in willing young pussy keeps him from defecting to Orochimaru, I'll personally pimp them to him," she said seriously, "but most of these girls are too inexperienced to know what they're doing. If he steps over the line with them, I'll cut it off. And that's a promise." Jiraiya decided that was his cue to leave and quietly disappeared from the Hokage's office without a sound or a trace.

Leaving the Hokage's office and seeing the meek little Hyūga waiting for Sasuke-kun to return like a dutiful goddamn wife, Sakura finally decided to declare Total Love War. The girls at the Academy – at least the vast majority of them who crushed on Sasuke-kun – had put into place a sort of informally declared Love Détente in regards to the raven-haired boy after her disastrous second year. The Noodle Incident alone had left an entire generation of Academy kunoichi mentally scarred, so no one wanted a repeat of the depths to which they'd fallen during that long, dark spring.

The rules were straight forward: no actions against other females and in return, no girl would cross certain boundaries in trying to win the boy's affections. No forcing him into kisses, no involving parents, and finally, no ninja tricks (not that they'd work against him – he was too good for a simple ambush to catch him and allow someone to tie him up and drag him into an abandoned classroom and...err, yeah).

Given that getting married was a bit more serious than stealing a kiss and that her father was also involved, cute little Hinata had technically broken at least two of the rules that had kept the peace. Thus, Sakura had a Total Love War casus belli – a moral justification for her war.

The first obstacle was the worst: how would Sakura get around Sasuke-kun essentially already being spoken for? She couldn't imagine convincing the powerful head of the Hyūga clan to simply cancel the engagement. Simply murdering a little girl in cold blood didn't even make it past the first morality filter she had in place around Inner Sakura. Beating her unconscious in front of Sasuke ("Hell Yes!" Inner Sakura said), sure, but killing wasn't even on her radar.

A part of her thought she was being unfair to the girl. She hadn't been a Sasuke-kun fan during school and this appeared to be a politically motivated arranged marriage, not a schoolgirl crush gone wrong. Sakura realized she needed an angle. As her Sasuke-kun had said, she was smart. There had to be something she was missing. Maybe she could just ask the girl for information? Walking over to Hinata and sitting down across from her, she considered a complicated approach, possible contingency plans, and then discarded the lot.

"Umm, Hinata, why are you marrying Sasuke?" Sakura asked the quiet girl. "You said you don't even like him. Do you really want to be married to him? Can't you just ask your father to dissolve the...arrangement?" She saw Hinata looking around nervously, quickly seeing that Sasuke was still in the inner office, Kakashi was engrossed in his porn novel, and Naruto...was vibrating violently while talking non-stop to the annoyed receptionist. Hinata seemed to take this as private enough and stumbled into a quiet and stuttering answer.

"Ahh, umm, Haruno-san, it isn't r-really...he wouldn't do that. My f-father arranged this marriage so, so I had n-no choice. I would like to g-get out of it as s-soon as possible but that could take several years, possibly not until I am 21." Hinata looked very sad and seemed to suddenly make a decision to confide in her, spilling out more in a rush.

"B-but that isn't the worst p-part, Haruno-san: my f-father is also p-planning on arranging t-three more m-marriages to Uchiha-san." The dark-haired girl's face fell and she looked crushed by sadness. "I d-don't want a-any other girls to have to s-suffer through this j-just because of my family, so I-I am t-trying to find a way to s-stop it. So f-far, I have not had m-much luck. M-maybe you can help me with this, Haruno-san? Y-you are his teammate, after all." Hinata was looking at her hopefully now, twisting her fingers together.

Sakura had stopped paying attention almost half a minute ago when Hinata had mentioned three more marriages. She still had a chance! But how to make herself an attractive choice to the most powerful ninja clan in the village? Hinata didn't seem to like the idea, so maybe she could pretend to be helping prevent the marriages while gathering information. The simple girl might not realize her plot to have Sasuke-kun for her own and could spill vital information which could make Sasuke-kun hers forever! ("Damn right!" Inner Sakura said). And, in the mean time, she could cull the herd of skanky challengers to her Ultimate Love Plan by helping poor, innocent Hinata.

"I...see. Hinata-chan, what do you think your father is looking for in these new potential brides?" Sakura asked. "Maybe you could, I don't know, find out who is next and warn them away somehow? Keep their families from accepting such an offer?" Internally, she was thinking how she could get her father and mother to agree to this. Working through her mother first would be the best approach – subtly let mom know it was a dream of hers to marry Sasuke-kun, then the puppy-dog eyes for her father, along with financial information about how well-off the Uchiha were (so he could easily support her). Done deal.

"Ahh, I-I don't know, Haruno-san. T-there is a list. Some on it a-are strong kunoichi, many from c-clans, and also rich and p-politically connected civilians," Hinata said hesitantly. She seemed really nervous to be talking to Sakura about this for some reason.

"Rats!" Sakura thought, "That could be a problem."

Most of the best girls at the Academy were clan kunoichi, and they were really strong and had special techniques, skills like Ino's mind jutsu. Sakura normally wouldn't stand out compared to them without some serious skills, but she had the advantage of having a lazy yet powerful sensei and she was already on Sasuke-kun's team. Maybe Sasuke-kun would even train with her and help her become stronger? That might help get the attention of the Hyūga. Passing the Chūnin Exam would really have helped, too bad about that. Maybe they could get into the next one? She was sure she'd do better next time.

"Have to talk to Kakashi-sensei about that," she noted to herself.

"Okay, I see," Sakura said to the pale-eyed girl, reaching out and carefully touching her hands reassuringly. "Thank you for letting me know about this, Hinata-chan. I'm...I'm sorry about what I said before. I was worried about Sasuke-kun and I said some mean things. I'm sure we can find out what is going on and stop these marriages."

"N-no, do n-not worry about it, Haruno-san!" Hinata said earnestly. "I-I understand. Thank you f-for helping out with this. I'll t-try to contact you when I know more. You m-must really care f-for your teammates," Hinata said with a quiet smile. Sakura nodded silently and moved away to lean against a wall and plot. Sasuke-kun would be hers and not some meek, ungrateful, big-boobed muscle-girl's!

Just then, the large doors opened and Sasuke-kun finally returned from his private meeting with Tsunade-sama. Walking straight over to the blond idiot, he said, "Fight me."