One day later than usual because my mom came over for a visit, but you get two chapters at once... so have fun...

Patsy: Thanks for the first review and pointing out that chapter 11 had disappeared! There are going to be two two chapter postings today and saturday next week and afterwards the chapter numbers are going to be alligned. Hope you are going to enjoy these two!
Melanie: As I said, the wedding is way down the road, so you'll have to wait for it quite a bit...
Susan: There's going to be a lot more about Meredith's childhood to come (wherever it adds to the storyline of the present)
Jill: Time to feed the beast ;)
Melinda: Glad yo enjoy it!
Shelley: Rollercoaster ride ahead for everyone.
Carolyn: Enjoy the romance.
Dora: More on the pregnancy a little later and on Meredith's childhood.
Kiley: No, Jackson is not the half brother. They are about the same age +/- 2 years in this story...
Ellen: Mer will be busy for sure, but just wait and see... lots happening in 12/13
Chrissy: Get ready! Lots of romance ahead...

Chapter 12

There's a stage you go through in childbirth and it's the toughest part. It's called the transition stage. You've been pushing so hard and so long. You're exhausted, spent hours on it and there's nothing to show for all of your effort. During this transition stage, it feels like you can't go on but it's because you're very nearly there.

"He's crying, isn't he? " Derek wondered when they heard a noise coming out of the baby monitor's speaker. The second Meredith had come home they had started to take off each other's clothes. They did not want to waste another second. Even though Meredith was tired, she wanted this, no, she needed this. "Yes" Meredith nodded "This is the 100th time this is happening. It's like he has radar that goes off every time his parents are in bed naked."
"We should think about having sex in the living room if that's the case" Derek smirked and put his boxers back on.
"It's not funny Derek. I might never get to have sex ever again." Meredith sighed and pulled the blanket over her head. "I'm 29. I'm too young to never have sex again. This baby is destroying my sex life. There should be warning signs on condoms. Like 'If you don't use this, you are never going to sleep or have sex again.'"
"And we even used condoms. Remember the glow in the dark ones?" Derek teased her.
"I'm going to check on him." Meredith said after putting on her dressing gown.

Meredith walked back into their bed room holding their son. He seemed happy and had stopped crying immediately after Meredith had picked him up. "Hello little guy." Derek whispered into Christopher's ear and after that he told his wife "It's like he doesn't want us to have sex, like he knows, well yeah, right this second my parents found 10 minutes to you know…" Meredith giggled and added "and he thinks 'No I don't want another sibling. Screw them! I'm going to cry'"
"We are having one top-notch baby with whom we are in love. It's a head-over-heels, but it's a lot like dating my high school crush because I pay for everything and all we do is hold hands." Derek joked and they both lay in their bed with Christopher in between.
Meredith looked at Derek and giggled. She remembered the advice Addison had given her and decided to try it. "We could try your office tomorrow. He's going to be in daycare and I'm going to be very prepared and you can lock the door."
"We are scheduling sex now." Derek laughed.
"We are scheduling sex." Meredith repeated and raised her eyebrows. "We used to be so good at this" 'Desperate times called for desperate measures' she thought to herself.
"Good sex, hospital sex." Derek whispered into her ears while she held Christopher.

"Again?" Mark wondered and looked at Callie who had just thrown up during surgery again. The smell in the OR made her nauseous and impossible for her to conceal her pregnancy. She was miserable about Arizona leaving and she felt horrible because she couldn't stop vomiting.
"You are not running a fever, but you look like shit and I'm inclined to think that I know what this feels like." Addison said and looked at Callie "Are you?"
"Yes." Callie nodded.
"Does Dr. Robbins know?" Lexie wanted to know. "She doesn't, does she?"
"No."
"Alright. But you should go and see me. Whatever I prescribed for Grey for the morning sickness really helped and you need prenatal vitamins." Addison said softly.
"I don't need is a babysitter." Callie got defensive. She didn't want to let anyone in after what had happened at the airport. Her heart was scared.
"Well, I don't want to be smart Callie, but you might need one in 9 months." Lexie reminded her and Callie shot her a deathly stare. "Shut up and don't tell anyone yet."
"I won't." Lexie nodded.
"You don't want to ask questions about who the dad might be?" Callie snapped.
"I don't think it's any of my business, Callie." Lexie muttered looking at Callie. "It's nobody's business"

"Am I ever getting out of here?" The young boy they had taken to surgery the day before asked Meredith when she entered the room "The other doctor said I'd be here for at least 6 months."
"I'm afraid I can't tell you anything different because if we want to make sure that you keep your leg, we don't have a choice." Meredith said with a soft smile on her face "I can't sugarcoat it. You are going to be in a lot of pain and you won't be allowed to walk or have fun and it's going to suck because the TV program in the hospital isn't that good, but if everything goes according to plan, you will be able to walk again after that."
"Can't you just cut it off, it hurts so much?" the boy asked her.
"Well, if we cut it off now, the pain might remain, it does so for a lot of amputees and you'd never be able to walk again the way you did before, you'd have to come in for follow ups every few months until you are a grown up because your prosthetic would need to be adjusted to your growth." Meredith said.
"I hate carousels." The boy said.
"So do I." Meredith said and sat down on the chair beside his bed.
"Why do you hate carousels?" the little boy wondered.
"It's a stupid reason." Meredith sighed "And I'm sorry but I have to go now. But if you follow the doctors' orders you are hopefully going to be fine." It really was a stupid reason. The last time she rode a carousel she ended up being stuck in a crappy apartment for 6 months.

Meredith bit her lip as she touched the door knob to Derek's office. She knew he'd be waiting for her in there and she knew that she had waited for this moment ever since Christopher had been born. She took a deep breath and walked in. For a second she thought it would be funny to imitate April's frisky voice. "I heard you needed me for a consult, Dr. Shepherd."
Derek looked a little bit confused, but decided to go along "Indeed Dr. Grey. I have a very urgent procedure scheduled you might want to participate in." He said slowly untying her scrub pants, he bit his lips and whispered "But you might want to step closer because you can't get proper visualization from here."
Meredith kissed his neck and teased him. "I wasn't aware that we needed visuals now. You are experienced enough to go in blind."
"I certainly have, but the more visualization, the better." Derek said pulling Meredith's scrub top over her head. His face moved down and he kissed her belly. "I want to scan every inch of your body."
"You better lose those scrubs now, I can't take this any longer, we didn't have sex in months, I really need this, so no more dirty talk just…."

"God I missed this." Derek said. They both rested on his couch.
"So did I." Meredith nodded "It's like we don't even have time to be ourselves anymore. Do I have sex hair?"
"If I did my job right." Derek smirked.

While he had only eyes for her, she noticed a scan on the wall. It was a brain tumor. A beautiful brain tumor. She wondered whether she would get to scrub in on this procedure. "Woah, that tumor looks amazing. She's beautiful."
"Don't look at those scans. They are …" Derek insisted, but it was too late as she had already read the note on the margin.
"Oh my god, You operated on Izzie's brain tumor? You never said a word! She has a brain tumor. I was right."
"You knew she had a brain tumor?" Derek asked surprised.
"No, I had a suspicion and we drew blood and the markers kind of confirmed that she had cancer." Meredith admitted.
"Who is we? You can get fired for something like this Meredith!" Derek said angry "Ordering labs and drawing blood without the patient's consent or knowledge!"
"Alex did ask for her consent to draw blood. It was just a false flag operation. We had her consent to run her blood." Meredith corrected him
"This is the most irresponsible thing you have done in a long time!" Derek said "If you find something, you tell the patient and an attending. You are not a real surgeon yet."
"And you didn't tell me that you operated on my friend. You spend an entire week in L.A. and you didn't mention a word about this. You could have told me in private. I'm your wife." Meredith said. They never had had secrets like this before.
"and I'm her doctor. My patients trust me. She obviously didn't want anyone to know. It was the hospital that requested me for a consult, not Izzie." Derek said.
"And I'm your wife and Izzie is my friend."
"She did not tell you."

"Your hair looks messy. Don't tell me McDreamy and you did the nasty nasty in his office!" Cristina said when Meredith met her in the hallway.
"We did and it was great. Mind blowing. It was so good" Meredith said ecstatic, but her voice became less enthusiastic as she continued "And afterwards we got into this huge fight because it turns out that the patient he operated on in L.A. was Izzie, Izzie Stevens."
"Izzie really had a brain tumor?" Cristina swallowed.
"Yes, I guess she read Alex' text message and went for a check up." Meredith nodded.
"Why did you even suspect it?" Cristina wondered "I mean it's not like Izzie was acting wird."
"She was acting weird. The neurosurgeon at St. Ambrose did and Sam contacted Derek." Meredith said "We just drew her blood and checked the markers"
Cristina nodded and added „and he told you that this was irresponsible and he is a 100% right about this. We can't do this without the patient's consent."
"Are you on my side or on his now?" Meredith wondered "and you shouldn't be the one lecturing me on bending the rules."
"I'm on medicine's side." Cristina said. "So what's her prognosis?"
"Metastatic stage 4 cancer. She's having chemo now. That's all he'd tell me."
"That sucks."
"Should I tell Alex?" Meredith wondered "I should, should I?"

Their conversation didn't go unnoticed and George walked up to them wondering "Izzie has cancer?"
"Well, now you might as well just tell him." Cristina said looking at Meredith.
Meredith nodded "Yes, she has cancer, but we are not supposed to know, so just keep quiet. Understood?"
"Yes."

"You are back." Her carousel patient said when she walked into his room. He put away his magazine and looked at her.
"I am. Want some?" Meredith said and offered the boy some of her potato chips.
"Am I allowed to eat those?" the boy looked at her.
"I wouldn't know why you shouldn't be." Meredith said and handed over the bag to him.
"So why are you here? Is it because you feel bad for me?" the boy wondered.
"No, I thought you might want company. We could bond over our dislike of carousels." Meredith laughed.
"That would be an odd thing to bond over. Are you sure you are a doctor?" the black haired boy with wavy hair asked.
"I'm working here, look at my ID-tag." Meredith showed him the ID card they had been given on their first day as an intern. "My husband works here too and his best friend is going to make sure that the scars on your leg won't look too awful."
"You know a lot of doctors." The boy said surprised.
"I do." Meredith nodded and ate another potato chip.
The boy looked at her. "Don't you think the hospital is a scary place?"
"I don't. I grew up here. My mom was a surgeon and I spend a lot of time in hospitals as a child. The outside world is a lot scarier to me." Meredith told the boy and realized that it was actually true. The hospital was a place she felt home at.
"Is that the reason you don't like carousels?" her patient kept interrogating.
"Maybe." Meredith smiled and walked to the door.
"Maybe is all I get?"
"Well, you have 6 months to find out more. I have to go back to work." She said and left the room. This wouldn't be the last time she saw him.

When Meredith walked into the house she knew they'd continue their fight. While she had managed to avoid Derek at work there was no way to avoid him at home. He looked at her and put the towel on top on the kitchen counter. She looked at him and said firmly "You went to L.A. for a week and never told me why. I'm your wife. I'm entitled to find out a little more about your life than normal people. Especially if I have to take care of our infant son on my own while you were away."
"Don't bring Christopher into this!" Derek said.
" He's been moving and rolling around a whole lot more this week. He always seemed to be looking for you. He knows when we are away" Meredith continued.
"Meredith, if I'm away for the week, I'm away. I'm doing the best I can. Don't use our son to guilt trip me."
"Derek, I'm supposed to be a surgeon. While you were away I had to take care of Christopher and I couldn't have done it without Alex and Lexie."Meredith looked at him and neither one said anything.
"Why don't you go back to him? Because he's apparently who you discuss important topics with." Derek told her and walked out of the kitchen into the bed room. Meredith followed him.
"Derek, I discussed Izzie's brain tumor with him because he was in love with her and I went to get help from him when I needed help because he's my friend. I didn't come to you because you told me I was seeing zebras and I missed you. Staying here without you around is just more than I can handle. This doesn't feel like home yet. It's a beautiful house, but it isn't home yet. We haven't had… "
"…sex?" Derek smirked and moved his lower lip seductively.
"No!"
"Want to change that?" Derek tried to persuade her.
"No, right now I want to discuss this" Meredith insisted.
"but maybe we can have make up sex a little later" Derek suggested. Meredith rolled her eyes and smiled. She realized this boldness was one of the many things she loved about Derek.
"Fine, I think I like make up sex. But we have to discuss this now. So what bothers you? You know what bothers me."
"Well it's surprising that you don't talk to me about her brain tumor. But I'm just the world renowned neurosurgeon, not a resident. She would have had a way better chance if I had done this surgery weeks ago." Derek said and gave Meredith an opportunity to explain what had happened. "We found out the day she left. I wouldn't have made a difference."

Transition is movement from one part of a life to a whole new one. And it can feel like one long, scary, dark tunnel. But you have to come out the other side because what's been waiting there might be glorious.

Chapter 13

Life is not living in the suburbs with a white picket fence. That's not life. Somehow our American culture has made it out that that's what life needs to be – perfect – and that if it's not that, it's all screwed up. It's not. You don't need the fences, you don't even need the house. You need to live the life you want for yourself and you need the people you care about around you. Life means struggle and fight. Those are the only thing about life that is real.

"How long are you going to be mad at me for? Because all this self righteous smugness, I can't take it." Meredith asked when she saw Derek's angry face the next evening. She had avoided him at work all day.
"How long are you going to judge me for keeping patient-doctor confidentiality?" he wondered and she understood that he had a point.
"I get that Derek" Meredith looked in Derek's eyes "but in this house you are not Derek Shepherd the neurosurgeon, you are Derek Shepherd my husband and I really hoped that we wouldn't keep secrets like that from one another."
"You are keeping secrets from me all the time!" Derek said. Meredith was surprised to hear that. She had never kept a secret like this from him
"Am I?" she asked.
"You didn't even tell me that you stayed up at night for three straight weeks because our son was teething. I had Karev telling me how little attention I was paying to you." He yelled.
Meredith looked shocked. She wouldn't have thought that Alex would confront Derek about this. It had been her choice to give Derek enough room for his job and his work, but somehow this was not what Derek wanted. "That's not a secret." She insisted "You would have noticed if you hadn't been at the hospital half those nights or away to operate on my friend. Sorry if I take care of our child. I don't want to be my mother."
"Meredith, I don't want you to be sleep deprived. We are in this together. You are acting like your mother if you want to do it all by yourself." Derek pointed out and for a moment Meredith was unable to form any words in her head and kept starring at her husband "The next time something like this happens, just tell me that you stayed up all night because our son was in pain and tell me if you think that one of your friends has a brain tumor. I'm kind of an expert on that area. And I might be able to help you."
"So how long are you going to be mad at me for?" Meredith wondered. Derek's face changed from angry to rather friendly.
"I'm not mad at you." He said and walked up to her. "All those things you do, it's what makes you you. You are compassionate with your patients and you are thoughtful and you care about me and I love you no matter what."
"And I understand that you couldn't tell me." Meredith said.

"It's a nice place, how did you find it?" Lexie wondered. They sat in a restaurant near the docks and were able to look at the harbor and the ferryboats. Lexie couldn't quite understand why Derek and Meredith were so obsessed with them, but they looked nice illuminated at night.
"My mom said that my dad used to take her here." George answered.
"How's your mom?" Lexie wondered as she knew how hard it could be for someone to move on after their spouse died. Her father had changed completely since Susan had died.
"She's getting better." George replied. The truth was that he didn't really know how his mother was doing as he had hardly found the time to visit her, but this was not the appropriate place or time to discuss this.
"That's good. I'm very sorry about the kiss. It was not my…" Lexie said, but George interrupted her "It's fine I forgot about it." He stammered. "Well, it was memorable, but it was awkward, you are by no means a bad kisser"
"Yes, I understand. My dad is doing it too, the rambling thing." Lexie bit her lips realizing it was the most stupid thing she could have said given the situation.
"Ellis thought I was Thatcher when she was admitted to the hospital." George said "I had to examine her and it was sort of difficult. Because I had this huge crush on Meredith…"
"that's something you shouldn't discuss on a date!" Lexie interrupted him.
"We are on a date?" George wondered surprised.
Lexie's facial expression changed. Her face froze and starring at George she said "Oh my god, I totally assumed it was because you asked me whether I wanted to have dinner with you and usually this is a …"
"Sorry, it's a stupid thing to do. I … am… sorry…" George said trying to calm her down, but Lexie realized that she couldn't cope with what she had just heard. "I guess I should go." She excused herself and rushed out of the restaurant leaving George alone at their table.

She ran outside and saw that one of the ferryboats was going to leave in 2 minutes and decided that it would be a good escape route. She stood at the bow of the ferry and cried. She was alone. All alone. At this second she knew she needed a quick fix, something that would numb the pain.

"April invited your husband to her prayer group" Jackson teased Meredith when he saw her in the locker room the next morning.
Meredith rolled her eyes and sighed "Seriously?" Derek hadn't told her, but truthfully she thought that he was too full of himself to even notice that April was flirting with him.
"She thinks they have some sort of spiritual connection and he thought she was talking about AA" Jackson laughed. One of his interns had witnessed the conversation and had told him everything about it. Apparently it was all over the hospital in one version or the other.
Meredith couldn't hide her grin "That's … umm…"
"Hilarious?" Jackson suggested.
"I was going for delusional, but hilarious covers it as well. What did Derek say?" Meredith wondered.
Jackson laughed "He was saved by the bell. Sloan told her to leave before she could interrogate him further."
"Good, because Derek only believes in one God, himself" Meredith made a snarky comment. Part of her was still mad at Derek, but she loved his arrogance too. "and Kepner needs to get laid."
"She's a virgin. A Christian virgin." Jackson reminded Meredith. April's spirituality had been a constant source of mockery ever since the merger, but Meredith had missed most of it due to her maternity leave and by the time she had started to work again people had accepted it.
"The whole no sex before marriage thing?" Meredith asked and added "I really hope she realizes that he's just not into her"
"Yeah. I'll talk to her."

Days went by and Meredith managed to push the scary thoughts of Izzie aside. Both she and Cristina avoided talking to Alex, who became increasingly aware of it. Meredith had been avoiding Alex since she had found out about Izzie. She just didn't know how to tell him. "Meredith, what's the matter? You haven't talked to me in days! Ever since Derek is back it feels like you've been running from me." Alex said after he had cornered her in a supply closet.
"Do you really want to know, Alex?" Meredith asked and bid her lip waiting for an answer. He nodded and she started to explain. "You were right Alex, Izzie has cancer, stage 4 metastatic cancer."
"Good, and I hope she dies!" he said an looked at her.
"You don't mean this!" Meredith said. She saw that tears were in his eyes and he tried hard to retain his composure.
"Yes I do! She has stage 4 cancer and she doesn't even tell us." Alex yelled and threw his chart onto the ground. "She doesn't answer my calls, she doesn't reply to my emails. Nothing! She just vanished from my life. She deserves what she's getting"
"Alex."
"How long have you know?" He snapped as she touched his arm
"4 days. I didn't know how to tell you and Derek and I were fighting about it because I was mad, no I am mad that he didn't tell me that he was the one who operated on her tumor." Meredith told him and they both sat down on the floor.
"It's what he went to L.A. for, isn't it?" he asked. It was an unnecessary question as he already knew the answer, but he needed to hear it again in order to process everything.
"Yes." Meredith nodded "Derek operated on her tumor."
"Does she have a chance?" he asked shyly, but this was a question Meredith didn't have an answer for.
She breathed out loudly and sighed "I don't know. Derek won't let me look at her medical files. I just wanted to let you know what I know."
"Thank you. Are you up for Joes after work? I really need to get a drink!" Alex asked "I just want a drink"
"Sure! Depending on how my first day on general is going I might need one as well." Meredith said. She hadn't talked to Richard since their confrontation about the adoption and from everything Lexie had told her Richard was still incredibly mad about the entire story. He was the second person she had to stop avoiding today.

Meredith stood back behind all the other residents during grand rounds. The Chief explained the course of treatment for an open hernia repair on a paint "The direct approach would provide the best support." He concluded, but Meredith did not agree so she spoke up. Her mother had revolutionized laparoscopic techniques and she knew a lot about them. "Why don't we use a laparoscopic approach? It would decrease the risk for post op infection."
"Because I say so, Dr. Grey. Prep the patient, Quo." The Chief said and left the room without taking a second look at Meredith.

Meredith hurried to catch up with him and stepped into his way. She had managed to face Alex, this would be easier. "Dr. Webber, I'm not my mother, you know that better than anyone. You gave me crap in there that you and I both knew I did not deserve. So why don't you tell me the reason you are running around like this and behave crappy toward me and my sister. My sister whose only fault was that her last name is Grey." Meredith said really fast. The words were flying out of her mouth easily. "So, as your resident I ask you respectfully to please cut all of this crap. I didn't know. What she did to you wasn't fair, but what she did to me wasn't fair either. So, very respectfully, cut the crap."
"I didn't know and she didn't tell me." Richard admitted "I'm not a bad guy."
"I didn't say you were. I never realized she had a kid and I was there for the whole pregnancy." Meredith said "And I really didn't want to keep this from you. I only found out before Christopher was born."
"I think she told me." Richard said and Meredith was left puzzled for a second.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"I think she told me. Or she tried to." He said "I visited her in her room, the day she died. We were talking about the life she would have had if I had chosen her and when I said that we would have had kids she told me that we did. I thought she was referring to you. I never realized that…"
"… there was someone else." Meredith nodded
"Yeah, she left Seattle and never looked back." He said.
"We were in Boston and you were in Seattle." Meredith nodded again. It were two sides of the same story.
He took her hand and told her "You know I would have picked her if she had told me about the pregnancy."
Meredith knew that it wouldn't have made a difference. Her mother would have left him after he had left her in the park. "And that would have been the second guy who stayed with her out of a sense of obligation for a child. She didn't want that. She wanted to be a surgeon. And she wanted to be loved by someone because of her personality, not…"
He smiled and looked at her "You are a lot like her, Meredith. Probably more than you even realize. You are going to be a remarkable surgeon one day, I can still teach you, if you want to. The offer is still on the table, you know."

"Richard, you are here!" Ellis said surprised when her old friend walked up to her. She was holding a glass of champagne and it was one of the rare occasions she wore a dress.
"I needed to see you" he swallowed and ordered a club soda from the bar.
"How is Adele?" Ellis asked. Her eyes were piercing and they both remained silent for a brief moment.
"She's uhmm… she's fine." He said.
"Good." Ellis nodded
"You did incredibly well up there. Your research, it's amazing. You can be incredibly proud of everything you have done since…. you… left" Richard tried to compliment her. It was the first time they talked since he had broken up their affair at the carousel.
"Thank you. I never thought I would win, I …" Ellis said and looked at her trophy.
"You always had it in you. You wanted it with every cell of your body. You were breathing for it." He smiled "How's Meredith?"
"She's a bright little girl. She's in third grade now. Do you..?" Ellis paused.
"… have children?"Richard added and shook his head. "No. It just never was the right time."
"Yeah, timing was never on your side" Ellis nodded "You know we could have… "
"… we could have, but now you won a Harper Avery. It's everything you ever wanted."He said with a proud smile on his face.
"It's almost everything I ever wanted." Ellis nodded "Isn't it crazy? If we had gone through with it, you'd be here with me tonight. We'd have a drink and we'd toast to our amazing life and our outstanding achievements. We'd toast to our children,"
"we'd have children" Richard nodded.
"… well isn't it nice to think so?" she asked "Didn't we almost have it all?"
"Congratulations Ellis, you really deserve this. I have to go." He said.
"Yeah, you always have to go." Ellis said and went back to her Chief of surgery.

Meredith walked over to Joe's bar after work. As neither of her friends had shown up yet she sat down at the bad and looked at the bar tender. "Straight tequila, please"
"Wow, you haven't been here in a long time" Joe said and poured her drink.
"Well, pregnant or breast-feeding women are typically not the guests you'd want in your bar. And every time I was here you weren't. But that's over now. Where have you been?" Meredith wondered.
"Kids keep you busy." He said and Meredith instantly remembered that Joe and his partner had adopted. She wasn't the only one who tried to make an impossible timeline work.
"Hey, you are here already." Alex walked up behind her and sat down next to her.
"I told the Chief that he was an ass." Meredith said and downed the tequila shot.
"You have balls." Alex laughed.
"I don't. He was being an ass because of something my mother did to him and I told him to stop. Very respectfully." Meredith said and they exchanged a look. Alex was grinning and Meredith face tried to be convincing. "So how was your day with Sloan?"
"Sloantastic" Alex said and rolled his eyes "He was grumpy because apparently Addison hates the rain and Seattle and wants to pack up her things and move to L.A."
"Wow." Meredith said. This came as a surprise to her.
"Obviously she wants Mark to move too, but you know." Alex said and ended what he wanted to say.
"I don't" Meredith admitted. She was clueless. Between the fighting, the care of a newborn and their newly revived sex life she had been too busy to discuss anyone else's life.
"I thought you knew, Sloan must have told Shepherd" Alex said and proceeded with another topic "And Torres threw up in the OR"
"Again?" Meredith asked in disbelief while someone behind them ordered another straight tequila.
"Rough day?" Alex wondered looking at Cristina.
"Yeah, stuck with Shepherd in the OR all day? Neuro and his happy smile. I want to puke. You guys are way too happy. The perfect McFamily. And Kepner, she's the worst. I take you guys made up?" she asked and looked at Meredith waiting for an answer.
"We did." Meredith smiled.
"Yeah, you have that freaky sex face. Why are you here?" Cristina wondered. She would have expected Meredith to be at home getting the activity matching Meredith's facial expression.
"Because sometimes you need a change in perspective and this time it's because I needed a drink."

Alex, Cristina and Meredith weren't the only people who tried to distract themselves from their lives. Lexie walked down the halls of the hospital trying to keep herself occupied and distracted from all the misery she felt. She looked at the chart in her hand. Her patient was as old as she was. She had just started working in a big law firm and she was married. She had the life Lexie had always dreamt of having. "Grey come here, I need you in surgery" she heard Dr. Sloan yell and the second she heard it her pager went off.

The OR was covered in complete silence with only the beeping of the heart monitor being audible when Lexie asked. "Am I awkward, Dr. Sloan?"
"Excuse me?" Mark asked and looked up from the patient in front of him. "Well, not as awkward as Kepner."
"Am I awkward?" Lexie asked again. "Last night I went on a date, I thought it was a date, the guy asked if I wanted to have dinner, and we went to have dinner, he picked me up at home, we went to a nice restaurant, he took my coat, he pushed my chair, I thought it was a date and when I mentioned it was, he said it wasn't. But it's a date, was it? Or…"
Mark interrupted her. The rambling reminded her of another Grey sister "That guy is an idiot and you are not weird. You are insecure, but in a cute way. If this guy doesn't see you for who you are, that's his fault. You deserve someone who sees you for whom you truly are. And now, please make the incision at 4mm I want to get out of here before sunrise."
"Sure doctor Sloan." Lexie nodded.
"You have to get out again, Grey. Play the field. Make him jealous! Show him that you are better than him, that you are more than he deserves, that you are the one who has her priorities straight. That you are the one worth staying in Seattle for" Mark held a little monologue.
"Are you okay, Dr. Sloan?"
"Sure, why wouldn't I?" Sloan dismissed the question, but sighed a little and looked at Lexie "It's just, Derek used to have this frog when we were little and I wanted to have a frog so badly, I was jealous. I even tried to put it in the microwave once. Anyway, when my parents got me a frog, I was interested in it at first, but after a while I just lost interest in it – and I was still curious what would happen if you put a frog into a microwave."
" So you did it. What happened?" Lexie wondered
"It exploded. A huge mess. I really thought I was interested in this frog." Mark said and Lexie looked really confused. In a matter of seconds their conversation had shifted from screwed up dates to exploded frogs.
"It's not about the frog, is it?" Lexie asked and gave a little bit suction. While waiting for the answer Callie came into the OR telling her "Totally not about the frog, Grey. Don't keep crying. My girlfriend left me and ran off to Africa, so don't you dare to complain. Love sucks. End of story!"

When Meredith came home she saw that Derek had packed up his and her suitcase and was waiting for her in the living room "Derek, what are you doing?"
"I was packing and now I'm waiting for you. I'm not being smug and arrogant" Derek said. He knew he had a lot to make up for. She had managed to look after Christopher all by herself and he knew that it was challenging "I try to be a good husband, I'm taking you to a nice B&B for the weekend and I'm…"
"crazy." Meredith interrupted her "What about Christopher?"
"I took care of that. Thatcher is going to look after him" he said. Thatcher had been happy to take in their son when he had called him.
"You are leaving our son with my father? The guy who never cared for me for more than twenty years." Meredith asked, but the minute she said it, she realized that the season had indeed changed. "I… I went to see him. He told me that he had a tape of my first school play. Ellis sent an intern to film it and she sent it to him. He cared for me and mom, I think she loved me. I begged her to come and she refused, but she never told me she watched the tape"
"Meredith, he cares for you now. And we need this weekend. We haven't been by ourselves since Christopher has been born. It's going to be good." Derek said softly and kissed her neck from behind.
"Do we have to leave the hotel room?" she giggled.
"No." he assured her.
"Then I'm all in." Meredith smirked "Where are we going?"
"That's going to be a surprise, but I can promise you that they have a wonderful Italian restaurant next door."
"I don't care as long as I can sleep in. I haven't done it in a very long time."
"I'll make sure you can't."
"Thank you! I really have to find a way to exit mother mode once in a while."

And sometimes life is about survival and at the end of the day all you can say is "And I got out of there without punching anyone, kicking anyone, or breaking down in tears." Some days the small victories are all you achieve.

The door bell woke Lexie up. It had been a long night in the OR and she was grumpy to be woken up by the bell after only half an hour. She cursed Alex for forgetting his key again and was surprised it wasn't him at the door. "Callie?" she wondered and looked at her. She was standing at the front door with a suitcase and her jacket.
"Oh, um, Grey, can I move in with you?" Callie asked and looked at Lexie.
"That might be the rebound talking." Lexie stuttered totally misinterpreting Callie's intentions.
Callie laughed amused and shook her head "not like that. Not that. Just until I don't see Arizona and me having sex on every corner of my apartment. I'm starting from scratch, and I don't (sighs) I don't want to do it alone. I don't want to be alone. Can't we be alone together? Isn't it easier to be single in pairs?"
Lexie tried to understand what Callie was trying to tell her. "Is this a riddle? " she wondered.
"No. That's pregnancy brain talking. Come on. Can I?" Callie insisted.
Lexie opened the door. This house had been a home to anyone who wanted and needed a place to stay. "Sure. Come in."

next time I'm going to post another two chapters again so the chapters are alligned again... hope you enjoyed reading