Chapter 14: A False Peace

I strode down the hallway toward Perrault's office, I was about to enter when the guard that stood outside and normally didn't do anything stopped me, "2nd Lieutenant, the Base Commander is not seeing anyone at this time."

I looked at the Airman and spoke, "Airman, do I look like I give a shit whether he's seeing anyone or not?"

"Uh, no, sir."

"So do you think that you're going to stop me?"

"No," the Airman sounded deathly afraid.

"So step aside, and let me through."

"Uh, yes sir, of course."

He did and I opened the door and walked into Perrault's office. Perrault stood up when he saw me and began to speak, "2nd Lieutenant, what do you not understand about-"

I interrupted him, "With all due respect, shut your damn mouth. You have no right to order anyone around. If you want to lead then you grab a plane and fly eight men to their deaths. Let's see how well you lead after that."

"Lieutenant stand down."

"Also, why don't we walk out to the flight line and see if you can even get in a fighter, because it sure as hell doesn't look like it."

"2nd Lieutenant stand down!Now!"

I stopped and waited for a few seconds, he finally spoke, "You are to report to your quarters and stay there until further notice, understood?"

"Too busy playing 'King' to realize that I'm willing to accept a reprimand, or 2, or 20 for that matter."

"No, I'm not, but I can put you under psych evaluation for the loss of eight men," Perrault had an evil smile on his face.

"Do it. Let's see how well I do with that psych evaluation, because your lies will only get you so far. I want to see what you do when you realize your rope's run out."

"Very well, you are to report for a psychological evaluation tomorrow at 1100 hours. Also, it will be recorded that due to the inability of the Commanding Officer, the 108th Tactical Fighter Squadron has lost 8 of its twelve planes-"

"You bastard. They died because of you, not me."

"It wasn't my responsibility to keep them alive, now unless you have any other issues, you are dismissed."

"I have plenty of concerns, I just know that you're too lazy to fix them, goodbye."

I walked out of the Colonel's office and went to check on my plane. I took a look around and saw that it wasn't too bad, I wanted to inspect the left aileron though, it felt a bit sluggish in the fight earlier. I'd taken the panel off the wing and began checking the aileron systems. Grimm, Chopper and Nagase were talking to each other I listened to some of the BS stories Chopper was saying and chuckled every once in a while. I had cleared out the debris that jammed the aileron and had just put the panel back on. It had only been an hour since the last battle, I stood next to the nose of the plane. That's when it hit me, the loss of my whole squadron, it was my fault. Regardless of whether they shoud've been there or not, it was my job to ensure the safety of my men, and I'd failed. I dropped the wrench I had in my hand. I heard Chopper stop talking and I stood there for a minute, fighting back tears. Finally, I couldn't hold it back, I stormed out of the hanger, punching the front of my plane as I passed by it. I walked around the hangar to the beach that surrounded the Island. I began walking along it until I found a rocky spot. I sat down and looked out toward the ocean, the tears had dried up. I sat there for a long time, eventually the sun began to set. I heard someone walking along the rocks behind me, I turned and saw it was Nagase. She sat down next to me and spoke softly, "How's your hand?"

"Huh?" I glanced down at my hand and saw that it was bloody, it must have happened when I hit my plane, "Oh, it's fine."

"What happened? You we're fine just a few seconds before."

"It's my fault they died," I said glum

"No it's not, they knew what they were getting into when they signed up. They went in knowing they might not come back."

"But do you really believe that?"

I looked over and saw Nagase bow her head. We sat there for a moment in silence. After what seemed like an eternity I broke the silence, "I have a psych evaluation tomorrow."

"What? Why?"

"I started yelling at Perrault."

"What did you say?"

"I asked if he could even fit into a fighter."

I saw Nagase smile a bit but I kept looking out to the ocean. Eventually she broke the silence, "I used to live near a beach like this."

"Really?"

"Yeah, me and my little sister would race across the rocks to see who could get across fastest."

"Why'd you leave?"

She replied in a one word answer, "Ulysses."

"Oh, was it hit badly?"

"Yeah, that wasn't the only reason, we fled to the San Salvacion, but when the war broke out we tried to flee. At first they didn't let us but after a while when the war started looking bad for the Eruseans they let us, not without trying to shoot us down though." her voice turned bitter toward the end of the sentence.

"How'd you make it out?"

"Mobius One showed up, my mom was a pilot at the time, she had to fly through the battle, after the captain got hurt."

As I looked overI saw her fighting back tears, she continued talking after a minute, "She saved all of us, so did Mobius One..." her eyes started to water more, "I'm sorry, it's just tough to talk about her sometimes."

"Why?" as soon as I heard the word came out of my mouth I wanted to slap myself, it was obvious why she didn't want to talk about it.

"She died a month later."

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's alright. I just miss her at times, she's the one that inspired me to fly. I wanted to be just like her," she laughed slightly, "Being a kid was great, we could have dreams like that, you know?"

"You don't have to be a kid to have dreams."

"I know, but when you're a kid, you can do anything you want, you don't have reality blocking anything."

"True."

"Hey Alec?"

"Hm?"

"Ever wonder what you'll do after all this?"

"After the war?" she nodded so I continued, "Not really, why?"

"Well I mean, this is our lives now. What happens when it all ends, what do we do then?"

"I don't know, I try not to think about it too much."

"Why."

I laughed slightly when she said that, it was the same question I'd asked Cipher, "Because in the end it's irrelevant, as long as you're with your family, what else matters?"

"Family."

I stood up and stuck my hand out, "Come on, let's go."

Nagase grabbed my hand and stood up, "Where are we going?"

I began walking back to the base and she followed, "To see family."

I woke up the next morning, I was disoriented for a minute, I rolled around for a second until I realized there was something next to me. I sat straight up and got my bearings, I was in my room, at the base on Sand Island, but I wasn't in my bunk, I was on the floorand Nagase was next to me, I looked around and saw an empty bottle on the floor next to me. "Shit," I shook my head as I grabbed it and stumbled out of the room. I eventually gained my balance and rushed down the hall to Chopper's room. I banged on the door and Chopper answered, "Kid, not so loud."

"Chopper, I need you to get rid of this what time is it?"

Chopper took the bottle and looked back in the room, "Uhhh, 1030 hours. Why?"

"Dammit, I only have 30 minutes, Chopper I got to go, but just get rid of that ok?"

"Alright, bye Kid."

I ran to my room and grabbed my things. I ran down the hall and into the bathroom, I looked in the mirror. I looked pretty much as I'd expected, like shit. I managed to make myself look like I'd just overslept and figured that was enough. I ran to the crew room, I got there around 1105 hours and there was already the psychologist there.

I managed to pass the evaluation with a hangover, I wondered how well I'd do if I was sober. I walked out of the crew room and headed back to my room, I walked in and saw Nagase sitting on her bed rubbing her temples, "Hey," I said quietly.

"Hey," she responded equally as quiet.

"Nagase about last night-"

She cut me off, "I know," she said disappointed, "it never happened."

"What? No I was going to ask what happened."

"Oh, well, it's a little blurry, all I remember is getting drunk after we got back. Then I think we just passed out on the floor?" Nagase finished with more of a question than a statement.

I just laid down on the couch and tried to relax, I couldn't do anything without my head feeling like it was ready to explode. None of us did anything the rest of the day.