GRACE
Little Ray is inconsolable; no matter what we try we can't help him to stop crying. I'm afraid until he can get back into the room he will not stop. He needs to see Ana for himself, to know she is all right. "Grace," Amelia calls rushing over with Edgar.
"We got your message when we arrived home. How are they?"
"Edward is still in surgery, so is Phoebe. Ana has…" the staff leave Ana's room, and Dr. Fraser comes over. Carrick, Ray, Elliot and Kate walk back into the room with the little guy.
"Grace, the pressure inside Miss Steele's skull is increasing. We will keep an eye on it for another twenty-four hours if it doesn't improve I'm afraid we will have to relieve the pressure surgically." At this point, I am glad Carrick has taken little Ray for a walk. He is intelligent enough to get the gist of this conversation. Wish I had better news." He says giving me a hug before walking away.
"What happened?" Edgar asks.
"They were in a multiple car collision, and I'm afraid they came off worse compared to the idiot that caused the crash. Ray is the only one up and about." I inform them. "If you make your way to the eleventh floor they will tell you more about Edward's condition and the progress of his surgery."
"Thank you, Grace. We will be back in a bit." They say rushing off.
I take a walk to the cafeteria to get some food for the guys. "Hello, Dr. Trevelyan." I turn around and face Dr. Carter. Any other day and I would have been tactile about this but not today
"How do you know my son?" I ask though I suspect I already know.
"We met a couple times a few years ago." She looks uncomfortable.
"He wouldn't happen to be the reason you dragged Stacy from her break a few years ago." I was in the break room the summer of 2011 when she came in dragging one of my nurses out for an emergency. A few days later I learned the reason why. "If gossiping were an Olympic sport the representatives for the US would come from the staffing pool of this hospital. Your lifestyle is no secret, and neither was your reason for needing Stacy that night." She looks pale enough for me to worry.
"I sign…"
"Do not worry about Christian or his NDA's, believe me, he doesn't put that much credence into them anymore. Would your encounter with him be the reason why you chose to take his blood and check his vitals even though a nurse from the transplant team had been assigned to do it?" She nods.
"I wanted to…"
"It doesn't matter what you wanted. Your history should have been the very reason you stayed away from his case, but instead, you inserted yourself where you shouldn't have." I take a deep breath and decide to let it go. I have made my point. "I hope he at least had the decency to apologize," I ask.
"He did," I smile picking up a large box of food and drinks.
CHRISTIAN
My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth. There is nothing to swallow. "Here" I feel a straw against my lips and take a small sip of water.
"How did it go?" I turn my head to find Elliot instead of the healthcare professional I expected.
"It was successful. They do have to keep an eye on Phoebe for some time for any signs of rejection. She will be on immunosuppressive medication for the foreseeable future, but the first three months I believe will be crucial. We are just happy it all went well, and neither of you coded or anything of the sort on the table." This is the most he's said to me in years without that slight look of disdain in his eyes. It had gotten worse since he found out I knew where Ana was for two weeks and yet didn't go after her. I had hoped my confession would go a long way to mending the rift between us, but I was wrong.
"How are Ana, Ray, and Edward?"
"Ana is not doing well, the pressure on her skull is increasing. Ed is out of surgery and is doing as well as can be expected, and Ray is up and talking Ana's ear off since he was told she can most likely hear him." He answers with a chuckle.
"E, we need…"
"We will when you get well." He stands up stretching. "Mom started her shift an hour ago, she was here, but you were still out. Dad is at the station dealing with the idiot who caused all this. I have to get Kate home, but if you are up for it, you have another visitor." Before I can wonder who it is. The door creeps open… "Uncle Lelliot you are taking too long." Thoughts of him making excuses to leave are quickly pushed aside by the sight before me.
"Hey, little man," I choke past the ball of emotion obstructing my airway.
"Hey, Christian" he responds slowly walking towards the bed. He jumps on the seat Elliot vacated. Kids his age usually have a problem with pronouncing the R in my name. Andrea's four year old can't pronounce the letter in general
"There is a CPO outside, he will make sure he get back to his room safely." Elliot ruffles his hair before leaving.
"Are you allowed in here alone with me?" I raise my eyebrow at him.
"Mama is still asleep, Pheebs and Ed too. You is…" he stops and puts his finger up to stop me although I didn't intend on saying anything. "You are the only one awake." He corrects with a smile.
"Does your mom correct you?" I ask trying not to smile as the question clearly annoyed him.
"No, Phoebe." He grumbles. "I'm four, I think I better than most… I'm better than most." He corrects himself again.
"Numbers is more your forte." He levels a beaming smile at me.
"Do you want to play?" He asks shifting happily in his chair.
"Play?"
"We ask each other questions…" I nod in understanding. "You start."
"3 squared." His frown is so adorable, but I keep my features impassive.
"9." He answers with a sigh.
"What is the square root of 3, and round it up at the… tenth number?" this kid is not playing.
"Give me a second… 1.7320508075." His smile confirms my answer.
"Mama is rubbish at anything to do with numbers…" The door opens interrupting us.
"Ahh, Mr. Steele there you are. I guess I can check on you at the same time I check on Mr. Grey." The doctor intones with a smile. He flashes his lights in Ray's eyes, Ray's eyes follow his finger around the room, and he is deemed fine so far. He has a small bump on his head aside from that there are no physical signs he was in an accident. My vitals are stable, and there are no signs of infection. I'm in very little pain and refuse the stronger meds as it makes me groggy, and I doubt I'd be able to work out any sort of sums in that state.
"Raymond." Ana's dad calls at the door with two trays of food.
"Pops, I don't like Raymond, and you know that." He moans.
"Well, I was the first Ray so you have to be Raymond. It will clear up a lot of confusion. He pulls the other chair in front of his namesake and places the tray on it.
"You can be Raymond then." He argues, but it's quickly forgotten when his meal is revealed. "Burger and chips, excellent." He rubs his palms together before shoving a handful of fries into his mouth.
"Grace said your diet needs to be high in protein to help with the healing and build your energy back." He pushes the table towards me and sets up my meal for me just as he did little Ray. I think I will go with that, little Ray, I've heard mom use it.
"Thank you," I say in near whisper and get a grumble in return. It's something.
Phoebe and Edward wake up later that evening. I soon find out Phoebe's room is next door to mine on the private wing; Ana's is two door's down. GEH built this wing six months ago; I never thought I'd be using it. The rooms are significantly larger, and the rooms don't look as clinical as one expect. "Knock, knock." Mom says popping her head through the door.
"Hey mom, you don't need to keep knocking." I sit up with a groan. "When do I get to go home?" It's been days. Although I ask I'm not ready to leave knowing Ana is still in a coma, and Phoebe is still recovering from the surgery. Little Ray has eaten lunch with me the last four days and I honestly do not want that to end as it will when I'm discharged.
"Don't push it. Christian, you had major surgery. Your routine for the next year is going to be significantly different to what you are used to. Your energy levels will be low, and you will tire quickly. Take this year to relax and spend time with your children and less working." My head shoots up at the statement about my kids.
"Are you sure the decision was left to the twins," I ask. The last thing I need is to piss off Ana anymore than I already have.
"Yes Christian, it is." She says with a smile. "They will come in later to see you." She chuckles at my nervousness. Little Ray and I are cool; Phoebe, on the other hand, is a different story. "Good luck." Mom laughs as she walks out but before the door closes I hear a commotion outside. Mom rushes back into the room looking excited. "Nothing to worry about. Kate's water broke."
"Oh." Was all I could say. I lay my head back on the pillow and remember the week she and Elliot got married. On occassion, she'd just tune out from what was happening around her.,
MAY 25TH 2012
"Your brother asked you to be his best man, and you turned him down?" Flynn gives me a look I can't decipher.
"I think the title pretty tells you why I can't be his best… because I'm not the best man for the job. I haven't exactly been a brother. He asked because my parents forced it. A man is supposed to throw a bachelor party and help the groom get ready for his day. Flynn, I don't know my brother, I don't know his friends, I don't know what he likes, even if I did I'd be in a position where I have to be sociable, where I'm not going to lose my temper because someone made the unfortunate mistake of touching me."
"Why do you continue to distance yourself from your family. They know about Elena, she's out of the picture. Your fear was them finding out and thinking you a monster, but they know, and the only anger they feel is towards Elena and at themselves for what they believe they let happen to you."
"I am a monster. I have a child out there, somewhere… knowing it's now in the world, it can be seen by the world, its features are now clearly visible for all to see. Ask me if I want the child now; ask me if any part of me remotely wishes I wanted it. I want to find Ana and make sure she is alright? She has her father and her mother that much I know, but the nightmares of her living like the crack whore still haunt me, and I want rid of them." I growl.
"So… the only reason you want to find Ana is to rid yourself of the nightmares you have concerning her?" Flynn struggles to hold back his emotions.
"Yes. Now tell me I'm not a monster."
"Even if she is living like the crack whore, a scenario I highly doubt is the case. What makes you think she will listen or accept anything you have to give. What are you going to do, take the child away from her… and do what?" I scoff and with a huff storm out of his office like the supercilious fool I am.
I did not want to dwell on what Flynn said, but I can't help it. The entire time I'm getting ready for Elliot and Kate's rehearsal dinner I find myself deciding what I would do if I found Ana leaving in squalor and still refuses my help. I don't want the child, but I do not want it suffering because I don't want to be a father. God, I had to have an inexperienced girl who is as stubborn as can be. I'm sure we'd be getting ready to attend this wedding together. Hell, I would have been more inclined to be Elliot's best man knowing Ana was Kavanagh's maid of honor. I was prepared to give her more, but being a father was a step too far.
I make my way to my childhood bedroom until I have to show my face. The less time I have to spend here the better. "Please, Katie…" I hear Elliot plead. "Ana would not want to see you like this." I hear Kate sobbing.
"She never dreamt about this… you know with her mother getting married so many times she found it hard to believe in married even though she wanted prince charming and her happily ever after. I asked her to be my maid of honor in our second year… she giggled and said yes."
"I am so sorry Katie." Elliot apologizes. Why is he apologizing?
"Why are you apologizing?" Kate barks and I almost smile. Strangely the pang of guilt I felt for turning Elliot down dissipates listening to Kate. How I can stand up there with them knowing her day should be full of joy, but it's not because of me. Flynn should witness this and tell me I'm not a monster.
I try to be sociable for my brother and parents. The ceremony goes off without a hitch, and I even find myself involved in one of the biggest laughs of the ceremony. When Reverend Walsh asked if anyone had any objections to their union. Elliot growled that I was his brother and crossing him will not end well for anyone who objected. Hell, even I cracked a genuine smile. The reception is as expected speeches and toast are made and to everyone's surprise dad rolls a television to the entrance of the reception tent.
"Kate, Elliot there is someone who wanted to be here but couldn't but wanted to in some way be a part of your day. He hits the play button, and it takes every cell in my body to not react.
"Is it on?" Ana's voice melodic fills the tent.
"Yes." I hear Ray's gruff voice respond.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes Annie, it's on."
"How do you know it's on.?" I try to drown out the laughter from the guest and concentrate on her.
"Annie it's recording." Ray barks, his frustration showing.
"Okay, okay, no need to bite my head off." She placates.
"Hey, Kate… oh yeah, Elliot. It is still Elliot, right. The last thing I want to do is cause trouble in your marriage before it even starts." I chuckle at her joke.
"Annie, that is not appropriate." Ray chastises though he sounds accepting.
"Crap, how do I look?" She straightens out her shirt.
"The same way you looked before I started recording. For the love of God, Annie."
"Kate… Elliot." Her pause causes the tent to howl in laughter. I never saw this side of her. "Congratulations on your big day. I wish more than anything to be there for you, but circumstances got in the way." She means me. "I love you both and wish you all the best going forward. I will hopefully see you soon, but in the meantime enjoy your day and eat some cake for me." I turn to find Kate openly crying. I think it's time for me to leave.
"Where do you think you are going?" Dad barks.
"I…"
"I don't care. Get your ass back in there and stay till they leave. For once in your life will you at least pretend to care about us." That cuts more than I care to admit.
I stayed till the end of the ceremony. I even danced with mom and Mia. That was the last time I spent any real time with my family until Ava was born. A lot of things that week should have clued me on to the fact that they knew, but I was so sure they didn't know anything; so I ignored it all. Elliot was apologizing for what I did that day. They all knew I was the reason for Ana's absence but… the door opens, and the sight before me has the potential to open my stitches. "What the fuck do you want?"