D I S C L A I M E R:

Aside from the plot and the unknown characters nothing is mine. Cardcaptor Sakura is officially owned by CLAMP.

S A P P H I R A – H I M E:

What? It's been ages since I last updated! I guess I have to be honest to you guys. This chapter has been beta'ed since the 24th of February. This was supposed to be posted a long time ago but sadly, I got confined to the hospital and when I recovered, school work came crashing to me hard. I missed a lot (which is kind of frustrating) and my thesis made it worst for me. Believe it or not, I stayed everyday in the library from 1 pm in the afternoon until 8 pm! And then, I have to continue it at home. LOL, it was fun though. I liked the challenge and the pressure, keeps life interesting. Besides, I got an A for the thesis! So it's all worth it!

School would be over on Monday so that means I could update faster! Hopefully, I could finish this story in less than 25 chapters because I'm excited to write the next story for our Sakura and Syaoran! I'm sure you'd love it! Oh well, that would have to wait. For now, please feel free to scroll down and enjoy reading. Thank you so much for your unending support!

S P E C I A L N O T E:

For my old readers, you'll notice that the format of my intro is different. This is because I was inspired by the amazing bayo-bayo! She has amazing stories and until now, I'm hoping that she will come back to the fanfic fandom. If not for bayo-bayo's stories, I will not be as inspired as I am in writing this fic. Cheers to her!

S P E C I A L T H A N K S T O :

My new awesome CCS beta-readers, Final Fantasy Princess and Bubblewing! Topsy Turvy wouldn't have been able to update and continue so soon if not for their help. Thank you so much!

T O P S Y T U R V Y

… "The most painful kind of pain is hurting your most important person"… a CARDCAPTOR SAKURA fanfiction

T.T © SAPHIRA-HIME

C.C.S © CLAMP

CHAPTER FOURTHTEEN :

"Expectations"

"Can you really hate you're most important person?

Strange, he wouldn't be someone important to you if that's the case."

Kinomoto Touya felt his hand grip their doorknob as he stared at the man he remembered from his childhood memory. The coldness of the wind didn't help the heat of his blood from rising tremendously. Of all the people, he was the last one he expected to meet.

"It's been a while Touya-kun," Amamiya Masaki uttered, his voice powerful and full of confidence.

Touya just glared in return, wondering what the father of his mother wanted from them, although he already had a good idea about it.

"If I remember correctly, I thought you told okaa-san not to have any business with us," Touya replied calmly despite the hatred evident in his eyes. This man, his and Sakura's grandfather was the only man who made their mother shed tears.

"Didn't your father teach you some manners?" Masaki asked in return, unnerved by Touya's dangerous expression. "I knew that lowly commoners such as your father…"

"Don't talk rubbish about my father," Touya hissed. "If you don't have anything worth hearing to say then I suggest that you leave," he told his grandfather before attempting to close the door.

"Wait," Masaki stopped, "I apologize for what I said. I'm here to talk to you and your sister."

"About?"

"Your mother's last wish."

(-Eriol-)

Strange, for the numerous times I'd barged in, this was the very first time I felt afraid to enter the home of my own cousin. I couldn't help but shake in fear and frustration; my knees were shaking, and my body was giving in to the cold chill running down my spine. It felt like I was about to enter my own damnation, about to face the wrath of the wolf inside, who was waiting for the perfect chance to devour me.

Skeptical? Don't be, because…

…Indeed, I, Hiiragizawa Eriol, was openly admitting to myself that I was terrified to set my feet inside Li Syaoran's mansion.

Dear, I knew that once I laid my eyes upon him, everything would change between us. For the reason that I decided to do the worst thing that I should never ever have done…and that was to break Syaoran-kun's trust.

I took another breath and found myself laughing silently. Despite the fear inside me, I couldn't help but be amused at my shaking hands as I held the automated card key to Syaoran-kun's home. I did not want to bother Wei at this late hour since it was already 2 in the morning. Plus, I was somehow hoping that it would delay my meeting with Syaoran-kun. Wei would have certainly announced to his young master that I arrived home if he was to open the door for me.

I heard the soft click of the door, unlocking it. I slowly entered his magnificent mansion, knowing that Syaoran-kun was the one who designed the interior of his renovated grand villa. It seemed it was his way of making Japan his permanent home. Well, if you asked me, this was way better than the Li Clan's boring and dull designs, and I wasn't being rude when I said that.

It was simply the plain truth.

I felt my body stop walking when the last word hit me hard. Truth? I couldn't help but wonder if the saying, "honesty is the best policy" is really the best policy. I was starting to doubt it because right now, I didn't think so.

Why?

The expression of my dear cousin proved me so.

I couldn't even make myself heave a sigh as I watched him sitting silently on his Victorian couch with his head bowed down to his knees, his hands both supporting his head as if it was about to fall down. His chocolate brown bangs were covering his amber eyes although I didn't have to see it to know that he was crying.

Good mother, I didn't want this kind of Li Syaoran. It was heartbreaking to see him there, alone and lifeless.

"H-Hey," I heard myself uttering, my voice almost shaking. I was surprised when I heard myself speak. I thought I would not be able to do so. I prepared myself for any harsh words that I was about to hear when Syaoran-kun slowly lifted his head and looked at me.

"Oi Eriol, it's late. Did you eat yet?"

My mind immediately started to process what just happened and yet it seemed I was unable to. Even my clever brain couldn't process Syaoran-kun's words. I was fully expecting to hear foul words from him, a load of cursing, and tons of swears but there was none, not even one bit. Heck, he rather asked if I had eaten of all things.

Had my cousin lost it?

"Ye-Yeah, I already did," I managed to answer while being cautious. I gazed at my cousin and studied him, who in return just stared at me with an amused look. Really, I was beginning to think that Syaoran-kun was hiding something under his sleeve, there was no way he wouldn't be angry at me. In fact, I was with no doubt, expecting him to hate me.

"That's good, we wouldn't want you lose that annoying energetic aura of yours, neh?" Syaoran-kun continued uttering, no hints of malice or hatred in his voice.

I focused my gazed on his face, observing it well. There was something wrong with my cousin, I was sure of it. None of my expectations of our face-to-face moment of truth were happening and that was anything but normal.

I must admit though, that Syaoran-kun did look tired and exhausted just as I expected and somehow, he did not look fine at all which was a relief for me. At least, I knew that he was not pretending.

"You'll surely miss me if a precious cousin such as myself would disappear from your life, am I right Syaoran-kun?" I retorted with my same playful tone, wanting to see how he would react with that statement.

"Yep, you're probably right about that."

Damn, that did it.

This time, I was absolutely certain that Syaoran-kun was far from being fine.

How so?

Because agreeing with that kind statement of mine would be the last thing he'd do.

"Wh-What? You don't seem to like my answer," Syaoran voiced in a confused tone, still smiling. He leaned back and rested his elbows on each of his knees as he continued to converse with me. "Eriol, is something wrong?"

I couldn't believe it. Was this the same Li Syaoran I just spoke with this morning?

"Please get rid of that stupid look of yours, dear cousin," I muttered darkly under my breath. "I would rather have you murder me than see that pathetic look you're showing me." I felt my body shaking in anger, not liking the product that I myself have produced. I was a hundred percent sure that Syaoran-kun would be furious at me, hate me, kick me out of his house and make me go back to England. I was certain of that; and yet, at the same time, I also knew that he would never do something like this…

…I thought I knew that Syaoran-kun would never give up.

"What's wrong with what I said?" Syaoran-kun asked, his confused tone evident which made me angrier. Was he playing dumb? I didn't think my cousin would go this far as to act as if nothing happened.

"Is that all you can say?" I told him, my tone almost accusing. "What happened between you and Sakura-chan?"

If it hadn't been for what you call self-control, I would have been the first man to punch Syaoran-kun hard in the face. What was with that annoying smile he was showing me? Did I perhaps miscalculate the outcome of their situation? My mind began to think and process the possibilities but no matter how I looked at it, it was just impossible for the two to still be together, especially at this rate.

If it weren't for Syaoran-kun's confirmation, I would have thought otherwise.

"I'm not in her life anymore…"

My bones tightened as Syaoran-kun continued smiling in front of me. I felt my body trembling in frustration as I hoped for his amber orbs to show me anything but that nothingness.

"…And I don't know how to deal with it."

"H-How exactly did it go?" I asked, a little hesitant. I was worried that Syaoran-kun's expression may get worse if I continued inquiring. My inner conscience suggested leaving it all for the night and continuing our conversation in the morning but I was too stubborn to comply. I wanted answers now and I wasn't going to allow my cousin to have his way. I didn't care anymore if I sounded selfish and insensitive. All that matters right now was to make sure that I wouldn't wake up in the morning and find Syaoran-kun all cold and lifeless on his bed.

Going overboard? Not at all. Because with Sakura-chan now out of his life, it was not impossible for Syaoran-kun to attempt suicide.

"Tell me, what would you do if the person you trusted the most has lied to you for all your life?" Syaoran asked me, his eyes cold. I began to worry when I noticed his breathing getting heavier the moment I mentioned Sakura-chan's name. Goodness, not only mentally but even his physical body was suffering. Would someone who calls himself gay go this far for a girl?

"I'd surely hate that person without question," I answered in a surprisingly calm voice. My retort sounded harsh but it was the inevitable answer. No man could simply smile happily at you after he realized that the closest person he trusted had been lying to him for all the time they'd been together.

"Really? I thought so too," Syaoran-kun agreed, chuckling a bit. I flinched when I heard his solemn laugh. It was so unlike him to be at this state. "If you ask me, I'd be furious if Sakura didn't hate me after all those lies that I told her."

I didn't say anything. I was sure that what Syaoran-kun said was half a lie and half the truth. It was true that he was going to be mad at Sakura-chan for not hating him but it was also a lie if he said that he wanted her to despise him. Most of the time, I found it strange to see even the most powerful people in the world fall helplessly because of their emotions.

Take me for example; right now, I was loathing myself for making the closest person to me suffer like this. I was on the verge of kneeling down in front of Syaoran-kun and asked for forgiveness.

"She said that if I still care for the slightest friendship we had then I better not show myself to her anymore," Syaoran-kun continued speaking. My resolve almost wavered when my cousin's hands covered his face and bowed down his head in defeat. "She said she doesn't need to be reminded about being betrayed for the past ten years."

"You can't really blame her, can you?" I told Syaoran-kun while fighting the urge not to look away from him. "You did lie to her about almost everything about you."

"I know," Syaoran-kun agreed, chuckling more. "It was stupid of me to do that."

"Stupid indeed," I muttered, trying my best to sound normal. "I mean, who would tell his best friend that he went back to Japan because his parents told him so? That they wanted him to learn the Japanese culture and make Japan his permanent home?" I uttered, crossing my elbows to my chest. "Not to mention, he said parents instead of just 'mother'."

"Making Japan my permanent home would be the last thing the Li Clan would want," said Syaoran-kun in an isolated tone, "and Japanese culture was the last thing my mother would want me to learn."

"Plus, how could someone tell his best friend that he has a nice family? That he had the blessings of the Li Clan when he went back to Japan?" I continued mentioning, enumerating the huge lies that Syaoran-kun told Sakura-chan.

"Well, it would sound odd if a seven year old boy confesses that he went back to Japan all by himself without his mother's permission, all for the sake of his best friend," Syaoran-kun voiced in a melancholic tone, bowing his head even more.

"The worst thing is, how could someone not tell the most important person to him that he hadn't had any communication with his family for seven long years? Especially because of her?"

"If it weren't for my four sisters' stubbornness and determination, it would have been ten years without communication from Hong Kong," Syaoran-kun reminded, his longing for his sisters evident. "For the first time, I felt that I had siblings who cared for me and now, I know that they still do."

"How about Hiiragizawa Eriol?" I courageously asked. Aside from the desire to erase my existence in the world, I knew that Syaoran-kun wanted nothing but to remove me from his sight. I couldn't blame him, it was my fault he was at this kind of state. I broke his trust and I was sure that I couldn't get it back anymore.

"Did you honestly think that I despised you?" Syaoran-kun inquired in an amuse tone. "Eriol, with that idiocy of yours, it would be stupid of me to hate you. I would be wasting my time."

Believe it or not, I just practically and literally stood there, with my mouth hanging open. Syaoran-kun didn't hate me, the person who shattered his trust. I wanted to loath myself so badly as I gazed incredulously at his soft amber orbs. There was no hint of anger in my cousin's eyes, not one bit.

"Bu-But why?" I asked in disbelief, not accepting Syaoran-kun's implied forgiveness. "Sakura-chan doesn't want to see you because of me! I told her everything that you desperately tried to hide from her!" I continued, unable to control myself anymore. I couldn't understand it, why would he not be furious with me? Why wasn't this boy in front of me not blaming me for losing the person he cherished the most?

Syaoran-kun slowly stood up from his seat and walked to a table where a picture of the two of us was displayed. It was a typical image with me grinning widely and him frowning as usual. My cousin may look unhappy in the picture but I knew that it would take a stranger or even an acquaintance a lifetime before he or she could take a picture of Syaoran-kun with them so I considered that opportunity an accomplishment.

"I still don't see the reason why I should hate you," Syaoran calmly replied, unnerved by my sudden outburst as he stared at the picture frame. "You're really an idiot Eriol. Do you sincerely believed that I could loathe the only brother I've ever had?"

I was stunned as I heard Syaoran-kun's words, hating myself even more. I clenched my fist into a ball as realization hit me. Nothing was going according to what I expected was supposed to happen. I couldn't help the urge to smack myself for not trusting my cousin like how he trusted me. I thought I knew him well enough but it seemed I was mistaken. This person in front of me was probably the kindest out of all creatures that I had met in my entire lifetime.

"Eriol, this may sound too cheesy for the both of us but…" Syaoran continued while smiling softly at me despite the emptiness in his eyes. I almost felt a tear leaving one of my eyes when he gave me that undeserving smile of his. After all that I had done, I still received the best brother I could ever wish for.

Aye, from this day on, I was certain that I would do anything for this man in front of me.

"Aside from Sakura, you're the only person I got."

T O B E C O N T I N U E D . . .

S A P P H I R A – H I M E:

Aw, I am currently enjoying writing in 1st POV. I hope you like Eriol's turn since I had a hard yet enjoyable time writing his thoughts. It was challenging and fun for me to write such a complicated character like him! Let me know what you think, okay? Thank you so much for your time!