Parents
A/N: I hate Garrus's parents simply because when it came to introducing them, my mind shut down. Eventually I came up with the name of Garrus's father: Mr. Writer S. Block. To make up for the wait, here's three chapters.
A/N 2: Elizabeth Shepard is here for an interesting get together. This is not no1willrememberthisname's idea; he's just eerily good at foretelling.
It had been so thoroughly planned out that Garrus had heard Elizabeth mumbling some of the details in her sleep. Both sets of parents had expressed interest in meeting their child's companion, and the two 'children' in question had decided to get the entire thing over with at once.
Mordin had been their first stop. With Garrus's mother in the hospital for a crippling disease, her visit would normally be out of the question. But most people didn't have access to a salarian that made other salarians look dumb. Mordin could do that on a daily basis. Securing his agreement to help was actually pretty easy; he looked excited by the prospect of a possible challenge.
The next thing on their list was security. Elizabeth's mother was an ship captain for the Alliance, and like most noticeable officers in the Alliance military, received death threats often. So after a bit of bribing, Hackett cleared the way for Shepard's mother to come and Legion agreed to act as a lookout for any trouble. Besides, there were going to be five people there who knew how to fight in the first place, so they shouldn't have too much trouble.
The last part was something Garrus and Shepard worked on discreetly. Once it was agreed upon and worked out, they were ready for the event. At least, they were as ready as they were going to be.
Elizabeth walked down the street with her mother and father in two. Behind them, Legion was armed and walking at an exact distance from them. None of them said anything, but Elizabeth was obviously nervous. There was something different about introducing your parents to your turian boyfriend's family; she couldn't exactly shoot everyone to solve this kind of problem. Besides, her father would so able to draw first.
Ahead, Garrus was waiting with his mother and father, looking just as uneasy as Elizabeth was. His mother, assisted by a rather ingenious device by Mordin, was just as able to stand as the rest of them. In fact, she looked uneasy as well. The only one who didn't look uneasy was Legion, who was wondering what there was to be so uncomfortable about.
"Hey Garrus," Shepard greeted. "Well, these are my folks, Hannah and Jack."
"Nice to meet you," Garrus said, nodding slightly to the introduced parents. "This is my father, Officer Vakarian, and my mother." Different species or no, it was hard to miss the respectful change of Garrus's tone when speaking about his mother.
"Pleasure's mine," Shepard started, offering her hand. Garrus frowned internally; her normally relaxed poise was tense, like she was in a military ceremony or in some sort of interview. Perhaps she was just as uneasy as he was.
Officer Vakarian accepted Shepard's hand and shook it, remembering how humans put such emphasis on grabbing hands and wiggling them around. As a former C-Sec officer, he could read the anxiety in Elizabeth's expression. Meeting the parents in law was never an easy thing.
For her part, Shepard was ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble. This was the last thing she wanted to do today; listening to the illusive man discuss politics with Udina would have been more preferable to this. She knew that Officer Vakarian had a distrust of her as a Spectre to start with; then there was the fact she was rather...undisciplined, even for a human, and she had dragged his son further into his bad turian ways. He really should meet her father instead; Jack Shepard was a by the books N7 soldier.
She knew her mother was going to enjoy every moment of this.
Hannah Shepard grinned at Garrus, and the turian recognized that expression; he had a faint idea of where Elizabeth had gotten her. Switching a container in her hands from one to the other, Hannah gestured warmly. "Well, shall we head in? Standing out here like this is silly and I think everyone's kind of hungry," she offered.
That confirmed it to Garrus; Elizabeth got her 'free spirit' from her mother. As they headed inside, Garrus tried to do the math in his head. Two Shepards, one happy and one nervous, plus two soldiers, one turian and one human, plus his ill mother, all with Garrus to keep it cool. Crap; we really need to get out of here.
Legion remained off to the side, standing still with his head swiveling now and then. They sat down, and both Hannah and Garrus's mother agreed on the idea of seating their offspring in-between the other couple's parents. Elizabeth and Shepard exchanged a brief look, their thoughts running along the same line.
And just like that, they were saved.
A shot went off a couple inches from Elizabeth's head and the instinctual reaction of everyone in the restaurant was to duck and take cover. "Sniper; we got this!" Elizabeth shouted, pulling a pistol from a hidden spot on her clothes as Garrus produced one as well. Both of them bounded over the table, pistols at the ready, and out of the restaurant.
Once they were outside, Elizabeth and Garrus put their pistols away and started running. "This feels cheap, Elizabeth," Garrus muttered.
"Do you really want to go back and listen to that conversation?" Elizabeth argued. "I'd rather take on the Reapers with a rock and a stick. I'd rather make love to you, too."
"What? That doesn't make sense; you always want to do that," Garrus pointed out. He glanced over the waterway to see Thane packing up his sniper rifle and walking away; they owed him big time.
Elizabeth's grin was dirty. "Of course I do," she said slyly. Garrus smiled to himself; there was his Shepard. The Normandy wasn't too far away; they could straighten that mess out later. For now, he had to get Elizabeth back to her cabin before she decided that was too far. The vigilante could only imagine what awkward conversation was taking place at the restaurant.
ME
No sooner had Garrus and Elizabeth left than the two pairs of parents sat up slowly. They exchanged a round of looks, and then a collection of laughter rose from their tables. Hannah leaned back in her chair and slapped her knee, wrapping her other arm around her husband. "That was the best trick ever! I didn't think they'd actually do it!" she laughed.
"Tell me about it; it was definitely faked, though."
"Without a doubt. You saw it too?"
"I learned from my husband's work here; any sniper that could shoot all the way back here wouldn't miss like that."
"It was a good shot, right Captain Shepard."
"Oh you know you can call me Hannah! But yeah; have to go through my Alliance buddies and see if they know the guy."
"I can't believe how quickly they left though; did our daughter really think we wouldn't have looked each other up first?"
"I know Garrus wouldn't; he's always been a little headstrong."
"The word is arrogant, dear."
"Sounds like Elizabeth for sure. Do you think we should tell them next time?"
The four looked around at each other, and said simultaneously, "No." There was more laughter and the waiter came to collect their orders. Once they had selected their meals, they were back to sharing secrets.
"So who leaked it to you guys?" Jack Shepard asked, sipping his glass.
"Their engineer, Tali," Garrus's mother explained. "She thought they were being disrespectful."
"Which they were," Officer Vakarian added. His bondmate gave him a look and he shrugged. "How did you know about this scheme?"
"We bribed their pilot," Jack answered.
"How?"
"How did I bribe Joker?" Hannah asked. "I've known that screwball since he got his wings; all I had to do was offer him a toy spaceship and he gave me everything. And then some." Hannah grimaced. "Their crew knows a little too much about them, I think."
"Can't be too surprised; so many species have to find some way to blow off steam; talking tends to do it."
"Speaking of blowing off steam," Jack said, taking the container from his wife. "We brought that chess set. Ready to lose?"
"We beat you last time; you should be the ones preparing yourselves," Officer Vakarian retorted.
"Yeah right! Hannah Shepard wasn't in the game last time," Hannah said. "You're going down!"
ME
Joker made gun noises as his model Normandy sent Sovereign to the ground. Footsteps approached and he turned to see Tali. "Hey fellow secret agent; what's up? Here for your golden gun?" Joker asked.
Tali had no idea why someone would want a golden gun—it wouldn't work right—but she ignored it. "Do you think we did the right thing?" she asked.
"Hell yeah! I got the Normandy!" Joker replied.
"You have always had the Normandy, Jeff," EDI stated.
"Well now I got three! Two models and a real one!"
Tali rolled her eyes before EDI continued. "I do feel obligated to warn you both since you are the primary caretakers of me. Legion has just sent Shepard a notice naming both of as information leaks."
They froze; they'd forgotten Legion was probably still there listening in. Tali grumbled to herself. Bosh'tet Geth; Legion is so not getting that file he asked for.
"Do you think Jack would let me chill down there awhile?" Joker wondered aloud.
"Shepard is in the decontamination chambers."
"Crap."