A Practical Joke

"Can my daughter and son come?"

"Erm… Show them to me," Dib said to the leader of Planet Smort, who pushed a button on his throne. Out of a door at the side came a sexy teenage Smortian, who reminded Dib of the Blondds, only with deep blue skin. She flicked her long silver curls at him and he grinned. "Yes. She can definitely come. What's her name?"

"Princess Giaré. And her twin…" he pushed another button. "Prince Gair."

The Smortian that came out of the next door was tall and muscular, with curly silver hair that flopped elegantly into his eyes. He stood next to his sister. Just looking at the two was enough to get Dib drooling.

"They can both come… bring costumes… bye," he gabbled, and switched off the communicator before he embarrassed himself.

The King of Smort was a fat, bald, ugly creature. How he could have fathered such exquisite children was beyond Dib. He was looking forward to seeing the Queen of Smort at the party… But he stopped himself. Purple was also coming, he reminded himself, and he sighed. Red was going to call today, and he was going to leave for the Massive. Flo had helped him pack that morning, and had said very little on the matter, keeping a calm, cool appearance whenever he spoke about it. Smort was the last planet on his list, so he was all set to go with his sabotage plan. He was going to arrive early, to 'help out', and Red and Purple would come later. He was also planning his costume, and Zim had kindly allowed him to use something from wardrobe in his palace.

He had, however, no idea what to go as. He had considered Bigfoot, but there wasn't enough fake hair. He had asked Gaz if they could dress in matching costumes and be the Men in Black, but she had glared at him and told him she already had a costume planned. Or words to that effect. Zim had been bragging that he already had a superior costume idea, but Dib doubted that this was true. For the tenth time that day, he wandered into the wardrobe department, and saw Flo standing in a corner, facing the wall, shaking as though she might be crying. Dib wondered if she was upset that he was leaving. He walked up to her and gave her a hug from behind but she whipped around angrily. Dib gasped and scrambled away from her in disgust.

---

Red slowly dressed up in the Purple disguise for the third time that day. He had taken to wearing in at every moment he had on his own. He had started off by telling himself that it was just to practise for when Dib came, but now he had a feeling that there was something more than that. Because whilst he had been practising talking to Dib in front of the mirror, he had also been having conversations with himself.

"C'mon, Pur, you can hit better than that!"

"You know I'm no good at table tennis, Red! Don't hit it so hard!"

"I'm not hitting it hard, Pur, you're just not trying!"

The ball bounced back and hit him in the eye, and his contact lens fell out. He looked at himself furiously. He had pulled the table tennis table up to the mirror, and was hitting the ball at the mirror whilst wearing his disguise. It looked for all the world as though he were playing with Purple again. He changed back into his own robes, disgusted at himself.

"The sooner Dib gets here the better…" he muttered, pulling the table back to where it used to be.

---

"ZIM!" Dib gasped, still edging away from the Irken, "What the…"

"I can explain!" Zim said quickly, "It was…"

"No, no, sorry," Dib said, "I didn't mean to hug you. It's just… you look an awful lot like Flo from behind. Maybe it's because you have the same shaped head. Or maybe it's because you're wearing her clothes!!! What the hell are you doing?"

Zim glared at Dib, blushing furiously.

"It's not how it looks, Dib-Slime. I was looking for a costume when Flo walked in. She asked what I was doing, and I told her I was planning a costume for Tallest Red's party…"

"What?"

"I told her that so she could prepare one too… anyway. She suggested that, as a joke, we went as each other. Of course," he said urgently, "I refused. But she said it would be fun, and… undressed, so I felt obliged. When I'd dressed in her clothes, she ran off with mine! She always did like practical jokes," he said, giving a nervous chuckle.

Dib was speechless with laughter. He had slumped to the floor, a giggling wreck, tears streaming from his eyes.

"Y…You actually… oh my… ha! I can't believe… oh God this is too funny!"

Zim kicked him hard, and Dib bent double. He looked up at Zim, still laughing slightly. Zim glared.

"SILENCE!!! You, Dib-Worm, shall not speak of this. EVER! Or I'll…"

"What? Slap me with your handbag?" Dib snorted, and he broke out into another fit of giggles, "I wish I had my camera…"

This time it was Zim's turn to laugh.

"HA! No camera, eh? Well, maybe I'll make you really wish you'd brought it," Zim declared, and Dib looked up, confused.

"What? Oh…"

Zim strutted around the room like a catwalk model, striking different poses every so often; pointing one of Flo's treasured mauve high-heeled boots, placing a hand on his hip, flicking his antennas. Dib looked into a mirror to see GIR looking round the door delightedly. Dib gestured taking a photo by pretending to hold a camera at Zim, and GIR saluted him, reverting to duty mode. As Zim struck each pose, GIR's eyes flashed and a photo printed out of his mouth. Dib grinned, and began applauding Zim, who seemed to be getting into his role, striking more and more dramatic poses. Dib gave GIR a thumbs up sign, and the robot ran off, leaving the pile of photos on the floor. Dib crawled over to them and flicked through them, smirking.

"Zim, I never thought I'd say this, but you look really good in a short pink dress," he laughed, and Zim froze in mid-twirl, looking at the stack of photos with wide, unbelieving eyes.

"GIVE ME THOSE!!!" he yelled, and Dib ran out into the corridor, spluttering with laughter as Zim sprinted after him. Dib ran to the throne room, and Zim stumbled behind him, tripping through the door. As he dragged himself to his feet, the servants looked up, and silence fell. Zim was dusting down the dress, and rubbing his ankle angrily.

"How the hell does she run in these heels?" he muttered aloud, and Dib snorted. Zim looked up, an expression of dawning horror on his face. All eyes were on him. A fast, hysterical giggle cut through the silence. Dib and Zim slowly turned around to see Flo reclining on Zim's throne, dressed in his red shirt and black pants, his long crimson robes wrapped around her and his crown placed at a jaunty angle between her antennas.

"Well, if it isn't the Dib-Stink. And who's your pretty friend?" she said in Zim's voice. She laughed. "Tell the Almighty FLO!!!"

Zim had never felt more humiliated than he had at that moment.

"Oh well," he said aloud to himself, "At least it can't get any worse."

---

Red stood in front of the communicator screen and pressed the button to call Zim. The throne room of Zim's palace swam into view, but Zim wasn't sitting on the throne. Instead, Flo relaxed there, her legs swung over one of the armrests lazily. She was wearing Zim's clothes. She looked up at the screen and burst out laughing.

"Oh can't it?" she spluttered, to Red's confusion. Then the sound of Dib's laughter came in from the corner of the screen.

"Oh, God, this is just too perfect! Priceless!"

"Would someone kindly tell me what's going on?!?" Red shouted, and Flo smirked.

"Sure thing, my Tallest," she grinned, and Dib dragged Zim into view.

It wasn't until that moment that Red knew that it was possible to die laughing.

Zim cringed in front of his leader, wriggling the hem of Flo's short, strapless pink dress down his thighs self-consciously. Red was crying on screen, laughing for the first time since Purple had left.

"I don't know what's going on here, Zim, so don't tell me. I think it'd ruin it. Dib, are you ready to come back?"

Flo stopped laughing, and Zim grinned.

"Yes, my Tallest. My bags are all ready."

"Excellent. Zim, teleport Dib here in half an hour."

"Of course, my Tallest." Zim muttered.

"Thanks, babe," Red smirked, and he cut the transmission.

---

"Why hello there, Zim. You always were beautiful in pink," Flo grinned, stepping off the throne and swaggering over to Zim in such perfect imitation that Dib couldn't help but laugh.

"DAMMIT, FLO, GIVE ME MY CLOTHES BACK!!!" Zim screeched.

"Do you treat the Tallest like this, Zim?" she asked calmly, and Zim froze with déjà vu. Flo was mocking him. He swiped out and grabbed his crown.

"Enough playing," he growled, and she sighed.

"Aaw! I was enjoying myself!" she whined, "Being a total jackass is a lot of fun, I can see why you do it, Zim. By the way," she added, "If you were stuck in Wardrobe all that time, why didn't you just change clothes?"

Zim's eyes widened slightly with realisation, and Flo smiled. She shrugged off the robe and Zim wrapped it around himself so that only the mauve boots could be seen. They went off to swap their clothes back.

Dib went off to Gaz's house.

"Gaz?" he called, "Gaz, I've come to say goodbye! I'm leaving for the Massive again!"

He heard the electronic music blaring from upstairs stop, and Gaz came down the stairs.

"See you soon, big brother," she smiled, giving him a quick hug, and Dib grinned at her.

"I can't wait to see you at the party, Gaz. I love you, you know?"

She glared at him.

"You're so soft, Dib," she said, giving him another hug for luck, "Dad's in the lab. You should say goodbye to him too."

"Ok," he said, "Tell me if you ever beat Flo at MegaDoomer 4, alright?"

"You swore you'd never mention that," she growled, and then she sighed. "I'll beat her for you, Dib. I'm gonna miss you. Here," she added, reaching under her vest top and pulling out her skull pendant, "Take this."

He put the pendant round his neck and tucked it under his own shirt.

"Thanks, Gaz."

He left the house and went to the lab. His dad didn't seem as bothered about him leaving as Gaz, but Dib didn't care. So long as he had said goodbye, it didn't matter to him what his dad said. Saying goodbye to Flo would be the hardest.

He stood by the teleporter, putting the last suitcase in. As his possessions were sent to the Massive, Dib thought how lucky he was. The first time he had been sent there, he had had nothing. He turned to Flo.

"I guess this is goodbye, then," he said, and she hugged him tight.

"I guess so. You'd better call me."

"Every day," he promised. "And I'll see you at parties and stuff." Then he sighed. "I love you, Flo."

Flo smiled.

"It wouldn't have worked out, Dib. I'm more than two hundred years older than you, for a start. But I knew you'd never leave Purple, even though you said it meant nothing. You love him too much," she sighed, before adding, with a small smirk to Zim, "The Flo can always tell."

Dib grinned sheepishly.

"Goodbye, Flo."

"Goodbye Dib. Good luck with the Tallest."

"Good luck with Zim."

Flo kissed him, but Zim didn't complain. Flo had more or less refused Dib, so it didn't matter to him.

He twirled the last dial and leapt down from his seat, stepping between Flo and Dib.

"Alright, break it up, break it up. Into the teleporter, Dib."
Dib looked up.

"Not Dib-Stink?"

Zim blushed.

"I forgot, Dib-Worm. Now go. Get off my planet!" he exclaimed, but whispering, "I'll see you in a week."

Dib nodded and climbed into the teleporter. Zim pushed the button.

"Teleporting in 10…9…8…7…"

"See you on the other side, Flo!" Dib called, and Flo sighed.

"Don't be so melodramatic."

"Sorry!"

"…1…Teleporting Object."

The bulb turned green and there was a bright flash. Zim turned to Flo, who was looking at the empty glass dome with a wistful look in her eyes.

"Alone at last, eh Flo?"

"Shut up, you big transvestite," she growled, and left the room.

---

Red was standing by his teleporter, wearing his Purple disguise. He was tapping the dome impatiently, pulling at the robes and twirling his fingers obsessively. Finally the bright flash came, and Dib was squashed into the dome once more. He opened it excitedly.

"Dib!!! I'm so glad to see you again!" he exclaimed, and Dib stood up happily, smoothing down his clothes.

"I've missed you too, Purple," he said, suddenly choked up, "Where's Red? I wanted to thank him for letting me come back. It's been weird living back on Earth now that it's under Zim's control."

"Red's… sick. He can't be here. I think he got my cough, but it's more serious. He'll be fine, though."

Dib hugged him, standing on tiptoe and kissing Red's cheek. Red pushed him away slightly.

"What?" Dib asked, "Don't you like me any more?"

"I… erm… It's wrong to do this to Red."

"I thought you didn't care about that? I thought you said that it felt right? And what about all that he did to you? What he did to me?"

"Hey, now you deserved it!" Red began, and then he stopped himself, "Kidding. Look, Red really loves me, I can tell."

"How?"

"I… can tell how he's feeling. Dib, it'd be wrong to do anything behind Red's back."

Dib gave him a sly grin.

"But I thought you said I was better than Red? That I was the best you'd ever had? That it'd be hard to go back after me?"

Red's mouth hung open.

"I can assure you, Dib, that nobody is better than Red."

"Ha! You're in denial," Dib teased, and Red glared at him.

"Show me," he said, without thinking, and Dib stood up on tiptoe and started to lick his antenna. Red's eyes widened, and Dib grinned. He put his entire mouth over it, and a minute later Red had wrestled him to the ground and out of his clothes.

Twenty minutes later, Dib looked up, gasping.

"Oh… My… God… Did you get better?" he asked, and Red smirked.

"I told you so," he grinned.

"No you didn't. You said no-one was better than Red."

"Ah, whatever. You, my friend, are good. Well, there are your bags, I'll send them to your room, goodnight," he said, in a rush, and he pulled his armour back on and sprinted to his room.

He slammed the door and sat on the bed, looking at himself in the mirror. Purple stared back at him, his face flushed and a guilty expression on his face.

"Sorry, Pur," he mumbled, "I got carried away. But I had to prove it to him, y'know? I had to prove that nobody's better than Red in Bed."

Purple glared back, an unforgiving look in his eyes.

"But, he's good too. I can see why you liked him so much."

Red took out the contacts and got changed for bed. Sometimes he despised himself.

AN

Review please!

And I would like to point out that I didn't steal this idea from LoneHowler ;)

More costume ideas are welcome, as I'm still undecided about the following characters:

Zim

The Tallest (I have an idea, but if anyone has anything better, I'd like to hear it.)

GIR

I own Flo and the Smortians from this chapter, but nobody else.