Chapter 13: Party on, Scor. Party on, Al
Finn was amused, Albus was oblivious, Cale was pissed off, Scorpius was guilty and Al was smug as fuck.
~O-O~
Finn was already awake why Albus rolled over and groaned from his side of the room. Peeking over Witch Weekly ("I only read it to know how to get girls, I swear"), Finn watched Albus swing his legs over the side of his bed and stare at the wall with a blank expression on his face.
"What's up," said Finn.
"What- the fuck happened last night?" he said, his voice rough and gravelly.
"I dunno, you were gone for ages though," Finn lied, smirking.
He knew exactly where he'd been- hooking up with Mr. Malfoy in the divination room. According to Al it had the comfiest cushions.
Finn knew about last night because on the way back to the dormitory after his near nightly trip to the kitchens for crisps and the muggle drink Mountain Dew (he wasn't sure how the house elves managed to get Mountain Dew into the castle or why they had it in the first place) he had run into Scorpius in the divination wing. Scorpius looked crazy- his hair was sticking straight up on one side and all the buttons on his shirt were one hole off. His eyes were absolutely mental and when he saw Finn he froze and said, nearly in hysterics, "I can't help it, mate. He just has this hold on me, you know?" And then he ran off down the hall before Finn could tell him that he really didn't care whether or not he was getting friendly with Al.
When Albus finally managed to get out of bed, he stumbled over to the full length mirror beside the bathroom door. Wearing only boxers he gasped when he saw the bruises all over his torso.
"What the FUCK is THAT?" he yelled, touching the hickeys individually like he could tap them and they would go away.
"Hmm, what now?" said Finn coyly, not looking up from his magazine but not reading it either.
Albus whipped around and shouted, "WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO LAST NIGHT? OR A BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHO DID HE DO?"
Finn lied and said he had no idea and it was the most unconvincing thing he had ever told because he was trying very hard not to laugh. Albus must have been so preoccupied because he was barely listening. He turned back to the mirror and examined the marks.
"You know," said Finn after awhile, "the ones on your neck kinda look like a constellation."
Albus punched him in the face.
If he understood what Finn had been hinting at he didn't say anything.
~O-O~
When Cale woke up for the third time that week to find Scor's bed empty, he realized that he should have told Scor what to do when he had asked. Cale thought Scorpius was smart enough to know exactly what to do: Tell Al to back off and simply wait for Albus to come out (no pun intended) of his oblivious hibernation so that they can run off into the sunset together or whatever.
Instead Scorpius was digging himself deeper and deeper into this hole where, once Albus found out the truth (which was one hundred percent inevitable), he and Albus's chances of being together would be ruined.
As Cale stared at Scorpius's perfectly made bed, he started to wonder if this went further than Scorpius believing that the only way he could be with Albus was if he got with Al.
Scorpius was self-destructive when things got bad. Scorpius thought Cale didn't know why he always wore a watch on his wrist but of course Cale knew. He can read Scorpius better than Scorpius knows himself sometimes. Scorpius is always saying that he's never good enough for his father. Cale thought that maybe he just wasn't good enough for himself.
And maybe that's what was happening now. He doesn't believe that Albus will ever like him so he decides to set himself up for failure so that when Albus rejects him it's because of what he's done with Al and not because Albus doesn't like him.
It was pretty fucked up and Cale hoped that he was very, very wrong.
~O-O~
In Transfiguration, Scorpius received a note from Al. Scorpius was rather impressed that Al had managed to send it from Defense Against the Dark Arts on the third floor all the way down to the first floor without it being confiscated. The note said;
Nice day out.
Astronomy balcony, after dinner.
Bring Licorice Wands.
And you can, you know, stay too.
Al
When Scorpius got back to his dorm the next morning he found the journal his parents had given to him for Christmas and for the first time, he made an entry. Because he wanted to remember.
~O-O~
He was waiting for me, exactly where he said he'd be. Stretched out on the stone floor in a black t-shirt and ripped jeans- he had never looked more at peace. The sun was setting, flashing off his sunglasses, and he was reading a book called On The Road. I sat opposite him but he didn't look up until he had finished the page. Pulling out the package of Licorice Wands from my pocket I tossed it to him and he sent one back for me. Then he put his book to the side and watched me for a long while. He didn't smile, he didn't speak. He just stared.
Finally, when the sun had almost gone, he came over and lay down beside me with his head in my lap. He lit a cigarette, passed it to me and said ask me what you want to ask.
Are you happy, was what I said.
Are you? he whispered. Is anybody?
I don't know. I hope so.
After that Al went unusually quiet. He kept biting his lip and switching the smoke from hand to hand. I peeled apart one of the Licorice Wands just for something to do until all that was left were skinny red ropes of sugar.
As I rolled one between my fingers Al suddenly reached out and grabbed my hand.
It's an illusion. It's all an illusion- everything.
What is, I asked.
All that we see. Nothing is real. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it still make a sound? Sure it does, but it still doesn't matter. That's life. It doesn't matter if we make a sound or not because in the end we're all going to die. Nothing matters and everything is pointless, Scorpius Malfoy. Including you, including me. Including all of us.
Have you always been a pessimistic cynic? I said.
At that point Al sat up and faced me. His hand was still holding mine.
Has loving Albus taught you nothing? We are all part of a pointless life but Albus is actually living it. His own mind is destroying him from the inside and he's losing the fight too fast.
I didn't like him talking like that. Is there any way to not feel like that? I felt cold. Al's hand was on my thigh.
No, he said, not if you already feel it.
How can you live with it?
You don't. Al's sadistic grin lit up his skeletal face. Most of us will cross over before we should.
Then he lay back down and handed me his book. Lighting up again he said,read to me.
I did, starting where he'd ended. At the end of the chapter I stopped and watched him for a moment. And for the first time I was afraid.
Afraid that tomorrow or someday soon I would wake up in a world where Albus Potter and Al Potter do not exist anymore.
~O-O~
When Scorpius had woken up the next morning, Albus and Al were both still alive. Scorpius knew because he'd woken up on the balcony with him where they'd accidentally fallen asleep. Scorpius watched Al for a moment, listening to his steady breathing and the way his chest rose and fell.
Looking out at the pinkening sky, Scorpius couldn't remember the last time he'd felt that terrible. Everything, every single word Al had said the night before, had been dark and depressing
and the truth.
Scorpius had run a hand through his hair and rubbed his tired eyes. Why Scor, why? Why do you put up with Al and all his god-playing bullshit when it just fucking brings you down?
And then Al had rolled over in his sleep and faced Scorpius and suddenly everything was different. Because when Al slept he lost all arrogance, all immorality. Now, like that, he was Albus, Scorpius's Albus.
Scorpius had known then that he loved him and that he would do anything to make him happy again.
~O-O~
A week later in the last stretch of February, Scorpius found himself in smart black dress robes inside the Ministry of Magic. It was the annual Celebration, Commemoration, Rememberation Party as Scorpius liked to call it. Basically it was a convention for all the important people to say thank god our side won.
Scorpius leaned casually against the westway wall, away from the band and most of the people. He had a glass of something in his hand. Scotch, maybe. It was dark and strong so he didn't really care.
The party had started over two hours ago and Scorpius was tremendously bored. He looked around for his parents and saw them by the snack table talking to people he didn't know. He looked away quickly so that they wouldn't see.
He spotted Albus's parents on the other side of the room surrounded by many more people then his own parents. Harry Potter was wearing a deep burgundy party jacket that looked a bit odd but then again Harry Potter can do pretty much anything he wants.
While still staring, Harry eventually looked over and caught Scorpius's gaze. Scorpius paled and felt immediately uncomfortable but Harry just smiled and actually waved at him. Scorpius waved back politely, wondering if Harry knew that he was friends with his son.
The back part of Scorpius's brain then whispered I wonder if he knows you're fucking his son.
Scorpius snickered into his drink, wondering if he was drunker than he thought. He was snapped out of it when someone appeared behind him and said, "Laughing all by yourself?"
Scorpius whipped around to find a man he'd never seen before smirking at him. He was young but still older with wavy blond hair and straight teeth and sky blue eyes.
"I've been meaning to talk to you," said the man, flashing Scorpius a brilliant, perfect smile. He stuck out his hand. "Everett Masterson."
"Okay." Scorpius shook his hand reluctantly.
Either ignorant or ignoring Scorpius's obvious hesitancy, Everett placed a hand on Scorpius's shoulder. Scorpius resisted the urge to shake it off.
"I just wanted to say that I know how hard it was on your family after the war," he said in a slightly condescending voice. "But since then your father had done great things for the new world."
"Okay," said Scorpius.
"You must be very proud of him."
"Okay."
Everett's eyes bore into Scorpius's and his hand lingered a moment too long. Either ignorant or ignoring Everett's obvious interest, Scorpius made a lame excuse about getting another drink and left. As nice as his comment was (sincere or not), Scorpius was in no mood to talk about his family.
At the drink table, Scorpius poured himself a rather large glass of something even stronger than the last one. He took a long sip and turned around to find Lily Potter right up in his face. She looked livid and the first thing out of Scorpius's mouth was, "I didn't do it."
Lily scoffed. "Shut the hell up. Common, I want to be inconspicuous. Let's dance."
She slammed his glass onto the table and dragged him onto the dance floor, taking his hands in hers and leading him in a slow, swaying dance.
Scorpius's first thought was that she was into him and had a very aggressive way of showing it. He didn't think she would take it well if he said, I'm very sorry but I believe I'm already shagging your brother.
Instead Lily said, "What the fuck are you playing at?"
"Er, what are you on about?"
Lily hit him. "I'm talking about Albus. Why are you trying you be friends with him."
Scorpius sighed. He was tired. "I'm not trying, Lily."
Lily fumed for a moment before she calmed herself down and growled, "He'll only hurt you, you know. I'm only looking out for you. I'm his family, his blood. You have a choice."
I don't fucking have a choice anymore either was what Scorpius wanted to say.
"He's a good person, Lily. Can you really not see that?"
Lily softened. She looked distant.
"I love Albus," she said. "I do. But I don't know how to handle him at his worst."
"Neither do I, but that won't stop me from trying." Lily's eyes grew wide. "I know everything, Lily. I know about the disorder, about Al. I know."
Lily stopped dancing. She stared at Scorpius in shocked silence until James Potter of all people stepped in.
"Go find Albus, he's missing," James said coldly to Lily. "It's my turn here."
Lily stepped back and disappeared into the crowd and to Scorpius's amazement James took his hands and picked up where him and Lily had left off.
"Okay, what's happening," Scorpius whispered. James ignored that.
"I heard you've been hanging around with Albus. Lily told me earlier." James did not look pleased at all.
"You're a bit too late, Potter," said Scorpius rather defensively. "Lily already gave me the speech."
When James scoffed and rolled his eyes it reminded Scorpius so much of Al that for a second he forgot who he was talking to.
"Lily's blind," said James. "She doesn't see things, not the way I do. I saw you looking at him, Malfoy. You were watching him as if he were the only one in the room."
Scorpius paled but James ploughed on.
"I'm going to say this nicely and I'm going to say it once- stay the fuck away from my brother. He doesn't need you, another complication, in his life right now."
Scorpius was pissed. He shoved James backwards and took a step away from him.
"Have you asked what he wants? What's best for him?" Scorpius stared directly at James. "Have you asked what's best for Al?"
James was only frozen for a moment before he recovered and said, "All the more reason for you to leave him alone."
Then he sighed. He rubbed his eyes and passed a hand through his hair exactly the way Albus did.
"Now if you'll excuse me," he said. "One of the Potter kids has to make a speech and since Lily is stage fright and Albus is crazy it looks like it's me." He turned to leave but as he did the crowd suddenly went quiet as someone stepped onto the stage.
It was Albus.
James looked back and shared a horrified look with Scorpius. On the stage Albus cleared his throat and smiled nervously. The glass of Firewhisky in his hand shook slightly.
"Hi," he began, his voice only trembling a little bit. "I'm Albus Potter. Some of you may know my father, Harry." The crowd laughed.
He cleared his throat again. "In the 50's there was a group of revolutionary poets who would be known as Beat Poets in a Beat Generation. They started something called A New Vision, a change in the world of writers and poets and how we think.
"After our war twenty-six years ago this spring, we adopted the term A New Vision. A new vision for a better world for the magical community."
The entire room was silent.
"It's not easy, finding your footing after a war. The battlefields still stand and the graves haven't yet grown over. But we're trying." Albus took a sip of his drink and bowed his head. When he spoke again he didn't look up.
"Two summers ago I was forcibly held in a new age prison. I had never seen a Death Eater before or even knew they still existed really until then." James reached out and grabbed onto Scorpius's arm. His lip was trembling and Scorpius was suddenly terrified.
Albus went on. "One day I spent fourteen hours under the Cruciatus curse. I know because the sun was rising when it started and setting when it ended. That day I thought I was going to die but I didn't because Harry Potter saved me. This party is called The New Age Ball but really it should have been called Thank the Fucking Lord we have Harry Potter on Our Side."
Albus alone laughed at that.
"Anyway," he said, raising his glass. "To A New Age. To A New Vision."
He downed his glass in one sip and stepped off the stage.
~O-O~
It took Scorpius a few minutes to come down and realize the party had started again. Albus had disappeared and Scorpius could feel James's gaze on him. He turned and James whispered, "Oh god. Oh god."
Gripping James's arm in a way that was hopefully reassuring, Scorpius let go and weaved his way through the crowd, looking for Albus.
Something was wrong.
Scorpius should have known where he'd be because on the way in he'd seen the way to get to the outdoor patio. Considering it was freezing outside, the balcony would be disserted.
Albus was leaning on the railing that gave way to a beautiful (and magically created) waterfall forest. He was holding another full glass of whatever he had been drinking and he seemed to be staring at it like he couldn't remember what it was.
"That was quite a scene you just caused," began Scorpius conversationally, leaning arms crossed against one of the stone pillars. "You surprise me. You do have a heart, Al."
The dark haired boy stiffened. He turned his head to the side and Al's eyes met Scorpius.
"A New Vision?" Scorpius asked. "It hasn't even been a week since I read On The Road to you on that balcony."
Al's eyes were huge.
"At Christmas you told your entire family that Albus tried to kill himself. Today, in the face of your own horror, you made a traumatic yet powerful speech that reassured all of us in what we believe in. You surprise me."
Al took a step forward. "I don't want to hurt people anymore."
"I know," said Scorpius, reaching forward and touching Al's shoulders. "Though maybe next time don't mention having been put under the Cruciatus Curse for an entire day if you don't want to hurt people."
Al's arms circled Scorpius's skinny waist and they hugged for a very long time. Feeling Al eventually pull back, Scorpius opened his eyes only to feel Al kissing him. The initial feeling of doing something wrong still made his breathing stop but he's finding that he really just doesn't care anymore.