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Beginnings- Chapter 14

Shepard held Liara close to her as she made her way to the med bay. She wouldn't allow anyone else to take her. Her heart was pounding. She felt relief at having Liara back, fear at what they had done to her and grief that Kaidan was gone, had given his life so they could arm the bomb and escape. They might all be dead if not for him and the Salarians. Joker would take the Normandy to the rendezvous point and, with luck, there would be survivors to pick up from the Salarian unit.

"Shepard?"

Shepard's eyes gentled as she looked down at Liara. "Hey there, I'm taking you to Dr. Chakwas. You're gonna be fine." Shepard could feel tears at the corners of her eyes.

"It hurts Shepard." Shepard increased her pace and felt another pang of guilt.

"I know, sweetheart. We're almost to the med bay."

Liara couldn't keep her eyes open. As they closed, Shepard could hear her whisper, "Sweetheart. What does that word mean…?"

"It means I love you Liara."

Shepard got to the med bay just behind Wrex, placed Liara on a bed and took her hand. She was unconscious again. Dr. Chakwas was assessing Ash's injuries while Ash yelled at her to help Liara.

"Chief Williams. If you don't calm down, I will sedate you."

Dr. Chakwas completed her exam of Ash and moved to Liara as Shepard stood by, worry wrinkling her brow. A look of concern passed across Dr. Chakwas features and she immediately moved Liara to the back of the med bay to the sterile environment that served those more severely injured. When Shepard tried to follow, Dr. Chakwas held up her hand.

"Commander, you need to wait here."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know Shepard. I will tell you as soon as I know something." Dr. Chakwas left Shepard standing alone in the middle of the room which seemed, to her, to be spinning.

The next thing she knew, Tali was at her side guiding her to a chair. "Sit down Shepard."

"Thanks Tali." Shepard was exhausted, worried about Liara & Ash and couldn't stop thinking about Kaidan being gone. She looked over at Ash who was obviously in a great deal of pain and fighting very hard to stay conscious. One of the medical staff was removing her armor. Wrex and Garrus were also in the room, standing together and talking quietly. Shepard knew she should talk to them; find out what Garrus wanted to tell her about the indoctrinated crew. She was afraid to try to stand, knowing there was a high probability she would fall. Tali had been talking but Shepard didn't know what she was saying.

"I'm sorry Tali. What did you say?"

"I said you're bleeding. Were you shot? Where are you injured?"

Is that why my back is hurting? "Maybe my back, I don't know."

"Shepard, lean forward."

Shepard complied and could hear Tali's indrawn breath when she examined her back.

"Shepard, you have three gunshot wounds. They penetrated your armor. There's a pool of blood in the chair. We need to get your armor off."

Just then, several of the Salarians were brought to the med bay. Joker had managed to pick up some survivors. When one of the medical crew came to examine her, Shepard waved the woman away and told her to help the Salarians.

"Shepard, you need medical attention."

"So do they Tali."

"Then I will do it. Can you stand? I think you should move to a bed."

"I can stand but I don't know if I can stay standing."

"Damn it, Shepard. Why didn't you say something?"

Tali called Wrex over to help her get Shepard to a bed. When he bent down and lifted Shepard in his arms, she tried to protest.

"Sorry Commander. I don't want to be on the receiving end of Dr. T'Soni's anger if we stand around here and watch you bleed out. She made me promise to keep you alive."

"She what? When?"

"After Feros. She came to me and asked me to keep you safe, tried to make it sound like the galaxy was doomed without you. And while that may be true, that's not why she wanted you safe."

Shepard wondered who else Liara had been talking to about her as Wrex put her on a bed and Tali started removing her armor. Now that she knew about the gunshots, her back was killing her. Maybe it would be okay to let them take a look at her. She asked Joker to set a course for the Citadel then allowed Tali take a look at her wounds.

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When Dr. Chakwas let Shepard know that Liara would be okay, she cried with relief. Liara had been badly injured but would be fine. Ash had been patched up and was sleeping in the bed on Shepard's right. Shepard had nearly passed out from blood loss before anyone had bothered to inform Dr. Chakwas that she was injured. Dr. Chakwas had been busy. Shepard knew that she had performed miracles with some of the Salarians. She also knew that Liara had been more severely injured than any of them and was grateful to Dr. Chakwas for saving her. She was in pain but had refused pain medication because she needed to be awake, needed to know that Liara was okay. She asked to see Liara but Dr. Chakwas told her that she was confined to bed until further notice. When she tried to protest, she got the famous Dr. Chakwas lecture that, no matter how harsh it sounded, was grounded in concern.

"You are not to leave that bed until I tell you that you may do so. Do you understand, Commander? And when you are wounded, it is your responsibility to inform the medical staff. One of those bullets was very close to your spine. If it had moved, you could have been paralyzed. And it very easily could have moved since you decided to parade around the Normandy carrying Liara rather than allowing someone else to carry her or, god forbid, let me know what happened. Do I need to remind you that as Chief Medical Officer…"

"I know… I know. You can relieve me of command for medical reasons. I'm sorry Dr. Chakwas. There was so much happening. I honestly didn't know that I had been shot until Tali noticed the blood. Thank you for patching me up and thank you for saving Liara."

"Commander, sometimes… Shepard. You are responsible for most of the gray hair on my head. I would appreciate it if you would allow me to retain the darker strands a bit longer. Believe it or not, I have grown quite fond of you so can you please try harder to stay whole. Now that you know Liara will recover, I want you to take something for your pain. It will also help you sleep which you need right now. Can you do this without arguing with me for once?"

"Yes ma'am."

Dr. Chakwas smiled, gave Shepard the medication and moved around the med bay checking her other patients. Shepard looked at Ash and knew they would need to talk about Kaidan soon. Wrex was sitting by the med bay doors. He had decided to take it upon himself to serve as guard for Shepard, Ash and Liara until they were out of the med bay. Tali had been in and out to check on them. Shepard thought about her team, her friends, and felt the sadness at Kaidan's loss. She couldn't dwell on it now though, not here in front of everyone. She had to appear strong for the team and the crew. She could feel the effects of the pain medication. Her eyelids were growing heavy and before she knew it, sleep had claimed her.

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Liara had awakened once after Dr. Chakwas had patched her cuts, set her broken arm and repaired her internal injuries. She was in tremendous pain but asked to see Shepard who was in no condition to see anyone at the time. When the medical staff told Liara that Shepard had been shot multiple times and Dr. Chakwas was working on her, Liara had become more insistent that she be allowed to see her. The medical staff, after consulting with Dr. Chakwas, had been forced to sedate her to keep her calm. The sedation was wearing off. Liara was afraid to open her eyes. The last thing she remembered was Sovereign and Saren. She didn't want them to know that she was awake. She kept her eyes closed and tried to remember where they had brought her. Saren had taken her to Virmire briefly then left with her to take her back to Sovereign. Shepard! She remembered Shepard carrying her. She was on the Normandy. Her eyes popped open and she sat up. She was in the med bay and Shepard was in the bed beside her. Someone had pushed their beds together. It was dark and quiet, everyone was sleeping. Liara could see Wrex sitting by the doors. He smiled when he saw her looking in his direction. She looked down at Shepard, brushed a hand across her head and leaned over to kiss her. She lay back down on her side facing Shepard, wrapped her hand around Shepard's arm and went back to sleep.

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Ash woke very early and was surprised to see Liara in the bed on the other side of Shepard. Well, mostly in the other bed. She was part way on Shepard's bed with her head resting on the commander's shoulder and her arm around her waist. Both were still sleeping. While Ash was happy and relieved that Liara was back safely, she felt that she was being torn apart inside over Kaidan's death. She was angry with Shepard. It should have been me. When she thought logically, Shepard's decision made sense. But, logical thinking was no match for the heart or emotions. Ash wanted to get up and get out before anyone else was awake. She wanted to be alone. She was not quite brave enough to risk Dr. Chakwas' wrath though. She buried her face in her pillow and quietly cried instead.

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Shepard woke to find Liara beside her. She closed her eyes and put her arm around her. She didn't know what Saren and Sovereign had done to her, didn't know what emotional damage had been done but she was alive and she was back where she belonged. Shepard lay there thinking about Kaidan until Dr. Chakwas came in for the morning.

"Commander, how are you feeling this morning?"

"Much better Dr. Chakwas." She nodded her head toward Liara and said, "Thank you for this."

"I'm sorry to say it was not my idea. When Liara was moved, Wrex insisted that her bed be moved close to you."

"I have a feeling it's all for Liara. He seems rather attached to her and has appointed himself her protector."

Dr. Chakwas looked pointedly at Shepard's arm wrapped protectively around Liara and said, "Yes, it must be contagious."

Shepard grinned, pulled Liara just a bit closer and said, "Well, she is utterly irresistible."

If Dr. Chakwas hadn't heard it, she would never have believed Shepard would say such a thing. "And she's a miracle worker where you're concerned. She's changed you, Shepard, or maybe just brought out the real you. She makes you happy even in the midst of all the chaos."

"She does make me happy, more than I deserve."

Liara lifted her head and said, "You deserve happiness Shepard, more than anyone I know."

Shepard's face went from pink to very red in seconds. Damn, how long has she been listening?

Dr. Chakwas hid her grin and said, "Why don't I take a look at you two. Maybe you can get out of here today if you promise to follow doctor's orders until we reach the Citadel."

Shepard, Liara, Ash and most of the Salarians were allowed to leave the med bay on the condition they see Dr. Chakwas daily.

Ash walked up to Liara and Shepard, her face showing no emotion, and said, "Liara, I'm glad you're back safely. I'm sorry I couldn't stop them from taking you." Before Liara could respond, Ash turned and walked out the door.

When Liara turned to Shepard, she could see pain behind her eyes. "Shepard what's wrong? What happened?"

"C'mon, let's go to our cabin so we can talk."

Liara hesitated briefly before following Shepard. She said our; our cabin… not her cabin.

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When they entered the cabin, Liara stopped, looked at the mess and asked, "Shepard, what happened in here?"

Shepard had completely forgotten about the mess she made when Liara was missing. All the frustration came out and in under a minute, she had overturned chairs and cleared surfaces. Everything was scattered on the floor. "I was frustrated. I'll pick it up. You need to get in bed. Dr. Chakwas says you can be up and around in a couple of days but not today."

Liara sat on the edge of the bed as Shepard moved around the room putting things back in place. "You said you wanted to talk. Why is Ashley angry with you?"

Shepard took a deep breath before she responded. "Why do you think she's angry with me?"

"Shepard, I may not have much experience with your species but I can read human facial expressions and body language since spending time on the Normandy."

"Liara, Kaidan is gone. He died on Virmire."

"Oh, Shepard, I am sorry." There were tears in Liara's eyes. Shepard was in constant motion cleaning up the mess she made the day before.

"Shepard, sit with me and tell me what happened." Shepard shook her head and stood in the middle of the room looking lost. "Sit with me. Please."

Shepard sat beside Liara on the bed. Liara took her hand and held it in her smaller one. "Do you want to talk about it now or do you need more time?"

For Shepard, that question meant everything to her. Liara wasn't pressuring her to tell her anything until she was ready, would give her time if she needed it and just be there for her until then. Shepard told Liara everything that had happened on Virmire; Saren's research facility and breeding grounds, their desperate plan, the beacon, Sovereign, the choice she had to make, Kaidan's death. At one point, she had to stop because she couldn't get the words out through her sobs. Liara held her quietly until she was ready to go on with the story.

"Ashley is angry with you because Kaidan died and she lived?"

"I haven't talked with her about this yet but, yes, I think that's why she's angry with me. She blames me for Kaidan's death and it is my fault. All my fault."

"No. It is not your fault. It is Saren's fault. It is Sovereign's fault. Ashley would realize this if she wasn't in pain and feeling guilty for making it out alive. Shepard, I have not known you for very long but I know you would never leave one of your team to die if there was anything you could do to stop it. You would have taken Kaidan's place if you could have, wouldn't you?"

"Yes… I wouldn't want to leave you. I want to live a very long life with you but, yes, I would have traded places with Kaidan if I could have done so. I would do the same for anyone under my command. I'm sorry. I know that's not the answer you want to hear."

Liara knew what Shepard's answer would be but that didn't make it any easier to hear. "You do not need to be sorry. The fact that you would give your life for anyone on your crew is part of who you are and one of the reasons I found myself in love with you. It will be my job to keep you safe."

"Apparently, Wrex has also been recruited to keep me safe." Liara decided to look at the room rather than Shepard.

"Well, Shepard, you can be reckless at times and I thought... I thought that it might…," Liara looked over to see Shepard smiling at her. "I don't want to lose you. Are you angry that I spoke with Wrex?"

"No, I'm not angry. I'm happy that you care. Do you feel like talking? Do you want to tell me what happened after the geth took you?"

Liara didn't want to think about her time with Saren and Sovereign but she knew it would be good to talk about it. It would be better for Shepard if she told her what happened rather than allowing Shepard to imagine what happened.

"Yes, I would like to tell you."

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The next morning Shepard left Liara in bed sleeping. She didn't want to leave the comfort of the bed but she wanted to find Garrus to discuss the indoctrinated crew then talk with Ash. When Liara woke without Shepard, she was disappointed but decided to use the time to find Ashley. She was still feeling weak and very sore. It was frustrating trying to dress with one arm in a cast but she managed and found Ash in the dining hall. Liara took some breakfast and approached Ash.

"Good morning Ashley. Could I join you?"

"Don't be silly, Liara. Sit down."

"Shepard told me about Kaidan. I am sorry Ashley. I know that he was your friend. I did not know him well but I will miss him."

"Did she tell you that it should have been me instead of Kaidan? Did she tell you that she made the wrong choice?"

"No, she told me that it was the hardest decision that she has ever made and to make it, she had to put aside her feelings and focus on the outcome. In order to destroy that facility, you had to arm the bomb. You wouldn't have been able to do that if Shepard had gone for Kaidan. The geth would have stopped you, you would be dead and the facility would still be operating. She told me that she would have traded places with Kaidan if she could have done so. She would do the same for any of us. We are friends Ashley. I like you very much but I won't let you hurt her. She is not responsible for Kaidan's death although she does not see it that way. I understand your anger but it is misplaced. Saren and Sovereign are responsible and that is where your anger should be focused."

Ash was hanging her head in shame. Everything Liara said was true. "Liara, I think I owe the commander an apology."

"She does not want that Ashley. Just don't turn your back on her because you are hurting and want to blame someone for that pain."

"I won't."

"Good, now there is one more thing. It is not your fault I was taken by the geth. I should have stayed at the Mako as Shepard asked. It is my fault."

Ash needed to lighten the mood. She was already depressed and needed something else to talk about. "Thank you Liara. Now I want to talk to you about something. Did the commander enjoy her surprise? What about the dress? She loved it, didn't she?"

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Shepard found Garrus monitoring the surveillance cameras he had installed. When he told Shepard that Tali had seen Engineer Adams leaving the empty storage room near her cabin the night the distress signal was received, she couldn't believe it had anything to do with Saren or the indoctrinated crew. Garrus had followed her instructions and had been watching Adams closely. He also went back to review security logs and found several instances of Adams talking with the other indoctrinated crew members. When Shepard pointed out that talking to the crew was not unusual, Garrus countered that when he talked with the indoctrinated crew, it was always at night when most of the ship was sleeping and in out of the way places where they would not be seen. The only other crew member he was suspicious about was a woman in engineering who was seen on the security logs with Adams. Tali had been keeping an eye on her. Shepard still couldn't quite believe Adams would be involved but after experiencing Sovereign's attempt to indoctrinate her, she knew that it was possible. She asked Garrus to continue what they had been doing until they reached the Citadel.

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Shepard still couldn't believe her conversation with Ash. She was expecting the Gunnery Chief to be angry, yell, everything short of punching her. Instead, she was calm and understanding. They talked for a while about Kaidan's death, about the life he lived, the things they would miss about him and both felt better for it. When Shepard left Ash, her heart felt lighter. She went to her cabin to find Dr. Chakwas there. She was lecturing Liara about following medical advice and ordering her back to bed.

"What have you been doing to earn Dr. Chakwas' lecture?"

"She's picking up your bad habits Commander." Dr. Chakwas then turned to Liara said, "If I see you out of this cabin again today, you're back in the med bay," and left the room.

"What were you doing out of bed?"

"I just wanted to see Ashley. And I ran in to Wrex then I had a talk with Tali. I only went to my old quarters to get some clothes. There was only the white dress here and it is not my fault Dr. Chakwas thought I was working. She marched me back here like I am a child and… why are you laughing?"

"Because you are adorable and it's nice not to be the target of Dr. Chakwas for a change. She only does that because she cares about you. Now, I think you should get back in bed. You look tired."

"I missed you while you were gone."

Shepard knew that Liara still needed to work through what happened to her with Sovereign and Saren, though she tried to hide it. When Liara told her what they had done to her, Shepard felt a rage like nothing she had ever felt in her life. Liara needed her now. She threw herself down on the bed. "Care to join me Dr. T'Soni?"

Liara smiled and joined Shepard on the bed. Within minutes, she was sleeping. Shepard waited until she was sure Liara was soundly asleep then left the bed. She made space in her closet and cleared out a large drawer. After getting Liara's clothes and moving them to the newly cleared space in her cabin, Shepard slid back into the bed with Liara.