dedicated to Cory Allan Michael Monteith
May 11, 1982 - July 13, 2013
you will forever be missed
Dr. Costner visited her two days later. He checked her wounds, pupils and hearing, changed her dressings and refilled her medications. He sat down, making small talk with her for a half an hour. He said she was one of his most intriguing patients.
"Your stubborn attitude is certainly not one to be reckoned with."
Quinn wasn't sure if she should be flattered or offended by that comment. Before he left, he sobered and gazed at her with all the seriousness he could muster. The smile on her face faded and she took a deep breath to prepare herself. Here comes the real talk, she thought. Dr. Costner glanced at the pile of pamphlets on the bedside table and turned to her.
"So have you made your decision yet?" he asked.
She frowned down at the pamphlets beside her and contemplated her options. "I'm not sure if I will ever be ready for this."
He nodded in agreement. "I understand. It's hard for anyone to come to terms with such shocking news in such a short time period. I don't know what I'd do if I lost even a small part of my hearing. You are exceptionally strong and I admire you for that." He paused to wait for her to look back at him. When she did, he continued, "You also have to face the fact that you won' be able to hear as much as you used to if you don't get a hearing aid. Granted, it's not going to give you your full auditory capability. But your…impaired hearing could improve, however slightly, with the aid."
She gulped. "This is so scary," she whispered with a humorless laugh.
He smiled sympathetically. "I know. You don't have to make your decision right now, but it would be better if you made it as soon as possible, because I have to get the device fitted specifically to suit you. And you're going be back at work once the week is up, I know you are," he added with a teasing smile.
She laughed and reached out for the pamphlets, flipping through them silently for a few minutes. She knew which one she wanted, she just needed to be sure it was the best fit for her line of work.
She stared down at her choice of hearing aid; the picture seemed to glare at her, taunting and urging her to just get it. She took a deep breath and then looked back up with a small smile tugging on her lips.
Rachel had been curious about what kind of hearing aid Quinn had chosen. It was obvious to her that a choice had been made when she noticed the disappearance of the pamphlets from the bedside table after Dr. Costner's departure. Her concern and caution overrode her curiosity and she kept herself from asking Quinn for fear of being insensitive.
So she didn't ask about the hearing aid. She listened to Dr. Costner's update of Quinn's current health state. He gave his official clearance to get out of bed two days later – when the week was up and Quinn would want to get out of bed and get back to work. She thanked him for making the trip.
The brunette had witnessed her restlessness increasing as each day passed and her aggravation at being bedridden was showing more and more. Marley had been a good sport though. She had taken good care of Quinn over the past five days, which was a lot more than Rachel expected because Quinn Fabray was quite hard to be in the same room with when she was aggravated.
Quinn's pool house was always Rachel's first stop upon arriving home every night. Sometimes she would show up to find a sleeping Quinn and other times she could see Quinn playing Scrabble – she won every single time – against Marley or watching some show on TV.
The blonde had also showed less hostility towards her nowadays and Rachel was thankful for that. They could laugh now and sometimes Quinn would let her hug her. It hadn't happened before the time she had lain in Quinn's bed and sang to her. She appreciated that Quinn was trying and she promised that she would give her as much time as she needed.
There were just a few more scenes to be shot before the movie was completely wrapped. Some of the staff had already taken their leave and a few cast members had said adios, having already filmed their last scenes. Rachel, of course, being the protagonist, still had roughly two more weeks ahead of her before she would bid her own goodbye.
Somehow, she missed seeing Quinn standing in the corner and observing her with watchful and admiring eyes. She missed hearing Quinn order people around. She missed having Quinn staring at her like she was the only girl in the world.
"Berry." She snapped out of her thoughts to Santana snapping her fingers in her face.
Rachel started and pushed back into the couch. "Santana!" she gasped, her hand on her chest as she heaved. "God, do you really have to creep up on me like that?"
"Excuse me! I've been standing here for five minutes trying to get your attention, hobbit." Santana snapped and crossed her arms over her chest, tapping her foot in displeasure.
Rachel stared at the Latina for a second longer before blinking and letting out a breathy "oh". She sat upright on the couch and nodded. "Sorry, I was just…thinking about some things. What do you want?"
"Why aren't you working today?" Santana asked.
"I have an off day today. It's been a manic couple of days on set and Dustin decided to let us have a day to rest. They had to uh…review the clips and do some stuff, I guess," she mumbled with a little frown. She did not notice how Santana tensed at the mention of the executive producer. "Also, Dr. Costner was visiting Quinn today and I would have asked for a day off anyway. It's a good thing, I guess, that Dustin let us off today."
"How long until you wrap?" Santana inquired.
"Um…I'm estimating another week or two," she muttered. She stood up and flashed Santana a smile before making her way to the kitchen and toward the backdoor. "I'm gonna go have a look at Quinn." Santana followed her. "Why are you following me?" Rachel asked over her shoulder, frowning at the Latina.
"She's my best friend too," Santana mentioned, raising an eyebrow in a silent dare for Rachel to protest her coming along.
Rachel hummed and walked down the cobbled path to the pool house. They hadn't even opened the front door yet when they heard raucous laughter sounding from inside the building. They shared a look before Rachel proceeded to open the front door. They paced towards Quinn's room to see the usual gang surrounding the blonde. Surprisingly, Finn, Marley, Kurt and Blaine were there. She thought Kurt had gone to run errands and Blaine had been at rehearsal.
The people in the bedroom didn't seem to realize their presence because they had not stopped laughing. It must've been something Quinn said because she had that smug look on her face that Rachel often found both annoying and sexy.
She gulped at the sight and cleared her throat, drawing attention to her and her Latina companion. She raised a skeptical brow at them. "I didn't know there's a party," she drawled. "And Marley, hi. It's a surprise to see you here."
Marley had a wary look on her face but the light in her eyes did not diminish. She glanced at Quinn with a grin before turning back to Rachel. "I was doing my rounds and I thought I could come and take a look at Quinn. After all, the doctor came and I wanted to know what he said."
Rachel felt a small twinge of jealousy in her heart. It had only been a few days and Quinn and Marley had already grown so close. She turned to Quinn who was staring at her with an amused look. Rachel's eyes widened slightly as she realized that the green-eyed monster in her was caught in act. She cleared her throat harder and she could see Santana stifle a smile behind her hand as she also realized the reason behind Rachel's stiff reaction. The actress threw a glare before looking at Marley with a smile as she tried her best to get rid of the jealousy boiling in her.
The actress threw a glare before looking at Marley with a smile as she tried her best to get rid of the jealousy boiling in her. "That's nice of you, Marley." The blue-eyed girl nodded.
"And when did you get here, Finn?"
Finn shoved his hands into his pockets and smiled his dopey smile at her. "It's an off day so I came this morning. I looked for you but I couldn't find you. So I came here. You don't mind, do you?" he asked carefully.
She shook her head instantly and waved her hand in dismissal. She walked in with Santana and they automatically gave her space right next to Quinn. Rachel smiled down at her as she reached out to take her hand. The blonde gripped tightly and nodded at her in reassurance to the silent question of her health.
"I'm okay," she mouthed.
Rachel's smile widened however slightly and she placed a kiss on Quinn's forehead. She could feel everybody's eyes burning into them but they were lost in each other. She would take as much intimacy with Quinn as she could. She didn't wanna miss out on anything. She stood upright and subconsciously brushed the blonde's hair back.
"So I'm gonna guess that you're pretty excited for Monday," she said with a teasing smile and a raised eyebrow.
"I get to get out of this bed. I'm ecstatic," Quinn deadpanned, earning a small laugh from the brunette. "Dr. Costner…um…he said he's gonna have my…hearing aid on Sunday." She gulped, her smile dimming a little. She still wasn't comfortable with the idea of wearing a hearing aid for the rest of her life.
Suddenly, the air in the room seemed to have grown thicker and tenser. And then Marley broke it. "I'm sure you can still excel in protecting Miss Berry. After all, you're the number one material that Miss Lopez sought out."
Rachel couldn't have been more thankful for Marley when she saw the grin on the blonde's face. Quinn closed her eyes for awhile before reopening them and nodding to herself in reassurance. Santana, on the other hand, had a somewhat smug smirk on her face and she threw Quinn an adoring look to tell her that Marley was absolutely right.
Quinn looked around the room as her friends chatted with each other and sometimes engaged her in an entirely ridiculous topic. Rachel could see the look in her eyes and she leaned down to whisper in Quinn's ear.
"It's lucky we have them, don't you think?" she whispered with a soft smile.
Quinn turned to her and started a little. Their eyes locked, their faces were only a few inches apart, and they could practically feel the others breath. Quinn's breath hitched slightly and Rachel did not miss that. Her lips twitched. She didn't make any move to lean in or anything. She just waited for Quinn's next action.
The injured bodyguard finally grinned and nodded. "Yeah," she said breathily. "It is."
It felt extremely weird. And unsurprisingly uncomfortable.
She had been preparing herself for the past forty-eight hours. She had braced herself; but when Dr. Costner came with that little box in his hand and a booklet manual in the other, she very nearly had a panic attack. She had rushed into the bathroom and bent over the toilet bowl, throwing up the bacon sandwich she'd had that morning.
The anxiety. The nerves. The fear. The need to admit that she now had this physical flaw that would affect her for the rest of her life. They had all been hogging her for hours and days on end. She had just never faced them. They were the demons she hid from for years now. She'd been running from them. She unexpectedly ran into them when she saw Rachel again. And then she ran again. She never actually stopped to face and fight them. And now, seeing the hearing aid was the last straw. She was facing the demons.
Rachel was there pulling her hair back as she rutted and coughed and choked. The grimace on her face was substantial and she had moisture at the edges of her eyes. She held it in though, as she patted Quinn's back, muttering soothing words into her ears to ease her emotions and her headache.
Quinn groaned and leaned her head against the rim of the toilet bowl, disregarding how unsanitary that was. She breathed harshly, coughing every now and then. She hated being so weak. She hated having an audience witnessing her moment of weakness. She hated that she needed something like a fucking hearing aid to help her. She hated it all.
When she finally composed herself, she stood up on wobbly legs and headed to the sink. She twisted the faucet and splashed water on her face, wiping it with a towel before walking out with Rachel in tow. Santana, Brittany, Sam, Puck and Finn – the guy seemed to be here a lot lately, which Quinn didn't mind – were occupying all corners of the room while Dr. Costner waited by the foot of the bed.
They watched her tentatively as she took slow steps to the bed and sat down. Rachel never left her side. Dr. Costner appraised Quinn for a moment before nodding to himself and unpacking the box. Inside was another metal box. He took it out and lifted the lid, removing the very item that was going to stick with her for the rest of her life.
She stared at it. She put extra focus on it. Her eyes zoomed in at the tiny, foreign object. Everything around her was a blur as she glare-stared at the object. Dr. Costner moved next to her and held it in front of her, a small smile on his face.
Quinn took a deep readying breath and frowned a little. She gulped, the aftertaste of vomit strong in her mouth. She could feel the bile rising in her throat and she suppressed it. She tentatively reached out, hesitated, and then took it. Her mouth opened a little. She was holding it. She had it. And she was gonna wear it.
It was flesh colored to help camouflage the device from people who didn't pay too close of attention. She rolled it in her hands, observing. It was an inner ear hearing aid, which meant it would rest inside the ear canal, rather than behind her ear like many common, older model aids.. She chose it because it would be inside her ear and wouldn't easily fall out. It was also small and easy. She knew it might be difficult to fine tune to her preferences, her but she felt that it would be most suitable. It also offered some listening advantages that the other hearing aids offered did not.
She looked up at Dr. Costner, who was waiting patiently for her to finish exploring the object. He raised his brows at her. She released her breath and then nodded, brushing her hair behind her right ear and gestured at it for him to make his move.
He smiled and began talking. He explained the shape and size. He demonstrated the way to put it in her ear appropriately and then asked her to do it. When she failed the first time, he demonstrated again. His patience was endless and he never showed even the slightest annoyance. She tried it a few more times before she finally succeeded, resulting in a proud smile from Dr. Costner.
He asked her take it out again to teach her how to adjust the amplifier, switch the T-coil and regulate the microphone. When he was done explaining, he asked her if she understood, and she nodded in agreement. Then he asked her to show him how to do all those things. She did them to his satisfaction and he finally nodded in approval.
"Alright then. Now, if you're ready, you can put it in and start putting it to good use," he said softly, tilting his head at her.
Her friends watched from her bedside. Rachel had her hand resting on Quinn's knee so she could take it for some familiarity and comfort. She watched the emotions sweeping past Quinn's eyes as her face remained stone cold. She could see the emotions fighting for dominance. Rachel squeezed Quinn's knee lightly, drawing her attention to her.
Rachel offered her a gentle smile and nodded slowly. "You can do it," she whispered. "I know you can."
The blonde gazed at her for god-knows-how-long before she nodded to herself and smiled. She stared at the device once more and then proceeded to put it in her right ear. It took her a couple of seconds to get it right. She could feel that she got it right when she heard the click and everything seemed louder when everyone was silent. She slowly put down her hand.
Again, it felt extremely weird. And unsurprisingly uncomfortable.
Her hand landed on her lap as she lowered her head and closed her eyes. She listened. She felt the thing pricking into her ear. She felt the itch to take it out and get rid of it, but she clenched her hands into tight fists. She forced herself to get used to it. She forced herself to just accept it.
I am near deaf and I need hearing aid. She kept ranting the same phrase over and over again before she finally snapped her eyes open. She lifted her head and saw that everybody was watching her anxiously.
"How do you feel?" She turned to Finn and stared. The words were louder, but they still weren't as loud as they were before the incident. She had expected it, so she wasn't exactly disappointed because they were at least louder.
So she smiled at her newly-gained friend and said, "Louder."
Finn stayed with her after the doctor gave her more meds to regulate her body and the manual to refer to if she had any questions about her new device. Rachel had to go back to work and Santana had taken it upon herself to take control of the security team after a slight schedule mishap that occurred under Azimio's control while Quinn was out of commission.
Rachel had made sure everything was taken care of and asked Quinn how she was feeling more than twenty times before Santana had grown impatient and pushed her out the door. They bade her one last goodbye before they left.
She still felt uncomfortable with the hearing aid. It felt like something was pricking into her ear and it itched. Despite the discomfort, her hearing had improved so she left it in. She knew she would get used to it eventually.
He sat by her bed and put down a stack of comics on the tray table in front of her. She raised a brow at him as he flashed her a goofy grin. He ruffled his own hair and picked up one from the stack and showed it to her. She stared at X-Men with that weird mask of his on the cover before looking back at Finn.
"Why do I have comics in my bedroom?" she asked skeptically.
His grin stayed intact and wide as he practically shoved the comic book into her hands. "Well, when I'm sick, I read comic books. These are from my collection. They're like my babies or something. So you should really feel special that I'm letting you read them. I don't normally let people even touch them."
She smiled slightly at his thoughtfulness before shaking her head and chuckling. "Sorry, but I don't dig Marvel…or any other comic books out there so…" She flimsily handed it back to him.
He stared at her with a scandalous expression and then fumbled with the comic book. "But it's Marvel! It's like the best thing ever!" he said, almost screaming in protest. "You can't not like Marvel! I have never seen anyone who doesn't like Marvel before!"
She shrugged. "Guess I'm the first," she said with an apologetic smile.
He gaped at her for a moment longer as his brain seemed to be processing the seemingly shocking news. Finally, he closed his mouth with a sigh and shook his head in disappointment as he placed the comic back on top of the pile and twisted the chair to face her completely.
"So what do you wanna do now? Instead of reading Marvel, which I still think is completely insane and unreasonable and stupid," he remarked with all honesty.
"Stupid?" Quinn teased, smirking. "You dare call me stupid?" He gave her an unamused look. She laughed and shook her head. "Joking," she added. Her laughter died down and she turned back to him with curiosity. "So why aren't you working?"
"I'm done filming," he answered with a casual shrug, picking up the comic book he was holding before and flipped to the front page.
She was taken aback momentarily before she recovered. "What? Since when?"
"Last night." He looked up at her with his goofy grin again. "So I graciously offered myself as your companion for the day, seeing as you're stuck still stuck in bed." He winked at her and snickered. She narrowed her eyes slightly. "And I have nothing to do until the wrap party so…" He lifted his shoulders in a shrug and gave her an expression that said Why not?
"Aw," she drew out. "You're sweet."
"You only realized this now?" he said with his signature half smirk.
"And modest too," she remarked.
He chuckled and nodded to himself with a smug look on his face. "My best quality."
She laughed out loud at that. "You know, I didn't realize you were so nice until recently," she said with a soft smile. "It's kind of nice to know that I've gained a friend from this."
"Likewise, Fabray. Likewise," he replied. "I guess we were just too overtaken by our feelings for Rachel to actually be civil with each other. I'm glad we're over that now." There was a glint in his eyes that raised her suspicions. Her gaze stayed on him until he finally got spooked and he frowned at her. "Why are you staring at me like I'm bacon?"
She blinked and opened her mouth wide, the edges tugged by a grin. "I don't stare at anyone except Rachel like meat," she said. His eyes widened at her words. "And I'm staring at you like a predator…because you have something to hide."
She swore his eyes couldn't get any wider. She gave him her signature eyebrow raise and smirk. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he finally said, gave her look and went back to his comic book.
"Oh come on! I thought we were best friends!"
He looked up with a naughty grin. "You say what now?" His tone was laced with incredulity and laughter.
"I thought we're best friends!" she repeated with the same whiny tone as before. "What are you hiding?" she asked loudly, climbing onto her knees and crawled nearer to punch his shoulder playfully.
He looked at her for a moment before frowning and tilting his head. "Are you high?" he asked.
Her gaze turned into a glare and she reached out to punch him again, harder this time. He yelped and rubbed his arm. "I am not high!" she enunciated. "Now tell me!"
"Are you always so bossy and violent?" Finn remarked. When her arm shot out again, he pushed the chair back a few paces, getting out of her reach quickly. "Hey!" he yelled.
"I prefer the words 'powerful' or 'fierce' or 'determined'." She offered him a fake smile. "Now, are you gonna tell me or do I have to get out of this bed to force it out of you?"
"It's nothing big!" he proclaimed.
"I'm bored."
He gaped at her. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I'm bored. I want to talk about stuff. Any stuff. And whatever you're hiding is probably worth my time to talk about. So out with it! What are you hiding?"
He groaned and threw his head back, hanging against the chair back. "I met a girl." She raised a brow at the new information. "It was the night after my first visit to you. You know, when we had that talk about Rachel. I went for a drink that night. The girl's a bartender there. We talked. I got her number."
She stared at him for a moment before huffing. "Why would you hide something like that? It's a good thing!"
"Because I haven't talked to her since that night. I haven't called her or anything. I figured she would've met another guy at this point." She slapped him on the arm and he jumped, glaring at her. "Would you stop hitting me?"
"I would if you'd stop being an idiot!" she hissed. "Why haven't you called her?"
His features fell and he sighed, looking down at his lap. He ran his hand through his hair and released another sigh. He shrugged and gave her a helpless look. "I'm a coward. I couldn't bring myself to call her. I was afraid she didn't like me. And it's not usually good for an actor's public image to date a bartender."
She frowned at his logic. "You'd choose your career over your happiness?" she asked incredulously.
He stammered, opening and closing his mouth a few times before he grunted and rubbed his face with his hand. "My career's only starting to bloom, Quinn. You have to understand that I've been working really hard at this business for a long time and this is the first time I've landed a role this huge! I can't let it go just like that."
"But what if she could make you happy?" She stared at him with both of her brows raised. She gestured in the air and said, "What if you could find real happiness with her? What if you have a future with her?"
"Quinn," Finn started protesting.
"No," Quinn interrupted. "I know being a celebrity is tough. I know you like being an actor. I know all that. Hell, I'm in love with one of them!" Finn smiled slightly at that. "But I also know that it's not easy to find happiness. I've been there and done that. I chose my career over the love of my life and look where I ended up at. You need to snag this chance before it's too late. Because once it's too late, you won't know when you'll find another chance like this again."
Finn fidgeted with his fingers as he contemplated her words, his jaw working as he shifted in his seat. She watched him as he mulled over her advice. He had turned into a good friend and she wanted him to be happy. With whomever it was that could give him that.
"I guess I'll call her tonight and see if we can go out sometime," he muttered at last with a reluctant smile. She grinned and nodded. "You give good pep talks."
She shrugged with a smug look. "I have my ways."
Quinn was slaying soldiers on Call of Duty with Finn when Rachel and the rest came home. He'd gone to the mansion to pick up the Xbox in the game room and plugged it in her bedroom after an hour of talking nonsense.
He had initially tried to get her to read the comic books again but she straight out refused. She said they were immature and fictional and completely exaggerated. Finn had protested her remarks but she stood her ground. God knows how stubborn she could be. He admitted defeat and suggested Call of Duty for her.
She had played the game with Sam and Puck whenever she came home from the army on leave. They had taught her the basics and she quickly learned how to maneuver through things by herself. At the end of the day, she defeated both of them in the game with flying colors.
Now, she came to find out that Finn Hudson was quite the opponent at the game. He easily disappeared from her point of view and even got in a few shots on her avatar. They had been playing for about two hours, with Quinn in the lead at 3:1
Her victories were certainly hard fought, as she was always found herself hanging on the edge of her 'life' , just barely defeating Finn each time.
They were fully concentrated on their fourth round and they didn't even have the politeness to greet their visitors when they came in. Their eyes stayed focused on the TV screens, each of them pressing frantically over random buttons on their respective controllers. There would be an occasional twitch on Quinn's lips or a sporadic smirk on Finn's.
Rachel and Santana had given up trying to gain their attention and they all – Rachel, Santana, Brittany, Puck, Sam and Kurt – gathered behind Finn to avoid blocking the gamers view. Their animosity towards each other was shown on screen as they showed not a slice of mercy at all as they pitted against each other.
And just in a short moment, the whole group had become completely engrossed in the gunshot battle going on screen. Rachel would gasp when Quinn nearly got shot. Santana would release chuckles when Quinn successfully took a portion of Finn's 'life'. Puck and Sam would whistle whenever they displayed some awesome skills they could never achieve themselves. Brittany was grinning the whole time while Kurt was watching with nonchalance.
The room grew tense as their battle neared the end, everyone waiting to see who would be victorious... Quinn and Finn began to be less careless and more cautious, searching for the others avatar. It was obvious that Quinn was the more careful one of the two.
Rachel subconsciously held onto Quinn's shoulder when she saw what Quinn saw. Finn was so concentrated on his point of view that he didn't notice that Quinn had found him. Rachel allowed a distracted glance to Quinn and gulped when she saw the incredibly sexy smirk on the blonde's face as she aimed and pressed the button to pull the trigger.
Then Finn's avatar dropped dead. And the round was over.
Quinn released a maniacal laugh and cheered and whooped in her bed, doing a dorky upper body dance as Finn gaped as the screen. When Finn turned to her with an incredulous look, she laughed louder and leaned forward to ruffle his hair, giving him a mock kiss.
She winked at him and giggled. "I win."
he continued her victory dance, singing at the top of her lungs and throwing her arms in the air at the most random time intervals. Finn couldn't help but smile at her in the end. Quinn didn't even seem to realize that she had an amused and happy audience as she kept on acting ridiculous. It was a version of herself that rarely made appearances. Finn decided that his loss was worth it.
if you're angry with me for being so late in updating, you have to understand why. i may not be a big Finn fan, but i am a fan of Cory Monteith. i may not worship him, but he's still one of the people who rescued me from spiraling out of control. to be honest, i don't think i'd even be alive if it wasn't for the cast - which included him. he's among the cast, he's one of my inspirations, his silliness and his half smirks and his awkward moves made me smile and laugh.
sure, Finn Hudson can be an asshole, but Cory Monteith is not. Cory Monteith is sweet and funny and tall and awkward and talented and he's a person. i respect him and i love him and i really really miss him. i have been crying for three days straight since i've heard of the news and i certainly wasn't in the mood to write. but now that i've mustered the strength to write, i wanna dedicate this chapter to him.
rest in peace, Cory. rest easy, big guy.