XIV
I forgot that I could be in danger… I forgot that maybe L would notice something about me… I forgot my father could be home waiting for me… I forgot that someone could arrive in the house at any moment… I forgot that maybe Ryuk was another who could be watching us…
But one thing I sure didn't forget…
Something that I was pretty sure about on the next moment:
I was sure it wasn't a saint that was giving me my first kiss under that hot water...
I opened my eyes in my bed later.
I touched my lips. They were still shaking after that.
I wondered if I had dreamt last night about what happened on that rainy afternoon.
I still couldn't believe we had actually… kissed.
"It was a pleasure having you here honey! Come back anytime!"
"Come back soon Seira-san!"
"Sure thing Yagami-san. Sayu-san… Light-kun…"
"…"
"… Well, goodbye… See you soon…"
Light and I didn't spoke a word to each other after what happened. Our gaze never met again after that kiss.
Ryuk didn't say anything to me after that.
He was in a corner of my room watching me carefully. I wasn't looking back at him.
My gaze was stuck in the ceiling.
Had I unknowingly involved Light into a problem that was supposed to be my own? Were L's eyes still watching when our emotions drove us into kissing in the shower?
I felt I was going crazy with so many thoughts locked into my head. Perhaps when I least expected it my head would pop up like a popcorn, with pieces of my brain flying all out.
"What should I do… mama?" I asked constantly looking at the celling
"Minamoto-san! Are you listening?"
"Huh?" I said awakening from my thoughts
There I was again with that weird psychologist. I had begun to skip the sessions and lock myself into my house thinking too much.
As I mentioned I am a deep tinker… I wonder if I would be a great philosopher…
The psychologist sighed and looked at me sounding concerned for a moment.
"I have to talk to you about something… Of all the people whom I had the luck of analyzing, you seem to be one of those persons who seem to have something peculiar within you…"
I blinked with an innocent gaze.
"What do you mean Miss?"
"I sense you have a secret hidden within you… I can tell you hide most of what you feel when we talk… barely…"
"I… You know I'm busy… I'm at my last high school year and I just want to keep some time to study…"
She didn't shake off that suspicious gaze.
"Can I… Can I go to the bathroom for a minute?"
She nodded silently.
I exited the room.
"I'm neither a psychologist nor a doctor (Heck! I'm not even human!) to see that you're not feeling well…" commented Ryuk as I placed my back on the wall next to the door.
And again… Right over there…
"I wasn't born to deal with this…" I whispered in a sob as two heavy tears fell from my eyes
Ryuk listened to me silently.
"Crap! My head is hurting with many things and with nothing… I feel like I'm crying for something stupid and at the same time I feel like I have to cry… I'm fucking crazy, I know… But I'm just so scared of so many things going on around me… I don't think I was ready to deal with all of them… Sorry I'm just so…"
But Ryuk just cleaned up my wet face with his hand (was that a hand?) and rose my chin so that I would look at him.
"Before you finish talking about this sweet-cheeks, I would recommend that you would listen to what's going on in the room you just left…"
I looked confused at him, and then I heard talking inside the room. I thought maybe the woman was a little nuts when I thought I heard her talking alone.
"I believe it's her… Somehow I do… I know there are kids who are different from regular children, but she's too different! She was the only one to survive that bus jacking! Don't tell me there isn't something peculiar about her !"
She talked like she had lost her marbles.
But then I heard a conversation that would only add another problem into my dark list.
"So it was her indeed?"
Wha…?
Who was she talking to?
The voice sounded strange though… I could tell it was a computerized voice… But who was talking?
"Don't tell me that you of all people miss the news!"
"I just want to get everything confirmed before I make any harsh moves… But the other day I had the chance of watching something… like you say peculiar"
The person who was talking had already won my attention. But not because I liked his or her speech…
"Fill me in…" said the psychologist
"Re member my plot to place cameras in the houses of the Kitamura and Yagami family? Well on the first day the girl in the matter was there with the son of chief Yagami"
"So they were getting down with each other, how cute…"
"But there was more in those two than it seemed… Those two have a connection that no lovebirds have ever had… I find it hard to believe that coincidences happen! Why did she survive that fatal bus jacking? And why did she actually appear in the cameras I ordered to install? No… there's just something there…"
"But tell me… why do you insist in your points of view?"
"Let's just say it's instinct… My instinct tells me to follow ahead with my theories…"
"Very well… I trust your word… L…"
I backed a step and froze.
It was L talking to her…
I was in deep trouble now. He did notice me as I had always feared. Now I had reasons to expect the worst.
I found myself running from the place and feeling the tears fall down as I did.
Eventually I bumped into many people on the streets but I didn't care.
I felt like I wanted to run away.
I wanted to escape from the events that I felt would follow.
But I found myself in my house.
I locked myself inside my room and sat in my bed.
"Now I'm fucked up… Now I am defiantly going to the gallows! And the worst is that… I'm taking Light with me… I'm the one guilty of the mess I've put us into! I have to do something!"
And I decided to leave my actions for the next day.
Little did I know that I would be unable to control the events that would follow tomorrow.
There no classes on that Monday. The final period was at its end so most of the students were outside taking some fresh air.
I sat alone in the stairs of the stairs.
I couldn't find him anywhere.
"What exactly are you planning to do sweet-cheeks?" asked Ryuk roaring with curiosity.
"I just want to warn him… That he's in danger because of me… And apologize…"
"Aren't you just going to talk about what ha…?"
"No!" I said harshly
Some of the students seemed to hear me but then they resumed with what they were doing.
"I… I think we may need some time to think about that other thing…"
"Geez, you humans all say you need time for whatever! Haven't you ever thought that you may be wasting your time acting like that?"
"You're not human; therefore you can't talk like you actually feel like a human…" I said closing another of the little arguments that we used to have once in a while
"Minamoto-san!"
I lifter my head up and saw Rena coming towards me with a rush.
She stopped to catch her breath.
"Dostanoh Rena-san?" I asked wondering what was up with her
"I… I wanted to talk to you later…" she said looking anxiously at me
What was happening to her? She wasn't the Rena that I knew from the start. She looked more like herself, somehow…
"Why don't we talk now?" I asked standing up
"I'm sorry, I'm just… Well something just happened now and I need to… Well, I'm just going to take some fresh air and then I'll meet you… Okay?"
"O-kay… I guess…" I said looking a little confused at her
"Right… Okay… No problem… Later then…" she said walking away
"That girl is even weirder than that Millie girl…" commented Ryuk
"I wonder what got into her…" I said as I walked through the hallways of the school
My mind was wondering how the world seemed to take a turn around me.
It seemed the Death Note was a motive of changes.
All of them too sudden and awkward.
As I walked pass one of my classrooms I stopped as I peeked into the open door.
Light was in there staring out the window with his back turned at me.
I swallowed then walked lightly into the room.
"Go at him, kid…" whispered Ryuk as I walked slowly.
I placed myself next to him and stared outside.
Our gaze still hadn't met since that happened.
"It sure is quiet here, huh?" I said unexpectedly
"Hai…" he said talking to me, but not looking towards me "I always enjoy the silence… It allows you to think…"
We kept quiet enjoying the silence like he said.
"I came… to warn you…"
He didn't answer.
"I think… I might have placed you in danger… I'm in the middle of something I hardly know… And… I don't want anyone getting hurt because of me…"
"You worry too much about others… Don't you want to live a nice happy life like any regular human wishes?"
"I… I feel that if I'm not allowed to live such a life, others should…"
"Isn't there anything worthy for you to live?"
Testing me again? What the heck…?
I breathed harshly.
"If your answer is no, you may leave through the door you came through…"
How could he be so mean to me?!
I grabbed his hand softly.
"I have… I really do… Honest…" I said hardly containing a sob
With his thumb he petted my hand.
"Then you have reasons to worry about yourself as well…"
"But…" I said at two tears jumped from my eyes to the floor "I don't want to put you into something you don't have anything to do with…"
His hand held mine a little tightly.
Our eyes still hadn't met.
"What were your thoughts… on that day?" he asked bringing up what I didn't want to talk about
I hesitated.
"I need time Light-kun… And I know you thought about something yourself as well…"
He remained silent.
But then my voice sounded weak, as I decided to make an awkward question.
"How did you know there were cameras in your house?"
He took a deep breath.
"Why the hell did I ask this again?! What's wrong with me?!"
"The truth is… I somehow remembered they were there"
"What?" I whispered completely stupefied
What was he talking about?! He REMEMBERED?!
"Remember when you walked into my room for the first time?"
"Hum-hum…"
"When I opened the door, as I noticed the door knob was above, I somehow knew there were cameras in my room… I can't explain… My mind just flashed and I just knew they were there…"
I stood petrified in shock. Did he know that what he was saying sounded nuts? Or was there actually more to him than I thought?
"And I know it's a bigger probability that L comes after me… You still have chances of being safe…"
I looked with wide puppy crying eyes at him. He didn't look back at me though.
"Why do you say that?!" I said between a moan and a whisper
He released my hand and turned back from the window.
"The cameras were in my house, not on yours… Remember?"
He took two steps then he stopped.
"But whatever follows… It's pre-destined…"
He seemed so cold when he said those words. I wondered if it was him actually talking.
I washed my hands harshly in the bathroom. I rubbed them time and time again.
That talk with Light was something from another world.
It was crazy talk!
"Seira-chan… I wanted to confess something to you…" said Ryuk all of a sudden to me
"Another rule of the Death Note, I suppose… But if you're asking if I want the eyes, I still haven't decided yet!"
"Geee, you're guessing skills are a little down… No it's neither of those things! When you and your boy were talking a little while ago and he said he remembered the cameras were in his house I remembered something myself"
"What?"
"When I first saw him he seemed… I dunno… familiar somehow…"
…
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the scared and confused gaze that my eyes had adopted.
Why was everyone remembering things that never happened?!
This was too fucking crazy to my small filled up head!
I landed on earth again when I heard the bathroom door closing violently.
I jumped and looked.
It was Sekino.
I continued to wash my hands like I was moments ago.
I washed harder due to my nervous mood.
"Look at me…" Sekino said all of a sudden
I looked around to see if she was talking to someone else. When it was evident that she was talking to me, all of a sudden she came quickly towards me and grabbed my wrist very hardly.
"I said look at me!" she yelled
I released from her violently. Just when I was about to ask that bitch what was wrong with her, as soon as I looked into her eyes I felt myself becoming helpless.
Her gaze became colder and colder by the days. Now it was as if I was looking at someone whose heart was as cold as ice. Her eyes were staring at me with rage, fear, hatred, tons of emotions very different yet all reunited inside of them.
"Why are you of all people getting all the attention I was supposed to be having?!" she said heatedly
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" I said more as an affirmation than as a question
She made a frown which made her look more threatening.
"It's your fault that Rena said those things to me a while ago… How could she exchange my company for the company of a rat like you?"
"Watch your tongue missy!" I said seriously
She moved closer to me.
"All that while, Rena was a poor lost soul when she first came into this school… I showed her how to live, how to act, how to get what she ever wanted… But now… Now she changes everything to be in the company of a disgusting goth girl like you!" she said rising her voice "How?! How the fuck could she change my company for the company of someone who's neither popular nor successful, no NOTHING! What do you fucking have that I don't have?! WHAT DO YOU…?!"
Her loud voice was interrupted by a slap that came from my hand.
She looked surprised to her left then lowered her face.
I hesitated then I exited the bathroom.
My hands were shaking as I walked towards the hallway.
I stopped at the door of a classroom and supported myself on it.
"Why?! Why is everything becoming so strange to me?! What the hell is happening?"
I walked some steps to take a seat.
Then it happened too fast.
Sekino came from behind me all of a sudden with a yell, grabbed me by the hair and threw me to my right where there were some lockers nearby.
My back hit them violently and I released a grasp of pain, and hit the floor violently.
I looked up but remained laid on the floor.
Some people inside were already looking like a murder had been committed.
"Do you know whose fault it is that I'm alone now?"
"What are you doing? Get a grip on yourself!" I yelled with a painful voice
She seemed full of rage. She grabbed me by the neck and held it tightly carving her nails deep inside of it.
"IT'S EVERYONE'S FAULT THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU!"
I began to cry.
"Stop this! You're hurting me!" I said now begging
Next thing I knew, I flew from the lockers to some classroom tables and struck on them violently. I felt something cracking and I feared I might have broken two ribs or more.
I began to shake, sob and moan in pain.
"You're fucking pitiful…" she said as she walked slowly towards me "How could I have lost everything to a lousy piece of shit like you! HOW?!"
And she began to kick me violently in the back. I tried to protect myself but her foot managed to inflict more pain in my back.
"YOU'RE A FUCKING THEIF, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE! YOU REALLY THING EVERYONE WILL PITY YOU EVERYTIME YOU SHED A TEAR?! YOU DON'T DESREVE TO BREATHE THE SAME AIR AS HUMAN BEINGS! IF YOU'RE MISERABLE THEN DIE! DON'T STEAL FROM OTHERS WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE! I HOPE KIRA FINDS OUT YOU'RE A FREAKING THEIF AND KILLS YOU WITH A FREAKING HEART ATTACK!"
She was out of her mind…
I felt the kicks becoming more violent as well as her yells.
I was never bullied like this.
I don't want to talk about what I felt, for it's an experience that looks fun on TV but it's horrible when you actually live it.
I moaned more and sobbed harder. More people had came into the room all of them too scared to help me. They were shaking themselves like they were feeling my pain, but why on earth were they cowardly enough to keep watching me endure all of this pain and humiliation.
Human beings sure have a sick attraction for drama, indeed.
"Help me…" I said with my voice shaking with fear and sobs
She growled.
"CRIYNG WON'T MAKE YOU LESS MISERABLE! YOU THINK ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS WILL GO AWAY BY SIMPLY PLAYING THE PART OF THE VICTIM?!"
All of a sudden she seemed to grab onto something. She grabbed into a chair.
"THAT'S IT I'M GOING TO SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH FOR GOOD!" she yelled getting ready to smack me with the chair.
I feared the hit, but then I felt two arms placing onto me for protection.
Rena's small arms picked my crying face up and held my torso in her lap.
She embraced me tightly with a mother's touch.
I felt on that moment that Rena cared for me all that time she was pretending to be under Sekino's influence.
"What gives you the right to treat Seira-chan like this?!" she said with her crying soft voice "She's had so many problems in her life! You shouldn't push her around all the time!"
Her voice was true, fearless and filled with true emotion.
She was small in height but she had a big heart indeed.
"I'm not…" hesitated Sekino seeming calmer "I'm not pushing her around! I'm just giving her what she deserves for…"
"For WHAT?!" interrupted Rena "You're the miserable one! You hide your misery behind actions such as this! Boy, I was sure right in quitting being your friend. I'd rather hang out with someone who doesn't keep saying to me that I should hide what I am!"
Her words were brave indeed.
A push was heard and Sekino let out a grasp of pain. I head the chair falling down onto the floor.
Light involved me and Rena in his arms.
He looked back at Sekino.
"What's the meaning of this… Sekino?" he asked with a raged voice "Why would you do this?"
I heard her voice hesitating.
"What did Seira-chan ever do to you?! What the hell did the world ever do to you?!" he yelled as strongly as she was a moment ago
He lowered his face shaking with rage.
"It's not your fault though… I knew all along how miserable you are… It's just the crap society we live onto… The rotten ideals around us… This is just how the whole rotten world works… How can we live happily in such a society?!"
I seemed to hear around me what sounded like the echo of a ringing sound as he talked.
I didn't know at that time… That the part of him that was talking… was his darkest side…
Eventually the teacher found out what happened and me and Sekino were taken to the principal's office.
But the person expecting me there wasn't the principal himself.
"No! No, no NO, not her!" I thought desperatly as I saw the psychologist waiting for me inside.
"Who the hell are you?" asked Sekino rudely
She ignored her and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"I know what happened to you and I find it pitiful…" she said throwing Sekino a disgusted look
She made her a frown then looked away.
All of a sudden I saw Ryuk disappearing onto a wall. His eyes were shining evil.
What was he up to?
The words the psychologist was saying on that moment were mute to me.
My head spun like in a dream.
Too many had happened.
My head was too light.
The room seemed to slowly spin around me.
But then I managed to distinguish some words she was saying.
"I suspect you may be..."
I gasped before she had the time to finish.
And then… after that long second of silence... the room busted in flames as an explosion took its place right there.