Chapter Fourteen

""Yeah, yeah, you want a cigarette. Well, I'd like a normal boyfriend. Deal with it."
Amy Farrah Fowler (TBBT Season 6)
"The Monster Isolation"

Like the medulla oblongata, pons, and middle cerebellar peduncle, Amy knew Sheldon Cooper. Therefore, his behavior was fairly easy to predict. When faced with an emotional conflict or unsavory outcome, he would regress in maturity and retreat into himself until he could devise a plan to circumvent the issue. Thus, during the few hours they spent at his mother's house following the reunion, she'd expected him to avoid her like the bubonic plague.

She couldn't have been more wrong.

If anything, Sheldon seemed perfectly normal. He was calm, ordered, and rational. He spent an hour detailing his latest research to his grandmother and patiently answering any resulting questions she had. He joined Missy and Riley on the couch when they announced their intentions to view Avatar. And, with the exception of demanding Riley remove himself from his spot, Sheldon was the epitome of his usual, polite-yet-aloof self to all.

Amy was immediately suspicious. If she bought into that hokum they called science fiction, she would have thought he'd been replaced with some sort of pod person. So, while Sheldon watched the film, Amy sat in the recliner watching him. When they dined on leftovers from the reunion, she ignored her food and watched him. When Missy tried to induce Amy to come into her room for some "girl talk," she brushed her off so she could watch Sheldon play a video game with Riley. Even when her phone buzzed with a call from Penny, she ignored it in favor of keeping her eye on her "normal-acting" boyfriend.

The only time her attention was diverted from this self-appointed observation time was when George showed up after dinner. Sheldon's brother came in with the force of a hurricane wind. He didn't speak to anyone as he plowed into the kitchen in search of food. The second the kitchen door closed, there was a loud crash of what sounded like metal pots hitting the floor. Mary immediately followed after him, but whether it was to reproach him for his rude behavior or to serve him food, Amy couldn't be sure.

Meemaw, sitting on the edge of the couch, visibly tensed at George's entrance. Missy, upon seeing her eldest brother, rolled her eyes and tugged Riley on the arm.

"C'mon," she said, "let me walk you to your car."

"Am I ready to go home?" Riley asked, confused to be pulled away from his game.

"Believe me, you don't want to be around here right now," Missy replied, coaxing him to the door.

"But, I do and—" Riley insisted.

"Two words, honey. 'French kissing.'"

"Right," he said. "Goodnight, everyone!"

With a jaunty wave, he and Missy disappeared out the door. Sheldon, meanwhile, packed up the console and games. His back was still to Amy when he said, "Amy, get your things together. It is time to return to the motel."

What is going on here? Amy's eyes darted from Meemaw to her boyfriend. "According to the itinerary, we're not scheduled to leave for another ninety minutes, Sheldon."

"Now, Amy," Sheldon ordered, rising from the floor to return the video game console to the hall closet.

Amy jumped. She'd never heard Sheldon speak to her this way before. It intimidated and excited her at the same time. She glanced over to Meemaw, who looked irritated and, suddenly, very tired. But, the second she noticed Amy's gaze on her, she produced a wide smile. "He's right. It's getting late, honey. We'll see y'all tomorrow. We're having breakfast with you before you head off to the airport. Right, Moon Pie?"

Sheldon returned to the living room, holding Amy's purse and shrug. "Indeed. Eight in the morning sharp," he answered. He handed the items to Amy before turning to call to his mother. "Mom, Amy and I are leaving now."

Missy returned from outside just as Mary came back from the kitchen. Amy had expected Sheldon's mother to protest her son's premature removal from her house. But, instead, she ushered them over to the front door.

"We'll see you both in the morning at the diner," Mary said. "Are you sure you won't go to church with us tomorrow, Shelly? Reverend Caldwell and Jesus would love to see you."

Sheldon shook his head. "We will need adequate time to get checked in and make it through airport security, Mom. Besides, our deal indicates that I only need attend church once per annum. I have already fulfilled that request this year."

"But, George Jr. even said he'd go with us," Mary added.

"Another reason for me to refuse your invitation," Sheldon replied. He allowed his mother to hug him before turning to bid his sister goodbye. "Missy, I beg you to stop telling your friends that I am a rocket scientist. Surely the humiliation I have derived thus far has more than adequately fulfilled your yearly quota for sibling mockery."

"You're right," Missy said, kissing him on the cheek before he could duck away. "I won't do it anymore."

Sheldon's shoulders relaxed in obvious relief. "Thank you."

Missy winked. "I'll just tell them you're a science teacher at a big fancy university in California. At least, that's what you said at the reunion."

"I did not," Sheldon complained. "It is not my fault that—"

"Children, stop that squabbling before you scare Amy off," Mary scolded. When another crash sounded, Mary darted a series of anxious glances at the closed kitchen door.

"Is everything all right?" Amy asked her.

Mary grabbed Amy into a forceful hug. "It's fine. George Jr.'s just in a mood. Don't worry. I'll talk him down. I always do." She patted her on the back. "Now," she said, pulling back to look at her. "You come back to visit us with Sheldon anytime, you hear? You're always welcome."

"Yeah," Missy sardonically added, "especially if you come by yourself."

Sheldon, who was currently hugging Meemaw, frowned at his sister over the older woman's shoulder. "Why on earth would she ever come here without me? I'm her boyfriend, and this is my hometown. You're being ridiculous, Missy."

Missy rolled her eyes before hugging Amy. "Remember to stay in touch," she said. "Make Sheldon give you my cell number and email address. And, if he won't fork it over, get it from Penny. You and I have lots to talk about. I'll be coming to Pasadena for a visit in a few months. Maybe I'll stay with you instead of Shelly-bean."

Sheldon immediately objected. "Absolutely not. Penny has already been too much of a bad influence on Amy. I refuse to allow you to corrupt her further."

Amy ignored the twins' continued squabbling in favor of saying goodbye to Meemaw. The older woman smiled as she pulled Amy into her embrace. As always, it was a blissful, serene experience. But, this time, there was an added element of vulnerability to Sheldon's grandmother that left Amy unnerved. "Are you all right?" Amy whispered in her ear. "Should we stay?"

"We'll be fine. George Jr.'s just had a little too much to drink. Mary knows how to deal with him. Don't you worry none," Meemaw whispered back. She gave her heartfelt squeeze. "I love you, honey. You'll come back to see me soon, right?"

Amy snuggled into the grandmother's arms, unable to stop the tears forming in her eyes. "I will. I promise. I love you too, Meemaw," she said. And, she meant it. Even though it was quite illogical to love someone one had barely known for two days, Amy knew that she did indeed love this woman and always would.

— —

The ride to the motel was a somber affair. When she asked Sheldon to explain what had precipitated their hasty exit, he waved off her concerns and looked out the window.

"Is it George Jr.'s rampant abuse of alcohol?"

Sheldon's head darted around. "How do you know about that?" he demanded. "Did Missy tell you?"

"No. But as a person who has worked on more than one addiction study, did you really not expect me to notice the symptoms?"

Sheldon slowly nodded. "You are correct, of course. Once again, your intelligence and keen observation skills do you credit, Amy."

A moment passed before she realized that was apparently all he planned to say about the affair. Amy, of course, wasn't willing to let it go. It was obvious he was upset.

"Sheldon, talk to me. I'm your girlfriend and would like to offer you comfort anyway I can."

Silence filled the car as Sheldon thought this over. Finally, he let out a long sigh and said, "I'm not a hippie, Amy. Talking about my feelings will not make me feel better any more than it will it make George Jr. cease his incessant need to overindulge in alcoholic beverages."

Amy wasn't offended. She knew how hard it was for him to even admit as much as he just had. So, she decided to continue the debate in a different way. "Fine. I'll respect your wish not to discuss this. However, I must ask, will George Jr., in his inebriated state, bring harm to Missy, your mother or Meemaw?"

Sheldon's jaw dropped. "Do you really think I would have left them there alone with him if I believed that? My brother is obnoxious and incredibly callous, but not violent. Mom is the only one able to handle him when he's like this." He sighed and shook his head. "Just like Dad." He let out a soft groan and pressed a fist against his forehead. "Now do you understand why I stay away from alcohol? Not only do you lose all control over yourself as well as basic cognitive functions, but you also hurt those around you. I wish you could know what it is like to grow up in a household where your mother is wrapped up in religion and your father is wrapped up in the bottle. You learn early on that you truly have no one but yourself to count on."

Amy's heart ached for him. She'd often felt alone while growing up, but never to this depth. Without thought, she reached out to take his hand. And, for once, Sheldon didn't reject her. If anything, he seized on to her hand as if she were his lifeline.

"Sheldon, you're never alone. You have Meemaw and Missy." She squeezed his hand before shyly admitting, "And me. You'll always have me. I hope you know that."

He looked over at her. Amy turned back to watch the road, but, from the corner of her eye, she saw that he kept his gaze firmly locked on her for the longest time. Finally, he turned back to stare out the window and nothing more was said.

— —

The peace between them wasn't broken until they reached their motel rooms.

"Amy, we should talk about what happened earlier with the aloe vera," he said, inserting the plastic key card into the electronic lock of his room.

Amy was surprised. She'd never expected him to want to tackle this problem head-on like this. As much as she knew her boyfriend, she couldn't help but be flummoxed and a bit suspicious. Still, the conversation needed to be had. If he was going to be the one to introduce the topic, she wasn't going to look a gift test monkey in the mouth.

"Sure," she said.

He ushered her inside. "I would offer you a cold beverage, but I don't have any."

"I have Yoo-hoo left over next door if you would like one," she suggested.

"No, thank you. The sooner this conversation is over, the sooner I can get to sleep. It has been a trying day on many fronts and I find myself exhausted. I will be glad to return home tomorrow to the comfort and solitude of my own bed."

Amy nodded and took a seat near the window. Sheldon didn't sit. Instead, he placed himself a foot or so in front of her, hands clutched behind his back as though he were about to deliver a lecture or reprimand. But, he said nothing. As the silence continued on, Amy rushed to speak.

"Sheldon, I want—"

"Amy, I think—"

They stopped and looked at each other.

"Please," Amy invited, "finish what you were going to say."

"Thank you. Amy, I think it is prudent that we not let what happen today impede the progress we've made in our relationship."

Really? Amy started to relax. "I couldn't agree more."

Sheldon paced in front of her. "I've carefully considered everything that happened. I know it was a mortifying experience for both of us and, concentrating on it too long will only made that discomfiture worse. Therefore, I have a proposal to make."

Amy sat up in the chair. She honestly had no idea what he was going to recommend. It could be anything. A kiss, a cuddle, actual coitus? She felt lightheaded and giddy. After so long, her dream for taking their relationship to the next level was finally coming true. She noticed that he was pausing before he continued on. Perhaps he was nervous? It certainly made sense.

"Go on, Sheldon," she encouraged. "No matter what it is, I don't believe you'll be disappointed in my answer."

He smiled. "Thank you, Amy. That does make this easier for me." Sheldon took a deep breath, stopped pacing and faced her. "I propose we complete a relationship reboot similar to the one we did after you got drunk and kissed me. After careful consideration, I believe the most practical restart point would be from last night when we watched Firefly."

Amy didn't react at first. She was too shocked. Slowly, she sat back in the chair, trying to wrap her brain around this. Sheldon, of course, took this as further encouragement.

"I'm so glad to see you are contemplating this. Take as much time as you need. I had thought emotion might hinder your ability to see the logic and pragmatism behind this move. In fact, if I were completely honest, I worried you might scream at me as you did the night I informed you we would not be living together."

She concentrated on breathing. The alternative was hitting her boyfriend over the head with the nearest heavy object. Having him bring up her humiliating argument to have them live together was like injecting a deadly virus into a bacteria-filled wound. The rejection this time was too much. This wasn't just about hurt feelings or bruised egos. Amy was righteously pissed off. Still, she fought to rein in her temper. Sheldon was right. She had screamed at him that night and, really, they'd gotten nowhere. Suddenly, Meemaw's voice spoke in her head.

I tell you that boy's in love with you. Not eighteen months from now. Today.

And, just like that, Amy was reborn. Meemaw was right. Sheldon did love her, but he wasn't going to admit it—not without her help.

It'll take a special woman to knock those walls down and coax him into coming out. I'm hoping you'll prove to be that woman.

I am that woman, Amy thought. And, it's time to prove it. Just like that, she knew how she was going to get through to Sheldon. She was going to use logic and outwit him. And she was going to start with the truth about what happened today.

Her eyes moved up to lock with his. "I have a counterproposal."

"Really? You think we should reboot from the time we left Pasadena?" He paused to think this over and then nodded. "Very well. I accept."

"No. Your proposal is that we reboot our relationship. My counterproposal is that we rip off our clothes and utilize this bed to make the metaphoric beast with two backs."

Sheldon paled so much that she wondered if he was going to faint. "You can't be serious!"

She shrugged. "You were asking for what you wanted in your proposal. Why can I not do the same? This is a negotiation, is it not?"

"You're being ridiculous. I should have known you would not be reasonable about this," he said, shaking his head. He crossed his arms over his chest as he glared condescendingly down at her.

"You wish me to be logical? Fine," she said, rising from her chair. "You applied aloe to my chest to soothe my sunburn. You touched my breasts. You felt sexually aroused. You are confused about how to process that and what it might mean in terms of our relationship. Thus, you wish to wipe it all away as though it never occurred. Is that logical enough for you?" As she made each point, she took a step closer to him. By the time she finished, she'd backed him up against the bed.

Sheldon scrambled to get away from her. "That couldn't be further from the truth! I was not sexually aroused. I was embarrassed to be touching you in that manner because my grandmother was there." Once he'd put some distance between them, he seemed calmer. "I believe I know my feelings better than you."

"I see. So, you are saying you did not, in fact, become sexually aroused this afternoon by touching me?" Amy asked with the precision of a prosecuting attorney.

Sheldon straightened to even inch of his impressive height and wrapped his arms around his chest as if to ward her off. "No, I did not." He smirked. "I am Homo Novus and, as such, am above that kind of base urge."

Amy gave a wide nod. "All right then. Let's test your hypothesis, shall we?"

"What?"

"You have a supposition that directly contradicts mine. As a scientist, you should know that the only valid way to prove or disprove a hypothesis is to test it."

His arms relaxed as he considered this. "How do you propose we test it?"

"Kiss me for five minutes. At the end of this, we will check your vitals to see if you are showing symptoms of sexual arousal."

He was already shaking his head before she even finished her suggestion. "That won't work. You said you believe I was sexually aroused by applying gel to your chest. Kissing you would utilize different stimulus and, as such, cannot accurately prove or disprove either of our hypotheses."

"But you postulated that, as a Homo Novus, you are above sexual arousal of any kind. Thus, the type of stimuli introduced should not matter."

He shook his head again. "I refuse to submit to that test. We should devise one that will adequately test both hypotheses simultaneously."

His logic was sound, so she decided to attack this from a new angle. "Fair enough," she said, going over to her purse. Pulling what she needed from it, she pivoted and held out a white tube at him. "Here is the aloe. Put it on my chest as you did this afternoon. By reproducing our actions from earlier, we will be able to accurately test both hypotheses to find out which of us is correct and which is delusional."

Sheldon glared at her over the "delusional" crack, but, nonetheless, took the tube from her. "Fine. However, when I am proven right, I expect you to apologize and agree to the relationship reboot."

Amy thought this over for a bit before nodding. "I accept."

Then, as she watched Sheldon unseal the cap on the aloe and walk towards her, one, panicky thought kept repeating in her mind.

Please let me be right. Please let me be right. Please let me be right.