Thank you so much for everyones reactions to the last chapter, now full disclosure I did make myself cry with this one because it is a flash back and then Olivers POV. (Olivers POV kills me!) so I'm sorry in advance again!

9 months ago

"Thank you." Oliver whispered softly into her ear as she leant over him.

"It's no problem Oliver; I told you computer security is my forte. I'm paid to do this." He laughed then shaking his head with a grin. She glanced back at him, his eyes quickly shifting from her ass to hers. She watched the flush spread across his face as she shook her head turning back to the computer. There was a slight tap on the door then it opened.

"Mr Queen-" Ray stopped abruptly at the image of his girlfriend bent over Oliver. "Felicity?" She looked up then with a smile.

"Hey Ray, Oliver was having some trouble with his security-"

"Again?" Ray asked as Oliver rubbed a hand at the back of his neck.

"Yes I know it's kind of embarrassing." He said pushing himself further away from Felicity.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about." Ray said as he stepped in. "Your father wanted me to give you a copy of the merger files."

"Ah, well thank you." Oliver stood up then as Felicity worked her magic. Ray handed him the file and he nodded.

"I'll see you later Felicity." Ray said and she glanced up again with a smile. "Remember we have reservations in about a hour."

"Of course, I'll finish this up and then I'll leave." She said softly sitting down in Oliver's chair.

"Goodbye Mr Queen."

"Mr Palmer." Oliver replied as he slipped through the door and closed it behind him. He turned back to Felicity then unable to stop the smile spreading at the way she looked behind his desk, the red pen between her lips and her fingers working furiously.

"I have no idea why people keep trying to hack you." She said absently as she worked.

"Oh you know everyone wants the latest gossip on me." He said with a sigh. She stopped then looking up at him.

"All they'd have to do is go to the QC break room with all the rumours down there." She teased trying to make him smile. Oliver walked towards her; he hesitantly placed his hand over one of hers as he stared at her.

"Thank you." He whispered and he watched her cheeks flush and a tiny frown appear.

"For what?"

"For always being here Felicity." He squeezed her hand smiling a little before he pulled back crashing on the sofa.

An hour later and Felicity was still sat in his office, the security breach solved and her new programme downloading. She sat beside Oliver on the sofa, her heels abandoned on the floor and a leg tucked under her. She laughed unburdened clutching Oliver's arm.

"Honestly I'm glad my embarrassment makes you laugh." She took a deep breath before she looked at him.

"But I mean who doesn't know to separate the colours from the whites!"

"I did!" She laughed harder and Oliver couldn't help but smile too. Times like this had become rarer between the pair since they both had entered their relationships. They had the occasional double date, work meeting, and some social time but Oliver had to admit he was missing Felicity so much in his life that he had begun to seek her out. He'd ask for her help with IT problems, and often found himself sharing his lunch with her if Laurel wasn't around. He was glad that they were still friends even with the relationships they were in. He felt a hand squeeze his arm as the other landed on his knee.

"Hey, where'd you go?" She whispered concern clouding her eyes.

"I was just thinking." He said absently.

"About what?" She asked tilting her head. He shifted slightly so her hand fell from his knee and instead his hand landed on her bare knee.

"How much I need you." He whispered not looking at her. He felt the hand on his arm freeze slightly before she squeezed and his eyes met hers.

"You don't need me Oliver, look how far you've come. You did this." She smiled brightly and he couldn't help but return it. His heart beat quicker in his chest. Her belief in him never failed to astound him.

"Felicity I-" Suddenly the door flew open.

"Oliver have you seen Felicity-" Ray stopped dead in his tracks taking in the pair before the computer beeped and Felicity was on her feet.

"It's done and oh my god! I'm so late! I'm sorry Ray!" Ray just stood there in the door way looking between the pair.

"I'm sorry too I had no idea it would take that long and I never noticed the time." Oliver said getting to his feet.

"It's fine." Ray responded standing there a little awkwardly.

"I'll be literally a minute." She said cringing glancing at the clock.

"Felicity just go, I've wasted enough of your time." Oliver said feeling guilty as Ray stood there in his suit.

"I'll meet you at your apartment." Ray said a little forcefully before turning and leaving.

"Felicity, go." Oliver said stepping closer. She shook her head.

"I'm not leaving you defenceless, not when I know how much you've changed, and how people misuse information on these things." She clicked rapidly a few more times till his hand landed on hers.

"Stop." Her eyes snapped up to his then. "Go home; you have a life outside of me, of work. Ray's waiting for you." He watched every emotion slide across her face, before her eyes landed on his hand.

"Oliver..." He couldn't help but shake his head at the way she said his name.

"Go be with your boyfriend." She stood a little straighter then as if cold water had been poured over her.

"You're right; I'll sort it tomorrow morning." He nodded then as she rushed out his office grabbing her heels and he sighed rubbing a hand down his face.

When Felicity finally got into her apartment Ray was sat on the sofa his coat still on, his shoulders slumped with his head in his hands.

"I'm so sorry I honestly didn't realise the time! Give me 5 minutes and I'll be back out." She rushed the words out as she pulled her coat off.

"Felicity-"

"Promise quick change of clothes and I'm all yours."

"But you aren't are you?" That stopped her in her tracks she slowly span around to see him stood up.

"Answer me honestly; were you even considering leaving Starling?" She frowned tilting her head.

"Why would I leave Starling? I love it here, it's my home, my job, and my life is here." Ray looked at her a sad smile on his face. "Oh. You mean leave Starling with you." She whispered and he nodded.

"We've been together 3 years, and yes it was fun to start with, we dealt with the distance which has gotten better since the merger plans but... I don't want to go backwards Felicity... I want to go forwards with you." Her hand flew to her chest as she stared at him. He looked awkwardly at his feet shuffling them. "But you just made it clear that your life is here."

"No I-"

"No you didn't even think about me in that answer."

"Ray I..." She took a step closer and he shook his head.

"I always knew you and Oliver were close but... I thought there was nothing between you."

"There isn't." She said stepping even closer. "Ray there isn't." She repeated it with more determination.

"That sounds like you're trying to convince yourself more than me." He looked at her. She shook her head.

"I love you Ray." She said a tear sliding down her cheek.

"I think... I think you love me differently, not like him." He said his own eyes tearing up. "It's becoming more and more obvious to me every time I see you together."

"We aren't... Oliver and I, there's nothing, he has Laurel and I have you." He tried to smile as she clutched onto his jacket.

"That's the thing isn't it? You have feelings for him."

"Had Ray, I love you." She said it slowly pleading for it to sink in. He let out a shaky breath his hands landing on hers to pull her off of him.

"Felicity, I honestly can say I love you, I wanted us to have a future together, I wanted it all, and I have thought about you every step of this merger... But I can see it so clearly, there is something between you two."

"No-"

"You didn't even think about me when I asked you about moving."

"Because I love my job, I love my home-"

"But they are all things that can change, you just don't want it to change." The tears rolled down her cheeks then. "I've seen it, seen how you and Oliver are around each other. It's... It's like you were made for each other." Her mouth fell open.

"But I... I chose you." She whispered.

"But your heart didn't." He whispered back, his own eyes swimming with tears. He leant forward gently kissing her one last time. "I leave tomorrow morning, I think... No, this is goodbye-"

"Ray-" Her voice cracked as she grabbed his arm.

"No, I'm not standing in the way of what your heart truly wants."

"But 3 years." She whispered clutching a little tighter.

"They were great; I'll never forget them but... I won't get in the way." He pulled away then as the sob left her chest. "I'll miss you Felicity." He said as he stood at the door.

"Please Ray we can... We can work it out..."

"No, you need to talk to Oliver." He said taking a deep breath. She shook her head.

"I... I can't... Oliver is..." He gave her a teary smile then.

"I've been the foolish one; I should have ended it the night he turned up at your doorstep." He stared into her eyes as her arms wrapped around herself. "But I was being selfish. Felicity you deserve to be happy."

"I am with you."

"But not as much as you are with him." She thought back to hours ago, about being sat in Oliver's office and how easy it all seemed. "Please Felicity, just let me go. And don't give up on him yet." She merely nodded her emotions all over the place as he stepped out the door. She crumbled to the floor, and that's how Oliver found her the next day. He used the spare key to get in, he hadn't heard from her the next morning and after hearing of Ray's departure he ran to her flat. He never said a word to her as he carried her to her bedroom, when he slipped her under the sheets, when he pulled the glasses off her face, when he fetched her water and painkillers, he never said a single thing as he held her to his chest and she cried.

Present day.

Oliver stood there, his heart hammering in his chest, the tears building in his eyes, the awful pain gnawing at the pit of his stomach as he watched his whole world turn upside down as the woman of his dreams disappeared around the bend. He took several deep breaths trying to stop the urge of bile rising up his throat. The honking of a car as it whizzed past him made him jump to the side. He looked around him as he remembered he was in the middle of the road. He took a shaky breath his head a complete and utter mess before he span on his heels and ran.

He didn't bother to knock; he still had a key as he unlocked the door and slipped inside. He was surprised to find Laurel sat in the kitchen in her PJs.

"Ollie?" She shrieked slightly taking in his appearance. "What the hell are you doing here?" She asked jumping to her feet. "You ended this, you have no right to be in my apartment-"

"You're pregnant?" He asked clenching his fists and staring at her. He watched as her eyes widened and she gasped slightly.

"I... It wasn't..."

"Are you or are you not pregnant Laurel?" He tried to stay calm but he was struggling to remain in control.

"I..." She merely nodded. His mouth fell open as he watched her eyes well up.

"Why? Why didn't you say anything? Why did you let me walk away and say nothing?" He shouted in frustration unmoving from the kitchen door way.

"I... Oliver... I didn't know... I didn't know how to tell you."

"God damn it Laurel!" He slammed his fist into the doorframe. "I could have been prepared, rather than blind sighted... And you told my mother! But you failed to tell the father of your child!" He couldn't help it as the pain in his chest becoming too much as the tears rolled down his cheeks. She frowned at him.

"I didn't... I never told Moira I was pregnant." She said taking a step closer.

"It doesn't matter... She found out and... She left, and I... I don't know what to do." He sobbed then leaning onto the doorway. She slowly walked over to him, her hand placed on his arm in comfort but he felt nothing as she tried to soothe him.

"Who left Oliver?" She asked.

"Felicity... She left, she... She." He couldn't speak as he choked on his words.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, and even though he had only broken up with her less than 24 hours ago he had to respect her in that moment. "But why did she leave?"

"She... Her dad left, she wouldn't take another father from his child." He said softly, his eyes landing on her flat stomach. "I had no idea Laurel, but-"

"It doesn't change anything?" She replied with a sad smile and he nodded. "I know we haven't been in love for a long time Oliver. You were right yesterday, we were making each other miserable we had for a long time." She took a step away from him. "And I accused you of so much with Felicity but at least you had the decency to break up with me before you became more but..." Oliver tilted his head as he looked over at her; she was playing with her PJ top as he wiped his eyes.

"But what?" He heard a door opening down the hall way.

"The baby isn't yours." She said it so quietly and then his world fell apart once more. He looked at her as he took a step forward clutching onto the counter. Just then he heard footsteps.

"What's going on?" His head snapped to the door way and his mouth fell open.

"You." Oliver said blinking. Tommy stood there in only his boxers, and he looked completely uncomfortable. "You're the dad!" He said pointing his finger.

"Wait what?" Tommy said frowning looking over at Laurel. "You're pregnant?" Before she had a chance to answer, Oliver grabbed him roughly shoving him into the wall.

"Ollie!" Laurel gasped.

"You cheated on me with my best friend!" He snapped his grip on Tommy loosening as he punched the wall beside his head. "How could you lie to me? How could both of you do this?" He took a step back from them slumping against the wall.

"Don't be all innocent here Oliver, you broke up with me for Felicity." She shot back as her hands ran over Tommys shoulders.

"Yes but I never cheated on you! For god sake you're pregnant!"

"I don't understand the problem if you and Laurel aren't together anymore?" Tommy said rubbing his neck. "I mean I'm sorry dude but... I love her." He looked at Laurel then and she was tearing up.

"She's gone." Oliver answered. "She's left Starling because my mom got to her, told her Laurel was pregnant-"

"Oh man, with her dad... I'm sorry dude."

"She told me not to find her, to be-" His voice cracked again. "To be a good dad..."

"Oh." Tommy stepped out of Laurels arms placing a hand on Oliver's shoulder. "And I took that away." Oliver nodded.

"I have nothing... She left... She's gone." He felt the pain in his chest more acutely then. "I'm sorry, both of you. I just-"

"It's okay." Tommy said. "I should be sorry. But you can't give up Oliver, after all this time you can't!" He nodded.

"I don't know what to do."

"What would she tell you? Not what she just told you but if she was here right now?" He stood watching the pair as he thought about her smile, her blonde hair, the way she tilted her head, how she always believed in him.

"Do what makes me happy."

"And what's that?" She asked.

"Her. Her being a part of my life. I'm sorry I need to go, I have to find her." Tommy smiled at him as he turned on his heels.

"I'm going to be a dad." He could hear the obvious excitement in Tommy's tone as he left them in peace pulling his phone out. He dialled her number but it rang out.

"Felicity, I need to talk to you. I need to explain everything, please just let me know where you are. I won't give up on us Felicity; I won't because you make me happy!" With that he dashed down the stairs and hailed the nearest taxi.

It had been 15 hours since she left; he'd spent the whole day searching every train and bus station within the area before ending up in the airport. He made inquiries within the company, to see if she had been transferred but nothing, not a single movement. It was as if she had disappeared and when he walked through the doors of the mansion he realised she had. She didn't want him to find her, so she had done and will continue to do everything in her power so he didn't. He was exhausted, he hadn't ate all day, barely remembering to drink till Diggle finally found him in the airport and forced him to stop for 5 minutes. Diggle hadn't said a word as he helped him, drove him wherever he asked, till at 10pm Oliver had started to give up hope. He was fighting a war within himself he wasn't going to give up, he couldn't, he'd find her but what if she truly didn't want to be found what then? He walked into his home, the silence heavy around him. He heard the fire crackling as he stepped inside to find his father sat there with a glass of scotch.

"Oliver?" Robert asked looking up.

"Father." He replied standing still partly in the shadows.

"Your mother was worried about you." He said flatly.

"Why?" He asked leaning against the door frame his arms crossed over his chest.

"Don't you think we've all seen the news?"

"News?"

"You running around the city, and no-one knows why." Oliver shrugged. "Except we do." Robert looked him in the eyes then. "The press think that it's a breakdown of your mental state due to Laurels and yours break up." Oliver shook his head.

"No... I was looking for... someone." He chose his words carefully but Robert gave him a knowing look.

"She quit today, she gave recommendations for her replacement, sent us so much data for your proposal even offering the right people for the job. She is something else that girl but I don't understand why she just left so suddenly." Robert smiled shaking his head and Oliver's chest ached more.

"She..." Oliver's voice cracked and so he closed his mouth.

"She just stated that she'd use her holidays as her finale month."

"She called?"

"No emailed." Oliver nodded because of course it would be email and it would no doubt be untraceable. "Something happened didn't it? Between you two?" Oliver nodded. "But you can't find her now can you?"

"No."

"That's why you and Laurel broke up because you love her, you've always loved her." Robert said staring at his son as his shoulders slumped.

"It's too late dad."

"It's never too late Oliver." Robert said frowning at him. "There is always a way."

"Am I interrupting something?" Moiras voice cut through the room, as she stepped passed Oliver.

"Well maybe you should be telling mother that." He snapped in his tired state, the pain and hurt too raw and fresh at the surface of his heart, his mind.

"Oliver?" Robert asked frowning as he looked between the pair.

"I did what was best." She said standing straight unashamed.

"You did what was best for your reputation!" Oliver shouted. "For this family's reputation."

"I did not!" She snapped. "I was protecting you."

"Protecting me? From what? Felicity grew up in this house, she was part of this family-"

"Yes but you are my child." Moira stepped closer and Olivers hand shot up stopping her as he stepped further back.

"And you thought what mother? That I wasn't adult enough to make decisions on my own?"

"No I-"

"What? Thought that if I got with Felicity I'd forget about my child?" Robert gasped.

"You're going to be dad?" He asked as Moira looked at him.

"I was protecting your family, that's Laurel, you and the baby now." She said firmly, and Oliver shook his head.

"My family is who I chose it to be." He shook his head glancing at his father's stunned face. "You know who made me the guy I am today? It certainly wasn't Laurel. Felicity pushed me; Felicity believed in me, Felicity never gave up on me... Until you." He pointed to his mother.

"What did you do Moira?" Robert asked and she span to look at him, her lips pursed together.

"She told her to leave, leave all of Starling including QC behind. Not only did she do that but she paid her... She gave her money to go dad." Olivers head dropped then.

"Moira you didn't?"

"I did what was best for this family, for our son. He was going to give up the chance of being a real father, that baby deserves a chance at a proper family." Oliver clenched his fists unable to look at his mother.

"But paying her off Moira." He shook his head. "Felicity was never like that, you should know that."

"She took it." And once more Robert was stunned.

"Then she ripped up in front of my face." Oliver said flatly.

"She did what?" Moira asked.

"Oh yes did I neglect to mention that I went to hers, found her packing up, where she informed me I was a father, that you had told her to go and then she left. She left without a trace; she didn't want me to find her because of what you said." He span around his back towards his mother as he leant against the table, his fists clenched tightly.

"Maybe you should stop looking for her." Moira answered. "Focus all this energy on your baby, your family." Oliver slammed his fists down on the table so hard, the wood buckled slightly. Moira gasped and Robert jumped to his feet.

"There is no family. No baby." Oliver replied through gritted teeth.

"No there is, I saw the pregnancy test... The doctor files." She looked at Robert. "She... She lost it?"

"No."

"She didn't get rid of it?"

"No!" He span around then staring at her. "It isn't mine. Laurel cheated on me with Tommy." Both his parents gasped, Oliver felt his eyes getting heavy and Robert stepped closer.

"I'm so sorry son." Oliver raised his eyes, and the concerned look on Roberts face had him pulling away.

"Happy now, mom? I'm back home, I don't have a baby, a family and the one woman I have always wanted that with, you drove away."

"Oliver I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't make up for this one mom, I can barely look at you right now." His eyes not meeting hers. "I may live under this roof right now, but I can't be a part of this family. Especially if this is what this family does for each other." He heard the small sob from his mother but his own pain was too much to bare then as he made his way to bed.

"Oliver." Roberts's voice carried as Oliver headed towards the stairs.

"Yes?" He turned his head to look back at them. Robert was staring at him as his mother was sat on the sofa in tears.

"I was going to tell you at work on Monday but the project, it's yours and Tommys." Oliver said nothing as he just stared. "But you don't have to right now, in fact take some time out, have some holidays, god knows you need them."

"Thank you." He replied before practically running up the stairs.

When he entered his room he locked the door instantly. He pulled off his clothes and jumped into bed, his muscles ached, and he was exhausted. But he couldn't sleep, every time he closed his eyes he saw her, saw the way she looked after they kissed, saw the joy of her smile and then the pain of her heart break as she cried. He quickly jumped out of bed and walked over to the punch bag now set up in the corner of his bedroom, and hit it. Then he hit it again, and again and again. He never stopped every single emotion he felt that day rising in him. All that pain, anger, hurt all that emotion boiling over till he felt the sweat dripping from him and then with one powerful snap he dropped to the floor. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as his whole body stopped from exhaustion, his mind completely blank. He felt numb, nothing as he literally dragged himself into bed as the sleep took over.

2 weeks later.

He hadn't found her, he had tried everything. Diggle even agreed to help with his contacts but it was no use. Felicity Smoak no longer existed. Oliver hadn't been working, hadn't been sleeping, hardly ate and hardly spoke. Everyone was worried, the press blamed it all on Tommy and Laurel, the baby news spreading like wild fire but he didn't care. He hadn't even known about the press, it was only the daily emails he received thanks to Felicity software that he knew about any press related thing.

He knew he looked terrible, the worried looks everyone shared hadn't escaped his attention or the fact that Diggle kept bringing food with him or stopping for food whilst they drove city to city. He even followed a lead that had said a potential sighting in Paris but that was wrong.

Now he was sat in his room, his desk full of papers of potential sightings. His head hurt, his scruff was getting longer and he was ignoring the world around him. The uneasy feeling in his chest after she left never went away. He knew he needed to get back to normal, but he didn't want, he had come to realise his life was so much duller without Felicity in it. There was a knock at the door.

"Dig I told you I'm fine." The door creaked open.

"It isn't Mr Diggle." Moiras voice made Olivers eyes close briefly.

"What do you want mother?"

"My son back." She whispered. His head shot up to look at her then. "You look awful Oliver, you're not sleeping and eating, you're going to run yourself into the ground. Don't you think it's time you let it go."

"No!" Oliver said slamming his hands on the desk making his mother jump. "No, I miss her mom. I... I lo-" He swallowed thickly the ache in his chest worsening as if he said the words outside the whole world would crumble at his feet. "I finally got a chance and you destroyed it." He didn't look at her then as he turned to his computer.

"I... I'm sorry."

"You keep saying it mom but it doesn't change what you did."

"I... I only had your best interests at heart." She whispered.

"That's the trouble; she was what was best for me. Maybe if you'd actually taken the time you could see how toxic mine and Laurels relationship actually was."

"You... But you both seemed so happy."

"No mum we settled. I settled for Laurel because I couldn't have Felicity."

"I know." She said not meeting his eyes.

"You did?"

"How could we not? It was obvious to everyone what you felt for each other, but apparently you were both oblivious." His mouth fell open. "Donna and I always thought you'd be together, but after she was with Ray and you Laurel we gave up on that idea. I love you Oliver and I would support you in everything but I didn't want you to deprive your child of a chance at a family."

"But-"

"I know there is no family, no child and I am truly sorry. I know whatever I say won't make up for that, but I did always believe in you and Felicity."

"Mom-"

"No listen, I would do anything to protect you and that includes my grandchildren, I'm sorry I didn't talk to you both first. I can't tell you how bad I feel about destroying your chance at happiness but if that meant you got to have a child I would do it again." Oliver frowned. "But it is on me that I got it wrong, I may have ruined your life but do you really think Felicity would want to be stuck in here. Would she really want you hunting her rather than getting on with your life?"

"When are you going to understand that this life, it was only possible because of her? She made me into this man mom, she made me into a better man, and I left it all too late." He ran his hands at the back of his neck. "I lost my chance with her but I can't not have her in my life. I... She makes things brighter, she always has mom." He didn't stop the tears then as they rolled down his cheeks.

"Oh my beautiful boy!" She stepped closer her hands pulling his head to her chest where he sat. "It's okay. I had no idea she meant this much to you."

"She always has mom, I just... I haven't admitted to myself because you were all happy about Laurel and I, plus she had Ray. But all this stuff with her past-"

"It brought things back up?"

"Yes." He said and she pulled back. "I realised my feelings for her had never gone, and they never would. But to hear her tell me she'd been feeling the same way since we were younger." He smiled unable to stop the swell of joy in his chest before the pain took over again. "I know how I feel mom, and I can't believe it's taken me so long to realise I need and want Felicity in my life."

"Oh Oliver." His mother said sadly.

"I just, I don't know how to find her." He said starring at all the papers over his desk.

"Here." Moira stepped closer holding out a card.

"What's this?"

"I might not deserve either of your forgiveness but I will do everything to earn in it, to fight for you, the both of you." Oliver frowned staring at the card. "They're the best PI's in the country; I will pay for it all."

"No mom you don-"

"I want to Oliver. I can't watch you like this for another minute, I did a stupid thing which I am sorry for and I will carry that guilt. But... Hearing you speak about her like that, seeing you cut up this much I need to do something. I miss my son, and I understand it is my fault but I can't lose you, I can't let you lose your family, friends, business and I can't let you lose her. So please..." With that she turned around and left the room, leaving Oliver stunned.

His mother had admitted she did the wrong thing and even supported him. He knew how he felt about Felicity and now was the time for him to finally fight for what made him happy, fight for the life he wanted with the person he wanted it with.