Ok So Normally I wouldn't be writing to you right now, because I just got home last night, and I do have a life.
Well I did...
I have been grounded, grounded for this whole week until I go to Wood's on Thursday. And it's not for the fire whiskey thing from New Years, oh no they were perfectly happy to forget about that. See Last night Teddy came over for dinner. Now if you can remember back to the last entry I made, I clearly stated how upset I was at Mr. Lupin for his sadistic choice in Groomsmen. Well I was down the basement with Al, and we heard Mum greet the traitor. So I waited by the bottom of the stairs and sure enough a minute later he came walking down.
"Hey AL" he said "Where's Ja..."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I yelled, and then I sprung, I jumped on his back and tackled him to the ground.
"WHAT THE HELL!" he yelled.
"GROOMSMEN?" I said pointing my finger at his face "Have you lost your mind?"
"Come on James it's not that bad."
"Not that bad? NOT THAT BAD, IT IS THAT BAD TEDDY! IT IS!"
"Victiore wanted..."
"DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A RATS ASS WHAT VICTIORE WANTS? HAVE I EVER GIVEN THE TINIEST RATS ASS ABOUT WHAT VCTIORE WANTED?"
"James get over it, okay! You're in the wedding. You were always gonna be in the wedding, suck it up."
"I WILL NOT SUCK IT UP! THIS IS YOUR DOING, ALL YOURS! YOU GIANT ASSHOLE!"
"I have to be in the wedding too!"
"YOU'RE THE FUCKING GROOM!" I yelled, not realizing that someone was coming down the stairs " OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO BE IN THE FUCKING WEDDING , BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BE A DICK AND DRAG THE REST OF US DOWN TOO NOW DID YOU? YOU STUPID WANKER!"
"James..."
"YOU'RE LUCKY I DON'T GUAGE YOUR EYES OUT, PUT YOU THROUGH AS MUCH TORTURE AS YOULL PUT US THROUGH. YOU MARK MY WORDS RIGHT NOW LUPIN YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, ONE FUCKING DAY I WILL MAKE YOU PAY , EVEN IF IT MEANS MAKING MY GROOMSMEN DRESS IN DRAG , YOU WILL SUFFER! GROOMSMEN ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS HUH? WHAT! THAT'S RIGHT NOTHING, I HAVEN'T DONE A DAMN THING, SO YOU'D BETTER PRAY TO MERLIN THAT I DON'T LOOK LIKE A POUF NEXT WEEKEND OR YOUR ASS IS DOOMED."
Teddy was staring at me with wide, frightened eyes.
Really he was afraid of someone behind me, but I thought he was afraid of me.
Al was doing this weird motion, he was dragging his hand across his throat.
Really he was telling me to "cut it out and shut up", but I thought he was telling me to "tell him we'll slit his throat"
"WE WILL KILL YOU LUPIN, WE WILL SLIT YOUR THROAT, WE WILL..."
Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked and immediately shut my mouth.
It was the first time red nail polish has almost made me shit my pants.
"Mum!" I said turning around to face her, and trying desperately not to look guilty. "Did you like our, uhhh skit?"
"Your skit?" she said.
"Yeah , it's from a play ...
"What play?"
"Uh... Macbeth?" I said , I heard Al groan from behind me .
"Really, so who wrote Macbeth James?'
"Uhhh" I said "William ... Shatner?"
My Mum smiled.
"William Shatner?" Teddy said "Really James?"
"James Potter you are grounded, you are grounded for your language which is appalling and for lying to me, which I must say was disappointing."
"Mum come on, I was expressing myself. Haven't you heard that it isn't good to keep anger pent up? Haven't you seen some of the crazies that run around? One day their walking away from an argument with their brother and being "the bigger man", next day their blowing up a railcar..."
"James, I don't care what your trying to prove terrorism isn't a joke."
"I never said it was a joke, I was being quite serious."
"Yes well you can go be quite serious in your room."
"But I have nothing to do in my room!"
"Oh didn't I tell you , I wrote professor McGonagall last week and she was gracious enough to send me all of the assignments your to do over the summer , the list is up on the counter , why don't you get a head's start?"
"I suppose it wouldn't do me any good to argue?"
"Nope."
"Fine." and then I stormed up to my room.
I woke up this morning and there was a copy of Macbeth outside my door
Apparently it was written by William Shakespeare NOT William Shatner...
I'm really getting tired of living in a house with such smartasses.
Like at dinner last night.
Mum actually allowed me to leave my room to eat.
Teddy just grinned at me the whole time, sadistic asshole.
ANYWAY
Lily comes down.
We had spaghetti right; well Mum makes it with meat sauce.
SO we sitting there eating, and Lily starts picking the meat off of her spaghetti. It's not like she was doing it discreetly or anything, she was picking it out and making this noise, like it disgusted her or something.
"Lily is there something wrong?" Mum asked.
"Yeah" Lily said "I told you I wanted to be a vegetarian, THIS is meat."
Mum stared at her as me, Al, and Teddy burst out laughing.
"Lily you did not TELL me you were becoming a vegetarian, you may have mentioned it in passing .."
"Well I'm telling you now, I Lily Luna Potter am officially a vegetarian."
"Are you sure Lily?' Dad asked "That's a big commitment to make."
She nodded "I can handle it."
WRONG
She ate a bacon sandwich this morning.
That lasted a good twelve hours.
Go Lil!
Anyway I do have a purpose for writing, I wanted to tell you about our last week at Hogwarts, because it was epic as shit!
First ... HUGO punched Finnerty.
HUGO, you know short little shit, always complaining about how no one finds him intimidating, which is of course because he is absolutely not intimidating like ... at all
Still he totally rocked Finnerty ... I mean he didn't just break his nose, he obliterated it.
And Finnerty cried C-R-I-E-D, as in like a ten year old girl.
I can now die a happy man.
And that's not even the very best part!
Remember last time, after Layndon got sold out for being a lying cheating little asshole.
Yeah well shortly after that, Jordan decided to rearrange his face. Which I did not personally get to witness, I did however see the miserable little fuck walking around with his face swelled up and blue.
And let me be the first to say
HAHAHAHAH freaking HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
On top of that ... well okay this is kinda a long story...
See the last day of school, at the feast, I tried to convince Wood to get over himself and tell Rose.
And they actually did you for a walk out on the grounds.
"So how much do you guys wanna bet me that they snog?" I asked what was left of our group, as we made our way back to the common room.
Al and Leahah had disappeared because "they go out now".
I don't see it working but, Al's happy so its whatever
Anyway Grizz and Fred were delivering their letter, which basically thanked McGonagall for years of drowning them with useless warnings and rules that they broke anyway .They said that demeaning her authority has made them the evil geniuses that they have become , and for that they will never forget her. They also gave her a coupon to Uncle George's shop. They said they hoped it would help remove the broomstick from her ass.
Now I know you may be thinking 'wow McGonagall's gonna be pissed'
I bet she won't though, because …
1) She's freaking glad to rid of them
2) She knows that they respect her, and I think she laughs about their antics a lot more then she lets on.
Anyway my point is that it was me Hugo, Lily and Corbin heading to the common room, when we noticed Layndon slip out of the doors onto the grounds. Now I had every intention of following him and beating him to a pulp, BUT Lily said that I'd end up ruining Wood and Rose's moment, so I needed to stay inside.
I waited for an hour Journal. AN HOUR. Or something like that, until they finally showed up. And they both looked really happy so I kinda assumed ... you know.
I was wrong
"What happened?" Lily asked jumping out of her seat "We saw Layndon follow you guys out there."
"Yeah we talked to him." Rose said.
"Well I talked to him; Rose punched him in the face." Wood said
HAHAHAHA
I am definitely going to die a happy man.
"What!" Al asked.
"I broke his nose." Rose said.
"It was awesome." Wood said.
"So," I asked "did you tell_"
"James why don't you come upstairs and help me pack my trunk?" Wood said in a panicky voice.
"What?" I asked.
"Come upstairs and help me pack my trunk!" Wood said more sternly.
So I went up to the dorms with him.
I kinda expected to hear a sob story about how Layndon ruined everything, but instead he was laughing _like hysterically.
"James, "he said "mate you should have seen it, she swung back and CRACK he was on his ass , it was amazing"
"Wonderful, "I said "so why didn't you tell her?"
He ignored me.
"I gotta say seeing that was almost as good as punching him myself."
"Wood?"
"God I hate him, every time we see the dumbass with his fucking beady little red eyes, he's lying through his fucking teeth or giggling like an idiot ..."
"WOOD! Why didn't you tell Rose?"
"Oh come on James, you don't honestly expect me to tell her after she punches her ex in the face …."
"Well..."
"It's all about timing my friend."
"That's fine Wood as long as you remember you don't have forever okay, you don't do it soon someone else will..."
"I know."
He was really serious all of the sudden, so I let it drop and instead let him recount Rose punching Layndon about fifty times.
So this week we managed to physically assault two of Hogwarts biggest assholes.
I feel pretty accomplished.
Okay so this entry kinda sucked.
But look at it this way, next week is the wedding week.
That means I shall probably have pages and pages of ranting to do.
So I'm gonna leave you, knowing that my previous misery will return soon.
Signed,
The repentant James Potter.