Chapter 14
The next day at school it seems as if nothing has changed. Sam picks me up for school, as usual. We make small talk, as usual. We arrive in the senior parking lot absurdly early, as usual. But when we step into the main entrance I know that something has changed. I immediately spot Sean and his buddies tossing around a basketball and laughing, as usual, but what I don't see is the stupid grin he is usually wearing proudly on his face. What I see is a look of torture that I can only describe as heartbreak. I've come to realize that despite my so-called "hatred" of Sean I had kept tabs on him over the years, and I also realized that I had never seen him like this. He has broken up with too many girls to count and sometimes he seems a little upset about it but never for more than a few days and it never affects how he acts around others. This, I can see, is real physical pain, and I know that I was the one that caused it. Neither of us can ever mention the reason why. When he spots me he lights up a little but only long enough to remember that he can't talk to me here. I almost think that he might commit social suicide to come over, but I know he won't. Nothings changed, I think. Not true says a nagging voice in the back of my head. Everything's changed. Yeah, I answer. But not for the better. This is when I discover the whole school is watching us. At that moment you could hear a pin drop. No one understands what's going on and no one ever will. Whatever happened in that library, it doesn't matter now. What matters is that I'm a nerd and he's a jock and our worlds can't coexist. Not now, not ever. No matter how much we both want them to. Besides we're graduating in a month. Even if we wanted to start something it would have to end when we went our separate ways in the fall. Yes. Whatever happened between us then, it means nothing now. It's over. Now if only my heart would listen to my brain. The bell rings and with that the spell is broken. We go back to our lives as if nothing has changed. Sean and I do our presentation that Friday with zero interaction before or after, just like everyone expected. My life turns into a game of going through the motions. One day to the next blending into each other to the point where I don't even know when one day ends and another begins. I am startled out of my lull by Sam saying:
"Okay, what the hell happened in the library? You have to tell me."
"You wouldn't believe me if I did."
"Try me."
"No, it's out of the question. Can we talk about something else please?"
"Sure. Are you going to the prom?"
"The what?"
"The Prom only the most important day of our lives? Remember, that prom?"
"Right, the prom. Nope definitely not."
"What, you have to go!"
"Why?"
"It's a right of passage everyone goes even the social rejects."
"Are you saying I'm a social reject?"
"No, I'm saying that everyone goes to the prom."
"But I don't even have a date. It would be super lame to show up to my prom without a date."
"I'll be your date."
"But what about GSA guy."
"I'd rather take my best friend."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Thank you!"
"Of course, on one condition. You have to tell me what happened in that library."
"Nope."
"Oh, come on, please?"
"Nope."
"Fine pick you up at eight?"
"Fine."
"Fine. see you then. Oh and try and find something decent to wear."