It's been a while... I'm so sorry for the huge delay in posting- I swear I haven't forgotten about this story! I've had a lot going on with my sisters wedding and such. I do still have a few chapters written so hopefully I will get these out much faster than the last break I took. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!
The pain seared through me, starting at my throat, then my wrists then everywhere. My entire body was on fire. I screamed once unable to stop myself before I heard Edward speaking to me, trying to soothe me. I clamped my mouth shut not wanting to hurt him or Aiden any more than seeing me in pain already was but I couldn't help the occasional whimper.
Through the heat and the scorching pain I never felt alone, Aiden shared my pain as much as I tried to block him out to spare him what I was going through but I couldn't do it. I was weak and in agony and he was strong, the other problem with him feeling what I felt was that Edward could feel it through him. I tried to stay as still and quiet as possible to stop from hurting them more.
The pain was everything, it didn't cease, and I didn't grow numb to it. It burned and burned until I figured there was nothing left to me, I had to have become a pile of ash. And yet I could feel Edwards hand inside of my clenched fist, grounding me, reminding me that I was alive.
I couldn't move or speak; all I could do was listen. From what I could tell I was in a bedroom, still at the cottage by the smell of it. The more time passed the more I could hear but I was fairly certain that I was alone in the room with Aiden and Edward. I couldn't remember either of them leaving at all since this started.
Every now and then I would hear people speaking, either in the other room or when they would come in to talk to Edward.
'How is she?' I heard Carlisle quietly ask at one point.
'The same, she still hasn't moved or made a sound since the beginning.' I could hear the worry in his voice.
'Listen to her heart Edward, its strong. She is going to make it through this with no problems.' His father assured him.
'She's in agony Carlisle. Why hasn't she moved?' his tortured voice asked.
'I don't know for sure, but I think it's because she is trying to spare you from experiencing it with her. She doesn't want to worry you more than you already are.' Carlisle explained to his son quietly. 'You will be perfect Bella, we all love you.' He said even quieter kissing me on the forehead. A single tear escaped me, I couldn't help it.
It felt like days later when I heard Alice come in and sit next to Edward. 'I don't know why you're so worried Edward, I can see it, she's going to be unbelievable.' I could hear the smile in her voice.
Time lost all meaning, it felt like I was burning for years, I just wanted it to stop, I wanted to die. But of course Aiden was there to relay my thoughts to Edward who spoke to me, soothing me, reassuring me that it was almost over. I clung to that, I had no idea how much time had passed but I knew I had to trust him.
How… much… longer? I struggled to think to Aiden, who relayed it to Edward.
I felt him squeeze my hand at the first conscious thought I've had in what felt like years.
'Soon Bella, I think just a few more hours ok? You're doing amazing' He said.
I whimpered, the thought of going through this for a few more hours was unbearable.
I felt him kiss my forehead 'I'm sorry sweetheart, I'm here, Aiden is here, we will take care of you I promise.' He said quickly, desperately, pleading with me. I couldn't let him worry any more than he was.
It's okay. I thought to them. I'm okay.
I felt his head rest on my arm, all I wanted to do was hold him but I couldn't. If I so much as moved I knew that I would lose it- I would scream and I would never stop. And so I endured.
'It will be any minute now.' I heard Alice say.
Almost immediately after she said that I felt the pain pulling away from my hands and feet slowly traveling up my legs and arms, but instead of vanishing, the pain was moving to my chest increasing as it went. As the pain travelled to my heart it began to beat faster.
'Listen Edward, it's happening.' Carlisle said.
I couldn't enjoy the cool relief of the lack of pain in my body because of the compounded pain in my heart. It was racing so hard now that it felt as though it would break through my chest, it was the worst pain I had ever felt and I finally broke my composure. As the pain hit a crescendo my back arched off of the bed and I let out one tortured scream.
I could feel someone take each of my hands and I could hear them speaking to me but their words meant nothing to me; I couldn't even comprehend their words. The only sound in the room was my laboured breathing and the sound of my heart jackhammering in my chest. The fire finally turned into an explosion of pain in my heart which gave a hollow thud followed by two stutters and then one last weak beat before it stopped.
The silence was deafening, there was no sound, not even any breathing- including my own.
I opened my eyes.
It was as though I was seeing for the first time. Everything was so crisp and clear, I could see everything. The particles of dust in the air caught in the sunlight streaming through the window. The detail in everything was unbelievable; I never could have imagined that the world looked this way. I gasped just at the beauty of what I could see in front of my face as I lay where I was and as I did something about the act felt wrong- I realized that it was because I didn't need the oxygen.
While I didn't need the oxygen I found that I liked it. I didn't need to breath but when I did I could taste the air, taste the dust in the air, the wood of the cabin, sweet smells such as lavender, hyacinth and pear. Along with the taste, I could hear everything, the wind through the trees outside, the slapping of flesh on water- I figured that it must have been a fish breaching the surface.
Very faintly I could hear the rhythmic whooshing of cars driving by on the freeway and briefly thought to myself that that couldn't be right- we were nowhere near the freeway. It was then that I felt someone squeeze my hand lightly, it wasn't cool like Edwards was- it was the same temperature as mine. I didn't know who it was and I panicked jumping up off of the bed landing on my feet on the opposite side of the person touching me- a feral snarl ripped its way out of my throat.
What I noticed was that there was almost no movement that happened. In one second I was on the bed and a split second later I was on the other side of the bed looking at a very worried Edward with his hand stretched out towards me across the bed. I had landed next to Alice on the other side of the bed but Jasper had reached out and grabbed Alice pushing her behind himself. Protecting her from something- me I realized.
It was then that I realized that the touch I didn't recognize was Edwards. Of course it wasn't cold; I was just as cold as he was now- I had died too. I straightened up out of my defensive crouch and truly looked at Edward for the first time in my life. He was somehow more beautiful than I ever could have imagined- I may as well have never seen him before. Turning to look at the rest of the Cullen's I noticed it was the same experience- they were all so much more extraordinary to look at except for one exception.
As a human I could barely notice Jaspers scars but as a vampire it was his most obvious feature, his entire body- especially his neck- were covered in scars from being attacked by vampires. It was unbelievable that he had survived so many bites.
'Bella, love?' I spun my head around to look back at Edward but as I did so I caught site of something in the upper corner of the room by the dresser and my attention snapped back to that. It was a blue aura pulsating- growing and shrinking, moving slightly in reaction to something- me looking at it I assumed. It took me a moment to understand.
'Aiden?' I asked it quietly and he moved in what looked like surprise. 'I can see you.' I said aloud to him and heard him gently reach for my consciousness with his. Even though I didn't want to admit it I was afraid that something would happen to him when I died or at least or connection would be severed.
I never imagined that dying would add more to our relationship- that it would allow me to see him for the first time.
'I know that this is overwhelming Bella, but everything is ok- you're safe' I heard Carlisle say to me gently. I looked over at the family again and saw Alice grinning a huge grin at me, teeth shining brilliantly in the light from the window.
I was so overwhelmed, I didn't know what to do and I began to slightly hyperventilate. It was then that Edward edged around the side of the bed towards me, hands up in front of him showing me that he meant no harm. As he reached me he stretched his hand up to the side of my face tracing my left cheekbone igniting sparks as his fingers moved.
'It's ok love, you're safe, Aiden is safe.' I looked up into his eyes 'You're safe, ok?' he repeated and I nodded before I pulled him into a hug. The hug lasted only a few seconds before I heard Edward's strained voice say 'Carefully Bella.' I immediately released and stepped back mortified that I had hurt him- that I could hurt him.
'Sorry.' I said, mortified but he stepped with me smiling.
'No need to be sorry, you're just a bit stronger than me at the moment.' He stroked my cheek again sending an overwhelming urge to be with him- touch him. I was confused, I thought that these feelings wouldn't come back for a long time; I thought that my hunger- my need to kill would take over everything. Don't get me wrong- the burning need in my throat was there but after being sick and in pain for so long it was easy to ignore.
He watched me think for a moment before asking 'What's the matter Bella?'
I just shook my head 'I love you.'
'As I love you.' He said, a brilliant smile spreading across his face. I could tell he was listening to someone before he nodded and said 'You must be incredibly thirsty, would you like to go hunting?'
'Wait!' Alice said quickly leaving the room and then coming back in with a floor length mirror that I don't remember being in the cottage. 'You promised I could be there when she saw herself for the first time, she might see her reflection!'
Edward just sighed as Alice brought the mirror up in front of us and I saw myself for the first time. I gasped, I looked so different from before when I was ill. My face had filled back out I looked healthy again but the most shocking thing that I had been too pre-occupied to notice was-
'My hair.' I said as I reached up to touch my long brown hair that once again reached down until it rested on my chest. If I could cry it probably would have brought me to tears, I had missed it so much. Bringing myself to look back at my face I noticed that I not only looked healthy, I looked beautiful. I could now hold my own against Alice and Esme, I looked at Edward who was watching me his face unreadable.
'Disappointed?' I asked him and to my horror he nodded. I stepped away from him hurt playing across my face but he didn't let go of my hand and laughed.
'Not like that.' He said. 'I was hoping that once we were both vampires I might be able to read your thoughts but still- nothing.' I was relieved that that was all he was disappointed about.
'Alright, alright. We're going. Jasper is getting a little bit tense.' Edward said.
I looked at Jasper confusedly 'He doesn't understand how you're controlling your emotions and thirst so well Bella- you shouldn't be able to.'
'It's gotta break some time.' Emmett said laughing and I glared at him. The Cullen's cleared out of the doorway and Edward and I ran from the house and into the forest.