Sorry girl but you missed out
Well tough luck that boy's mine now
We are more than just good friends
This is how the story ends
Too bad that you couldn't see,
See the man that boy could be
There is more that meets the eye
I see the soul that is inside
Avril Lavigne - "Sk8er Boi"
Chapter 13- Like Attracts Like
The blinking of my omni-tool at 0430 brought me back to the land of the living, and I stared over at the fish tank petulantly as I tried to work up the energy to get out of bed. Eyes shutting once again, I sent a hand over to bang the top of the tool, shutting off the alarm for a sparring match I had no intention of going to today. Or possibly ever again, if my current mood were any indication.
"Well, that settles that little quandary, doesn't it, Teandra?"
Yes, I was talking to myself; who the hell else was I going to talk to, now that I'd screwed up so badly at the one relationship of any kind I'd ever managed to maintain?
Pulling the covers back over my head, I cringed at the memory of my actions the night before. "There you go, thinking you know it all, thinking you can decipher everyone and everything, and what happens? You make an idiot out of yourself." I sighed heavily, though it was probably closer to a groan. "Guess we know the truth now, don't we? He's just not that into you."
Which made my advances even more embarrassing. And his rejection all the more vexing.
I can't say I had ever had someone say no before. Not once. Even Alenko, honorable ass that he could be, had been easy to manipulate in that regard. He always thought he was being slick, trying to get me drunk the night before Ilos, but I knew what the hell was going on. It was like a pattern for me: Just enough alcohol to keep Red in check so I could have my fun.
One glass had been enough last night, anyway. I'd thought he was enjoying himself.
Then, BAM. He stops me. No amount of personal honor had ever stopped any man that close to getting laid, dammit. Not in my history, anyway, personal or otherwise. And I'll be damned if he hadn't seemed to mind at first, right?
Then again, so what if Garrus had given in for a minute? Any guy would when faced with a girl throwing herself at him so thoroughly, and I sure as hell hadn't been holding back a fucking iota…
I studied the thread designs on the bottom of the silk-lined blanket, one of the luxuries that had been included in Cerberus' many bribes, and the silvery-grey of its coloring. Which inevitably led me back to the look and feel of Garrus' skin the night before, and the sounds of his harsh breathing as I'd attempted to seduce him.
Dammit… it doesn't matter, does it? None of it fucking matters.
Because kind words or not, it was clear he had no desire to sleep with me, no matter what I had believed all along. I had been wrong, and now I was paying the price for my arrogance. We really weren't more than the friends and companions we'd always been.
Shouldn't have been surprised. Life liked to screw me over at every turn anyway, so why not here? And come to think of it, I guess he really wasn't kidding about the whole 'not into humans' bit, either.
Goddess, how could I have been so stupid?
Things were going to be... awkward. No, 'awkward' was not strong enough a word for what I was thinking. My mind was spinning off into a million different scenarios, but every one of them ended the same way.
They all ended with me winding up alone. And if I didn't want that to happen, I had to at least try to salvage this situation.
"I'm going to have to go talk to him, aren't I?" I asked the blanket once again, not expecting an answer. But this time, I did get one.
"Commander Shepard?"
I'm ashamed to admit it, but I smacked my head against the headboard, I was so startled when she called for me. "What do you want, EDI?"
"With whom did you wish to speak? Is it Officer Vakarian? I can get him on the speaker for you."
I'm sure she meant well, but I wasn't in the mood to give an AI lessons in organic sensitivity. "EDI, go away, please. That whole 'personal privacy' thing extends to my quarters, no matter what Joker keeps telling you."
"Yes, Shepard. Logging you out." For a split second, I could swear she sounded hurt by my rebuff, and I felt bad. Right up until I reminded myself that AI don't technically have feelings. And that she wasn't actually a 'she'.
Even right after thinking it, I knew I didn't actually believe that, but it managed to assuage my guilt somewhat in that regard, at least.
I rolled over, growling as I buried my face in my pillow. It was really way too early in the morning to have all this shit to think about.
I was going to have to face him. Eventually. And sooner was better than later. Better to go and figure out how badly I'd screwed our friendship up with my impatience and know-it-all attitude, so we could overcome this hurdle. There was still a mission to accomplish, after all.
But first, in spite of my determination to get it over with, I needed a shower, a really cold shower, before I even thought about entering those forward batteries ever again. Or sitting on that spirits' blasted crate.
#####
"So, Garrus, when were you going to tell me 'calibrations' was turian for 'masturbation?'" The voice of the pilot came over the loudspeaker, interrupting the flow of code I was focusing on. Without even looking up, I groaned, firing off a retort.
"Joker, what have I told you about spying on the batteries?" I followed the sequence to its end, trying hard not to be baited by his idiocy as I did so. "Keep screwing with me and that stick you keep saying is up my ass will be used to beat you to death."
"You're going to beat me to death with your stick? I'll pass." His laughter pervaded the room. "After that little display last night, I think I'll just borrow Shepard for the day, thanks."
I slammed the button to close the program, turning towards the door. Jokes or no jokes, it was time to lay the law down about that little hobby of his. If I couldn't keep him from spying on the crew at large, I was damn sure going to keep him out of my personal space, at least.
"You have thirty seconds to hide before your ass is mine, Joker. I suggest you hobble quickly."
I was already halfway past the sleeper pods when he responded, rather panicked, "EDI, shut down the elevator! Now!"
"Already done, Officer Moreau," came the AI's response through my earpiece, and I'll be damned if she didn't actually sound smug this time. Well, two could play at that game.
"Hey, NnB, I have a new virus I can try on you if you wanna play, too. Not to mention your hardware is down here. I don't need an elevator to get to that, just twenty minutes to reroute power to the door."
"Officer Moreau, I suggest you enact some better firewalls in my software soon. Officer Vakarian has already hacked our systems several times."
The pilot seemed to think about this, but I wasn't listening, already having turned back to go to my console. I had better hacking programs on that thing than my omni-tool, and it shouldn't take me more than a minute to crack EDI's half-assed safety override on the elevator.
"Fine, then I'm calling in my marker, Vakarian. You still owe me for when we were trapped at the Citadel."
I considered that for a minute, opening the program just in time to see it had already been hacked from the Commander's level.
Riza… That was all the warning I got before the door opened behind me.
"Actually, you and I still have to discuss that, Jeff Moreau. Later, when I can be properly mad about it. But for now? Butt out. Vakarian and I need to chat."
"Yes, mother. Don't do anything I wouldn't do... I guess it's a good thing the forward batteries are soundproof, huh?"
"OUT, Joker," she said again, this time with much more menace. "Go watch some more of that gay-midget-donkey-porn you like so much."
"I think the phrase is 'gay-volus-elcor-porn' nowadays, Commander. Get with the times." The laughter that accompanied that statement abruptly stopped as Teandra glared at the camera. "Um, okay. Going away now."
She waited a minute before shifting that glare from the camera to me, crossing her arms self-consciously as she did so.
What could be going through her head, I wondered, thinking of my own jumbled thoughts since the night prior. It was reasonable to assume that she was mad at me for being late for our sparring match, but I was in workout clothes already, so that was easily rectified. I'd just wanted to take a few minutes to zone out before putting myself in her proximity again.
The memories of the night before were still just as arousing after the fact as they had been during our little... meeting, and I had no doubt that the woman in front of me would never even consider continuing what we had been doing now that the alcohol was gone. Sparring with her at all, ever again, was probably an exercise in self-flagellation just to think about. But I was determined that when she reneged on her offer of a tie-breaker, I wouldn't let it ruin us, or make things awkward.
We would make it through this little slip-up. I'd make sure of that.
Looking at her, though, I noticed she wasn't in her sparring outfit, though she was in civvies. So that explanation for her current mood didn't make sense.
As the silence stretched, she continued to just watch me, and it took every ounce of strength I had not to fidget like a ten year old caught with his first sex vid. Her face, the one I knew almost as well as my own, was completely blank as she looked on, and I schooled my gaze to match hers, watching for some sort of reaction.
I wasn't even sure what to say. 'I'm sorry, I screwed up by giving in,' tended to devolve into, 'Are you sure we can't still consider this? I found my handcuffs...'
Yep, talking would be a bad idea. Definitely.
Finally, she sighed, plopping down onto that box that I would never be able to look at in the same way again. "I'm sorry, Garrus. I owe you an apology."
I started, doing a double take on her posture and her face. She was blushing furiously, but didn't seem angry with me at all. Only herself. That was the complete opposite of how this had played out last time, and as such, I took a minute to reconsider my words before speaking.
"For what?" I finally settled on something non-committal, moving over to the cot and sitting myself, giving her some distance. That seemed to help, since she buried her head in her hands for a moment as she tried to collect her thoughts.
That's when it hit me that the emotion she was radiating was shame.
No way. No way does she think I'm upset about last night. Right?
That seemed to be exactly what she had been thinking, something that became apparent as she started speaking. "I was... out of line last night. Not as out of line as you seem to think I was, but still... you said 'no' and I pushed, anyway. I'm sorry about that, about being so stupid… I screwed everything up, and I just should have known better than to do something like that..."
"Teandra..."
"I mean, I get that you don't like humans, but we'd been getting so much closer and you'd been giving off signals that you were okay with it..."
"Teandra..."
"Goddess, I feel like such an ass, Garrus, you have no idea. I'm just so damn sorry, but I did warn you. I warned you I was going to screw this all up..."
"Teandra."
This finally seemed to break through her nervous ramblings, something that while completely strange, was also something I was seeing her doing more and more as the emotional aspect of whatever this was progressed. As always, it was almost too cute to comment on. She finally looked up from her hands, staring over to where I was sitting, shaking my head as a few chuckles managed to escape me in spite of my determination not to make her embarrassment worse.
"You do realize that the only reason I said 'no' was the fact that you'd been drinking, right?"
Her eyes widened, her face turning red all over again as she asked quietly, "Say that again?"
Not trusting myself to open my mouth, slowly, I nodded, trying and barely succeeding at not laughing at her flustered expression. At the small movement of my head, she let out a startled chuckle, throwing her head back for a minute and taking a deep breath before she finally looked back.
"Garrus... I had only had one drink last night. Not nearly enough to do anything but lower my inhibitions; and make me smell like a distillery, come to think of it. Chakwas was lonely, and I couldn't say no, but... this wasn't like Lapsus."
Now it was my turn to be embarrassed. "I... sorta figured that out. But not until after I'd sent you away."
"You could have come upstairs. You'd probably have gotten a show if it was anytime directly thereafter, but I wouldn't have kicked you out, believe me." In spite of her quickly recovering mirth, there was a small hint of the feelings I'd seen there the night before. That lust and admiration that had damn near broken me. If I'd had any doubts about whether or not she were telling the truth, that glimpse dispelled them.
"Well, on some level, I'm sorry I didn't, but I barely had the willpower to withstand you the first time, and we were different back then. If I'd been wrong, and you pulled the same stunt again... I couldn't have walked away a third time, let's just say that. Not in the convenient privacy of your quarters." And I'll be damned if I wasn't getting flashes of repeating our fun right there on her leather couch, even as we sat there in the forward batteries discussing how to fix the last screw up.
When it came to this girl, I was in so much fucking trouble.
"I really am sorry about all that. I hate to think how I left you last night. I mean, what did you do after I left, anyway?"
Her voice sounded strained, and while I wasn't looking directly at her, I could hear her shift from where she was sitting across from me as she worked to change the subject. "You mean other than kick myself for not realizing what was going on?"
"Officer Vakarian, your console will go into 'powersave' mode shortly, as it has been idle for approximately 15 minutes. Would you like me to bookmark the pages you currently have displayed?"
That AI was picking up all of Joker's bad habits. I was about to tell that damnable program to go bother someone else when I remembered exactly what pages she was talking about.
If Teandra found out, she'd never let me hear the end of it. Or worse, she'd just never speak to me again.
"Uh, no, EDI, that won't be necessary." I cursed inwardly at how my voice sounded, and glanced at my companion to see if she had noticed my change in demeanor.
And that was a mistake. "Seriously, though, what were you..." Something in my face caused a grin to spread across hers, and for a moment, things were just as they'd always been. But for once, it didn't make me more comfortable.
"What's the matter, Garrus? Something on that console that'll tarnish your badass reputation?"
Oh, you have no idea...
Before I could say anything, she was off like a shot, and standing in front of said console, thumbing her way through the tabs on the interface.
Riza.
I got my feet under me and in four quick strides I was behind her, reaching around her back to try and shut off the screen before she saw something that would get us both in trouble. She batted my hands away, seemingly determined to find out what I was hiding.
"Oh, come on, Garrus! It can't be that bad. What, were you playing Galaxy of Fantasy, or somethi-hey!" My hands had finally found their way around her wrists and yanked them back away from the terminal. Hopefully, she hadn't...
"...oh."
Of course she'd found it. Murphy, you bastard.
I'd never been behind her when she'd started blushing before, so it was rather intriguing to see the back of her neck tinge pink as she cleared her throat and said, "...well, that's not what I expected."
My hands went slack as I tried to figure out what to do next, and she took the opening to remove her arm from my grasp and push a button on the virtual interface. Thank the Spirits I'd disabled the external speakers, or I would have torn a hole in the floor, dropped through it, and pulled the metal plating back over my head.
I felt her stiffen in front of me, and I bit back a groan. What I hadn't done was remove the subtitles, which meant that while no one else who might be spying on us could tell what was going on, Teandra certainly could.
I swear, it would have been much less mortifying if she'd found porn on my console. But no, she just had to find the tab that...
"Garrus... what prompted this?"
I decided that I could feign ignorance, given that her head was technically blocking my view. "You'll have to be more specific, Shepard. I can't see a thing from back here."
"You're a horrible liar." She twisted in my arms so that she was facing me. "Why don't you tell me what it is, exactly, that I'm really looking at, here?"
I sighed. There was no way to avoid this conversation. Even if part of me cheered at the idea, the rest of me wanted to make a joke and pretend she'd never found those files. "They're... testimonials."
"Testimonials?" Her gaze was intense, equal parts curious and apprehensive, emotions that were practically identical to what I was feeling at that exact moment. It was too much, and if I was going to actually tell her what I'd been doing, I couldn't keep looking at her. I squeezed my eyes shut, and took a deep breath before I answered her.
"Testimonials from... non-traditional couples. On what it's like to be in an interspecies relationship."
I'm not sure what I expected after my admission, considering how much the very idea of commitment tended to make her react. Yelling. A punch in the face. Laughing. A hasty retreat. But I damn sure wasn't expecting what happened next.
I felt her move in front of me, and slit open one eye to see what she was doing. She turned back around in my embrace and pushed another button on the console. Embarrassed as I was, I couldn't stop myself from opening both eyes entirely, and looking over her shoulder to watch her movements. What I saw was rather surprising, to say the least.
She'd hit 'rewind'.
Several seconds passed, and she hit 'play'. Never taking her eyes off the screen, her fingers flew over the keypad and before I could stop her, sound filtered through the increasingly small room we occupied.
'I'll go first''
'No, I'll go first.'
'Does everything have to be a fight for dominance with you?'
'You're right, you're right. I'm sorry; would you like to go first?'
'...no, that's okay. You can go first.'
'You are impossible!'
'And yet, you're still here. I wonder why that is?'
'Masochisitic tendencies, I guess.'
After I'd realized that Teandra's actions the night before had been completely genuine (or at least, not nearly as out of her control as I first thought), I'd been at a loss for what to do, or think. Programming had always had a calming influence on me, so naturally, I'd gone to my console and started working on lines of code, hoping it would distract me from everything my traitorous brain (and heart) was bombarding me with.
No such luck. Before I knew it, I'd opened up an extranet browser window and was looking up... things I shouldn't have been. It had started innocently enough. Just plain old, run-of-the-mill pornography. Then my searches had strayed into more... adventurous territory. While, I, myself, didn't have a human fetish, it appeared many, many other members of the Hierarchy did, and the search results had been... educational, to say the least.
'Fetish' wasn't a strong enough word, even in my own language, for some of the things I'd seen that night. At first, I'd been completely dumbfounded at how many turians, both male and female, had taken a shine (as it were) to humans. While Shanxi wasn't as important to the newest generation of turians as it had been to the last one, the social and political tensions were still there on some level. Joint tasks like building the SR1 had shown our ability to work together, professionally speaking, and human and turian alike involved in such projects were quick to praise their alien counterparts. However, that still didn't explain how so many turians could be engaged in relationships with humans and I'd only just found out.
You would think it was a huge state secret, or something.
Then again, people like my dad were still in charge of things in the higher levels of the government, military, and even scientific corners of our society. To them, it probably was a huge state secret, something they found shameful and worthy of scorn. Men like my father didn't acclimate to change very well. They saw no reason for things to be done differently than they'd always been, and even went so far as to think that other species would be better off doing things "our way."
They saw many other races as inferior, and humanity was at the bottom of the list of races to take seriously. To people like him, humanity would always be inferior.
I could never think that way, and the fact was I didn't have a fetish. While I would gladly admit to wanting the woman in front of me, her species had always been a bit of an afterthought in any fantasy I had. If she had any hangups about my species?
I'd stick to the dreams and spare myself the heartbreak later, thanks.
It had been with these thoughts in mind that I'd started closing browser tabs with disgust burning in my gut... until, at the bottom of one page, in what looked like an advertisement for yet another fetish site (and no, I really don't know why I clicked on it, to tell you the truth), I'd found... something else.
Unbeknownst to me, there was an entire support network out there for people who were in, or at least considering, situations like the one I'd been dreaming about for a while now. (Albeit unwillingly dreaming about, but that didn't make it untrue.) And not just the physical part, but the rest of it. Things that my mind had been hinting at, but I hadn't really accepted that I wanted, in spite of my actions after Horizon.
Which was exactly why I hadn't followed Teandra up to her quarters. I knew that what I wanted and what she was offering might not (okay, probably did not) match up, and I had to figure out what I was willing to give up if I was going to seriously pursue this. What I would sacrifice to keep her in my life in any capacity.
That led my line of thought back to the present, and I hazarded a glance at the redhead's face. I hadn't realized it, but my chin had come to rest on her shoulder, and much to my shock, she was leaning back against me as she listened to the couple on screen disclose the tale of how they'd gotten together.
Still at a loss for what to say, but knowing that watching the rest of the interview might make things even more awkward than they already were, I moved to shut down the video. However, my three-fingered hand was seized by a smaller, five-fingered one before I could manage it.
"You still haven't answered my question," she said softly, not moving her gaze from the screen.
I pulled back from her shoulder as I said, "What do you want me to say, Teandra? That I was surfing for porn and wound up here, instead? Well, there. I said it."
The back of her neck got even redder, and she didn't say anything for the longest time. Then, "I'm... I'm not sure what to say."
"That makes two of us."
"And here I was thinking you didn't want anything from me, physical or... otherwise."
"Want? Maybe. Demand? Not on your life. How many times do I have to say..."
She turned around to face me again, as she finished my sentence for me. "...that you've never asked for anything more than I was willing to give. I know." She was studying some indiscernible part of my tunic rather than looking at me, and it occurred to me that she was at a loss for what to do, as well. Teandra always had an answer for everything, whether it was a serious solution or a smart ass remark, and that she was being this quiet unnerved me more than anything else ever had.
Well, except maybe her little girl fight with Jack. I still couldn't shake the worry that little stunt had spawned, even if it was done and over with and everything was fine. She really could be too reckless for her own good sometimes.
A trait that had gotten us into this mess in the first place, come to think of it.
She opened and closed her mouth several times, as if she were debating the merits of what she wanted to say, and my eyes clamped shut as I shook my head involuntarily. This is it, the big, 'You and I need to stay friends,' speech. I cursed that damn console and the stupid pages I'd left open. If she hadn't seen them, then she'd never have been scared off...
All rational thought stopped cold as I felt one of her hands latch onto the back of my neck, pulling my head down toward hers until our foreheads met. My eyes flew open and I stared at her in utter disbelief. She was watching me to see what I would do, but I was too overwhelmed to comment, stunned by her use of the turian sign of affection instead of one that was more familiar to her own kind.
"I... I can't promise you anything more than fulfilling the physical aspect of... whatever this is. Yet. But... I can at least consider it."
I went to answer her, but she cut me off. "And I can't promise I won't make mistakes. A lot of mistakes, really, because I don't think I've ever had what can be called a 'real' relationship. I mean, hell, most times I got one, maybe two dinners or rounds of drinks out of a guy before he ran off for the next girl with a..."
"Teandra."
"...yes?"
"You're rambling. Again."
She sighed. "Yeah, something about you does that to me. I'm still on the fence about how much it bothers me."
I chuckled, and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into me. "You can do a number on my verbal skills, too, you know."
"Really now? Does that mean if you're talking straight, I'm doing something wrong?"
"What do you mean by..." I never got the rest of the question out, as it was cut off by a surprised sound in the back of my throat. She'd wrapped her arms around my neck and was scratching beneath my fringe, just like she had the previous night. My hands, working completely on auto-pilot, were wrapped around her hips and hiking her up to sit on the console before I even realized I'd moved.
She had a way of making me do that. A lot.
"See, now that's the reaction I was looking for last night."
Before I could respond, we both froze as a warning blared out from the speakers behind us. "Unscheduled firing test to commence in 90 seconds."
"Verna," we yelled in unison, and I all but threw her toward my cot as she tried to scramble off the console. Somehow, I managed to power the damn thing down before everyone in the sector (and aboard the Normandy) knew I (we) had screwed up, but it was close.
Not quite down to the last second, but… too close.
Once I'd finished the shutdown sequence, I turned to look at Teandra where she stood at the foot of my cot, and stopped short. Her face was a mask of shame and anger, arms crossed over her chest self-consciously again, and I moved quickly to reassure her that everything was fine.
"Hey." I stood in front of her, and used the knuckle of my foretalon to push her face up so she could see mine, drawing her gaze from beneath a curtain of red. "It's okay. Nothing went wrong. We handled it."
"More like you handled it," she ground out, pulling away from my touch and flopping down on my cot.
"No, 'we,'" I insisted, "You got out of the way because you knew I know these guns better than anyone."
"I guess. But if I'd been thinking straight, I'd have engaged the goddamn interface lockout so something like that wouldn't happen."
"I was there, too, you know," I pointed out, sitting down on the cot next to her, "I could have done the same thing."
She groaned and threw herself face down on my pillow. "Screw your logic. This is a sign."
"Of what?"
"That this is a really bad idea," was the muffled reply.
I wanted to argue with her, but the few times she'd ever been like this in the time I'd known her, arguing hadn't helped. Solutions, not platitudes, were the only thing that would snap her out of her self-doubting funk.
I let myself fall over onto my side, causing the cot to bounce with an exaggerated thump. When that didn't garner so much as a glance, I reached over and rolled her away from me just enough so we were face-to-face. "What do you do when a mission seems impossible, Teandra?"
"What does that have to do with anything?" She didn't try to get up or pull away, so I figured I was on the right track.
"Just answer the question, please."
"I come up with a game plan and I follow it. Until the shit hits the fan, anyway. Which it usually does."
"So, is that really so different from something like this?"
"Are you honestly telling me I should treat this like a mission, Vakarian?"
"Not in the strictest sense, no, but it's not entirely different from the rest of our last three years together, in my opinion."
She mulled that over, then said, "So... what you're saying is we need ground rules?"
"Maybe. If that's what it's going to make you comfortable with this."
"...it takes two to tango."
This confused me. "What?"
Blue eyes, so full of determination to get her point across that she didn't even blink, bored into me as she explained, "It means my needs aren't the only ones that need to be taken into account, here."
If ever I had wanted to beat my head against the wall (again), it was right then. "Teandra, for the last fucking time," which was probably untrue, because I knew it would inevitably come up again, "I'm willing to take whatever you're willing to give. What do I have to do to make you understand that?"
She blinked at me, finally, her expression unreadable, as she lay her head down on her forearm. She studied me for a minute, as if she were confused, before she replied, "I swear, you've got to be the only guy who hasn't ever pushed his own agenda with me. Relatively speaking."
"You've really been hanging around the wrong guys, Teandra."
She laughed at that, much to my relief. "Alright, alright, I get it. But you need to tell me what you need, too. I won't stand for you catering to me and getting nothing in return."
This conversation cannot end anywhere good. "I'm... not sure where to start."
"Is your list really that long?" She smirked at me, as if determined to find something to trip me up.
"That's not what I meant."
"Uh-huh. Sure you didn't. I bet there are a thousand and one things about me that you find annoying."
"What? When have I ever called you annoying?" At least, I've never said it out loud.
She closed her eyes, chuckling under her breath as she replied, "Relax, Garrus. I was kidding."
Good job, Vakarian. She says she's open to the idea of being with you, and you turn into a stammering adolescent. Smooth. "Fine, I'll start with a question, then: If we're 'together,' does that mean you'll be nicer to me? Isn't that what couples tend to do?" I wasn't really all that offended by her tendency to give me a hard time; I think we'd just been too many minutes without a joke, and that just wasn't our style.
"Only in public."
"...tell me why I wanted to do this, again?" She smacked her hand against my shoulder, none too gently, and I was satisfied to hear her grunt as she pulled her hand back. Then she looked at me in such a way that had me saying, with a laugh, "Hey, you did that of your own accord. Don't look at me like it was my fault."
She glared at me, and I sighed, taking the "injured" hand in between both of my own and examining it for wounds. It was a little red, but otherwise looked fine. All the same, I began massaging it, and I wasn't even really aware of what I was doing until I looked back up to find Teandra staring at me intently.
"What?"
"Nothing," she squeaked. I mean it, she actually squeaked, which caused me to stop what I was doing. I peered at her, trying to understand what she wasn't saying, when our conversation from Eternity came to the forefront of my mind.
"Wait... I know your sides are ticklish... are your hands ticklish, too?"
"Not… exactly." Her voice was somewhat more normal now, but not really. "Just... sensitive." She was speaking at barely above a whisper, and it took several seconds for me to see what she was getting at.
"Sensitive... how?" I asked carefully, making sure I didn't move my own hands again until she answered.
"Easier to show you." Her other hand was suddenly under the hem of my shirt, and I growled softly as she scratched ever-so-lightly at the hide in between my hip and torso plating. "Yep. It's a little like that."
My immediate reaction was to grab both her arms by the wrist and pull her hands up where I could see them. I was breathing a little harder, too, which she also picked up on, saying, "Wow. And I thought she was kidding..."
"Right. About those ground rules... because without them, I'm at a distinct disadvantage right now."
"You know I prefer it that way. Aren't you used to me cheating yet?"
I stifled a groan. "I know rules of engagement are meant to be broken most of the time, but I'm serious. I want to know what I'm allowed to do to respond, here."
She stared at me for a second, her expression somewhere between mirth and consternation, "Allowed? I tried to molest you last night, and you're asking me what's allowed?" She shook her head, smiling at me. When I continued to look at her expectantly, she rolled her eyes.
"Fine. Ground rules." She paused, thinking, then said, "Well, what did you learn from those sites you were browsing?"
"...what?"
"It didn't look like you were looking up the KamaSutra, Garrus. I'm assuming you were looking for something a bit less... graphic, and a little more practical."
"...what's a KamaSutra?"
"Something we are not reading until way farther down the line. Also, you're hedging."
"If you get to ramble, I get to hedge. You aren't the only one nervous here, you know."
This time, she had no snappy comeback. She lowered her eyes as she said, "Garrus... I told you before, if this is making you uncomfortable, then say so, and we'll..."
"Forget this whole thing ever happened? I think we're a little too far gone for that, don't you?" She didn't answer me. Her face started to close up, and her gaze became distant. Oh, no you don't...
"Teandra, look at me."
It looked like it was a bit of a struggle for her, but she obeyed.
"You could never make me uncomfortable. Nervous, yes, but never uncomfortable." I paused before adding. "Okay, you could never make me emotionally uncomfortable. Physically... well, if we run out of cold water in the crew showers, or I punch a hole through the hull, it's going to be all your fault."
This brought a laugh out of her, which was a relief, even if it was softer and more cautious than usual. "I said I was sorry. Besides, how was I supposed to know? You have rejected me twice, Garrus. That's an all-time record for me."
"Like I said, you've been hanging out with the wrong men, Shepard. I'm a hot-blooded male just like anyone else, and I'll even insert an 'especially when it comes to you' in there. But you can bet if I thought you knew what the hell you were doing you'd have woken up on this cot this morning, scratchy blankets and all."
This garnered me another chuckle, and then she took a deep breath, saying, "Well, since you're so nervous, I'll start. This can't interfere with the mission. Ever. What we're doing is too important for that."
"Of course, but what constitutes as 'interfering with the mission?' I think I need specific examples here, just to make sure we're clear."
"You dropping an order 'cause you're worried about me is definitely interference. Comm sex is okay, though, as long as it doesn't break your concentration." She winked at me, and I couldn't help but sputter.
"You tell me to keep it professional and then drop that in my lap in the same breath? That's hardly fair, Shepard."
"Never said it was. Now, your turn."
"Alright, well, I think we need to keep this to ourselves, for now. I know the crew thinks we've been..."
"Screwing each other's brains out?"
"...I was going to say 'joined at the hip' for some time now, but I suppose that works. And you're really not helping me concentrate when you say things like that."
She smiled, an almost wan expression, as she said, "Yes. Unfortunately, I'm quite good at that. Seduction is one of the many skills of an assassin, Garrus. Perhaps her best, if she has the body to really work it. There was this one mission..."
"Rambling again," I interjected, starting to play with her hand again to get her to focus on the present conversation.
"Dammit," she paused, "Well, I know one thing: We've got to make sure we don't let this change us. We still talk everything out, make sure we don't rush it."
"You mean, keep the lines of communication open? You know what that means, don't you?"
"What?"
"I get to call you out when you pull that passive-aggressive bullshit of yours."
"I am not-"
"Yes, you are." She glared at me, but this was one thing I wasn't backing down on. "I mean it, Teandra: I'm too worn down to be in a situation where I have to play mind-reader to someone who's supposed to be my partner."
"You're really not going to make this easy for me, are you?"
"Not for a fucking second. You want easy, there's lots of options out there. Those options aren't nearly as interesting, mind you..."
"...tell me again why I wanted to give this a shot?"
I'm not sure where the nerve came from; maybe I just wanted to remind her of what the potential perks of this arrangement were. I pulled her closer to me and nuzzled the side of her neck before nipping at her ear. "Is this reminder enough?" I said hotly, continuing to breathe on her neck, as this had been (admittedly accidentally) successful at getting her attention several times throughout our acquaintance.
Her breath started hitching almost instantly, and you could tell that it suddenly occurred to her exactly where we were, despite the seriousness of our talk. You could almost see her shoving her thoughts away, finally managing to gasp out, "Okay, I'm so convinced. But I completely forgot everything else we were discussing."
"We were discussing ground rules... and I'll have you know that's a small taste of payback, by the way."
"Ground rules. Right," she said, still working on getting her breathing back to normal, much to my amusement. "Okay, so what other demands do you have of your currently willing slave?"
I jerked at that question, completely unprepared for how appealing I found that mental image. Easy, Vakarian. She's joking, like she usually does. Remember what she said about Thane's leather jacket?
Of course, if she was going to make jokes, I wasn't about to be outdone. "Well, I did happen to find my handcuffs while cleaning up the other day... if memory serves, they fit you quite nicely." I saw her tense again, squirming slightly at the thought, and the first thing that came to mind was, Oh, now, payback is a bitch, isn't it? Then, my mind became fixated on another word she'd used: Willing.
I backed away a little, to a disappointed whimper from her, and said, "That brings up another very good point. Another ground rule, as we're putting it." I thought very seriously about how the next thing I had to say would go over, and there was no way to do it delicately. So, I just came out with it. "I won't do this if you've been drinking. You do know that, don't you?"
For the first time since the conversation had started, there was real fear in her eyes, the same fear she'd held the very first time we'd discussed her views on sex and alcohol. We'd been working on the MAKO at the time, and been interrupted by Joker before she could explain its origin further. I wondered if she would do so now.
"Garrus, I'm not sure that's a good idea." She rolled all the way over towards the wall, staring at the ceiling as she went on, "And I can't make myself tell you why. I don't want to see the look on your face when you find out."
"I warned you before I can handle just about anything, you know. And that almost nothing you say can change how I see you."
"You also have access to files that will tell the whole story, through your old C-Sec contacts, if you really want to know. All I will say is that the one time I tried, it was a disaster."
I rolled my eyes. "Shepard, we're already looking at the possibility of some kind of horrible interspecies awkwardness thing..."
She pushed herself upward, staring down at me from her new position, "I'm not talking 'awkward,' Garrus. I'm talking 'arrest record.' And no, I won't give any more details right now. I'm having a hard enough time not getting cold feet about this whole damn thing as it is. You have no idea how I feel right now…" She hesitated, then said, "We're crazy to even be considering this, aren't we?"
At her dejected expression, I reached up to pull her back down beside me, starting to reassure her.
"You act like it's the first time you've considered it. We both know better." There had been more than a few examples of that spark between us to make my words need no explanation. Her face, however, fell once again as I spoke.
Blanching slightly, something glaringly obvious from so close, she said, "You knew? About the transport that day?" She blushed almost the color of her hair at these words, trying to bring her hands up to cover her face as she did so. I stopped her, trying to fathom what I'd done this time to set her off.
"Transport? What are you talking about, Shep..." I stopped mid-sentence as it hit me, before I started laughing non-stop, rolling off the cot and onto the floor as I tried to get myself under control. But the very idea...
"You went... and talked to the Council... after daydreaming... about... by the Spirits..." I gasped for a minute, trying to catch my breath. "You really should have told Sparatus that. Maybe he'd have eased up in sympathy. Anderson probably would have wanted to shoot me, though…"
When she didn't respond right away, I peeked back up over the side of the cot, catching sight of her narrowed eyes. That should have made me shut up out of self-preservation, but only served to make me laugh harder.
"I'm so glad my physical discomfort is so amusing to you..." she said sardonically, sitting up and crossing her arms in irritation.
I took a few more harsh breaths, sitting back up with difficulty, and the occasional stray chuckle, as I responded, "Physical discomfort? No. Having a daydream about 'relieving tension' right before meeting the Council, especially when my stupid ass made a comment along those lines right before we got out of the cab? Yes. You must have been ready to pummel me."
"You know, I don't have all the translations down yet, but I don't think 'pummel' is the right word for what I wanted to do to you..." She stopped at the look on my face. "Shit, I'm rambling again... hey, wait a second," she interrupted herself, as if only just realizing something I'd said. "Horrible interspecies awkwardness thing? You didn't seem all that awkward last night."
"You didn't give me a chance, with all your reminders of your 'research on turian erogenous zones.'"
"Hey, that was a smooth line, I think."
"It could use some work."
"Well, I'm pretty sure if you hadn't been wearing armor last night, I'd have proof you're lying."
It was a good-natured jab, but not far off the mark. That brought something else to mind.
"Not that it would have meant anything if you had had proof." I sat up more fully, leaning back against the wall as I spoke. "Shepard, you're one of the only people I've got left in this screwed up galaxy who actually believes in me. I'm not messing that up for this," I gestured about the room at large, trying to indicate the whole sexual hurdle that had been grown up in front of us. "That's why alcohol is a deal-breaker. If you need it, then it's not what you really want, anyway. When it comes to this, I want all, or nothing. I'm not settling for shades of gray, here."
She seemed to consider this for a minute, reaching up to run a hand through her hair as she did so. Finally, face determined, she responded, "I understand. I don't agree with you, but I understand. I'm willing to try again... without alcohol. For you... for us. I'm not sure I ever would for anyone one else, but with someone I can trust? Yes. And that's you Garrus, without a doubt."
"Well, we won't be able to keep it a secret from the crew for long, but as I said, maybe we shouldn't be blatant about it until we figure everything out for ourselves."
"I'm okay with that. Take our time. Give everyone, including ourselves, time to adjust to the idea of their galaxy-renowned vigilante dating some human hero." I snorted at the juxtaposition of our roles, countering before I could think things through.
"Exactly. I mean, not that waiting is all bad, anyway. You know me. I always like to savor the last shot before popping the heatsink..." I stopped, groaning internally at the look on her face, before sputtering out, "That metaphor just went somewhere horrible, didn't it?"
She laughed, saying, "No, I'm pretty sure it just went somewhere awesome. You sure know how to seduce a fellow sniper, don't you?"
I shook my head at her mischievous expression, grinning myself. Who the hell knew what was going to happen from here on out, but it didn't matter, so long as we backed each other to the end. Face suddenly lighting up, she tapped her omni-tool, addressing the shipboard AI once again.
"EDI?"
"Yes, Shepard?"
"Where is the Normandy's nearest docking station to our current location?"
"We are currently in the Omega Nebula."
She turned back to me. "I don't know about you, but I think the whole damn crew needs a night out. Know any good bars on Omega where no one would want to kill us?"
I thought for a minute, finally supplying, "The Varren's Fringe is decent. Prices are fair; all species are welcome, for the most part; and they pay tribute to Aria, so the mercs tend to behave."
"Sounds perfect." She turned her attention back to the loudspeaker, calling out, "EDI, get Miranda on the comm, please."
"Yes, Shepard."
She kept her 'tool on speaker, and it was only a few seconds later that the accented voice of the Cerberus operative said, "How may I help you, Commander?"
"We're docking for repairs on Omega, and to pick up some equipment and upgrades. In the meanwhile, the crew is released for shore leave. Relay the message that they are released until 0600 tomorrow, and that I don't care how they come back on board, so long as they're back on time. Stragglers get latrine duty. Also, let them all know that Cerberus will be funding the tab for anyone who chooses to join us in the Varren's Fringe, and that I want the whole ground crew there for at least one round. They are dismissed as soon as we dock."
"You are not putting a bunch of drunken soldiers' fun on The Illusive Man's expense account."
"Watch me."
"Well, then, why don't you have your 'XO' give the order, since you refuse to listen to me anyway?" I glanced at the Commander, wondering how she was going to handle this latest test of her resolve.
"'Cause he's a little busy at the moment."
Miranda was apparently unconvinced. "What could he possibly be doing that makes him too busy to take an order from you?"
"Nailing your Commander into the bulkhead, maybe? What the fuck does it matter, Lawson? I gave you an order, not him." She stopped, grinning, "Though I'm thinking about giving him one right now..."
The comm clicked off before Shepard could finish that sentence. Though, honestly, I'm not sure if she'd ever intended to finish it at all.
"Um, I seem to remember some speech about personal and professional..." I commented, in time to her laughter.
"Miranda needs to be an exception. She really does." She let out a breath, turning to me, then actually giggled softly as she said, "So, Vakarian, how about we try for a genuine date that doesn't involve bloodshed or bullets?"
"Sounds positively boring, honestly, but I'm willing to give it a go."
Our movement through the Varren's Fringe was halted abruptly as a voice I was unused to hearing in that place caught Shep's attention.
"I've got a ship, and I've got a mate, and I only brought one with me to Omega. What do you say, Lorcana?"
"Well, aren't you cute? Get many dates with that line?" Something about that second voice sounded vaguely familiar, too, but I couldn't quite place it. Shepard had stopped in her tracks by then, however, her gaze moving to the turian pair standing at the bar. I heard her sigh, shaking her head as she broke away from our group as they made for the only table that would hold our massive crowd. I followed suit, curious as to what she was doing, waving Tali on when she started to do the same.
"Ogrinn! Still at your old games, I see." She walked up next to the female, taking a stance next to her with arms crossed in a show of female solidarity. "Can't you see the lady is blowing you off?" She turned her head, loudly whispering to the girl with a conspiratorial air, "He tries to get under the plating of EVERY girl he comes across, no matter what species. But, he's mostly harmless." She was turning back to the male as I moved up beside her. "Aren't you, Ogrinn?"
"Is this the thanks I get for doing your dirty work, sashita? And I'll have you know you're the only human who's gotten that line. It's one of my better ones." The turian seemed completely unconcerned by being interrupted, his tone playful as he spoke to the redhead, but my vision was turning a violent shade of blue near the edges.
How is he so familiar with a human Spectre? And where the FUCK does he get off referring to her in that way? He glanced at me, then back to Teandra as he went on. "I thought you said you weren't into turians? Isn't that why you wouldn't show me your... gratitude over shooting that bartender?"
"Are you kidding? What I said was I didn't entertain turians who had so little concern for their bond-mates. Did you miss the last part?" Her voice was no more serious than his was. Come to think of it, her posture was relaxed. Casual.
By the damn Spirits... she's flirting with him!
Another unfamiliar sensation assaulted me, possibly for the first time since I'd know Teandra. It only got stronger the more I thought about what was happening in front of me.
And the more I thought about it, the more I really wanted to rip someone's throat out.
Ogrinn, however, had no knowledge of how much danger he was in. He glanced pointedly at me, then the female, and back to Shepard. "Hey, I'm up for a little extra company. That is, if you think you can handle the chafing, sashita."
She laughed, a sound that thankfully covered a growl I hadn't meant to let escape.
A growl spawned by hearing him use that pet name again. What the hell is wrong with me? Since when do I act like a jealous suitor around this girl?
Since you decided that she was yours, sometime this morning, I answered myself. In your head, you've painted her, haven't you, Vakarian? Castis is going to...
Then, I caught sight of the female's face and markings for the first time, about the same time she noticed mine, and all worries about the situation up until that point disappeared. In spite of the distortion from my injuries, she appeared to have no trouble recognizing me.
A groan soon followed the growl, but this time there was nothing to hide the sound. This... is not good.
"Garrus Vakarian?" The white of her minimal clan markings served to frame her features quite well, just as it always had. She wasn't in uniform, though, wearing one of the latest turian female fashions with an air of familiarity. She went on, "You are exactly the last person I would have expected to find here."
Shepard, for her part, was silent. Her head whipped from the girl, to me, and back again, clearly trying to discern how this random female knew me.
I sighed, knowing that any attempt to side-step the situation would not end well. Man up, Vakarian. There's no avoiding her, so out with it. "Hi, Jerlah. Been a while, hasn't it?"
Teandra stopped, smiling slightly as she thought aloud. "Jerlah. Now where have I heard... Holy SHIT. Your rifle!"
I stared at her, hoping she wouldn't make the next logical connection. I should have known better. Teandra Shepard was many things, but 'stupid' wasn't on the list.
"You'd only name it after someone... wait." She started giggling maniacally, much to the other turian's amusement. "You ben'jee. This is Ms. Flexibility, isn't it?" The expression Teandra shot my way was downright evil. You could tell from both her posture and the twinkle in her eye that she found this new development, and the chance it would give her tease me mercilessly, nothing less than a boon from the heavens. It was clear she considered this nothing but a huge ball of fun that those gods of coincidence and irony had handed her, neatly gift-wrapped in swathes of bright fabric.
So much for the whole "treating me nicer in public," thing.
We'd been out on our own dozens of times in our acquaintance, yet, as soon as we declared (even if only between the two of us) that we were going to give regular, plain-old 'dating' a shot, complications came out of the shadows to mess it up?
Damn you, Murphy.
I really should have known better than to expect anything less. This had to be the universe's way of punishing me for ever telling her that story in the first damn place. At least things can't get any worse...
Still laughing, Teandra put her hand on Jerlah's forearm and cried, "You HAVE to come get a drink with us!"
...I stand corrected.
"Shepard, I'm sure she..."
Jerlah laughed, "Oh, no, I have plenty of time to spare right now. A drink sounds like a great idea."
As they walked towards the table occupied by the crew, I shuffled behind after a moment, Ogrinn calling, "Lucky bastard!" at my back with an amused air.
"Is he still telling that old story? Does he include the part where he followed me around like a lovesick pyjack for weeks afterwards?"
I groaned again, briefly contemplated joining the turian behind me in his search for uncomplicated relationships. But screw that. I'd bested Teandra in battles of wits. And Jerlah before her. I could handle this.
With them together, though...
I swallowed. Spirits, I am screwed. So very screwed. And not even in a fun way. Still, it was time to give my pride a soldier's funeral, if it was going down.
"Oh, I wouldn't say 'pyjack'," I said as I joined the table. "More like a lishka. Definitely a lishka." I took a seat that had so thoughtfully been saved between my current girlfriend and my ex. I began the introductions as I sat down, beginning with my current shipmates and ending with the former. "Everybody, this is an old shipmate of mine from the HSV Warlord. Meet Jerlah Shavina, scout extraordinaire and the second best sparring partner I've ever had."
"Second best? Since when do I only rate second?" She actually appeared a bit annoyed by my words, her mandibles flexing slightly as she attempted to bore a hole in my face with her gaze.
I rolled my eyes at the response, gesturing towards the Commander by way of explanation. "There's number one."
She leaned forward, looking at Teandra again in light of this new information. "That little waif of a human? No offense, but I don't see it."
"None taken," Teandra answered. "We humans have a saying: Never judge a book by its cover. Translated, it basically points out that appearances can be deceiving."
"As I found out the first time we sparred," I joked. At Jerlah's quizzical look, I explained, "She pulled a knife on me."
Jerlah looked back at the Commander, tilted her head, and absently tapped a talon against her glass. It was an old habit of hers, tapping out 'Die For the Cause' while she was deep in thought. "A bit underhanded, but then again, with his size advantage, the talons..."
"And reach. Let's not forget reach," Teandra chimed in with a smirk.
"And reach," she conceded, "I could see how additional weapons would be to your advantage. Almost a necessary one. How did you manage to keep it hidden from him?"
"Oh, it's easy, if you know anything about misdirection. Move so that his eyes go where you want them to during the warm up, and he'll never know what you've got up your sleeve."
"Oh, I do like the way you think, Shepard."
Another groan was building in my throat, but I managed to keep it to myself. Why me?
Teandra waved to the bartender, indicating that another person had joined the table, and that another round was required. I briefly considered ordering a double of my current choice, then decided that drunk would be an even more sure way of getting myself into trouble than if I were sober.
"And no, I'd still insist it was a pyjak. He always was a bit overly romantic for my tastes... still, I'm sure the galaxy's beaten that out of you by now?" The last part of the question was aimed at me, and I'll be damned if I knew how to respond to that without getting myself into trouble with one girl or the other. Plus, something about her tone was searching, and it made me leery of answering until I had a better feel for where she was headed. She'd never been much of one for idle conversation, which made her presence even more of a mystery.
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a romantic," Kasumi chimed in, "just like there's nothing wrong with a little extra fun without romance. It's all about perspective."
"And communication," Teandra added. "So there's no expectation of anything else. I take it that wasn't high on your list of priorities, if he was following you around afterwards?" There was an edge to her voice there, a very familiar one, recognizable because it was the same voice she used when talking about my father. At least she's followed her own advice, in this case. She's made it VERY clear where we stand. And she was right, because Jerlah sure as hell hadn't been clear at all.
Tali, as if seeming to grow tired of the topic, said, "I do not understand how any of you can make sex so impersonal. Even outside of the precautions quarians must take, it still does not change the fact that it is supposed to be much more amazing when it is more than just physical."
Fourteen heads turned her way, causing her to shuffle her feet under the table a second before straightening her spine. "What? I cannot be the only one who thinks that way?"
The scraping of a stool signaled at least one deserter. "This conversation is getting too goddamn girly for me. I'm going to go find a lonely, romantically-challenged asari and fuck her cross-eyed." Exchanging a look, Jacob and Grunt followed suit, and I idly found myself wondering what trouble those two were off to get into; but Thane, Mordin, and I all shared a moment that plainly said 'I am not missing this.' Though, in the salarian's case, I was pretty sure the interest was purely academic.
Once upon a time, I may have been uncomfortable with listening to 'girl talk in the name of science.' Now? No damn way I was going to miss this window into their minds.
"Why would it have to be about anything other than physical need," Miranda asked, in a tone that made it a statement instead of a question.
"'Cause then you could just use a vibrator? Fuck, cheerleader, I thought you'd at least know that," Jack pointed out with a smirk. "I've been with enough species to know it doesn't make all that much difference anatomy-wise. They're all selfish jerks when it comes to the bedroom, anyway."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Jerlah commented with a sideways glance my way. I did a double take, wondering if anyone else had caught that look. If so, no one bothered to comment.
"For quarians, it's a nerve stimulation program, not a vibrator," Teandra pointed out. On the opposite side of the table, I caught sight of Tali wringing her hands, the way she always did when she was embarrassed. "Makes me jealous as hell. I mean, there you are, bored beyond all reason while on a stakeout, and figure 'What the hell?'"
"Why would you jeopardize a mission that way? You might miss the target." Jerlah interjected, taking another drink.
"Not if you're just that good. Don't know about you, but I never miss a target," Shepard retorted with a laugh.
"I still don't get how you all can be so callous about something so special," Tali said again, causing Mordin to open his mouth and intone, "Defensive response indicates lack of experience."
Jack guffawed, "Wait, what did the Doc just say?"
"He said she's a virgin," Kasumi commented, with a knowing half-smile.
"I am not." I'm pretty sure our little quarian friend was blushing, even though we couldn't see it.
"You so are," Teandra laughed. "That explains the lovey-dovey crap. Does Kal know?"
I'm pretty sure Tali blushed harder behind her faceplate. "I am not a vir..."
"Okay, so what's your definition of virgin, then? 'Cause if you didn't do the deed, no amount of foreplay counts," Jack declared, leaning back so that her chair was propped on two legs, feet on the table and arms crossed.
"Just because I do not run around impaling myself on everything that moves does not make me any less of a woman, or a soldier. I just have higher expectations than that swill you bed." Jack's chair came back down with a crash at the quarian's words, the biotic sputtering as if she were unsure whether to laugh or get angry. Finally, she settled on the former, taking another drink to the amused applause from the table.
"Oh, man, we have got to get her back to the Flotilla soon," Teandra teased as the clapping died down. "That ripped hunk of a quarian has gotta get him some of that. What with that snug outfit, that sexy voice and the way he handles his rifle..." She paused for a minute, sighing wistfully as her eyes glazed over, before shaking her head and asking, "Sorry, what was I talking about again?"
"I am so glad to know you all think so highly of the males of the galaxy, ladies." Thane decided to comment, appearing both amused and perturbed by the byplay.
"Oh please, drell," Jerlah responded. "I don't do cross species, but it's obvious your outfit is meant to attract just that sort of attention."
"I am an assassin. Distraction is sometimes imperative to accomplishing the mission." For all his serious demeanor, that man could deliver a sarcastic line with such a straight face. If I hadn't been present for the entire conversation, I would never have known he wasn't actually giving a talk on undercover work.
"That sort of manipulation is what got Vakarian over here in trouble in the first place. If he hadn't cheated at Skyllian Five..."
"I did not cheat," I stated, finally rejoining the conversation to defend my own honor. "You all just assumed you could read my tell. Since I knew you knew about it, I just faked it when I had a flop hand. Battlefield diversion at its finest."
"Well, I lost a week's wages to that game, all because of your 'diversion.' Then again, I'd say it was worth it in the end, wouldn't you?" She shot that same look from before my way once again, and it only continued to reinforce my thought from earlier.
Okay, maybe I'm crazy, but is she hitting on me? Because, she dumped me, last I checked.
As if sensing my thoughts, Mordin commented once again as Teandra waved for another round, her own non-alcoholic beverage long gone, "Turian female hormone levels indicative of courtship signals." He said it as if pointing out a girl flirting with you were the most natural thing in the world, causing the entire table to start laughing at Jerlah's obviously flustered body language.
Well, everybody except Tali, who had crossed her arms, openly glaring at the turian with her own body language.
"Spi'rata..." She muttered warningly in my direction, only to move her glance from my face to Teandra's, the latter completely unperturbed. Not that I want an overly clingy girl, but would it kill you to act just the least bit jealous, little Spectre? You're acting more relieved than upset.
"I think you've got the wrong idea, Mordin. Jerlah made it clear a long time ago I wasn't good for anything but an occasional one-night stand."
Damn right, I was still a little bitter. Being used, even for sex, does that to a guy after a while.
I had been led to believe we were building towards something more permanent, only to realize I'd become, how did Shepard say it... a "booty call." I mean, by the spirits, she'd met my mother when a group of about six of us went home on leave. All I heard for months afterward were variations on, "When are you bringing that Jerlah girl back? She's from a prominent clan; you should consider taking that further."
I'd listened to my mother's drivel in spite of my common sense, in spite of knowing I shouldn't expect more, and when things tried to move beyond the physical, Jerlah broke it off.
And now she was regretful? The day after Teandra and I finally began moving forward? What was that line my little Spectre always sang? Sorry, girl, but you missed out? I'd moved on, a long time ago, and playing relationship games just wasn't in me anymore. There were bigger things to worry about, and I had more than enough issues to deal with already with the girl I'd chosen to dance with. Not that I planned on sharing that little tidbit today.
With either of them.
And once again, the cosmic gods of irony saw fit to punish me for complaining about my situation.
At Jerlah's somewhat defiant and hurt expression from my words, Teandra elbowed me under the table. Since the bartender was still absent, she used that as a cover, saying, "Garrus. Come give me hand with the drinks, will you?" When I hesitated, she stood and grabbed my arm, yanking me down the bar until we were out of earshot from my old turian companion, as well as the rest of the table.
"What are you doing?" She hissed at me as she spun me to face her, much to the amusement of the patron to our left.
"Huh?" I asked, confused, as I shot a glare at the batarian who had decided to eavesdrop. He quickly vacated his stool as I continued, "Again, with the vague accusations. Care to clarify?"
"You're brushing her off, idiot. Why?"
I cocked my head to the side, studying her. Her body language indicated she was irritated, but prior to her statement I would have assumed, or maybe hoped, it was jealousy. Now, with her statement, I reevaluated my thoughts.
"Still confused, here. Why does it matter why I'm doing it?"
She sighed with visible exaggeration. "I told you that I couldn't promise you anything more than 'blowing off steam.' You don't owe me anything. And it's obvious she still cares for you."
"Hate to break it to you, but the feeling's not mutual. And you've got to be the first woman I've ever been involved with who's encouraging me to sleep with someone else."
I was trying to draw a smile out of her, but failed as she went on, completely serious, "You've been hanging out with the wrong kind of girl then, first of all. And second of all, I call bullshit, Vakarian. If nothing else, I know your cues when you're attracted to someone by now."
I resisted the urge to slap my carapace sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "Right, since I'm so adept at romance it'd be a sure thing, even if I didn't finally have a shot with the woman I've dreamed about for the last two and a half years."
She scrunched her nose at me, processing that, before finally saying, "Thirdly, almost everything we agreed to during our 'meeting' can be summed up in one all-encompassing rule: Friends first, everything else second. You always said 'uncomplicated' was all you had time for." She pointed to where Jerlah was talking with Tali, both women gesturing in such a way that indicated they were discussing weapons tactics. "You have time for a normal relationship, a normal life, now. She can give you that, and as your friend, I'm telling you, you should at least consider it!"
I wanted to point out that, with the universe on the line, nothing was going to be 'normal' again for a long, long time. If ever. However, that wasn't what was really bothering me about her little speech. "And what if that's not good enough for me?" I crossed my arms, returning her glare. "What if I want something else?"
"We talked about that this morning. You know that's something I can't guarantee."
"Can't, or won't?"
"Garrus..."
"Answer the question."
"Both," she said emphatically.
"Not even for me?"
"Especially for you."
I tightened my arms, pulling back, wounded by her words. She jabbed her finger in the direction of the table once again. "I can't give you the life you deserve. Bring her home and your father will welcome you with open arms. Even I know she's a great catch by turian standards, you ben'jee."
Much to my dismay, I nearly snarled at her, until I reminded myself that she had no idea how true that statement might be. After all, I'd not told her about the sequence of events immediately following her death. A discussion for another time. "You really tend to negate your arguments about our suitability when you punctuate them by speaking in old turian. You know that, right?"
No, I really can't go very long without being sarcastic. Why do you ask?
"Gah! You are impossible!" She exploded, throwing her hands up in frustration, growling in the cutest fashion. And she probably didn't even realize she was echoing the sentiments of one of the subjects in that vid we'd been watching earlier that day, which made it all the more amusing.
"And that's why you love me. Oh, right. Nevermind."
She stammered for a moment, a familiar shade of pink coloring her cheeks as she fought to find a retort. Apparently finding none, she settled for rolling her eyes, then turned and stalked back toward the table. I laughed as I thought, "Score: Vakarian-1, Shepard-0."
Halfway there, she apparently remembered the drinks we were supposed to be getting, because she turned around and headed right back for the bar. I started to comment, only to have her say, "Oh, shut up," before I could even snicker.
We returned from delivering the latest order, the frazzled bartender close on our heels, to a discussion about what Jerlah had been doing since leaving the military.
"Been on my own for a year or so now, but still had that adventurous streak. Found out there is quite a lot of work out there for official couriers. Gets me my own ship, and I get to travel the galaxy. It's quite a setup."
"Sounds like it," I said, retaking my seat, trying to ignore the pointed look I was getting from Tali. A tinkle of glasses brought my attention back behind us.
"Oh, give me that, you clumsy thing. You obviously have more than you can handle..." came Shepard's amused words at the wait-staff's almost disaster. "Go take care of your other customers. I've got this." The waiter gave her a relieved thank you and she pulled the tray, which she'd already rescued from disaster when he tripped, completely out of his hands, balancing it with expert skill.
You know, once the galaxy is saved, we could always settle down somewhere and open a restaurant... I snorted. You can't even get her to commit to a relationship, and you wanna buy real estate?
How did Dritan Acanthus put it in Basic? 'Keep talking like that, and I'm revoking your guy membership.'
And why did I think, if she knew what was going through my head, Teandra would agree with that sentiment? I'm so glad she wasn't really a mind-reader; I would have been in so much trouble if she was.
As she distributed the contents of the tray with a bit of a flourish, Jerlah's gaze never left her, continuing her story none-the-less.
"It's definitely the job for me, I find."
"Is that why you're here, one of your courier jobs?"
"Actually, yes, which makes running into you, of all people, even more serendipitous. Have you seen Lantar lately?"
I started, the entire game losing its embarrassing cuteness as it took on a whole new level of personal disaster for me. "Why would you ask that?"
"Well, you two were always so close, especially after he and Mishta took the rites."
"Why are you looking for him?" I was purposefully tuning out the table now, determined not to let anything cause me to slip up. Jerlah would know if I was lying at any point, and I had no desire to face a speech on honor from her at the moment.
"Castis is trying to find him. In fact, if he knew where you were, he probably would have asked you directly."
"I doubt that, Jerlah, but that's beside the point. Why is he looking for Sidonis?"
"Aw, hell, I'll do this one for free. There's some sort of big Vakarian family meeting in a couple of months, and he wants Lantar there."
"So, he didn't tell you what the meeting was about?"
"No," she hesitated, "but you already know what it's about, don't you?"
Shepard was over my shoulder now, putting my drink down, and I found myself wondering why she hadn't commented on this line of conversation. Then again, the tap she gave the back of my neck, reminiscent of a kill tap, as she pulled her hand away said a world of things. The two biggest being, I am not happy, and, We are so going to talk about this when we get back home...
I guess that was cosmic retribution for pushing her boundaries, paying her back by giving her an opportunity to do the same to me.
"Okay, now quit dodging, Vakarian, and answer the question: Have you seen Sidonis?"
"Last I heard, he'd turned himself in to Citadel Security for the murder of ten soldier on this rock," I spat back.
"So the rumors are true, then?" Someone who didn't know her would have taken her tone as mild interest and left it at that.
Unfortunately, I knew better.
She was baiting me, and I knew it. But, there wasn't much I could do about it if I wanted to find out what was being said about me behind my back. "Rumors?"
"That he's been with you the last two years, Vakarian. Don't play dumb; you were never good at it."
"That's what I keep telling him, Jerlah, however," Teandra sat the tray in her own chair, refusing to sit so she could look the other turian in the face, "I don't appreciate you questioning a member of my crew that way. You're bridging over from personal questions to interrogation, and I don't like it." Her voice bordered between a warning and a challenge, and it made me more than a little nervous. The last thing we needed on our first night out was to end up in a bar fight.
The hand wrapped around Jerlah's glass tightened. "Where do you think you get the authority to give me orders, Shepard? Besides, this is hardly your business." Oh, I knew that tone, too. That tone had sent many of our ship-mates running for cover during our time aboard the Warlord. It was usually prelude to an ass-kicking.
"Do you even realize which Shepard I am, lady?" There was a dangerous glint to Teandra's eyes now. "Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, blah, blah, blah... I might not wear those titles all the time, but I did earn them. I look out for my crew, and I take responsibility for anything they do, which means that this is definitely my goddamn business."
I waited for it, the inevitable angry response, as they stared each other down, wondering how the hell I was going to get us out of this predicament if it all went downhill.
Instead, Jerlah laughed. "Damn, Garrus, what have you been teaching this girl? She sounds like a Hierarchy CO."
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Thank the Spirits for small miracles.
"Trust me, I know," I responded, finally hazarding a glance between the two women, though it was kind of gratifying to hear another turian say it.
Even if that same trait was going to get me a sound dressing down later.