-1The Path Of Time
Chapter Fourteen
He couldn't move. The darkness enveloped around him. Lingering over him like some uncomfortable blanket. He tried to move his arms, his legs. Anything. His attempts always failed. It was as if his body were paralysed, while his thoughts lingered somewhere in a place far away from the physical world. He felt close to reality, but not close enough. Hyne, why couldn't he even move a finger?
At first his mind fluttered in and out of consciousness. Falling in and out of restless dreams. Sometimes he wasn't even sure which was a reality, the constant nightmares that left him screaming in his mind. Dreams that seemed to make him feel like he was losing his sanity. The scariest kind of dreams, the ones where you can't even recall what had happened, only you know that it was something bad. Something awful that still lingers in your self conscious. And then there was the times where he was awake, although he wasn't even sure if it could be called 'awake'. It was the times where it was his thoughts alone in the darkness. Unable to move a muscle, but conscious enough to know what he was thinking.
Sometimes he heard distant voices calling out to him. He'd feel a presence nearby, or lightly feel a touch of a hand brush past his. It felt alien to him though, almost dreamlike as he lay within his mind full of darkness. He felt a pull of energy bring him back to reality. He could think properly now, before it had only been a series of thoughts in between his nightmares. Nightmares of being taunted by… something. He couldn't remember for the life of him.
A faint sound stirred his thoughts slightly. It was a soft tone, almost humanlike. Like a woman's voice somewhere in the distance, he couldn't be sure though. His mind was so scattered, so delirious that he couldn't even comprehend that he couldn't move. It didn't panic him that he was stuck in this darkness for Hyne knows how long. It felt like an age. Like he was in some sort of limbo, waiting for his moment of judgement.
The first thing he noticed was the sudden yearning for water. His mouth felt like sand paper, and as he swallowed he found no relief, only a sharp pain running down his throat. Next to hit him was the pain that throbbed throughout his body. His body felt so worn and painful, like every muscle in his body had been strained. As if every bone in his body crushed. He willed his mind as hard as he could to move his hands, and to his surprise it worked. He felt his hand move slightly. It was a revelation that almost made him want to laugh out loud if he could, his head however was still lost within the darkness. Only his feeling was returning.
"Seifer..?"
That faint sound again, only this time he realised that it was a female voice. And they were calling his name. The touch of another against his forehead brought his eyes to flutter open slightly. Light flooded through, it took him a few moments to get used to the brightness after having been lost within that darkness for what felt like so long.
Above him a woman's face came into view, her blonde hair that was usually held back neatly now fell down her face giving her an air of beauty. He watched as she smiled slightly upon seeing him gaze up at her. Her cheeks flushed slightly as she turned away to look behind her.
"I'm glad you've finally awoken, Seifer," another woman's voice called out. This one sounded older, which matched the face of a middle aged woman now approaching his bed. She adjusted the pair of glasses that balanced on the bridge of her nose.
"Where am I?" Seifer asked, his voice hoarse. It seemed to take all his energy to even speak, he felt so tired.
"You don't remember?" the woman looked surprised, raising an eyebrow. "You agreed to come here with Irvine, four days ago. It seems we're lucky he found you, or else you would've collapsed somewhere in the snow and who knows what could've happened to you then."
He thought hard, remembering that day he was kicked out of his home. His conversation with Irvine as he was persuaded to return to Garden. He remembered walking in the snow, seeing the Garden in the distance, but after that it all went blank. "I… I don't remember how I got here," he said, suddenly realising what had happened.
The woman nodded, "You passed out before you even got into the Garden, Irvine had to carry you here himself. You've suffered a bad fever, most likely from those wounds you bear. You're in safe hands now, Seifer." The woman leaned down close to him, watching him intently. "My name is Alison Beck, I'm the headmistress of Trabia Garden. We'll speak later."
He watched as Alison turned her attention to Quistis, who had been sat silently beside them. "Come now Quistis, let our guest get some rest."
Seifer lay still as he saw the two women stood and walked out of the room leaving him alone with his thoughts. The thought that he was alone inside Trabia Garden left him feeling slightly uneasy. Suddenly he wasn't so sure whether he wanted to be here. He didn't know if he was ready for all of this, just to go back to the way his life used to be. He fell into a restless sleep of nightmares that he was familiar with, yet that was of no comfort to him. It only made it feel all the more scary, knowing where his dreams would lead him to.
When he next awoke, he found himself still to be alone but feeling remarkably better. He no longer felt pulled into the depths of unconsciousness. He was awake and aware of where he was. It was the first time he took the time to look at his surroundings. The room was a small sterile white, as would be expected of an Infirmary room. It was a basic room, with bed and a cabinet beside it. There was also a chair that was at his bedside, he recalled seeing Quistis their at his earlier awakening. He wasn't sure how long he had been asleep for, it could have been a mere ten minutes, or even another few days could have past. He wasn't sure anymore.
A glass of water sat beside him on the bedside table, and upon seeing it he realised that his desperate thirst lingered over him until he grabbed the glass and eagerly emptied the content. The water was cold, as it slid down his throat leaving him feeling temporarily satisfied. He leaned his head back against the pillow a moment, closing his eyes. There was no window in this room, it was lit up by a light running down the centre of the room. As he closed his eyes, he could hear the gentle hum of the lights above him.
A click of the door took him from his momentary serenity as he saw a red haired woman enter the room. She wore a white uniform as she studied a chart in front of her. She smiled sweetly as she realised he was staring at her.
"Hello Seifer, I'm glad that you're finally awake. How are you feeling?" she asked placing a hand against his forehead. He realised that she must be a nurse that worked here. Although she seemed to look quite young, at closer inspection he realised she was possibly older than she looked. Her eyes held tiny lines around them, most likely from her job. He guessed it couldn't be easy helping the injured all the time. Especially in a Garden infirmary, kids were always eager to start training to early or get too arrogant leading to them being dragged to the infirmary. He mused at the thoughts of his earlier days in Garden. He guessed…he had been one of those kids. The scar on his face was all the evidence he needed.
"A lot better," he muttered as she quickly worked her way around him. He didn't really take notice of what she was doing, only constantly became more annoyed as she probed at him, going through the procedures he guessed.
"Okay," she said finally, looking satisfied. "The name's Annabelle. I'm a nurse here, so if you have any problems you should come straight back to me."
"Does that mean I can go?" Seifer asked, raising an eyebrow. As much as he didn't mind being here, he certainly didn't liked being nursed. He'd rather go on in pain than spend his day in the infirmary. It never was one of his favourite places. It always made him feel cramped, and he hated just lying around.
"Make sure that you take it slow, okay?" Annabelle stated, "You've just recovered from a nasty fever, and you need to take it easy on yourself. Alison said she wanted to see you as soon as you're awake and recovered enough. I'll bring your clothes in for you so you can change."
He nodded silently as he waited for his clothes, he finally felt glad to be out of the white bed clothes he had been given at the infirmary. Once he had changed, the Nurse gave him the directions to the whereabouts of Alison's office.
It wasn't until he began walking through the corridors of the Garden that it suddenly hit him that he was back. He was surrounded by SeeD's and students again, just as he had been when he once belonged to Garden. Although his environment was different, and these SeeD's belonged to Trabia, he couldn't help feeling odd. He felt like he didn't belong, like he never could belong. Perhaps he never had. Even back when he wanted to be a SeeD, he wondered if he had ever actually saw himself stood in the uniform and fighting for the Garden. And for the life of him now, he really couldn't remember. Had he ever truly wanted to be a SeeD? Or had it just simply been where his life had taken him too.
He made his way through the Garden quickly, not liking where his thoughts were going. He could see the students looking at him. Some of them turned to their friends and whispered to each other before laughing. Some even greeted him. It didn't feel right. None of this felt right at all. He wanted to lash out at the students, to stop their sneering, their smiles. He hated that. It took all of his will not to. Just get to Alison's office, he told himself.
He found himself pounding on her office, like some sort of scared child desperate to run away from bullies. The thought made him sick to his stomach. Seifer Almasy wasn't like this. He didn't run. He especially didn't run away from stupid students. They could mock him all he liked. He didn't care. They didn't know him. Or perhaps they did, didn't they? Everyone knew who Seifer was. The Great Betrayer, someone once called him. Well perhaps he had been, but this wasn't what he wanted to be. Hyne, he wasn't even sure what he wanted to be anymore.
The door opened and he found himself face to face with Alison. She didn't have to say anything, silently she ushered him inside her office and gestured for him to sit as she placed a steaming cup of coffee beside him.
"You look well Seifer," she spoke. The woman studied him through aging eyes, experience had taught Seifer she wanted more than just a civilised conversation with him. He realised that he was here for a reason. Hell, people always seemed to come to him for something these days. He was always passing through places, always having temporary relations with other people, he realised. But he was never in one place. Nothing was ever permanent. People just came and went. No one ever stayed.
"What do you want?" he asked, getting to the point.
Alison smiled slightly. "Cid was right about you ," she mused. He waited for her to explain, but she just sat there, her thoughts seeming to drift far away for a brief moment. She looked curious, as if something was troubling her deep down. There was a moment of silence, until she came out of her thoughts and turned her attention to Seifer once more.
"Welcome to Trabia Garden," she started. "I know that you have no duty here, meaning that you can come and go as you please, but I would like to ask a favour of you."
"What kind of favour?"
"This Garden needs your help. There's danger of a war starting up, and I'm afraid its starting here in Trabia of all places. The resources we have here are in no way as advanced as the other Garden's, which means we need all the help that we can get. I'd like you to join forces with us, to help us prevent any more attacks from the Peace Makers."
Letting out a sigh, Seifer sat back in his chair thinking a moment. He figured it would have been something along those lines. "I made it clear that I wasn't going to get involved in all of this anymore. What makes you think that I would help you?"
"Because I know that you want another chance."
Seifer looked at her, confused at her words. He saw Alison raise an eyebrow at him, studying him quizzically. Although he felt confused, deep down inside of him he understood perfectly what she was asking of him. It was what he had been yearning for, yet something he had been afraid of since the Sorceress war. His chance to prove himself. His forgiveness. Suddenly he didn't like how much this woman seemed to understand him. No one understood Seifer before, when had he become so transparent? It seemed everyone was reading him so easily recently.
"You don't want another chance, Seifer?"
He shook his head, adjusting himself uncomfortably in his seat. He was going to say something that would shock her. That would shock anyone who once knew him for what he used to be. "I don't know if I can," he started. "I gave up fighting a long time ago. I haven't used a Gunblade in years."
"Well then you'll have to learn again, and fast," she responded. "I know someone who can make the finest weapons, I'll have bring one of them to me tomorrow. In the meantime we have training weapons to use. You must begin training immediately."
He looked at her reluctantly, she was eager to have him fight. Hyne, he hadn't even said yes yet. He felt torn, part of him couldn't wait to pick up a Gunblade again and begin his training. He guessed it was a part of him that had been lost over the years, the part that kept him feeling alive. Sure, he knew how to protect himself from fighting, but to use a weapon again. That was something on a different level. There was a part of him deep down that wanted to run away. A part of him that didn't trust himself. What if he was lured onto the wrong side again?
"What if people don't want me to fight alongside them?" he said out loud, not realising he was speaking his thoughts. When had he been so sensitive to the world? He found himself so often letting his guard down and talking to people. He guessed that was something that came with age. At eighteen he felt like he could defeat the world single handed, now he knew he could not do things alone. His pride had always stood in his way, clouding what was right and wrong. He didn't want that again.
"The world has moved on since the Sorceress war, people always forget over time," she stated. "I've spoken to Cid. Once this is over you can stay here or return to Balamb as you wish. The world has forgiven you, Seifer."
He looked at her suddenly, not sure how to take the news. The world had forgiven him? He almost laughed, he would believe that when he saw it. People still gave him awkward glances as if he were some sort of monster when he walked in the street. A few wise asses would always come up to him giving him hassle, threatening him for the things he hadn't intended to do. And now he was forgiven? It didn't matter what Alison or anyone at Garden thought. He didn't feel forgiven. In Seifer's mind, he still hadn't paid his debt. There was so much more forgiveness that he needed.
He nodded, not sure what other response he could give to her. He couldn't accept what she had just said, but he wasn't going to protest either. Time would only tell what the world thought about him.
"Within the next few days some SeeD's from Balamb are going to be dispatched to Trabia to aid us along the way. Go and start your training now, Seifer. I've got work to do."
In the days that followed, Seifer began spending all his time training. A new Gunblade was sent to him, via the man that Alison had spoken about. It was a beautiful blade, very similar to his last weapon only this one felt lighter than he remembered his weapon to feel. It felt easier to use, as if it was meant for him.
Seifer had been advised to go into the Garden's training centre that was there for the students to use. He didn't however feel like fighting amongst the young students. They always stared at him, as they did whenever he was walking around Garden. On the second day he found himself walking outside of Garden and into the mountain areas where he found himself faced with monsters that required all his physical and mental abilities. If he lost concentration, it would be fatal for him.
He found himself clumsy at first, it made him wonder how he had allowed himself to get so unfit. His attacks were badly aimed, like the same skills of a young cadet just learning how to fight. After the first few battles, he seemed to get back into the mindset of when he used to be a skilled fighter. He started to enjoy himself a little more, being a little more daring, and a little faster each time.
It was good to be away from the town and Garden. When he fought, it was just him and his enemy in their own little world. Nothing else mattered outside of it. He found his old fire come back. That yearning to be strong. To be a soldier. It made him realise what had been missing in his life for so long. Seifer was a fighter. No matter what side he fought on or where his life lead him, he needed to be the one to fight. It was what he had built so many years of his life becoming, and he had tried to throw that away because he was afraid? He needed to be afraid of who his enemies were, not the actual fighting he realised.
He got lost in a world of dodging and attacking, casting magic and defeating these monsters. Beads of sweat formed on his brow, as his breathing began to quicken. He ignored it though, he was going to fight until he had no energy left, just like he used to. Just like he still needed to do to feel alive.
His thoughts lingered back to his previous fears. The precautions he had taken to prevent himself doing the wrong thing. How his guilt had eaten away at him, it had made him give up everything he lived for. So much so that he could never forgive himself. It all made sense to him now. He could never forgive himself until he went back to where he left off at his life. His real life. Not the façade he had forced himself to live over the years. Yes, his real life had stopped the moment he threw away his gunblade off a cliff and into the sea in his own self pity.
He remembered that day well, it had almost been him that had been thrown from that cliff if he had enough courage. Fortunately he still had too much pride back then to give in so easily. He had lost the people he held dear to him, and everyone else in the world scorned him wherever he went, but he would not give in. He was a difficult bastard at the best of times, but this was Seifer. This was who he really was. The son of a bitch that never stopped. The one that always wanted to be the better man.
He almost felt eighteen again, ready to take on the world. He had the skill that he used to have. He was still Seifer. He could feel it within him each time he swooped to attack another monster. Each time he dodged another blow. It was the adrenaline that was running through his veins that made him feel real again. Only this time he knew he would be wiser. As much as he hated to believe it, he had indeed been a little boy back then, just as Ultimecia had once said. Except, she hadn't been the one to make him into a man. He had been a heartless and foolish Knight. Yes. But not a man.
Finally he had the courage to know that this time he was going to act like a man. This time his pride wasn't going to get in his way. He was going to fight for the right reason, and with the right people. No one was going to lead him astray. He was doing this for himself, and no other.
On an evening when the sun shone over the mountains, making his face feel warm against the contrast of the vast snow that surrounded him. He breathlessly picked up his gunblade after a hard days worth of fighting. He had put off joining in the many battles that had formed over the weeks. People had been seriously hurt over the days, the tension rising within Garden as well as the town. No one felt safe anymore. There were constantly people on standby outside the Garden. Keeping watch of anyone that wished to enter the Garden.
Somehow Seifer had found a spot just outside of Trabia where he could be away from all the hassle, and the fighting. He refused to fight yet, still training against the monsters that he found lurking in a nearby forest. Everyday he was asked to help fight, but each time he somehow escaped the Garden and into his little forest of serenity. It was peaceful here. A place he could be by himself. It was where he came to teach himself to be the soldier he once was. Although he had gained back the skills he had all those years ago he wanted to be better than then. He taught himself more, as the wiser man he had become. And as bad as it made him seem to other people, he wasn't going to fight until he was really ready.
He made his way down the long stretch of snow covered land that led back to the Garden. He could already see the beautiful building ahead of him. It wasn't long before he approached the gates, making his way through. Only to stop in his tracks as he heard shouts and saw the crimson stains on the ground. He looked up to see a military car stopped in the road which led straight into Garden. It was surrounded by a crowd of men, all of them tall and muscular, in their arms some held buckets of blood which they threw at the students who had come out to help the battle which had just begun. Other men stood with short swords in their hands. Ready and waiting for their first victim to step forward.
Among the crowd he saw Quistis, her blue eyes were ice cold as she approached the men. A small group of students stood behind her, all with weapons ready to use. Most of them looked nervous and unsure, evidently inexperienced in the ways of war. But this was the world that Trabia Garden now lived in. Countless students lives had to be risked. War was a cruel thing.
"What brings you to Trabia Garden?" Quistis asked, her voice airing confidence. She held her whip out, eyeing all of the men curiously. She was like a cat, ready to pounce on her prey at any given moment.
One of the men stepped forward, he looked down on Quistis. His gaze making it obvious what he thought, just a woman. He misjudged Quistis for her beauty, not knowing strength she possessed during battle. He mistook her for being just another naïve and inexperienced cadet. The truth, however, was far from this.
"There's a new rule in town," he boomed. "No SeeD's allowed in town. We're not going to rest until this murder camp is shut down." He looked at the Garden and the cadets in disgust, spitting on the ground before them. "You may think raising children to kill is right, but you don't see the terror they cause when they fight in the streets. The amount of lives that are cost because of you and your insolent wars."
Quistis looked shocked at his words. "You seem to be forgetting if it wasn't for us, you'd still be under rule of a Sorceress. Hyne, you'd be dead by now if it wasn't put to an end."
The tall man clenched his fists , angered by her words. He lashed out at her, raising his sword high and swooping down towards her stomach. His attacked failed as she dodged his weapon with ease, her skill evidently better than his. She smiled slightly as she saw the shock on his face at her haste.
He looked at his other comrades, who stood eagerly waiting, and nodded to them. One men brought out a hammer, smashing his way through the military car. His attempts failed as a gunshot sounded, and the young man fell to the ground. A bullet through his chest. For a moment there was silence, until five people stepped out of the car. Their weapons raised. A young girl stood confidently with a gun in her hand as she pointed it towards the other men.
From Seifer's place behind all the commotion, he suddenly heard footsteps from behind him. Turning around he raised his weapon as metal clashed against metal and he was suddenly faced with another man. The man smiled upon seeing his face, "Nice to see you're back with your little SeeD friends," the man pointed out.
Angered, Seifer pushed him back. He raised his weapon to attack the man, the battle wasn't long. He pushed the man on the ground, placing a foot firmly on his chest and holding the blade of his gunblade to the mans throat. He didn't actually want to kill the man, not yet anyway, as he realised he had been a man in his room when he had been beaten by Ed and his gang. The man looked up into Seifer's fiery face in fear as he suddenly became hysterical from fear.
He released his weapon from the mans neck. Satisfied that leaving the man living in fear was better than to kill him. For some reason he couldn't seem to kill people like he used to. He used to be fine during battles, not thinking anything of death. Of course it was what came in war, you either killed or were killed yourself. That was the way you survived. However, this was not his fight. They weren't his enemies. He said he'd help Trabia. Not fight their war for them.
He watched as the man ran away in fear. Realising that he was no more than an ordinary man. It seemed ironic how the Peace Makers had now become violent. However, he realised most of them were as inexperienced as the cadets that they sent out to fight. He guessed a lot of them were still the 'Peace Makers' they claimed to be at heart. Perhaps they had been forced to fight or they now had new followers. He guessed it was something that he would never know. Why had the Peace Makers suddenly become so violent?
Stepping back to where all the commotion had been before, Seifer was proud to see Quistis fighting with the man that had looked down on her earlier. He couldn't help but smile as he realised she was kicking his ass. It was only when more men grabbed her from behind and held her down, that Seifer's heart suddenly stopped. Without thinking he ran as fast as he could, dragging both men from her. Somewhere along the way he lost his weapon, he guessed it had fallen from his hand. At one time he would have never dropped his weapon, it made him realise he still wasn't yet prepared to fight. He punched one of the men in the face, hearing a crack as blood oozed from the mans nose and he fell to the ground. Other SeeD's had come to fight off the rest of the men.
Eventually they backed off, dragging the wounded with them. "You're causing harm to the rest of Trabia," one of the men shouted. "We're not only targeting you, we're targeting those who support you. If you really care as much as you claim, you would know what to do."
"And what would that be?" Quistis asked, her manor still as confident as ever. Not even the short battle had phased her.
"We're not stopping until this Garden is shut down. Trabia is our town now." He picked up a stray bucket that had been left behind by one of his other men and threw it at Seifer before he left.
"Who the hell do they think they are?" a familiar voice said.
Upon hearing the voice, Seifer got his first chance to get a look at the people around him. He suddenly noticed the symbol on the military car held the symbol of Balamb Garden. Looking around him, he noticed more familiar faces. The voice that had just spoken belonged to a blonde haired man who he suddenly realised was Zell. Taking in his surroundings he suddenly saw more people he knew.
"Hello again, Seifer" a brown haired woman spoke.
"Long time no see, Xu." Seifer responded looking at the woman. She had changed somewhat over the years. Her hair now longer than he remembered, her eyes looked tired and worn down, but she was still the same asserted Xu that he remembered from so long ago. Looking around he saw another familiar face, a brown haired man. He couldn't quite recall his name, but it was someone he remembered from a SeeD exam long ago.
Amongst all the SeeD cadets, Zell looked slightly uncomfortable. Not sure whether to be happy or angry to see Seifer again. He was part of their past, someone who they grew up with, yet he couldn't forget what had happened in the past. Seifer had betrayed them all, fighting against them until the very end. Of course time meant that feelings weren't the same as four years ago. However, the doubts and fears still lingered in his mind. He had heard of Seifer's return. It had been a rumour going around Garden for sometime. Still, it seemed odd to actually be stood near him. It was as if he were taken back to four years ago, the last time he had saw him. But time had changed, hadn't it? Nothing was the same as it was before. Nothing at all. He shuddered and turned his attention back to the crowd as he realised he thoughts were lingering back to Rinoa. He had grown close to the girl over the years, apart from Squall, Zell had also been the one who had found it hard to deal with as well.
"Welcome to Trabia Garden," Quistis said as an awkward silence came over them. She realised that the awkwardness was probably due to Seifer presence. "Seifer's agreed to help us. He's already helped some students without being asked. So take it easy on him. Alison is waiting inside for you," her voice suddenly became more serious as she resumed back to her role as a leader. "As you have probably just realised, our enemy is unpredictable and more of a risk at every passing day. We need your help to put an end to this. Report to the second floor office and you'll be briefed on your mission."
The SeeD's saluted before the cadets made their way back inside. The few to linger behind momentarily were Xu and Zell, who both seemed unsure of whether to follow on inside or stay a little while longer. Xu was the first to speak up as she gave him a warm smile.
"You look well Seifer, I look forward to fighting alongside you again." she gave another smile, and the part that shocked Seifer was that it seemed like she actually meant what she said. Usually people dreaded being alongside Seifer, unsure of how he would react to their presence.
"I guess it'll be like old times, eh?" he said, sounding more like his old self. "Only this time you can't have the pleasure of failing me on those stupid SeeD exams."
She gave a small laugh, before walking away to catch up with the cadets that had previously gone inside. It was then that Seifer met the eyes of an awkward looking Zell. The spiky blonde rubbed his neck unsure of what to say. It was when he met the eyes of Quistis, that he realised he should say something. He could read the look she was giving him. She had warned him previously that he had to be nice, and that it had been very hard to gain Seifer's trust in Trabia.
"So…" Zell started. "You're really back, huh?"
"I'm not giving you that satisfaction," he responded with his old arrogant tone. "As much as I'd love to catch up with you Chickenwuss, I'm not coming back into your little SeeD world."
Zell clenched his fists in rage. He'd always hated Seifer's nicknames he had given Zell as a child. It was something that would always anger him. Taking a deep breath, he turned away from the man, deciding the only reason he wasn't going to say anything was because he knew Trabia Garden had wanted him to join them. As to why he didn't know. He couldn't see why they just sent Balamb Garden students to help them.
Seifer stood watching the blonde walk away, a strange sensation building inside of him. He wasn't sure what it was. Happiness? Emptiness? He couldn't tell. It felt odd seeing the people that were once in his life on a daily basis when he stayed in Balamb. It was like being back in time, before any of his mistakes ever happened. Like they were all training to be a SeeD again. He guessed he felt… at home. But at the same time there was that emptiness within him. That knowingness inside of him, that no matter what it made him feel. He wasn't training to be a cadet again. He'd made his mistakes, and they could never be erased no matter how hard he tried. If he could've gone back to that day so long ago, to have never gave in to Ultimecia. If he had been a stronger person, maybe none of this would've ever happened.
"You okay?"
The sound of her voice brought him out of his thoughts. He looked over to see Quistis stood near him, looking at him intently. He nodded his head slowly, trying to rid his earlier thoughts from his mind. Of course if never went though. There wasn't a day that went by when he didn't think about what his life would be like if he hadn't been so foolish. It would probably be something that would stay with him the rest of his life.
"You look like you want to be alone," Quistis observed. She realised that perhaps there was more to Seifer than he let on. He seemed so lost in his thoughts recently. He was either disappearing off to train someplace she didn't know where, or he just walked around the Garden lost in his thoughts. He didn't talk to many people. When he didn't reply to her answer, she realised she was right. He probably did want to be alone.
"Thank you for helping fight the Peace Makers today," she said slowly. "I always knew you had it in you to be a good student. I only wish I saw this when I taught you."
He watched as she gave a small smile before walking away. Seeing her make her way back into the Garden he couldn't help but feel something he never thought he'd feel again. It felt like there was a barrier separating him from his world and hers. She belonged in a world where she fought for SeeD and lived alongside Cid and all her friends. He felt envious of her. It suddenly occurred to Seifer Almasy that he wanted to be a part of that world. And that was the part that scared him the most.