Chapter 13: Like a Santa

Author's note: Merry christmas. Coincidentally, this chapter somewhat matches the day I'm uploading it.

Sidenote: Also, apparently a member of the Beatles is burried on the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

There are still traces of wolfie's claw left on my back the next night. It's impressive and annoying. Impressive, because all my other wounds since rebirth only needed an hour or two to heal and annoying, because now I can't wear the backless top of my pet. I'll have to wear my maid uniform instead. I pack my small black bag for my visit with Mr. big cop, namely screwdrivers, the magical door opener, the equipment from Rancid Randy and a few other things I might need.
Before heading out, I check my dimension device for any letters. Some camping bell is hunting for blood or something; I don't really get why I would need to know that.
The queen blows back. The king is not amused.
There are no other letters apart from this camping-bell-spam. My appointment with head of doughnuts is later in the night, so I have some fun-time until then.

Now then, where should I set my eyes upon? Family fun, like visiting zoos, appears to be lethal to my kind, but what is an appropriate activity for kindred? The answer is as obvious as the intentions of a young, hot blondie dating an old fat millionaire: hanging out on cemeteries. We are dead after all, aren't we?
And dead people simply LOVE cemeteries, that is why you can always find dead people chilling under the earth on cemeteries. I'm not interested in visiting the father of kine-me, he is not the father of me, besides he and kine-me never had such a close relationship, that they would be visiting each other graves. So, other graves, those inhabitants I know of… would only be in Holly's Wood!
A while later, cab man drops me off next to the Vesuvius. I consider visiting the double V for a moment, but I'm not in the mood for intensely staring into each other eyes in some cozy lounge. I find myself some thuggish snack in an alley close to the cemetery, before visiting the main attraction. To be honest, I'm getting bored of the thuggish taste of thugs, but they're easy prey after all, and I don't seem to have the patience to convince every little thirst-remedy to give me their sweet juice voluntarily. The entrance to the cemetery is already closed. Why? Why is everything always closed, when I come?! Well, not that this ever stopped me from entering…
I try to find a gap in the net of stone surrounding the cemetery, but the gap has already been bricked up. I sigh and look around.
If only I could find something to climb over the wall… I spot a trashcan next to a bum, not too far away. The bum seems to be the owner of the trash can. I swiftly approach the bum, before politely asking him, "Excuse me? But aren't you this famous ladder? The one standing next to the cemetery wall? I loved you in 'See you ladder, babe'!" The bum blushes slightly, probably happy that someone recognized him. The kine in Holly' Wood are surely strange, they all want attention and being recognized and getting stalked by professionals. "Oh my, that was my first role. I can't believe someone still remembers…", he replies enthusiastically.
"Oh, how could I ever forget such an amazing performance! Please, may I ask for a demonstration of your acting skills?", I ask him with upturned eyes. "Oh. Oh, yeah? Well, what was your favorite scene?", he answers shyly. "The one, where you are a ladder, leaning next to the cemetery wall!", I exclaim happily. "Well, for my fans I'm willing to do anything!", he replies with a smile and heads towards the cemetery wall. While the bum is standing next to the wall, with his arms against it, I climb over his back and on his shoulders. With the bum's help, getting over the wall is a piece of cherry cake.

After a few steps, a man suddenly blocks my path. "Uhm, can I help you, Sir?", I ask him perplexed. The man replies with a growl and suddenly bits into my shoulder. "Argh! Son of the sun! THAT HURTS!", I yell and send him flying with a kick. The man only replies with another senseless growl and picks himself up, when a part of his brain is suddenly blown away. "Back into your grave, George.", orders the man with the gun still pointing towards his head. George growls again, but this time it sounds more defeated, as he crawls towards a mudhole. He covers himself with the dirt, until his body can't be seen anymore.
"Yeah, that's right, you nasty bug! Go play in the dirt, where you belong! I never liked your chirping anyway.", I comment, still peeved about the bite. I'm the one, who bites! "Careful, cupcake. This ain't a playground.", the zombie tamer says, as he turns his attention towards me. "Anyways, you might wanna wait until that heals, before heading out. Wanna come to my hut?", he smoothly asks me. I instinctively reach towards my shoulder. The bite marks are quite deep, a piece of meat is even missing… Yep, that could scare some kine. Maybe. I agree and follow him down the path and into a small, rundown house.
Inside, he sits down on an old leather couch, while putting his gun into his armpit holster. I curiously examine the zombie tamer more closely. He has dark hair and brown eyes. A big scar is covering his face, from his forehead over the left eye to his cheek. "What do I call the zombie tamer?", I ask. "Name's Romero. And I'm not a zombie tamer. I'm just the one, who keeps them in check. Though I'm damn good at it, most of them usually don't even leave their graves, so long as I'm here.", he brags with a smile. "You seem to like your profession. How long have you been taming zombies?", I ask him. "Uh, been doing that for a while already. About ten years, I think. What can I say? I do love my job. Especially since most zombies here used to be asshole celebrities…", he replies. "Why do the dead not sleep here? They don't like to rest?" "You're telling me. No one knows. They were looking into it, but nothing came up till now. Not that I mind being stuck with this job."
I nod understandingly. "Yes, the dark curtain is mysterious and full of secrets. Only a seamstress can fix the hole.", I muse loudly. "Anyways, who are you, cupcake? You're definitely kindred, Malkavian more precisely, so much is clear. You have some business here?", he asks me. "Business? Yes, I'm on a mission. A mission to have fun! You may call me Adeline, by the way.", I smoothly introduce myself. "Here to have fun, huh? I could also use some fun.", he comments, his voice sounding a bit ambiguous. His gaze wanders over my body, I wonder what he's looking for?
"By the way, there is a first aid kit in the bathroom. In case you wanna tape that up.", he says, while motioning towards his shoulder. Why would I want to bandage his shoulder? But I better take care of mine. Finding the little box with a cross on it, isn't difficult. Using the content of the box on myself on the other hand is a hassle.
I return to the small living room and throw the box towards Romero. He catches it, without problems to my disappointment, and looks at me questioningly.
"Help me, please?", I plead with a sweet voice. "Sure.", he replies smiling. I take off my bag and my apron, sit down on his lap, with my lower legs lying on his thighs and my back towards him, and pull the sleeve of my dress down a bit. "Oh, you're a bold one. I like it. Nice ass by the way.", Romero says, as he puts a big patch on my wound. I giggle. How could an ass be nice? They're usually mean, aren't they? Romero is funny.
"All patched up now. So, what kind of fun did you have in mind?", Romero asks me with a deep voice, as he parts his legs more, thereby also spreading mine as well.
I don't like this… position.
 I get up from his lap and pull my sleeve back up, before turning around to him. "My mind is full of ideas, it's hard to choose. What kind of thoughts are playing in your mind?", I counter-ask him. "Uh, maybe, you and I could… you know…", Romero replies a bit flustered. "Play 'juggle the cupcakes'?", I take a wild guess.
"Yes! Wait, do you mean what I think you mean?" I shrug. "Let's find out.", I retort, while crawling back on his lap, this time facing him.
Wait, why would you let him touch you? It's not like you're going to feed on him?!
He grins at me, as his hand reaches for my cupcake, while the other hand lies on my thigh, slowly pushing the hem of my dress back. "Only cupcakes for you.", I reprimand him and take his daring hand away. Let's ease Bee into this, she seems to be still struggling with any form of physical intimacy. My rebuke leaves him undisturbed as he starts stroking both of my cupcakes. The sensation of his hands over the thin cloth of my dress is surprisingly pleasant. For me at least, Bee says she feels incredibly uncomfortable and is begging me to stop. Come to think of it, I forgot to wear my b- Uhm, I mean, I consciously chose not to wear a bra tonight, in order to… protest for women's… something. Romero's fingers found the cherries on my cupcakes and his thumbs start circling around them. A sweet sigh escapes my lips, as a wave of pleasure washes over me. Romero's breathing is growing heavier. "So soft…", he mumbles, with his voice tainted by lust, as his body is getting harder.
Enough already! You're not going to feed on him, so why would I have to endure this humiliation?! Don't you dare continue doing… this!
'What are you talking about? I'm merely pursuing the goal kine-me gave me.', I reply in my mind.
Romero hasn't noticed my frown yet, as his eyes are fixated on my cupcakes, while one of his hands starts wandering to the back of my dress, searching for the zipper. I'm not some cheap slut! Make him stop! Make him stop right now!
Dammit, I guess Bee has reached her limit already. "Ok, playtime's over.", I say reluctantly, while pushing his hands away and getting up from his lap. "Wait, what? Why? C'mon, don't leave me hanging.", Romero complains. He seems quite upset. "Apologies, but you'll have to finish playing with yourself.", I reply unapologetic and simply take my apron and bag and leave the hut without looking back.
Well, he was lying anyways, I didn't leave him hanging! He clearly didn't hang, I saw it!
I walk back to the place, where I entered and climb on a mausoleum to get over the wall, since I have no human ladder here. I cause small ripples on the ground, as I elegantly land on the other side of the net. Wait, ripples? I look down on my feet, who are slowly sinking into the ground on which I solidly stood not too long ago. Since when is there a swamp here? I try to approach the white building with the solid-looking stone-ground around it, but I'm sinking deeper into the swamp with every step I take, and the sticky mud makes it hard to move. Dammit, what the sun is this?! The muddy water has already reached my waist, and I'm struggling to free my legs, only sinking deeper and deeper into the water, until only dark water is left in my field of vision.
Does this swamp think I'm a mouse with a deadly desire for cheese? There's no way, that I'm going to let it simply swallow me! I take of my bag and blindly reach my hand into it, until I find what I've been looking for. 'Kuriau-ota, kuriau-ota, magic burst!', I chant in my mind, as I gracefully draw a circle into the mud water with my glorious magic wand (the one I found in the trashcan for sinners). The magic chant worked to my satisfaction, as the water around my legs grows thinner and less sticky, allowing me to swim back to the surface. After breaking through the water surface, I use it to support myself out of the now crystal-clear water.
Once I step out of the water, the ground turns completely solid again. Man, watching those magical-girls-anime was totally worth it, I might've died again, if I wouldn't have learned this magic.

Mr. fancy-pants Scissorhands apparently lives in pretty air. I don't know, where in L.A. the air is considered pretty, I mean it's invisible and all? But my favorite superhero shouldn't have any problems with finding the address of pretty air. After arriving at the address, my former question about how to detect pretty air solved itself. The key to detecting places with pretty air, is to watch the growth of the houses. If the houses grow grand and magnificent, then the air is pretty.
In front of me is an antique, marvelous mansion, in which the bed of the biggest cop sleeps.
Entering the property poses no problem for the agile me, however entering the mansion is a different story. I avoid the gazing of the many lifeless eyes installed on the property and circle the mansion. All doors are closed and a rooster is sitting on each of them, ready to cry out, should one try to go through them, so entering with my magical key is out of the question. Dammit, why would a cop need so much protection? Only a lunatic would target him, it doesn't make any sense!
I use an entrance pillar to climb on the lowest roof, from where I continue climbing over the house, using window frames and rain gutter as stepping stones. Since this mansion is a hard nut to crack, I'll have to imitate the greatest burglar of all time: Santa Clause. There is no person, who has broken into more houses than him, nor will there ever be one, he is simply the number one genius for breaking into houses.
After a lot of climbing, I finally reach the old brick chimney. I stuff my apron into my bag, so that it'll stay clean and leap into the chimney. By pressing my hands and feet onto opposite walls of the chimney and an enormous amount of body tension, I manage to crawl down the chimney, without crashing down and breaking my neck on the bottom of the chimney. This is definitely something the mortal me never ever would've been able to pull off, especially since the air in the chimney tastes too smoky for breathing. This is another proof, that Santa Clause can't be human. I bet he's also a Childe of Malkav. A rope? For what would I use a rope?
Climbing down the chimney proves itself to be quite a difficult task, but the most difficult part about entering like a Santa is getting through the small hatch at the bottom of the chimney. Seriously though, how does someone as voluminous as Santa manage to get through something as small as the hatch of this big ass chimney? This part of the task made me lament the size of my cupcakes for the first time after my embrace. The last time I hated their greatness this much was, when I wasn't born yet and still a stupid mortal doing stupid gym class while having forgotten to wear my stupid sports bra.
After succeeding against the stupid hatch and standing on proper ground again, I inspect my lower arms. They're covered in bruises from the rough chimney walls, which are quickly healing. This small endeavor made me quite thirsty, hopefully the rest will be smoothly dealt with. My voices warn me of watchful eyes inside the house, so I obfuscate again. I roam through the house, until I find the room with the dimension device I've been looking for. I take out the little plastic panda Rancid Randy gave me, behead it and slide it into one of the ports of the dimension device. Then I turn the dimension device on, and the beheaded panda starts infecting it with its disease. I watch, as the sick dimension device logs itself on, while the disease progresses. After a while, a message pops up on the screen:

Good job, kid. I have now full control over the security system, you may leave via the front door. The cameras and alarm will be off for the next twenty minutes, so get your ass out of there. I will turn the computer off, once you left. Take care not to leave any other evidence of your visit.

-Randy

I stuff the plastic panda with its head back on into my bag, and leisurely leave through the main entrance. Since the residents are asleep, I only had to worry about the eyes on the walls and the roosters, but the eyes are closed and the roosters silenced now. I head back to cab man, who has been faithfully waiting for me the whole time and he sails back to my haven. But before I go inside, I buy myself love in form of liquid life from one of the street vendors, since this mission made me very thirsty.

A sunrise and a sunset later, I visit the dolphin prince to get my quest reward. "I think I mentioned it to you before, but please refrain from coming here, unless it's important. I don't have the time to humor you whenever you have finished some small task for me.", the dolphin prince greets me. Is he annoyed by something?
Nah, must be my imagination. "Here is the painting of the big cop. Now, what kind of treasure does the prince of the sea have for me?", I ask him with upturned eyes, as I hand the paper sheet to him, which my crazy pumpkin filled out. "I see. Randy already told me, that you managed to set up a virus in Collin's home security system for him. Observing his actions at home probably won't be worth much, but his E-mails should provide some useful information. Good job.", Dolphy praises me.
"As for your reward, here, take this money.", he says, as he hands me a small bundle of Grants. "May this one ask, why play spy with the big cop?", I ask Dolphy out of curiosity.
A bit too late to ask that, isn't it?
Meh, maybe. I don't really care.
"Naturally, it's my responsibility as a prince of this city, to have a hold over the local police, so that crimes related to kindred at least won't reach the public. This city has been an Anarch state until recently, which is why I don't have enough influence over the police yet. I was able to hide the case of this kindred you took care of from the public, but it was only per chance and Mr. Galliano's commitment. Things would have been much easier, if I had more control over the police. It's unfortunate, that those Anarchs lack all the qualities of proper leadership and administration, otherwise they would realize how important having control over the police is. Now then, I still have work to do. Good evening, Miss Martel.", the prince dismisses me.
I do a curtsey and quietly leave. Geez, dolphin prince is such a bore. Nines is more fun. "Hey kiddo. Come to The Last Round, I have something for you.", a charismatic voice informs me via my portable dimension device. Oh, I did it again. The speaking-of-the-devil magic. My magical abilities are growing lately, soon I'll really be able to call myself a magical girl.

"Number nine.", I greet him aloof. "What's up kiddo.", he replies equally aloof. Man, I'd sure like to ruffle his feathers and get him more passionate. Passionate, but not angry. An angry nine is too scary. "The moon is up. Rumor is, the nine has something for me? I hope it's a present. I LOVE presents, like a child on Christmas eve.", I retort smiling. "Over there, you see the one with a beer? She's a bit crazy, but you Malkavians like that, don't you? She's yours.", he explains, while motioning his head towards a punk chic. I boldly grab his hand with both hands, causing him to give me a questioning look. "Let's share?", I request with upturned eyes.
He nods slightly and lets me drag him towards her. "Oh my gosh! That nail polish is amazing.", I shriek and grab her wrist to closer inspect her blood-like nails.
"The fuck", she mutters, apparently already slightly dizzy from the alcohol. I smile at her reassuringly and bite into her wrist without restraint. All eyes on us are already dead after all. My gaze darts from her to Nines, who also takes a wrist and nonchalantly bites into it.
Her blood tastes like some messy daddy-issues, and they're not the nice kind. Interesting.
We put her on a couch downstairs afterwards, and head back to our place upstairs. "And then, it swallowed me! But I'm naturally too awesome, to die from something like this, so I escaped. And then I met the Mistress of Insects! She's quite interesting, the mistress. Her insects are a bit creepy though."
"Ugh, it's not enough, that you're fucked up in the head and as stupid as a loaf of bread, NO, you also have to brag about it whenever you can. Seriously, you're just a retarded, childish, narcissistic lunatic. I don't get how Nines is even able to tolerate you.", lighthouse suddenly interrupts us. Aww, we missed you too, lighthouse.
"You forgot 'slutty'.", I remind her politely. "Slutty?", Nines asks with a raised eyebrow. "I don't want to brag or anything, but I totally let a stranger touch my cupcakes not too long ago. So yeah, you could say I'm pretty slutty.", I answer proudly, with my chin raised. "Fucking bimbo.", lighthouse grumbles and leaves. We watch her leave, before resuming our conversation. "You don't mind being called stupid? Or slutty?", Nines asks me, as he looks at me skeptical and probing. "Lighthouse is right, except for the stupid part maybe. Or maybe she's also right with that. Who cares. What matters, is that I am exactly, who I always wanted to be.", I confess, only to cover my mouth in shock in the next moment. Oh no, he truly has the devil's tongue! To tickle my secrets so easily out of me.
"Ha, you're so enthusiastic, kid. But I like that attitude. Whining about your damnation won't change a fucking thing after all.", a rough voice interrupts our conversation again. It's Smiling Jack. "Do you not have some pirate treasure to hunt after, Captain Jack?", I ask him slightly annoyed at having someone steal my precious Nines-time again. "No need to worry about my business, I have time for you, kiddo. So, what have you been up to lately?" Why is smiling Jack interested in that? "Nothing much, just grooving around a bit, traveling from here to there. Oh, and doing some work for his fishy majesty.", I reply lightly.
"You're still working for the prince?", Nines interjects, looking seriously pissed. Whoa, who stepped on your tail? Jack on the other hand is as easygoing as ever.
"Oh yeah, what did he order you to do?", he asks me. I tilt my head, before replying, "I can't tell the Smiling One. It would get all political then, wouldn't it? I don't want to mess with the politics, lest I get sick. The customer is always the only one, who gets to see the fruits of labor.", I explain to him.
"So, you would also work for us, and not tell the prince?", Jack asks nonchalantly. I nod. "That course is of matter. But I don't do political work, so there is no contract clause for that." "The prince seems to think, that you're his lapdog. What you're gonna do, if he orders you to do something for him, involving other kindred?", Jack asks me probingly. I start stroking my chin deep in thought.
Just do it, who cares, if it involves other kindred? Only if we work for the prince, we'll be able to climb the ladder.
Who would want to climb a ladder? It's strenuous. Plus, the higher you are, the harder the fall will be.
The puppet gets its strings cut, after the play finished.
Guys, can we even do anything against an order from the prince? I mean, I also don't want to follow such an order, but what could we do, if it happens?
Adorn the face of the puppet and equip Judas' knife.
"Lunatics are unpredictable. I may know how to act like a lapdog, but in the end, I'm not one.", I confidently reply. "Well, if you want to graduate from being some gofer, to standing on your own two feet, you can come to us. He may call himself 'prince', but you're not forced to do all his dirty work for him, you know."
Our conversation about his fallen comrades pops into my mind. "Not forced? Is the leash on my neck that loose? Though we are an orphanage?", I state my doubt. "Kiddo, the Camarilla is a big pile of shit, but they don't enslave you like that. In the Camarilla, it's all about favors, just like the mafia. If you're unwilling, then the prince can only search for a reason that forces you to do it anyways, he can't punish you for simply not wanting to work for him. So long, as you don't 'owe' him any favors at least.", Jack explains to me. "Huh. Well, time to read the job sections in the newspapers again then. Humoring Dolphy has gotten boring after all.", I muse aloud. "A step in the right direction. Right, Nines?", Jack turns to Nines. The number huffs and looks away. Is he pouting? "Well, I will leave you to your treasure hunting, Smiling Jack. This maid will properly go celebrating her quitting time now." I bid the two of them goodbye and return to my haven. Celebrating on your own is for losers!

"Master, why are we going out all of the sudden?", my pet asks me, while sitting down next to me in cab man's cab. "Do I need a reason to walk my pet?", I counter. "Where to?", cab man asks me, while ignoring my pet completely. "Holly's wood. I want to dance with the stars in the night sky.", I reply. Cab man and pet stay silent during the journey, while I hum my favorite elevator music.
Cab man drops us off in front of the red spot and I excitedly grab Rainbow's wrist and drag her through the streets. "Let's trade some Grants for you. How about a collar? The treasure baron sells pretty ones.", I chat with her, as I track her to the shop window of baron Holly Wood. "What? Something so expensive… I don't think, that I can afford a necklace, Master.", pet shyly says, while staring at the display nonetheless. "Let's take this one.", I say, while pointing to a loosely hanging, golden collar with a crystal tear clinging onto it. "Wait here.", I command my pet, before heading inside the jewelry store.
Inside, I find the treasure baron sitting behind his desk. He shortly glances at me and casually asks me, "Why are you here, young one?" "I want to exchange these Grants with one of your treasures.", I explain. He pushes some button on his desk and his fingers resume their tap-dance on his keyboard. A young, handsome man with brown hair appears shortly after, "How may I help you, Mr. Abrams?" Treasure baron motions to me, before replying, "The young lady over there would like to purchase something."
The treasure baron treasures handsomeness more than beauty.
"Of course, Mr. Abrams." I trade the Grants with the Ghoul and quickly leave. Outside, I put the collar on my pet. She seems to like it. I take her hand this time, instead of the wrist and continue our journey.
Next stop is the Asp Hole. Something suddenly catches my attention, causing me to stop in my track. My gaze follows the movement I saw towards a decrepit, Asian-looking building. I step towards the fence of the property, to observe it more closely. "Master? Is something wrong?", my pet asks me anxiously. I turn to her and give her a soothing smile. "Everything's as fine as French wine.", I reassure her. I thought, I had seen some puddlemudges, hiding in the building, but I must have been wrong. Though I can't shake the feeling off, that there is something in there; something that is staring back at me.
Trust no one, but yourself, Sol. Not even your eyes.
 Uhm, sure… I will keep it in mind. Well, time to wiggle towards the hole of asps. Maybe I'll also let the others dance for a bit.