Thanks for everyone who took the time to review. I am hoping to post regularly for a bit now as I have a break from my own treatments for a few weeks- so I will try and write as much as I can for the moment. Thanks again for all the suggestions and encouragement. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.
Chapter 14- Backtracking
Meanwhile things in Ryan's room weren't quite as calm as when the adults had first stepped out. Seth had been playing words with friends on his phone, and losing badly to summer who he swore was inventing words, when Ryan started to get more restless. As Seth glanced over at him he noticed sheen of sweat that hadn't been there before. Ryan was also coughing occasionally and it sounded painful and deeper and wetter than the dry asthma coughs he had experienced before this latest complication. Seth was just about to ring for a nurse or go get his parents when Ryan started to mumble something as if caught in a nightmare.
"No… don't…please..." The child like please full of fear and pain broke Seth's heart. Ryan seemed so vulnerable and he never seemed vulnerable. Seth always pictured Ryan as unbeatable – nothing ever seemed to faze him. He looked up to the boy even though they were the same age. But now Seth hearing Ryan's cries Seth wondered just how much of what he saw in Ryan was a show. Was he really brave all the time or was it just a mask that he hid behind fearing that to let his pain show would just mean being taken advantage of again. Seth knew Ryan had had a difficult life before coming to them, but he wondered how bad it really was. Not being able to take hearing Ryan's painful please any longer Seth moved to wake him by shaking his shoulder. It was a bad move because the instant he touched Ryan, Ryan cried out in distress and flung his arm out connecting with Seth's nose in a hard way.
This of course was the moment Sandy and Kirsten walked back in.
"Seth." Kirsten cried out in distress seeing the unintentional punch to the nose. She ran up to her son immediately pulling his hands away from his face to check the damage.
Sandy meanwhile approached Ryan who was huddled in the corner of his bed – eyes opened but clearly not really present.
"Ryan… it's ok…come back to us kid. You're safe. Whatever you think you're seeing- it's not real. You're in the hospital. It's sandy, Kirsten, and Seth here no one else. Just breathe you're ok." Sandy calmly whispered from a small distance away as not to crowd Ryan but still remaining in his line of sight. Sandy recognized a flashback when he saw one. He'd seen them in several clients in the past and knew only staying calm and quiet would help at the moment.
"I'm okay mom." Seth said to Kirsten while at the same time watching Sandy.
"Perhaps, but why don't we step into the hall and get some ice anyway it looks like your dad has things under control and maybe Ryan could use a little space."
"Okay" Seth said hesitating briefly before following his mom out into the hall.
Sandy kept up his string of soft assurances and slowly Ryan's breathing evened out and his eyes stopped darting as of for escape. After about ten minutes he dropped his graze, hugged his knees and laid his head down on them. Sandy took this to mean Ryan was out of his flashback and slowly approached Ryan laying one hand gently on the back of his head.
"You back kid?" He asked gently.
All he received was a short nod that he felt through his hand. Clearly Ryan was ashamed of his lack of control.
"Don't be embarrassed kid. We all have nightmares and lose control occasionally. Hell at least yours wasn't in the middle of English class freshman year."
Sandy's comment got the reaction he was hoping for as Ryan lifted his head just enough from his knees to pear at Sandy with a questioning gaze.
"Yeah it was the year I was getting into all sorts of trouble. I had spent some time at a foster home that wasn't that great and then been transferred to my last home with the women who became my mom. I was exhausted and I fell asleep in class which was bad enough considering it was a Catholic school and the nuns were all evil especially to me the openly defiant Jewish kid."
Ryan chuckled slightly at that and Sandy grinned at the action before continuing.
"Anyway when I fell asleep I dreamed I was back with this family who had a tendency of locking us in the basement in the dark. Well I never did like the dark much and needless to say my imagination came up with plenty of horrible things. I woke up in class screaming 'turn on the lights'. The class jerks thought it was hilarious and I got teased the rest of the year for being afraid of the dark. My locker seemed to be endlessly filled with nightlights to torment me as well."
"That sucks…" Ryan whispered hoarsely his voice barely there from a combination of illness and yelling in his sleep.
"Yeah it did, but thankfully my foster mom, Seth's nana, was there for me. When things got real bad she marched her way up to the school and chewed out the administration for letting it happen. It was great seeing this short older Jewish lady come in and tell the priests and nuns what for. She always was a formidable woman."
"Wow- that must have been a sight."
"It was. I hope you get to meet her someday. You'd love her and she would love you."
Ryan looked down at that not sure he believed it. He still had trouble believing the Cohen's cared about him. He had never been loved so unconditionally before and he always felt like it was just a matter of time before the other shoe would drop.
"Look at me Ryan. Don't doubt it- she would love you. And we do love you. You are worth it too, kid."
Ryan looked up briefly "If you say so." He whispered.
"I do and someday you'll believe it."
Ryan shrugged and Sandy allowed it for now knowing he couldn't push it on the kids hell in truth he still had doubts himself sometimes and his past wasn't nearly as bad as Ryan's.
"Do you want to tell me about the dream?" Sandy asked.
"It was nothing…" Ryan tried deflecting.
"We both know that's not true kid. I'm not gonna make you tell me but I will ask this don't lie about it. Next time just say you don't want to talk and I'll accept that, but don't lie."
"Ok" Ryan whispered.
"How you feeling- looks like your fever isn't coming down- you're sweating pretty hard there."
"Awful- my heads killing me as is my throat and I'm freezing. It's a little hard to breathe again too." Ryan replied.
Sandy was surprised at the details since Ryan was usually reluctant to give them and so he figured the kid must really be feeling awful.
"Alright then let me get Sean back in here and see what we can do for you." Sandy said as he hit the call button.
A voice came over the intercom quickly asking what was needed and Sandy asked for the nurse and was told he would be in shortly.
A knock at the door a minute later signaled his arrival.
"Heard you guys needed me." Sean said as he walked towards Ryan.
"Yeah- Ryan's starting to feel worse."
"I can see that." Sean replied. "Let me get a temp on you again and then you can tell me what else is up."
A moment later the thermometer beeped.
"Toasty kid you're up to 104- I'm gonna page the on call doc and see what we need to do. What other symptoms you got apart from your breathing I can hear the wheezing has progressed again and your respiratory rate is increasing. Plus I see from the monitor your pulse ox is on a downward trend again though your still at 90. I think I am gonna switch you back over to a mask though ok?"
Ryan nodded and then went to answer the question about symptoms. "My head and throat really hurt and I am cold plus my chest feels really tight again. My stomach is a little queasy too but that may still be from the antibiotic."
"Hmm will see. Let me go check with the doc. He'll probably come in himself to take a look at you and most like will order some blood cultures to rule out additional infections. Hang tight kid we will get it figured out."
Ryan nodded and resumed trying to huddle into a ball to keep warm- coughing occasionally and simply trying to breath.
As they waited for the doctor both Ryan and Sandy kept their eyes fixed on the vital sign monitor. Ryan merely trying to slow his breathing rate down and take deep enough breaths to keep his o2 stats in the 90's and Sandy out of fear for his son.
Around ten minutes later Doctor Hansen who Ryan had met after his allergic reaction walked into the room.
"You again huh kid. I thought we were through with complications." The intern said with a teasing edge to his voice to accompany the serious feel he brought from his stance.
"Don't you ever sleep?" Sandy asked recalling last time they saw him had been on a night shift.
"Yeah right… I'm an intern sleep is for residents and attendings." He remarked with a smile.
"Let me take a listen to you kid- try and uncurl from your huddle a bit. I apologize in advance for the cold stethoscope."
Ryan did as he asked and attempted a few breaths from the doctor though mostly he ended up coughing. The doctor frowned at the sounds he was hearing.
"Alright kid here's the deal I am not too pleased with what I'm hearing- that infection you got has definitely moved into your lungs as I am hearing rales on both sides and indication of fluid building up in them which could be indicative of pneumonia. I am gonna want to get some blood and a chest x-ray to confirm. Meanwhile I am gonna keep you on the oxygen mask and move it to high flow to help with the breathing. I am also gonna have respiratory come back and give you another treatment. I also plan to hang a steroid drip on your I.V. to help decrease the inflammation. Once we get blood work back we will determine if we need to switch antibiotics again. Any questions?"
Ryan pulled his mask aside to ask a question "Can I have a blanket?"
"Sorry kid your too toasty as it is in fact I am gonna have Sean here give you another dose of fever reducer and if you don't come down a bit in the next hour we might have to put you under a cooling blanket."
Ryan glared at him for that idea.
"Wow kid … no wonder your chilly that was an ice cold look if I ever saw one. But seriously we need to do what's best for your body and trust me it is better to be cold then to have a seizure."
"I guess" Ryan muttered from under his mask.
"Alright folks you've heard the plan – I'm off to sign the orders. Expect radiology and the lab here shortly."
"Thanks." Sandy said as the intern briskly walked out the door to follow through with his plan.
Ryan and Sandy glanced back at each other both praying nothing to complicated would come from the next tests, but neither one confident in their hopes.