Okay okay i know it has been ages! I actually meant to get so much done with this but i got so caught up in a story so we can just go ahead and blame obsessedatopia for this delay. But then you could actually thank her because she actually helped me alot with this chapter :)
I'm not sure if I got Stef right in this one, I dont know what possessed me to start out writing such a detailed fic! this could have been a really simply narrative but i've started overanalysing stuff and written myself in a complete circle! Please let me know what you think though, and any way i could improve this or anything you wanna see!
Stef breathed a sigh of relief when she entered Callie's room and found the injured teen still soundly sleeping in her bed.
It was completely irrational and she knew the girl wasn't exactly going anywhere but Stef had felt uneasy having the brunette out of her sight.
She quietly walked over to the seat beside the bed and sank into it, resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.
She needed to get herself in check, if not for her own sake then for Callie's, because one of them needed to be the grownup and she couldn't let the teen go on thinking it had to be her, Stef needed to step up and take control.
Normally control wasn't a problem for her, but everything about the teen was throwing her for a loop and while she was usually one step ahead of things, she found herself currently sprinting just to keep up with it all.
She took another cleansing breath and looked up at the sleeping child, running her hazel eyes over the purple bruise on her face, the sling encasing her left arm and the bandage wrapped around her right hand, Stef felt about as bad as Callie looked and she knew the teen felt worse.
The blonde hated seeing Callie so banged up, but she really hated that it wasn't the first time the teen had been hurt like that and while Stef knew deep down that she was not the same as the low-lifes that had beaten the teen in the past, on the surface she was raw and only registered the fact that they'd caused Callie pain and so had Stef.
She wondered what Callie thought of her, had the teen expected Stef to hurt her? Had she seen this coming?
The cop rubbed her temples as she felt a migraine coming in, the emotional roller coaster finally starting to take a physical toll.
She organised her thoughts and went over everything she knew about the teen, all the facts she had gathered in the two days since they'd met her.
Callie valued her brother's safety above all else, her own life included, and Stef could understand that to a point.
She understood the need to protect the people you loved, it was what made her want to be a police officer in the first place.
She could have been a nurse or a doctor, she could have stitched people back together after they'd been hurt but instead she'd chosen to go a step further; she'd chosen to be the one to prevent people from getting hurt in the first place.
She of all people could understand the teen's protective instincts.
What she couldn't understand, was how the teen could possibly be willing to sacrifice her own life for someone else's. Stef was a cop, it was something she had been trained to do, but it was not something she took lightly. Every time she went into a dangerous situation, she did so with extreme caution. She knew she had to make it out alive because Lena and the kids were counting on her to always make it home, she had to make it home to them.
Callie didn't seem to get that, Stef knew the teen loved her brother more than anything in the world, she knew that Callie would definitely die for the boy, but she didn't think the brunette had ever thought about what that would do to him, how much it would hurt him if the only person he had left in the world died trying to save him.
As Stef watched Callie's chest rise and fall slowly with each breath, she thought hard about the siblings' situation.
She remembered how devastated Jude had been when he'd first seen Callie in the hospital bed.
I was really scared Callie
Stef recalled his words and the fear he had spoken them with and she had to take a breath to stop herself from spiralling out of control again.
I wasn't scared for me, I was scared for you.
As those words echoed through Stef's mind, she sat up straighter in her chair, her heart breaking all over again for the pair.
She didn't even think Callie was aware of what she was doing but she was probably hurting Jude as much as she was protecting him.
While Callie may have protected Jude from any physical torture, Stef knew that emotionally, that poor little boy was probably just as scarred as his sister and there was nothing the teen could have done to prevent it.
Every time Stef heard something new about the siblings' past, her chest got tight and it hurt.
It hurt Stef to hear about the physical abuse Callie had sustained, but Jude'd had to see it happen. The poor kid had probably watched his sister get hurt over and over again and had to live with knowing that she was hurting for him, she was taking the hits for him and suddenly Stef didn't know which of them had had it worse.
Stef would much rather be in pain than watch some one she loved hurt -
Oh.
Oh Callie.
Stef sucked in a breath, tears springing to her eyes as that thought slammed into her.
She would rather take a beating than let someone she loved get hurt, and that was exactly what Callie had done and Stef felt like she couldn't breathe.
She stood quickly, the chair scraping loudly against the floor as it skidded backwards.
Stef had to distance herself from the teen, the urge to crush the girl to her chest and never let her go was overwhelming.
The teen had made an impossible decision and Stef couldn't wrap her head around it.
There was so much more to the girl than she could have ever thought.
Callie getting hurt physically, made Jude hurt emotionally, but were their places reversed, both siblings would still be hurting.
It was a lose-lose situation and Stef wanted to scream at the injustice of it all, a teenage girl had been forced to make a choice; her brother's physical wellbeing, or his mental wellbeing. She had chosen the one she'd be able to live with.
Stef knew that she would have made the same decision in her place.
As Stef stood in the middle of the room gazing at the sleeping teen, she felt the same connection with the girl that she'd been feeling since the ambulance ride and she could finally explain it to herself.
Callie reminded Stef of herself, their general characters were so similar and that thought just about killed Stef because she knew that there was no length she wouldn't go to to in order to ensure her family's safety and the teen had no doubt done the same.
She ran her hand through her hair as she considered her epiphany.
She knew Callie had been trying to make the best of the abysmal situation she'd been thrown into and as hard as she tried, she could not think of an alternative decision the teen could have made, she hadn't had a choice but to subject herself to beatings and torture in her quest to protect her brother.
Stef shook her head at the thought, she wanted to explain to the teen she needed to look out for herself as well, the girl needed to take care of herself or everything she was doing for Jude was for nothing.
She blew out a breath as she once again cast her gaze upon the sleeping brunette in the bed.
She needed a plan, she needed to line her thoughts up and work out how best to approach the subject with the teen.
She didn't even know if the girl wanted to see her again. Her and Callie had connected for a moment before the kids had arrived and before the doctor had dropped his various bombs, but since hearing her injuries, and more importantly, how badly Stef hurt her, the blond didn't think the teen would want anything to do with her.
That was the thought her mind kept swinging back around to. She had hurt Callie.
She had hurt Callie.
She had hurt Callie.
She had hurt Callie.
It didn't matter how many different ways she thought about it, her mind was stuck on a loop, the same four words playing over and over like a broken record.
She pushed the chair back towards the bed before walking around and sitting in it, her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands her body folding in on itself as her mind tortured her.
"Does your arm hurt?"
Stef startled so badly she very nearly fell out of her chair.
She had been so lost in her own head that she hadn't noticed the brown eyes that had been tracking her movements for the last two minutes or so.
"What?"
Stef was not used to being caught so off guard and her voice had shown as much. She'd thought she had time to think everything through, clear up the mess in her head and straighten everything out so that when she did talk to Callie she would know exactly what she wanted to say.
"Your arm."
Callie repeated herself and Stef could hear the strain in her voice, like the teen was desperately trying to sound better than she felt.
"Does it hurt?"
At the question, Stef immediately ran her left hand over her right bicep, cringing slightly as she put too much pressure on the fresh bruise below her shoulder joint.
"Yeah it does?"
Dammit. Stef had meant to take control of the conversation but her answer had sounded more like a question. The teen had her on her back foot and Stef was not comfortable with it at all.
Callie just nodded her head thoughtfully.
"It's probably gonna hurt for a couple of days if you hit the doorframe as hard as I did."
Callie's voice was very nonchalant as she raised an eyebrow at Stef.
The blonde stared at the teen, her mind racing to process everything the girl wasn't saying.
If you hit the doorframe as hard as I did.
Now that she thought back, Stef had smacked the wooden doorframe so hard the night before that she'd had to bite her tongue to keep from crying out and the force with which Callie had thrown her would have had the girl slamming into the opposite wooden frame just as hard.
She locked eyes with Callie and tried to read the look she saw in the brown orbs.
The blond could sense the fear and distrust in the teen, but it wasn't directed at Stef, it looked more like a default setting for Callie.
What she couldn't see in the telling chocolate eyes was blame. There was no trace of the accusation or anger Stef had expected.
Stef leaned back as she realised what the teen was doing.
She was letting her off the hook. She was absolving her of blame and the cop didn't know how she felt about that.
A part of her was flooded with relief at the teen's simple statement and the subtext that came with it.
She'd hit the doorframe hard, her ribs had already been injured and that kind of jarring impact would have been more than enough to break the already compromised bones.
A different part of her was angry that Callie had been so quick to shift the blame to herself, she didn't want the teen to have to shoulder that weight and if she and Stef were as alike as the blonde thought they were, then this was just another way for the teen to protect the older woman.
She was trying to shoulder the blame for her injuries so that Stef didn't have to. She didn't want Stef to feel guilty.
Huh. That sounded vaguely familiar.
Stef thought back to fights she'd had with Mike, when she had still been trying to make it work.
Every time they fought Stef had walked away thinking it was her fault. It was her own way of protecting the husband she knew she should love but didn't, she was protecting him from feeling guilty.
Only now that she saw Callie doing the same thing did she realise what she'd done.
Stef took a breath as she realised that while she was trying to teach Callie things, the teen might just return the favour.
She blinked hard at the realisation as she felt Callie's eyes on her.
"Yeah, probably."
She nodded her head as though she agreed with the teen, but she didn't. She wouldn't let Callie think it was all her fault but Stef decided she needed to pick her battles and this was not to be one of them.
She ran her hand through her hair again, taking a breath to prepare herself before she started talking.
"Okay Callie we need to talk about what happens now."
She held her hand up as she saw Callie open her mouth to speak.
"Let me rephrase that. I will talk and you will just listen quietly okay?"
She raised an eyebrow expectantly at the teen, who nodded as she quickly closed her mouth.
"I know that you haven't had it easy and I can only imagine how bad your previous foster homes must have been."
She paused to gauge the teen's response, waiting for s sign that she'd gone too far but all she saw in the teen's eyes was curiosity, and the smallest flicker of hope.
"I understand that you had to protect your brother sweets, but what you need to understand is that you are every bit as important as he is. Some one should have been there to protect you too and I'm sorry that they weren't."
Stef's voice was very soft as she spoke, her head dipped slightly as she tried to regain eye contact with the teen who was suddenly very interested in the floor tiles.
"I know you feel responsible for him sweets, but you're his sister not his mother, I know you've been both for so long that you probably don't know how to just be his sister, but that's what you are Love. Lena and I? We're the moms, and as long as you are under our roof, we are your moms and Jude's moms and we will treat you both the same as Brandon, Jesus and Mariana."
Stef's voice was soft but firm. She was not reprimanding the teen, she was trying to gently lay down the law, take up a little of the weight on the teen's small shoulders.
She watched Callie absorb the information, but she wasn't sure the teen was really taking it to heart.
"Callie, last night, when you wouldn't let me into the house, you were trying to keep me from getting hurt yes?"
Stef looked questioningly at the teen who narrowed her eyes as she nodded the affirmative, wondering where Stef was going.
"Okay, but sweets, seeing you get hurt? That hurt me more. You understand that right?"
Stef was trying to get through to the teen and as she watched the emotions flash across Callie's face, she could see her words were hitting there mark.
"I know it must have hurt you when Mary hit Jude."
Her words were almost whispered as she spoke. The teen had shared the story willingly, but she didn't think Callie had ever planned on it being thrown back in her face like that.
Callie schooled her features before nodding her head.
"Jude is an amazing kid, and he loves you just as much as you love him and I know that it hurts him when you are in pain too. So sweets, what I'm saying is let me help you, if not for you then for Jude. Don't make him watch you suffer. I know you don't trust me yet Callie, I believe that is something that has to be earned and I would really like to start earning yours Love, will you trust me enough to let me look after you?"
Callie was stunned as Stef finished her speech. Of all the things she had expected the blonde to say, none of what she had actually said came anywhere close.
She studied Stef and was further shocked when she could only see hope in the cop's face, the love and concern in her hazel eyes only serving to further confuse the teen.
Stef genuinely cared for her and the thought of the blonde wanting to look after her made Callie feel warm inside, made her feel wanted for the first time in a long time.
She didn't want to promise anything, but Stef did have a point, as much as she hated the thought of letting Stef see her so vulnerable, Callie knew how much Jude hated seeing her hurt, and by letting the blonde help her, she was not only shielding her brother from her injuries, but she hoped she would also erase the guilt she could see in the cop's eyes.
She cautiously nodded her head. Wondering, not for the first time, what it was about the blonde cop that made Callie want to trust her and if it would be worth the risk.
The blonde took another breath as she pushed on, not wanting to dwell on the major victory she felt she'd just achieved when there was so much more she had o say.
"You are going to need a lot of help when you get out of the hospital yes? Don't give me that look, you heard the doctor, you're hurting Callie and its okay to hurt, more importantly, its okay to let people help you when you are."
Aside from the brief flash of stubborn pride, Stef received no response to that comment and she heaved out a sigh, her eyes never leaving the girl in front of her as she thought about her next move. Her and Lena hadn't said anything official, but she knew they both felt the same way.
"You and Jude are going to stay with us at least until you are fully healed so that we can make sure you get the proper care that you need and then we will see where we go from there okay?"
The teen nodded apprehensively, her gaze downcast and Stef's eyes softened.
"Sweets you know that neither Lena or myself would never intentionally hurt you right? We just want you to get better Love, and for you and Jude to finally feel safe and I promise you, as long as you are with us, you will be safe."
This time Callie looked up at Stef, the conviction in the cop's voice too strong to ignore. Dark eyes bored into light, searching her for any sign of contempt, trying to determine if Stef was telling the truth or not.
The blonde found herself holding her breath as she forced herself not to flinch under the teen's scrutiny. She had chased down criminals twice as big as the teenager and ten times as scary, but something about the knowing look in Callie's eye made Stef want to squirm. Callie seemed to be able to see more than Stef wanted her to.
When the teen finally nodded, Stef released her breath, nodding her head in return.
The two fell into a companionable silence as they both considered what has been said.
"No more going it alone okay? You have people now too Callie, and we all care about you"
Stef's voice was soft and Callie didn't quite know how to respond. The whole conversation was nothing like any she'd ever had before and she was feeling slightly lost now that it was over. She didn't know where she stood with Stef, only that she did stand with Stef, and Stef stood with her too.
It was strange having someone in her corner again, but a small part of her was still weary of the cop, the person who had your back could just as easily stab you in it and Callie wouldn't fall for it a second time.
For the moment though, she didn't think Stef was lying to her and that left her with more questions that she was too tired to think about, the main one being; Could she trust Stef?
She blew out a stuttering breath as she considered it and Stef mistook the action as a sign of pain.
"You okay sweets?"
Callie repressed the urge to roll her eyes, staring back at Stef in silence.
The cop raised her eyebrow at Callie as she waited for her to answer the question.
Callie finally spoke for the first time in the whole conversation.
"Am I allowed to talk now?"
She was trying to prove she felt better than she looked by coming out with a snarky comment that lacked any real snark, while also kind of testing Stef to see what kind of reaction she received.
The blonde did not repress her eyes roll and snorted out a surprised laugh at the teen's question.
"Yes you are allowed to talk now!"
She smiled affectionately at the teen and was rewarded with a small smile back.
"I'm fine"
Was Callie's only response and Stef sighed. It was better than nothing. She hadn't expected the teen to take her words to heart and immediately open up. She had hoped as much, but realistically she knew better.
"Okay well-"
Whatever Stef had meant to say was cut off by the ringing of her cell phone.
Caller ID: Bill
"Uh I have to take this sweets, its Bill."
She watched as the teen's face immediately fell and the blonde shook her head.
"I promise you sweets, you and Jude are not going anywhere."
Her reassurance did nothing to ease the tension she could see in the teen as she stood and walked out of the room to answer the call.
Despite her promise, she had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Alright thats that then. Next up, a conversation with Bill for the moms and a conversation with each other for all the siblings! Anything specific you want said? put it in that lovely review box! Also a few guests have asked so i'm going to just tell you all, i am planning on bring the liam thing into this fic, obviously not the same way as the show, because Callie isn't really up for group at the moment, but somehow he'll show up! Is there any other moment you all want to see? I am on the fence about Stef's shooting being included so please let me know!
Love to here from you, i promise a sooner update next time, but if im late then go check out obsessedatopia's fics, thats probably where i'll be :O ~BC xo
Review?