His letters now contained much more actual news and the contents of his mind now. Apparently with my maturity I had also gained his recognition as a sentient being who could be spoken to with reason and trust, rather than the blithe affection and cloistered feeling of before.
I lose track of my words..." he muttered. "It was in that letter, that my brother finally revealed his plans. Yes, he had married Hojo Masako, but it was not for the supposed passion and love that was said to have influenced their bond. No, their marriage was purely a strategic ploy on both their parts. He would gain the backing and power of the Hojo clan in his quest for revenge, and she, as well as her father, would gain an ally to realize their resentment of the Taira in a more corporeal form. In addition, their ties to the Minamoto clan gave them a kind of justification for any rebellion on their part. Thus, no one could claim that their actions were based on a desire for personal gain. Rather, they would be lauded for seeking to avenge their new son in law.
I smiled at this ploy. My brother was always one to find the advantage in every situation. He did not speak of specifics, as it was possible this letter could have fallen in the wrong hands. His desires and the Hojo resentment were already well known and could have done no further damage if known.
I wrote him a congradulatory letter which I did not expect him to reply to or even recognize that I had sent. Nor did I include any mention of my consternation towards Tomoe, only impartial pleasantries. That was her secret, and we were long past the time where I would go to my brother for comfort and advice.
You look at me strangely now.
Yes our estrangement goes further back and was normal for our situation. We had been apart for many years now, and no matter how close we had been, I do not think it is likely that we would have remained so, even if we had continued to live together.
Not that I think this excuses his later behavior" he scowled. "No, even if we were not as close, he still should have trusted his kin. Especially if said kin had never before betrayed him." His brow furrowed in thought, and then cleared as his complacent mask fell back into place.
I speak of him as if he was constantly serious, with a heart cold as ice, but this is the wrong perception. He had taken care of me so he obviously could feel mercy and his eyes would often soften when he was caught in a good memory. But what I felt made the biggest contrast with his seriousness, was his laughter.
Sometimes, when I said some small thing that amused him, or one of my stories caught his fancy, his laughter would roll out from him and echoe around the small cave. It was a deep laugh and a hearty one, as if once he finally let go and put down his guard, he dove into his happiness with abandon. The freedom of his laugh caught at me.
Knowing his history, it came as something of a surprise that he could laugh so and revel in the moment with such freedom.
These thoughts often left me morose and angry at the world. Here was a man, just fifteen or so years older than I, who had so much to live for and to enjoy, and yet his life was already over.
Not that I think this excuses his later behavior" he scowled. "No, even if we were not as close, he still should have trusted his kin. Especially if said kin had never before betrayed him." His brow furrowed in thought, and then cleared as his complacent mask fell back into place.
I speak of him as if he was constantly serious, with a heart cold as ice, but this is the wrong perception. He had taken care of me so he obviously could feel mercy and his eyes would often soften when he was caught in a good memory. But what I felt made the biggest contrast with his seriousness, was his laughter.
Sometimes, when I said some small thing that amused him, or one of my stories caught his fancy, his laughter would roll out from him and echoe around the small cave. It was a deep laugh and a hearty one, as if once he finally let go and put down his guard, he dove into his happiness with abandon. The freedom of his laugh caught at me.
Knowing his history, it came as something of a surprise that he could laugh so and revel in the moment with such freedom.
These thoughts often left me morose and angry at the world. Here was a man, just fifteen or so years older than I, who had so much to live for and to enjoy, and yet his life was already over.
Yes, well, such is life.
"But getting back to Tomoe..." he continued.
"Things finally came to a head in spring. Most things happen in spring, I think.
She surprised me. I don't know why, I had gotten used to her strange shifts in mood and sudden confidences. She was what you would call eccentric, always shifting who she was, never stable. She was like a wild mixture of colors, an untamed thing never content with just being.
I suppose she finally got fed up with our dancing around each other on tiptoes.
It was on another of our long walks."
"Don't pull that face at me Kage. Someday you will appreciate just how fortuitous long walks can be."
"And I was indulging in staring discreetly at her profile. With her lifted chin, full lips and long eyelashes, I remember thinking off handedly that she was quite pretty.
Her eyes slanted over to mine and I tried to hide my gaze, but her eyes glinted mischeviously. She grabbed the front of my shirt, and before I could react, thinking this was some new sport where I was to battle her, she pulled me down to her lips.
'Soft,' was my first thought. My second was most likely along the lines of 'kami, what the hell is she doing?' I believe I froze as she danced out of reach.
She told me later that I had an expression much like a deer caught in the eyes of a larger, deadlier predator.
I remember how she looked then. Her hair trailing behind her as she ran ahead, her laughter catching my ears as I gave chase, not exactly sure what I meant to do when I caught her. Our footsteps were silenced by the soft carpeting of petals on the floor of the forest. Many blossoms were still falling from the branches, drifting along on the slight currents of the wind. Time stood still as I ran through the rivulets of its presence. Everything of that moment remains in my mind with such clarity.
When we finally ran out of breath, w were both laughing and she had leaves in her pristine hair.
She leaned against a tree trunk out of breath, and I watched her gasp through her laughs. Deciding between my doubts, I reached over and pulled a blossom from her hair and taunted her with it.
"What a sad state of disarray we find ourselves in" I stated with mock solemnity. She smirked up at me.
"Indeed, such a travesty." She kissed my cheek, brushing her lips against my ear to whisper "well now, it is your move Junichi-kun." Her breath tickled my ear and she laughed.
I decided that there had been enough time spent as the young victim to her whims. If that was how she wanted to play, I'd show her the meaning of playing with fire.
I leaned back and took a good look at her, wide grey eyes stared back at me framed in long black lashes. She was not afraid, I could tell. And her whole bearing excuded confidence.
So, I decided to take a chance. I trusted her, more than I would have trusted her if she was related to me, I suppose. After all, I could choose to like her, if she was a sister, I would have little choice but to include her.
"Junichi?" she queried at my long silence. I could feel her shoulders beginning to droop a little at my lack of response.
I stepped back a little to give myself some room in case she did not respond to my words well. I gave her a small smile to reassure her.
"I think" I told her, "that you should know something."
She interrupted me before I could continue.
"Please don't tell me you are one of those men who are so close to the kami that you have decided to prefer those of the same gender" she stated. "Because that would put a very odd tint to our relationship."
I laughed at this, and she relaxed.
"No. Nothing like that" I reassured her. I paused to clear my throat, trying to buy time.
"Junichi..." she started with some hesitation, reaching out a hand to lay on my arm. Then she smiled. It was blinding in its beauty, so calm and reassuring as if telling me that I could trust her. I have never seen that kind of smile anywhere else, and I treasure it.
I let out a breath.
"That's it actually... My name is not Junichi."
Her face took on a more serious expression, and she beckoned me to sit as she knelt down at the base of the tree she had been resting against.
"It's Yoshitsune... Minamoto Yoshitsune."
Her expression froze and then gradually relaxed into a kind of dazed wariness.
"Yoshitsune no Minamoto" she murmured "second son to Yoshitomo no Minamoto and cousin to Yoshinaka no Minamoto. Thought to be hiding somewhere in the mountains." She sat silent for a few minutes then she exploded. "I cannot believe I missed that. It is so obvious!"
Fortunately, it seemed she was not mad at me, but rather herself. Women were strange.
She then turned on me and I swear I did not flinch, no matter what she claims.
"Tell me everything" she demanded. There was a feverish glint in her eyes.
I found that she held an intense interest for the going ons of the world. She told me it was good to be aware so as to better protect oneself from any possible situation. Knowing the ins and outs of Minamoto politics could only benefit her in keeping clear of Minamoto Yoshinaka. This kind of crazed focus made me wonder if she had censored her account of what went on between my cousin and her on those dark nights with no one to protect her.
Of course I told her everything, including the location of Yoshinaka, much to my shame. It seemed a small thing at the time, but it had lasting repercussions.
Yoshinaka was no longer in the capital. I had received news from a travelling merchant friendly to our cause, that he had made himself scarce, fearing that Taira vengeance would extend to the larger clan and not just the Seiwa Genji. He had holed himself up in one of the smaller territories under the Hojo jurisdiction and was proceeding to ingratiate himself to my brother.
I had never met him, but from what I heard from Tomoe, I had already decided that I did not like him. He sounded like the kind of man who would stab you in the back without a thought.
"An astute observation" I stated.
"Hnn" he answered noncommitedly, obviously trying to keep his expression blank.