Sorry for the delay in this story along with other fics from us both. We'll try to be more frequent with the updates. It's been a busy time for both of us.
Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose.
"Jack? I'm back." Ronnie called out into the deserted flat, dumping her keys onto the kitchen counter and shucking her coat. "Jack?" The flat remained still, the only noise the ticking of the clock marking every second slipping out of grasp and Ronnie's clipped footsteps as her heels clicked on the kitchen floor. "I'm back and I'm undressing on the kitchen table?" She called out with a smile. When no answer came and there was no sign of Jack eagerly emerging to watch her she discerned that nobody was home.
She moved through to the lounge and let herself collapse onto the sofa. It was still only mid afternoon and she felt drained, so much had happened, at least emotionally. Stacey was still playing on her mind, those extreme reactions, the pain and helplessness that seemed to emanate from her. Was she even safe? The question had been in Ronnie's mind ever since she had left the Slaters'. She couldn't shake the worry that anything could happen to her, anybody could do anything to her and Ronnie didn't know if Stacey would even notice. Then again, Stacey could do something to herself, she seemed so unstable, so fragile. Sweeping her fringe across her face Ronnie tried to remind herself that Stacey was at home with her family so where she may not be well, she was at least reasonably safe. They wouldn't let anything happen to her. They would protect her, that's what families do. Or at least they're meant to.
Ronnie brushed some leaves and mud from the bottom of her trousers, not really caring that they were now just marring the floor. She'd ended up walking when she had left Stacey. It felt like that was a constant for her now, walking aimlessly to try and be alone, to try and block out the pain. She'd found herself in the park but the sight of so many people happy, teenagers, mothers, children, it wasn't what she wanted to see so she'd walked further, ending up in the allotments, her only company a few men tending their plants, sitting reading the paper or chatting between their little patches of land, their sanctuaries, their homes away from home. Ronnie had wondered if Danielle had ever had something like that, a place she went to to escape, to get away from the world. If she did, Ronnie didn't know. Then again what did she know? Next to nothing at all. And she never would.
Once Ronnie managed to tear herself away from the wardrobe after her Danielle rituals, placing one last kiss on the item in her hand before closing the door on it she wandered back through to the kitchen. She turned the kettle on, her body and mind needing a strong dose of caffeine. Well, really she could do with something a lot stronger than coffee but she was engaged now, now was the time to show Jack, to show everyone that she was responsible, that she wasn't in pain and was ready to be a mother again. Nobody was see her pain, she wouldn't let them see her falter, not in anyway. She would be untouchable, Danielle would be proud of her.
As she sat down, a warm cup of coffee in her hands, burning slightly, she noticed the piles of paper on the table. She wasn't quite sure how she had managed to miss them on her way in, they were scattered haphazardly across the entire surface. Jack had no concept of organisation or even neatness. It was something she had found endearing at times but mostly and certainly more so lately had been a niggling nuisance, an irritation that he persisted with no matter how many times she jokingly, subtly or obviously told him to get his act together. Today he had obviously been sorting through the orders and latest figures from the club, piles of receipts littering one side of the table, all left out to be finished at some later time. Ronnie sighed, foraging around in the papers for a pen to set herself to work on the abandoned accounts.
Scrutinising a set of handwritten scrawls on one of the papers Ronnie tapped her pen against the table. The coffee had been long since finished and after setting to order more files than Ronnie even wanted to count she was getting fed up. Jack's scribbles blocked out important numbers, obscuring them completely and even the scribbles themselves were uselessly illegible. Jack was lucky he wasn't home because the urge to stab the pen through his ineffectual writing hand was growing with every unintelligible squiggle. She squinted at a set of numbers, was that a six or an eight…or a nine…or maybe a two. Jack had drawn a word straight over it all, a word that looked suspiciously like "breasts". Without those numbers there was no way to balance the accounts for the past month or the taxes or process the orders properly. He marred everything.
No, he loved her. He'd keep her safe. It was her that was in the wrong, it was all her, Jack was perfect, Jack was going to give her the most precious gift in the world. It wasn't Jack that was wrong, it was her, all her. Ronnie tried to convince herself, tried to tell herself that she loved him and that he truly loved her. She tried to pretend that what he felt was love, that it was pure and that it was enough. She tried to ignore the subtle jibes he gave her, the angry looks. It would be so much easier if she could believe it all, like she used to. It had to be her that was wrong, she was making him this way, making him angry and disappointed in her. It wasn't a surprise, she disappointed everyone. She failed everyone, destroyed everything she touched.
Ronnie looked up as the door opened and Jack walked through, beaming a smug smile at her. He moved quickly to the table, throwing his keys next to hers and hanging his coat over hers by the door on his way. He unceremoniously dumped a pile of large and heavy magazines onto the table, knocking over the painstakingly organised piles of paperwork she has spent the last two hours sorting in the process before bending down to take her mouth in a claiming kiss.
"Someone's happy. Good day then?" She asked, refusing to give credence to the frustration and irritation bubbling up inside her. She had to remember that she had loved him once upon a time. She refused to let him go, clinging to him even as he tried to stand up. He shook her off giving her an odd look.
"Yeah not bad. I was supposed to be spending it with my fiancé but she disappeared and didn't even pick up her phone when I called." He said straightening himself and inhaling deeply. Ronnie began to explain but barely got out a syllable before Jack cut over her, "How did it go with Roxy? I tried to call her so I could spend some time with Amy but she didn't pick up." He said, taking up the chair next to Ronnie and sitting himself down onto it, a veiled expression of irritated suspicion on his face, wary that Ronnie and Roxy had fought and driven yet another wedge between him and Amy.
"It was fine." Ronnie nodded, smiling gently at Jack. "She had a great time over there. Even managed to wrap some guy around her little finger at the airport, so I'd say she's pretty good." Ronnie joked, leaning forward coyly.
"Yeah, and what about the engagement? You did tell her didn't you?" Jack asked, an accusatory and exasperated sigh coming out in his tone. Ronnie was upset that he even had to ask, she didn't know what had got into him since the morning. It was her who had had the bad day, why was he so snappy?
"Yes," she squeaked, her eyebrows knitted together in concern. "Of course I told her. She was fine with it. Well not fine perhaps but she was happy for us. Happy that we're happy." She said, taking his hand across the table. Brushing against the pile of magazines she was suddenly drawn to the titles. All wedding magazines she looked up at Jack surprised. "Thought it was the woman who was supposed to be getting all obsessive about this kind of thing?" Letting out a stifled laugh, she picked up Bridal Times like it was a dirty object.
"Happy? Roxy is never happy for anyone unless that person is herself. Ron your sister is selfish and she'll find a way to ruin this for us which is precisely why I didn't want her to know about this until we could both talk to her. Why couldn't you just wait and tell her together?" Jack snapped ignoring Ronnie's comment about the bridal magazines he was fiercely pacing the room. "What and ask your permission?" Ronnie asked, wide eyed and with a raised eyebrow.
Jack seemed oblivious to Ronnie's retort and continued on with his rant. "We're a couple! We do things together Ronnie and telling the mother of my child that I'm getting married is something I should have been involved in" Jack grumbled. "I think you're conveniently forgetting that she's also my sister!" Ronnie sighed, ignoring Jack she turned to the previously discarded magazine and pretended to be engrossed in a feature about the perfect table display.
His heart thumping, he snatched the magazine up from her angrily, hating to be ignored. "Why do you never see things from my point of view? You never think of me. It's always about someone else! Roxy, Stacey, Danielle..." Stopping suddenly he noticed Ronnie's head jolt upwards at the mention of her child's name. "Don't you dare" she whispered. Suddenly he rushed to rescue the situation, his arms wrapped tightly around her he whispered a thousand false apologies.
His suit jacket grudgingly soaked up Ronnie's tears which, shaken by the situation, she'd been unable to control from escaping. "I've ruined it all now, I'm sorry Ron, I just want everything to be perfect" Jack insisted gently, pushing one of the magazines back in Ronnie's direction she fought the desired to scream and instead took it. "Our perfect wedding" Ronnie sighed, her finger tracing the image of the 'happy' couple that was plastered on the front, could she ever smile like that?
"So tonight we'll go to the Vic right? Tell everyone our good news, Peggy needs to know and all our friends" Jack smiled squeezing Ronnie's hand tightly. "Didn't know we had any" Ronnie muttered under her breath. Jack pretended not to hear and instead started to point out things in the bridal magazine that would be perfect for them but Ronnie might as well have been wearing headphones, she couldn't concentrate on a single word it was just Jack's mouth moving and eventually she worked out that with well timed nods and smiles she could get away with not really listening to a word he was saying.
The later it got the more conscious Ronnie became of the upcoming announcement. Knowing that Peggy would dive in and take control made it all seem so real. She would be stood there in public feeling like a fraud. She had to act happy, act like her life was moving on. She could only imagine what people would be thinking, probably saying she'd moved on too quickly, that she didn't really care about Danielle. None of them understood but they would all be so quick to judge.
Walking over to the Vic it felt like her legs would give way, like she'd just fall right there. She didn't think Jack would notice if she did, he was too busy marching across the Square, proud and determined, almost pulling Ronnie along behind him she felt like a naughty child. Not exactly the feeling you wanted to have at your engagement announcement, yet another glaring sign that this wasn't and never would be right.
There was the usual evening buzz of the Vic, lots of people that they knew all hovering around laughing and having fun. Clattering through the doors Ronnie paused spotting Stacey in the corner, her head bowed as her hand pushed a glass of vodka to and fro, teasing herself before giving in and eventually downing it all. Ronnie had to force down the sickening feeling of shame when she saw Stacey, Stacey represented her daughter, it was if Danielle was sat there next to her. She could almost see her, filling that empty space and here Ronnie was to make her 'happy' announcement in front of them.
"Can I have everyone's attention please" Jack boomed, Ronnie hated the way he seemed to command the respect and attention of everyone in the room. It would only serve to inflate his already massive ego. "I would like to make a little announcement, and to celebrate I will of course be buying everyone a drink."
A collective rumble of cheers went around the pub, in fact Ronnie didn't think she'd ever seen Gary that happy, sad really she thought putting her arm around Jack and clutching on tight to form the perfect little picture.
"Ronnie here has agreed to be my wife!" Jack grinned, more cheers and claps emanated from the crowd. Peggy proudly embraced her niece and various people came up to shake their hands and offer congratulations.
All the time Ronnie's eyes were fixed on Stacey, those blank eyes staring back at her that said it all.