Disclaimer: I think you've gotten the idea by now. Twilight, etc, is not mine.
A/N: Not much fluff this time. Some Edwardian angst though. Review and tell me if you think I"ve gotten him correctly. He doesn't translate very well to text, does he? Stupid vampire boys...
The deep dark of the night. Safety. The cloaking shadow of anonymity.
It burned like acid in my brain.
Night was safety. Night was the death of light.
And the brighter the light, the deeper the shadow that overwhelmed it at its demise. Bella was that light, the one the Greeks would have called Ether: light brighter than light itself. And I, I was Erebus, blacker than blackest night. The color of the very depths of Hell itself.
My thoughts swirled about again as I felt Bella relax in my arms, drifting off into the sweet release of sleep. I couldn't help but look at her angelic face and wonder if I had sinned against her when I left, committed a dark, deep offense that cut her to the quick.
I had been a fool to think that Bella would forget me. Naïve, to think that she did not love as deeply as I. Naïve, even after a hundred years of hearing the thoughts of humanity.
I knew nothing about women. That was the old cliché that Esme had dinned in my ears, time and time again after she had caught wind of what I had planned for our departure. She was right. I could hear the thoughts of so many, scrutinize their actions, and I still knew nothing. Not even enough to protect the heart, the life of my beloved.
And yet, even as I left, I knew that I was wrong. But, having gone that far already, I told myself that this, this death-of-heart, was best and my second thoughts were only the vain wishes of a dead heart. So I buried again the human that she had resurrected in my soul.
The next months were torture. And seeing Bella again, in that square with the clock beating its chime into my brain, that was something more than a dream. It was rising from the grave and shaking off the moldering shroud I had cloaked myself in.
And then, so recently, when I saw her wake for the first time in what felt like ages and felt her hesitation, it had crept into my heart that there was someone else. The pain of it was still vivid in my mind: the shock that had wound its way down my body, the cold, curling finger of jealousy that rested on my heart. The thought of Newton's arms around her…And having to keep it all from her. Then, her denial that brought the relief that flooded through my soul and pooled in my head, nearly making me giddy. But still, that hesitation that had been there, and to some degree, was still there. It was like watching her flinch as I applied pressure to a festering wound.
Another brilliant flash of lightning lit the sky outside, throwing Bella's features into sharp relief. I couldn't believe that she didn't think she was beautiful, but she insisted on maintaining that she was nothing special. Oh, how wrong she was. She was everything special.
Her eyes flickered open at the sound of rolling thunder, and her blurry gaze met mine for an instant. She moaned softly as she tucked her face into my chest, and I allowed myself one deep chuckle at her expense. Stormy nights were always hard for Bella. If she were to get any sleep at all tonight, she needed to be in her own bed.
I stood up slowly, trying to keep the rocking chair from making any noise on the ancient hardwood floors of Bella's room. She moaned again, apparently intending to protest.
"Not ready to go to sleep yet," she mumbled through a half-hearted yawn. I hesitated for half of a heart-beat: she had no idea how often I nearly gave in to her will in matters like this. It was stupid, juvenile even, but sometimes I couldn't resist her simple requests. An odd sensation, for an individual as willful as I.
I crossed the short space to the bed anyways, set her down, and secured the covers around her. Her eyes were closed again, and a small smile crossed her lips as I put one arm around her, leaving my other hand free to caress the soft features of her face as her mind drifted and succumbed to unconsciousness. Bella needed to be rested for tomorrow: all of the college applications that I had brought over were nearly due, and I wasn't about to let her pass those opportunities by.
And if she was occupied with that, it might afford me a chance to talk to Charlie alone. There were a few things to be settled between us still, and a few more issues to introduce.
But tomorrow would be another day. For now, I had Bella in my arms.
I kissed her forehead gently, savoring the sweet perfume of her skin and the warmth that radiated from it, and began singing softly the lullaby that I had written for her, the only angel that I had ever known.