You did what? Baby please I can explain. Oh no you fucking can't. You turned me green, man, green like a Martian, if there's life on Mars, now it's ashes to ashes, funky to funky, we know Joker Tom's a junkie. He even had the costume in that romp remember. Well, you and I are splitsville, Joker. Baby please don't go. Oh I'm going and I'll tell you more, I'm going to the other side, and I'm sending you to the other side, with my friends on the other side. That's Alice and Hatta, the Crocodile and Lady Shiva. Now there are five of us since you made me evil and evil is what I am now. And when you get to hell you give the devil a hell-o and tell them Plantgirl sent you, because I mightn't be poison Ivy but you poisoned me and I'm green with envy, no woman is an Isley, but this Eisley's gonna make your skin a wretch of hives and that ain't no joke, so take your toke and your marotte and get ready to fight and fright a ficus because I know you're a plant and you're bad to me to because you're good and I'm a bad rotten apple that doesn't fall far from the tree because I was red and now I'm ready and I was green but now I'm green. But ripe.

She's evil now is what I'm saying. I you know the Joker, you know five-on-one is what he calls a nice saturday night, but thing is, he might not "live" this saturday night because there's a crocodile involved. Did you know crododiles are named after Crocodilopolis? Not the other way around, I swear to G_d. Crocodile G_d. I keep typing crododile, I don't know what's wrong with me. And Joker's not too keen on hurting girls, especially his ex wife. (Fast divorce. I know.) And the little girl. I know she's not a girl, but she is little and looks the part so his brain has trouble telling it apart. None may kill a cat. I wouldn't hurt a child, so that's pre much the perfect costume. Lady Shiva's a menace by herself, but even if she's slugging it tonight, I'm not counting on ignoring her. Ignore a woman at your own peril. Though that's what I'm doing right now.

Mad Hatter's a tool. And he won't hurt you. But you know you won't hurt him either. Because you're not wired that way. Trust me, he deserves it. He's basically what, La Muñequita's butler now. He's bellowing poems as you fight them. How doth a little crocodile improve each shiny scale? A steady diet of Jokers, it seems. I need help.

No, not that help. We're doing this Mexico thread now, so it's convenient that Killer Moth's costume looks like that known Mexican superhero. There she is.

"Leave my Mistah Jay alone!" she squeals, Jerseyly. She has a gun. But it's a Moth Gun. We're talking a chick who fights crime with old-timey rollerskates, thigh-high rainbow boots and daisy dukes. Her t-shirt has "Daddy's Little Mothra" written on it. And the antennae. (the shirt's purple too because it's Elseworlds)

"Blooming heck, this bird looks like a suicide girl, wot?" I noticed Baby Doll wasn't sounding british enough, so I wrote the most british thing I could. Back to our regular programming.

"Get out of here, Killer Moth. Grownups are talking." said the Joker.

"Was I bad moth? Is daddy gonna SPANK ME?" she asked. It's as skeevy as it sounds.

"I have no time to deal with a psychiatrist who thinks she's a supervillain right now. I have to deal with a psychiatrist who thinks he's a supervillain right now." he means the Mad Hatter. but I guess they're handing out supervillain degrees in Miskatonic Medschool. You, are useless. So why don't you bludgeon him since I can't?

"Do you want me to kill myself for you? I'll fucking kill myself! Give me attention daddy! Wah!" she needs meds. Cuckoo. Just, punch Teach.

No, no, no, Baby Doll won't allow it. And there's a plant girl in there too. He's your manservant, Beed, why do you even care. I mean, I care about Alfred, too, but he's just basically holding a tray while I use the BATCOMPUTER in the cave. Speaking of which, what's Batman doing. Hasn't shown up yet. Remember him for next chapter.

Joker's entangled in his ex's vines, And Killer Moth's pouncing teach. Enough play. I know he's on my side. And that's why Linux lied for me. To him. Babe?

"Yes?" she asked.

"Kill the Crod." I told her. We'll pay the fine. So she swung her sword and sliced the crocodile (I did it again.) And that's when she took her mask out. Black's a lovely hair color for you, even if you're still my redhead. If Spidey can marry a ginger, why can't I?

No more crocodiles, Teach is, hm, let's say, subdued, and Lady Shiva's actually Lady Wayne. She learned swordplay in Iraq. And where am I? Aiming. I am Deadshot, you know. Got my finger on the trigger and a rocket in my pocket, and my scope on Dolly's head. But I'm not going to kill a child. Yes, a child. An innocent child at that. Just aim it.

Ploft. Right where I wanted. The bullet hits straw. Her hat goes flying away,into the air. Off with her head? No, quite the contrary, the Queen of Hearts. Falls down into the floor, a hole in the middle. Baby Doll freezes. She screams and cries.

"What the blog?" asked Killer Moth. "Wasn't she a bad egg?"

I'll set things straight. It all went according to plan. She's not a criminal at all, or even an adult. See, criminals don't speak spanish.

"Yo quiero mi papá! Donde estoy?" se dice la niña.

"Calmate! No te molestas, my esposa te cuidará." Bruce explained in spanish. Kathy wrapped her coat around the little girl and took her away from all the crocodile blood.

"The Mad Hatter had long been experimenting with mind control." he explained. The Mad Hatter was being turned into mush by the killer Hottie. Mothgirl. Also the tips of her pigtails are died like a rainbow too. We're talking full-on porn fetish outfit. "There never was a Baby Doll. Just an innocent girl he brainwashed into believing she was an adult. With reverse progeria (not a real thing by the way)."

"Then why did she help him out of Arkham, and in doing so helped my stalker escape too?" Though, you know, I am single now. No, Joker, don't stick your marotte in crazy!. Man, she's going to town on him. I bet if I tell that girl to circle a square, she'll run around Ben Stein.

"The Hatter's been doing that for years. Decades, even. He's probably got a bunch of other Alices running around, to help him out of the nuthouse or go grocery shopping. The hat's the thing, once they're wearing the hat, they're under complete control." Bruce explained.

Also, remember the Mad Hatter is a pedophile, so, things are getting icky now. Good thing Killer Moth is beating him to death. Slowly.

"And you knew it?" asked the Joker. to the Wayne.

"I had an inkling. The hatter could play dumb and pretend to be a henchman of his own pawn. Her story's thin as a hairstrand, so me and the wife investigated. We couldn't attack her until we knew for sure she was the bad guy, and it turns out she wasn't. So we used a pawn of our own." said Bruce.

"Yours truly?" asked the Joker.

"Exactly. You know when Killer Moth attacked the Hatter, Baby Doll stood in her tracks. She couldn't abide her puppeteer getting hurt. If he's scum to her, she wouldn't mind. So, Kathy knew what was what, and we struck." Bruce explained again.

"And what about Pa-Plantgirl?" asked the Joker. Also part of the plan(t)? Frayed knot.

She's got Killer Moth in her twines now, stop her from hammering the hatter to death. Yeah, her gun shoots hammers. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. Okay, maybe one guy. You guys know who I'm talking about. That's right, Joe Chill.

"Joker, you are a cad and a half. You made me green and I'm still mad, but I do love you, and if Bruce and Kathy can make their marriage work even though they're cousins and their parents have been kidnapped, so can we." Aww, that's cute.

Wait, what?