Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again."
― Stephen King
14
Maybe what everything comes down to is just continuously adjusting to the shit life throws at us. The harder and harder days we are bombarded by. There's no break, no chance for rest because even when the dust is settling the field before us is riddled with landmines.
How do you relax and just kick back when any random footstep you take can blow your world apart at its core…. Is that bravery?… Carrying on even though you're wounded and broken and down right fucking terrified and all you want to do is curl up beneath the covers and disappear. But you don't, because there's a invisible and unknown force that's propelling your tired legs forward… is that bravery?
Soaps watching Emilia, as they sit around their usual table in the mess hall, Price and Yuri discussing something about Berlin but the Scott's not really listening.
She's doing it again, that way she eats, with her head down, eyes looking anywhere but up, crawling inside herself again, its scares him now, more than it ever had before. Soap wont admit it yet, but he's scared of loosing her, of loosing whatever it is that's going on between them. He needs it as much as Emilia needs him. it's a strange place to be in, and for her its nearly suffocating.
A tug of war is ragging beneath her breast as she fights with herself, fights with the strong desire to just run, to disappear into the wilderness where tragedy and death cant find her, but Emilia wont leave Soap. The only thing in her short miserable life that is worth anything now, or maybe its because when the thought of him suddenly not being there chokes off the air in her lungs, and a sharp pain clenches her heart with such strength it nearly crushes the pathetic organ.
Emilia shudders subtly under her light brown sweater, stirring the mash potatoes around her plate but hardly eating any. The only other time that she felt something this bad was when her mother died. That moment that left her completely and utterly alone in a violent and unforgiving world; it should have moulded her, made her more resilient to breaking down. Hell, Emilia thought it had, she had shut herself off to the pain she faced, to the harsh days of the military. An iron will and a cold mind, was what she thought anyway.
But no, that would be to easy, or maybe she was just to young and had become ignorant and arrogant, either way, that carefully built façade of strength began to crumble the first day she killed someone who didn't deserve death, the cries and screams of terrified people never seemed to leave her, weighing heavy with guilt in the pit of her stomach.
The more Emilia thought about it, sitting there staring at her food, purposely avoiding Soaps penetrating eyes, the more guilt seemed to poor into her soul, her throat closing as her eyes began to burn. A monster… she could have laughed right then, if she wasn't on the verge of hysterics. Yuri had called her a monster after Emilia had called him out but the words had rolled over her like oil on water, her anger shielding her from a truth that burns.
Her eyes snap to Soaps so quickly it startles him, the hate that he sees there stops what he's about to say and he just watches the small girl before him get up and leave. Something's wrong.. But something's been wrong since she woke up the other day, to quiet, even for Emilia, all she did was shadow Soap, comforted by his presence and strength, like she was trying to feed off his energy, hers completely depleted.
He follows her after a moment, treading into unknown territory. There is no strategy for things like this, no carefully laid out plan, this new fear is disarming but Soap ignores it.
He follows Emilia back to her room, hurrying to catch up to her quick light footsteps.
"Emilia wait!" he yells after her, but she doesn't stop till they're both standing feet apart in the small room, her breathing heavy as she chews on her chapped lips.
"What's wrong?"
She looks at him, her eyes darting away quickly as she lights a smoke, she doesn't know what to say, or doesn't know how to. So many things rolling around her mind, its giving her a head ache.
"Talk to me" Soap says a little softer, braving a step closer and she tenses, reminding him of a scared doe, on more broken twig and she'll run.
Emilia turns a little and tries to smile, but it doesn't look right, like the gesture is trying to contain the overflow of sadness inside and its bursting at the seems.
"I..I have to go" she says finally, her voice sounds small and week, and barely a whisper, but Soap heard her, his eyes widening with shock and anger.
"Leave? You cant leave, were in theyd middle of a fucking war, your wanted as much as we are?" he doesn't understand, and doesn't want to deal with the panic that has his heart beating franticly in his chest, he doesn't want to here what he's hearing.
"I'm not good for you.. I-I've done bad things.. " she whispers back, facing away from him when she cant stand the broken look on his face, and her tears begin to fall.
"We've all done bad things, this is war Emilia, no ones good, I've been doing this a lot longer than you ok" Soap tries to reason, quietly, slowly moving closer.
"No.. you don't understand.. Yuri's right, I am a monster, whether I wanted to do those things or not, I did them, I pulled that trigger… and you" she says with such anguish that Soaps throat tightens, "you deserve so much better"
That does it, her self deprecating has pushed Soap a little to much, and he nearly growls as he punches the wall beside him, so hard his hand cracks through the dry wall. Emilia doesn't seem startled by this, as she watches him, struggling to keep from herself from crumbling.
"FUCK! Let it go! No body is perfect Emilia, I don't care what happened before you met us and neither does Price.. We need to stick together or there's nothing to keep fighting for, NOTHING! Ghost and Roach are dead! Price and you are all that's left" Soap yells, in a very rare moment were he nearly looses control of himself, but he's gotten her attention now as he steps closer, directly before her and he grips her trembling arms in his hands.
"You can't leave Emilia" the Scott says this, his deep voice softer now, but he's struggling, frustrated by how hard it is to get these simple words out, as if when he says it, it will cement everything in place, making it all the more vulnerable to attack, " I..I need you, here.. If your gone than there's nothing left… please"
Emilia stares up at the strong man before her, bearing himself for damage in his vulnerability, and the water building in her eyes spills over, not trusting her voice as she opens and closes her mouth.
In one incredibly out of character tender moment, Soap raises one hand to the soft moist skin of her cheek and rubs the falling tears away with his rough and callused thumb, soothing her tired and broken heart in a way that she's never known.
"I'm sorry" she whispers, almost to quiet to here, and he raises her chin up when she tries to hide from him again, "I- I just, I just want it all to be over… so bad.. I don't, I want to stay here… with you" and her voice cracks, Soap cups her face again, bends a little, and instead of offering reassurances in awkward words he kisses her, soft yet powerful, gripping the girl tighter to his solid body when her knees weaken, He deepens the kiss, running his tongue along her lips, Emilia immediately relenting to him as each pour there pain and anger into the other, till he has Emilia pushed up and collapsing on her bed, nearly crushing the small girl beneath him.
"We'll be going to Berlin, the Lustag Hotel. Makarov is throwing some kind of fancy banquet as a front for a meeting with all his top business partners, there will be civilians there as well so watch your fire" Price tells them as they sit around the old mans room, silent grim expressions on all their faces.
"Yuri and Soap you'll provide cover from the tower across the street, well me and Emilia infiltrate from the roof top"
This sparks concern in more than just one as Yuri eyes the girl suspiciously, still not entirely trusting her.
"Wouldn't it be better if I was to provide cover, I have the least field experience for this kind of thing" she asks and Soap nods in agreement.
"Yuri can take cover with her, Ill go with you, it makes more sense" Soap says, backing her up, Price seems to mull this over in his mind before shrugging.
"Okay with me mate, and you can put that old shitty sniper riffle of yours to work then" he smiles down at her and the glare that she throws back at him.
"So we know he'll be there this time?" Emilia asks, ignoring the comment on her beloved weapon.
Price nods before answering as he paces in front of them, arms crossed over his chest in much the same way as his protégée does, something she finds amusing, the subtle ways the two men subconsciously mimic each others movements.
"Makarov has been feeding me Intel on what's going on over there, and I have to say this is our best option for finally nailing the bastard, we'll kill him and end this"
No one says more, as they sit there solid in the silent commitment to one another.
"We leave tonight" Price says finally, nodding to the soldiers as he lights a cigar. Emilia shares a worried look with Soap as the two get up and leave.
Yuri waiting till the pair is out of earshot before he speaks to the old man.
"Are you sure she can be trusted"
Price isn't surprised by this, he's watched the looks that Yuri gives Emilia, but Price isn't sure if its as simple as what the Russian would have you think, so he's been watching Yuri himself, close but at a distance, making sure the guy doesn't try anything stupid where he shouldn't.
"I trust her, so you trust her, because you work for me.. I know who she is, I know more about what she's done than she thinks I do.. If I have anyone to be concerned about, its you my friend" Price tells him, his voice low and dangerous, his eyes bore into the Russian with a cold heartless promise, he'll kill him easy, If he gives him a reason.
Yuri just nods, before standing and taking his own leave, bitter over his powerlessness in this whole fiasco, still having a hard time accepting that the girl is here. Makarov's fucking sister, blood or not, the little bitch is working with them, and from what he's been seeing, probably fucking that Scottish Captain to. Yuri mulling all this over bitterly as he walks away, grinding his teeth.
Emilia sat on the edge of her bed, pulling her faded knee high leather boots on, and slid the combat knife Soap had given her into the hidden sheath in her right boot, once that was done she stood, only in her jeans boots and a black bra, and looked at her self in the mirror.
To skinny maybe, to pale… the harsh pink scars of the few bullet wounds she's received running from her brother those long few months ago. Emilia shivered as she ran her fingers over the rough raised surface, her mind momentarily dispelling the chilling dark thoughts as memories of earlier in the day slid into the for front of her mind, her brief but utterly priceless moments with Soap, are something she treasures, a small glimmer of something beautiful in a bleak landscape, and Emilia will never let it go, holding those memories and the man responsible close in her heart.
It's a weird feeling, she thinks as finishes dressing, pulling on a white tank top, grey sweater and black S.A.S jacket over top her Kevlar. Emilia never really realizing before that she's been without this feeling for so long she's forgotten what its like to have warmth in your heart, something to quench the shadows in her soul even for a brief moment, this terrifies her at the same time as it brings a smile to her face, though the smile is always faltering, but she pushes the fear down as hard as she can. Be strong. Emilia says aloud, if she cant be strong for herself she will for Soap and Price… be strong for her poor mother… avenge her senseless death and kill Makarov, once and for all.
*EEEK! Dun dun dun dun… what's in store next! It'll be crazy and surprising my lovely readers I promise you ;)*