September 12th, 2008-
Kate exits the squad room, and makes a beeline to her desk. She tries to make it to her seat without being noticed. She stares at the phone on her desk, feeling completely numb. She blinks, willing it to ring. She needs it to ring. A case involving murder, someone else's tragedy is the only thing that will take her mind off her own situation. She needs to be here, to throw herself into her work, because she knows that it is the only thing that is going to keep her hanging on. She hears footsteps, and she looks up, removing her focus from the telephone sitting on her desk in silence. She sees Javi standing next to her desk. He furrows his brow as he looks at her.
"What?!" she questions.
"I was just trying to figure out why you took three days off in the middle of the week. What gives?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Don't want to talk about it? Beckett you never take time off, what's going on?"
"Don't," she begs.
He looks into her eyes. He sees pain staring back at him. He nods understandingly.
"Ok, but if you do want to talk about it, I'm here for you."
As he sits in the precinct squad room until the wee hours of the night, he finds himself staring at Beckett's desk more than a handful of times. Finally before sunrise he finishes his paperwork. He heads into the break room to start some coffee. He's spent most of the night distracted by Kate's odd behavior. He tries to recall other times that she has exhibited such odd behavior. As he reaches in the cabinet for a snack he is reminded of one of those instances.
May 8th, 2006-
Javier heads towards the break room. He stops in the doorway. He watches as Kate as she reaches into the cabinet onto the top shelf for a snack. Her back is to the door. She grabs the snack cake out of the box, and turns around. Javier looks at her in silence. He looks down at his watch, for a second, and then looks up at her.
"Beckett it is three o'clock in the morning, and you're eating a fudge round?"
"Do you have a problem with that?"
"We have been working for twenty one hours, so not entirely."
"Then, why are you bringing it up?" she cocks her eyebrow.
"Look, I don't want you to take this the wrong way," he begins to explains.
"Javi, if you have something to say, just spit it out."
"I noticed that you've been snacking a lot lately. And it's always things that you don't usually eat."
"Is there a question, or an accusation in there somewhere?"
"No."
"A point?"
"Like I said I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you've put on a few pounds."
"Wow!"
"Beckett I'm just trying to look out for you. Burgers, and Little Debbie cakes at three o'clock in the morning are not good for your health."
"Javi don't worry about me."
He scowls at her. She leans against the counter as she unwraps her snack cake. He notices that most of her weight gain is centralized to one area. He glances at her stomach, and then looks away, praying that she didn't see him.
Beckett is the first person to arrive that morning. She takes a seat at her desk. Javier takes a seat on the edge of her desk. She looks up at him.
She furrows her brow, "What are you doing?"
"I need to talk to you," he answers.
"About what?"
"In private."
"About what?"
"In the break room," he explains.
She follows him into the break room. He closes the door behind her. She folds her arms across her chest.
"What is this about?"
"Beckett after I talked to you last night I couldn't stop wondering what is going on with you."
"I thought that I told you to drop it."
"But I'm a detective. I detect. It is my job."
"You shouldn't be detecting anything about me. If I want you to know something I will tell you."
"Do you remember seven years ago when I told you that you were putting on weight?"
"Vaguely. Why are you asking?"
"I didn't say it then, because I didn't want you to hurt me, but I thought that you were pregnant. And then in the fall you took some time off, like a month. I hoped that I was wrong. I told myself it was because of the case we caught that the end of August. It really took a toll on all of us. It wasn't, was it?"
"Espo why are you bringing this up?"
"Because I am worried about you."
"Don't be."
"And I need to apologize."
"For what?"
"Not being a better friend. I am sorry I didn't push harder. I wish that I had made you tell me."
"Tell you what?"
"Kate I know that I crossed a line, but I didn't have a choice."
She furrows her brow, "What did you do?"
"I looked at vital statistics for the month of September two thousand and six. Kate why didn't you tell me that you had a son?"
"I am not going to talk about this with you. Not here, not now."
"We are going to talk about this," he argues.
"You don't understand."
"No, I don't understand Kate. You never admitted to any of us that you had a kid. You didn't put a picture on your desk, or explain your leave of absence. You never mentioned it. I can't understand why you wouldn't tell any of us, we're your co-workers, and I thought we were your friends."
"Please, just stop," she begs.
"The car was stolen the day of your son's second birthday."
"I know."
"What connection does it have to his disappearance?"
"What?!"
"What's the connection? Kate I read the missing person's report."
"It was parked outside my house that day, but nobody noticed, except for a six year old boy, that no one wanted to listen to."
"Kate your son was kidnapped. You came to work three days later. Why? Why didn't you say something? We could have helped you find him."
"How? There was no evidence. There was no forensic evidence. Nobody saw, or heard anything. It was like my son disappeared off the face of the planet. How could you have helped me?"
"I would have been there for you, if nothing else."
"I can't talk about this anymore."
"I'm not going to tell anyone, I am just trying to understand."
She clenches her jaw, and swallows hard in an attempt to stave off tears, "Javi, there are a lot of things in this world that I am never going to understand."