I'm such a bloody mess.

Chapter 13: Outcast

"Mistress?"

Ren was at a loss of how to judge the situation. Erika was not putting up any resistance in the embrace, and it would be quite rude of the butler to interrupt should her assistance was no longer needed. She could see the droplets leaking out of the eyes of her mistress, however, and took that as a warning sign. There was a chance she could have misjudged the situation before entirely and this had been a terrible idea. Those thoughts were racing through her mind, awaiting orders.

"Take her out." Those words were said with enough consideration that Ren understood there was no need for severe reactions. Kneeling down, she slowly untangled Sabrina's arms from around her mistress. There was a decent amount of force exerted in doing so however, as required. The psychic did not seem to want to let go, but orders were orders. She was not putting up any verbal resistance, however, and was quickly put back on her feet. "Easily"

Nothing else was said, as the crestfallen Sabrina was escorted off the parameter with haste. Ren had a maid drive her back down to the nearest subway station. The process was relatively painless, but it was not the worst part. Sighing, she understood the magnitude of her actions perfectly, even if she was unaware of what really happened while the two were in their together. What she needed to do, however, was come back and face the consequences.

As she arrived, she found Erika's curled up in a fetal position, as if she was just finished bawling her eyes out. It was a brief moment of silent, before Ren kneeled, her head to the floor and her arms crossed in full submission. She expected as much, but she still did it.

"Ren." Erika spoke slowly. A deep bitterness could be heard in her voice.

"Yes Mistress?" Without moving, the butler replied.

"Why did you do it?" There was no immediate answer. Erika lifted her head up to see the position Ren was in. It did nothing to soften her rage, however. "Do not stay silent! You are the only person that could be responsible for doing something like this!"

"Yes Mistress." Ren sighed. There was little she could have done. Thinking back of it, there was little need of her to take so much risk to make the confrontation happen. Why did she do it, then? That question was bothering her greatly.

"Answer me." She could sense a hand rose high, and was bracing for the hit. However, it never came, as all she could feel was her mistress' hand on her shoulder. It was a strange feeling, as they practically never make contact, and was never supposed to. However, expectations have long been thrown out the window. She felt herself being pushed upright, and was forced to face Erika. "Please."

"I…" Looking into those eyes, Ren began to develop the slightest hint of self-doubt. Her actions, while being an example of disobedience, were easily justifiable. It was the change in the structure of things. There was something wrong with the botanist, and it needed to be fixed. "I wanted to help you resolve, mistress. You have not displayed happiness in a long time."

"Was it?" Erika's stare had become so intense that it physically hurt Ren to look at it. It was not that she put more force into it, but more emotions. There was just something in those eyes so deep, that it was starting to make the butler sweat. The hand drifted off, as Erika spoke again. "I have no doubt that you would prefer me to be happy, of course, but is it for my sake?"

Ren bit her lips. It was becoming all too clear now, even to her.

"No, mistress." She turned her head in shame. She could no longer face those eyes. It was reaching too deep, to some place that she had never thought of exploring. It was full of emotions, but it was also inefficient. It was not for her to act upon them, as this was not what she was here for. She was here to do her job, and if she could not do it well, there would be no reason for her to be here any longer. "I was selfish. I…"

Her arms stretching the tail front end of her shirt, Ren was searching for the right words. It was hard to be truthful to yourself, most of all.

"I just wanted to see you smile again."

"Ren." Erika's hands reached forward, touching the butler's chin and cheek, raising them so that they could once again look face to face. Ren reluctantly obliged, but she was surprised. What she saw was not a sign of anger or disbelief, but a beaming smile that put all her fears rest. It was genuine and heartfelt, so much so that she could not stop herself from shaking. "Thank you."

Ren closed her eyes and sighed. She felt like she did not deserve it. Someone like her could only muster so much respect and affection to a person, and it was already breaching that point. There was another matter at hand, though, perceived as direr by one.

"What do you think of her?" Erika asked.

"She is… peculiar." The butler answered hesitantly. She did not have enough time to gauge Sabrina's personality, but it certainly caught her eyes. There was much more she could have found out, though, but she was blindsided. It was an embarrassing revelations, but ultimately an irrelevant one. "She has devotion, but she appears to have many inner demons."

"You are ever so observant." A weak smile remained on the botanist's face. Their conclusions were the same, but their process of reaching it was vastly different. "I only recognized it after it was too late. Then again, it could just be because I was not able to look at things objectively."

"I take it as you still care about her then." Ren coldly replied. Noticeable as it was, the two of them paid little attention to that fact.

"You understand the problem fully, yes?"

"Very." Nodding, Ren stood up on her feet. It seemed there was something out there for her after all. "What do ask of me?"

"Explain to her everything. What she does then is of her own accord. Then return to me." Her orders were clear and crisp. There was no need for frivolity, as the butler was receptive enough to understand what she was to do.

"Who would take my place when I am gone?" There was still that bit of doubt that needed to be sorted. She understood fully that Erika's words were gospel, but taking care of the operations of this mansion had always been her job. If she was out of it, few could replace her.

"I can take care of it myself, Ren." Erika was quick to stand up as well. They soon find themselves on eye level, or the closest possible, as Ren was quite a bit taller than her. Her right arm took Ren's, as if making a desperate plea. "You of all people understand how important this is."

"Yes, mistress." They bowed in unison, displaying signs of utmost respect. Ren knew her obligations well. She understood that she was going to have to leave for quite a significant amount of time to get anything done. However, she also knew what her mistress had to do was infinitely more difficult.

Nothing else was said. The two parted ways as Ren return to her quarters to prepare for the trip. The polished wooden floor is still as cold as ever, but the butler could feel her weight upon it for the first time. Her stake within this matter was hardly comparable to that of the other two, but being human gave everyone weaknesses. Her mind was thinking much more clearly, though, as her duty far surpassed her own accord. She was lucky enough that her mistress did not decide to punish her outright, and that her ill-thought choice was not of dire consequences. Still, none could tell what the maids would do in this situation, but this is already out of her control. All she could do now was to complete her task as sufficiently and as quickly as possible, while awaiting orders.

It was not until she was in the car that Ren realized she had absolutely no lead. She knew not who that person was, or how she even knew her mistress at all. A lot of assumptions were made in prior to this decision, and only then did the butler truly grasp the weight of the decisions made. Many of those choices were decided with great haste and presumptions, and the leap of faith she took might not be worth it at all.

It was far too late to go back.

…

"Lt. Surge speaking."

"We need to talk."

"Why?"

"We just do, alright?"

"Fine, but I will not be at the Gym for another few days."

"Anywhere."

Surge narrowed his eyes. Something must have happened; as there would simply no other reasons he could see this happening. Regardless, he needs to make a choice, and he needs to do it fast.

"Come over then, I'm home."

A pause, then the conversation was shut. Sighing, he could now finally focus on thinking over what just happened. They haven't spoken in weeks, and while he was never quite her favourite, they had always been family friends. He saw her at the summit meeting, but not a single word was spoken. It was to be expected, given how their last encounter turned out. Now, out of thin air, she demanded a meeting. Would this be a further detrimental confrontation to their relationship, or was it something vastly different? He had no choice but to wait and find out, and he did not like it at all.

It was already quite deep into the night, and she did not specify at what time she would be arriving at. Given Sabrina's track records, it would be best if Surge did not expect anything at all. It could be days before she showed up, or it could be minutes.

*Ding*

Speaking of the devil.

"Come in."

The psychic was undeniably sullen, barely able to saunter slowly into the living room. She was familiar with the establishment, as her father had taken her here many times before. At times, an accustomed risk was the safest choice. Dropping dead on the couch, nothing else could have been a better confirmation for Surge.

"I trust that things are not going well."

He spoke softly, as much as his overtly hoarse voice could allow, anyhow. Whatever happened, it had to be quite serious, else this meeting would never have a reason to exist. They have gone through obvious hardships before, but little could have defeat Sabrina so thoroughly. She was not responding, however, instead being seemingly difficult. He cannot really say it was sought for of any respect, but somehow a silent Sabrina was so much easier to work with.

"I don't believe I've ever seen you like this before." Lighting a cigarette, Surge felt fully prepared to handle whatever might come his way. He sat down next to his conversation partner, if only she would say something. "I mean, not ever since that incident in the – ouch!"

"Would you just shut up for a minute?" That pinch certainly eased the tension, while it might not have helped Surge's position. Still, it also meant that the two of them were comfortable enough. It might take a bit more time to get all the informalities out of the way, but certainly things were getting somewhere. "I am not in the mood."

"Clearly." They were twenty years apart, but one would not be able to quite tell given the kind of conversation methods they were used to. Regardless of what people might say about him or his methods, Surge had lived through a lot. Wisdom might not come with age, but experience certainly did. Puffing a cloud of smoke through his chest, he continued. "I know we were on pretty bad terms recently, but don't think that means you can't confide in me anymore."

"When have I ever confided in you?" Sabrina replied dismissively. She was correct, in the strictest sense. Still, they both knew that the ex-marine was very aware of a lot of things in her life. Connections and general conversations tended to do that.

"Alright then." His response was muffled in the vapour. It was not hard to make out, however, as Sabrina found herself facing the back of the couch, unwilling to make a retort. Sighing, Surge felt as if he needed to be assertive if he were to get anything out of the girl. "You know I will just ask your mother if you don't speak up."

"My mother doesn't know." That made him even more surprised. There were few things Sabrina did not share with her mum, especially if it appeared to be of great importance. Either that or their relationship had taken a swift change recently that he was not aware of. Whichever it was; it only caused Surge to be even more invested in finding out just what had happened.

"Sabrina, what happened?" The cigarette was temporarily put off. It was the time he needed to be serious, and the nicotine was not helping either of them. Turning to the psychic, he could finally view her in a greater light, unlike when she first came in, shrouded by the darkness. Those eyes, red and swollen, if anything, tell a story all by themselves. "There is no point in hiding it."

"I'm not. I wouldn't come all this way if I didn't plan to." Sabrina finally made herself presentable on the divan. Straightening out those dark locks and brushing off the dirt off her face, only then did she seem particularly interested in talking. Still, silence was prevalent, at least for a few minutes. "Can I have that cigarette?"

"You don't smoke." Having said that, the roll-up was burnt up again and passed regardless. It was received with a certain sense of disgust, yet necessary.

"I don't." Inhaling a whiff, Sabrina's reaction was as expected. "I can't believe you willingly put this detestable thing in your mouth."

"You just did." Surge was offered to take it back, but instead put out the fire. He did not feel the need for it anymore, as it clearly had run its course. What he was hoping for was that it had helped. "So?"

"I just confessed to someone." The first bombshell was dropped. Surge took a moment to absorb all of its damage, and then carried on. "I don't know what happened next, and I don't know what to do."

"Right." He was certainly not expecting that. It was not because his views were skilled; simply the thought never crossed his mind, especially after their recent affair. "The irony is lost somewhere."

"Surge…" Sabrina, seemingly on the verge of tears, spoke. Anyone could spot how on edge she was, especially after that revelation. Having such a moment of vulnerability so close to another was definitely not easy. "Please, don't do this to me right now."

"You're expecting a lot out of me, girl." He rose from his seat, going for the cupboard. They had always been close, so he did not at all enjoy seeing her like this. However, conflict of interest was certainly present, and it was not easy. There were a lot of things he could not simply just pick up and let go. A man such as him rarely spoke of emotions, and would very much prefer to be able to express them when he did. All he could think of right then was how betrayed he felt at their last discussion. It was not the fact that he was rejected, but it was how abrasive that rejection was that got to him. He could no longer think clearly. "What exactly do you want from me?"

"My mom cannot see my like this." It was truly a heartfelt divulgence. It did not make sense from many perspectives, but it only needed to from hers. "I don't want her to know how badly I missed it up."

"Right." Surge took hold of a wine bottle and a glass, before settling himself opposite to her. Pouring alcohol like a madman, he gulped it down with great intensity, as if to momentarily distract him from having to do anything. That moment soon passed, and reality was back in his face. Still, it helped. "So you came to me."

"I… have no one else." It was true, and he knew it. Sabrina being home-schooled for most of her life certainly did not help her get friends. Regardless, she was here then, and so was he. "I need you."

"I say you have to be pretty desperate to even be here." He could feel the alcohol. The ex-marine certainly was not flimsy when it came to consuming large amounts of substance, and this was the toughest he had ever had to be.

"I am." She was in no position to obfuscate anything. In these moments, the resolve was placed upon the receiver, to see if he had enough strength to stick with her until the end. He definitely was not feeling like it, but what choice did any of them had? "I'm here."

A sigh.

"Tell me what happened."

A faint smile was seen on Sabrina's face.