Chapter 14 – Regrets

Sam was sat upright when her team entered. Garcia first, looking cautious. "Hey, how are you?"

Feeling awkward after sending Garcia and Reid away before, she smiled timidly, "Hey."

"The nurse said you're going to be OK." That was Reid. Sam desperately wanted to speak to him; to tell him how she felt.

But she was so ashamed. Ashamed of the fact she'd been tortured and raped and he'd witnessed it all.

It was bad enough the others had seen it but with Reid it was different. She couldn't bear to face him, so she just kept her head down, looking away.

"Doc's right you know," said Morgan, "Ain't nobody gonna' take down one of us so easily, especially our little Brit." He laughed, it was a carefree and joy inspiring sound which she joined in with.

Conversation flowed relatively straightforwardly from that point. Blake talked about how none of them had been able to relax since she'd been here and Rossi and Hotch expressed their contentment at her health. JJ was almost motherly, apologising for everything and asking her if she needed anything. Though she was overshadowed by Garcia's whirlwind of emotion; constantly asking if she was hungry, if her pillows needed plumping up and if she needed anything to drink. Anything at all really. It warmed Sam to know that she had such caring friends. Friends she was close enough with that she was able to call them her family.

Unfortunately Reid stayed particularly quiet for most of the hour, yet when the nurse returned he seemed disappointed that they had to leave so soon.

But noticing Sam's state of increased happiness the nurse didn't offer the reprieve she said she would. Instead, when she entered, she greeted each member of the team and stated "Miss Sam here will be fit to leave in a couple of hours. The doctor just wants to have a quick word with her and sort some things out, but she should be ready to leave by about 11:00. Will one of you be around to take her home?" She turned to look at the people who filled the room.

"Oh hell yeah, she ain't leaving our side until she can do somersaults in her sleep." That was Morgan. Though his sentiment was good she didn't appreciate the babying, so Sam replied, "Oh you know I could beat you any time. Just name the place and I'll be there." Her tone was jovial and met the abundant sound of amusement.

Then nurse cut in again, "Well, I'm afraid you guys are going to have to go now. We need to get these things sorted but that you for bringing her a bag, I'm sure she appreciates it. Don't you worry I will take good care of her, just each of you go on home now and get some rest. She don't need all of you waitin' on her."

The kind nurse was quickly gaining the affection of Sam. She felt safe and sure that whatever happened she would be OK.

The team left, saying their goodbyes, and arguing over who would be back to pick up Sam later. Each of them waved, except Reid, who gave her a long, pleading look which showed such raw emotion. It almost brought her to tears.

She mustered her strength and gave him the best smile she could manage, though she knew she looked broken.

Once it was just Sam and the nurse left in the room things started to move quicker.

She was asked to sign some papers, take some medication, fill out some forms and listen to instructions on the prescription she was given. She was also informed that the Bureau had taken care of all extra costs not covered by her health insurance. And while Sam thought it was nice, she knew that there would be some sort of comeuppance for what had happened. She just didn't know what it would be.

Sam was just finishing getting changed when there came a knock upon the door. Pulling her shirt on carefully, she said "Yeah?" The same nurse, a woman who had identified herself as Miya, popped her head in, "Your ride's here ma'am. When you're ready I'll walk you to the desk."

Miya took her bag and escorted her down the hall, to the desk, where Reid was waiting. "Hi," he said, "Hotch told the others to get some rest, and they were busy so I offered to drive you wherever you needed to go. Is that alright?" He seemed so cautious, it hurt her deeply.

"Yeah that's fine, just let me get my bag." But before Sam could grab it Reid had already reached over to retrieve the satchel. "Don't worry I've got it. You shouldn't be carrying anything at the moment." Sam gave him and shy smile and started toward the elevators.

Reid followed and they entered the lift then proceeded down to the ground floor in silence. The atmosphere in the lift tense between the two; they gave each other sideways looks when they thought the other wasn't watching.

Once they'd exited the lift they headed to the parking lot, Reid staying close to Sam, constantly watching what was around them. Sam knew he blamed himself, and after what had happened earlier he'd probably convinced himself that she blamed him as well.

Damn.

She needed to sort that.

The only thing was, she was afraid of what he would say if she came clean about her feelings.

She didn't want to lose him as a friend; she couldn't bear that right now.

After a quiet 45 minute drive from the hospital they pulled up outside Sam's building. They sat there, neither moving, waiting for the other to say something. They finally Sam said, "Can you help me with my bag please?" And Reid looked relieved that he didn't have to make an excuse.

They got to her apartment, Sam unlocked the door and went in, leaving it open for Reid behind her.

Immediately she drew her gun. "Sam what is it?" Reid asked.

"I'll be right back," she said, "I just have to go and check something OK."

"Wait! Sam, no." Reid closed the door and put her bag down, following with his own weapon at the ready.

Once they'd finished their sweep of her apartment she turned and looked at him sheepishly, "Sorry," she said, "It's just-"

"Don't worry, I understand." He looked even more hurt by this, as though she didn't trust him to protect her.

She sighed

"Hey Reid why don't you go and sit down and I'll make coffee or something."

"What, no, Sam are you crazy. The doctor said you had to rest, you shouldn't be looking after me and you shouldn't be drinking coffee."

"I'm not even sleepy," she quipped, and gave him a quick wink, "But if you want to help me then feel free."

Once they had made their drinks, something which had taken longer because Reid had spilled the sugar, Sam led Reid to her lounge and sat at one end of a sofa.

Reid took the other, placing his drink on the table beside him.

In order to not appear anxious he analysed the room and she knew he was subconsciously profiling her.

She'd never been good at confronting her issues, but she tried. "Reid," he drew his attention to her, staring directly at her, "Reid we need to talk; about what happened."

Immediately he became paler and looked away as though it could be avoided it he ignored it.

She took his hands, knowing that would get his attention, and mustering all the courage she had, she spoke again. "Hey, Reid please look at me."

He did.

"Reid what happened was not your fault. I know you blame yourself because you weren't able to protect me but no one could have predicted what happened. We were going to be abducted no matter what and if you'd have fought back then you would have gotten hurt and that's the last thing I want." She drew a breath, looking away from his eyes and releasing his hands, "Reid what those men did to me is not your fault either." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper, "It was my choice. They'd have gotten to me eventually; I just saved the rest of you the pain. None of you deserved that, it wasn't your fight."

Reid spoke, "You didn't deserve it either."

Unable to respond to his statement she buried her head in her hands and withdrew to where she was sat before, trying desperately to hold in her sobs. But when Reid spoke she was overwhelmed and the tears fell relentlessly. "I'm so sorry." She gulped out, between heavy breaths. Upon Reid's face was a look of total helplessness. "Sam. No. Please don't cry." He moved toward her and moved a strand of hair out of her face. But this tenderness only made her weep more.

He drew her into his arms and tried as best he could to comfort her.

"Shh, hey, it's OK. You'll be OK. Please Sam, please don't cry."

Over and over he talked quietly to her until finally her tears stopped falling and her lids became heavy.

"Thank you," she breathed, "For everything."

And she fell asleep in his arms.

OK so it's starting to get cute. But will Sam be able to tell Reid how she feels? And how will he react?

READ AND REVIEW to find out... ;)