AN: I'm basically throwing this up because I'm suffering from near-total writer's block. I've produced pretty patheticly over the last couple weeks; part of this is due to moving, but more of is just major creative jam. This is a brief continuation of The Night The House of Cards Was Built, by Drakensis (link to his author page on my Favorite Authors list), and won't make much sense if you haven't read that first. I wrote it a few weeks ago after a challenge of sorts was issued on Space Battles, and is here as a bone to my readers. It may be September before you see something from me again; I'll be on a trip for a week, and then there's the writer's block itself. You can consider this official notice that the author is on sabbatical.
((()))
Uzumaki Naruto had never had a happier day in his entire life. And when you're six years old, that's a long time! Not only would he never have to go back to the orphanage but the old man in charge of it had finally done something funny. Naruto didn't really count the thing with the eggplant and the catapult, since that had been the work of some genius prankster. Or the eggs and the wind chimes. Or the thing with the artichoke, the porcupine, two toasters and a squirrel.
Naruto leaned forward to rest his chin on his neechan's head; maybe the orphanage's manager was a funny man, but only when he was around the right people?
If it didn't mean going back to the orphanage, Naruto decided silently, I'd have to visit him to help him out!
Then they reached the Hyuuga mansion, and all thought of grumpy old men fled Naruto's mind.
"What are you doing up there?" Naruto asked curiously, staring at the twitchy Hyuuga Shinobi that was clinging to the top of the open gate into the mansion.
"What are you doing up there?" The Hyuuga snapped back, glaring down at Naruto, who was seated on Anko's shoulders, with his chin on her head, and his feet arguably doing more for her modesty than her mesh shirt and unbuttoned jacket.
"Coming home?" Naruto said, wide blue eyes full of innocence.
"Ahem," Interjected the Hokage, drawing the attention of all present pas the door, and into the Hyuuga mansion itself, "If Naruto and his retinue would come with me, I believe it's time to handle the arbitration of debts and properties."
"Okay, Jiji!" Naruto burst out, and tugged on Anko's spikey hair.
"Right master," Anko said, striding forward into the Hyuuga , Kurenai rolling her eyes and then falling in alongside.
"Why d'you call me that?" Naruto asked, leaning forward to pear down into Anko's face.
"What, you mean master, gaki?" Anko asked, looking up at the boy curled over her head.
"Yeah," Naruto said, "It's weird. What does it even mean, anyways?"
"It means you're in charge, I guess," Anko said with a shrug, almost bucking Naruto forward off of her shoulders.
"If I'm the boss," Naruto said, glaring down at Anko, "Then call me Boss. I don't want some weirdo name when you're supposed to call me Boss, that's disresectful!"
"I think you mean 'disrespectful,'" Kurenai said, pausing a moment before adding, "Boss."
"Yeah, that!" Naruto said, leaning back then nodding sharply, tugging on Anko's hair to maintain his balance, causing the Chuunin to wince, "See, Kurenai-nee knows how to show respect!"
"Sure Boss," Anko said, grinning and rolling her eyes, though Naruto could not see it from his position on her shoulder, "Whatever you say."
The Hokage just grinned.
((()))
A half mile downstream from the bridge where Shisui and Itachi had had their little 'chat,' a 'corpse' washed up on the bank of the small river, and abruptly gasped, coughing up blood.
"What the hell?" Shisui said, "When did Itachi find out I was a Dextrocardiac?"
He looked down at the bloody hole in the left side of his chest, and realized that his false-death technique wearing off did not, in fact, mean he was no longer suffering from a collapsed lung. Lurching to his feet, he began making the best speed he could in his bestabbed state towards the hospital.
((()))
"As both Hokage, and appointed Arbitrator, I officially call this session to order."
The voice of Hiruzen Sarutobi cut through the air like a sword. More specifically, a chakra-steel kunai being used to channel Wind-nature chakra for an excessively sharp edge. This degree of sharpness was both important, and essential, as the session was in great need of order.
Kuroda, the weaponsmith, sat against the middle of the back wall of the room, glaring at anyone who dared to make a loud noise, which was about half the other people present. His daughter, Tenten, was seated on his shoulders, arms wrapped around his head, and taking in everything with the curiosity of a child; Kuroda was an enormous man, but his daughter's position seriously eroded the intimidation value of his glare.
Flanking him to the right, were the Hyuuga Elders, Hiashi himself, and his brother, Hizashi. All of them were exuding the legendary Hyuuga stoic demeanor, which had the potential to form a very imposing collective presence. This potential was definitively wasted by the presence of Hana, Hiashi's wife, and Hinata, his elder daughter, who was seated comfortably in her mother's lap; this raised the cute quotient amongst the Hyuuga contingent high enough to dramatically lower the intimidation quotient.
On the opposite side of the room, to Kuroda's left, and the Hokage's right, were the Yamanaka, Nara, and Akimichi clan heads, each engaged in attempts to evade injury or mutilation on the part of their spouses. Also present, though largely unnoticed, were Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji, having trailed in after their parents, with no one being particularly interested in stopping them.
Finally, seated in the dead center of the room, on top of her largely-pummeled husband, who was staining the floor with blood from a number of small gashes, was Uchiha Mikoto, with Naruto seated directly in front of her, gazing curiously at her sword from between Kurenai and Anko.
With the Hokage's voice of command drawing an end to the havoc in the room, particularly in the Uchiha and Ino-Shika-Cho sectors, he decided to grace everyone with one of his grandfatherly smiles (though Naruto and his new 'neechans' were unable to see, as they were facing away from him), and get down to the real meat of things.
"It would seem," Sarutobi said, in obvious good humor, "That Fortune favors the innocent; last night, young Uzumaki Naruto cleaned up quite nicely at the weekly council Poker game."
Murmurs of outrage, especially feminine outrage, began to stir, but the Hokage cut it off with a sharp gesture, before continuing.
"Each family represented here has incurred a material debt to young Naruto that they are unable to redeem with Ryo directly, and the current outstanding, hm," An expression passed across the Hokage's face, one that suggested he was trying to decide whether or not to smile, "Possessions, that are owed to Naruto, are as follows."
The Hokage, with some amount of dramatic flourish, removed a scroll from the sleeve of his robes, unrolled it with a flick of his wrist, and began to read.
"Beginning with the least indebted parties, the Akimichi clan owe Naruto and his family specifically a feast, as well as the Uzumaki clan in general the deeds to seventeen restaurants and rental properties in the core marketplace of Konoha; as these deeds were remanded to Naruto's custody last night, however, all that remains is to give the Akimichi the opportunity to reclaim these deeds in exchange for cash. Do you possess the cash to reclaim any of these?"
Chouza, head hung in shame, opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by his wife.
"If the Uzumaki clan would be willing to return the deed to Sankyu's, I believe I possess the appropriate sum," Chime said, a chill tone in her voice.
Chime then proceeded to upend her purse, and rip out the lining. Which turned out to be concealing a padding made of large-denomination Ryo notes. Chouza opened his mouth again, to ask why she stored Ryo in the lining of her purse, then remembered that she was a ninja, living in a village full of ninja, in a world dominated by ninja, and shut up.
"'Boss,'" Kurenai said, "Could you pass me the deed for Sankyu's, so I can make sure this is the appropriate amount?"
"Sure, Neechan!" Naruto said, withdrawing the small scroll from one of his many pockets, "I'm not too good at math anyways."
"We'll have to work on that," Kurenai said as she took the scroll, and went to sort out amounts with the Akimichi matriarch.
"I don't suppose you have the Ryo to redeem any of the other titles?" The Hokage asked; Chouza shook his head, and the Hokage moved down the list, "Well then, next up, is the Yamanaka clan, who owe the Uzumaki clan one daughter of the clan head."
Silence reigned over the room, as Inoichi's wife calmly wrapped her arms around the man's throat, and began to strangle him.
"Daddy was naughty again, wasn't he?" Ino asked, interrupting the silence as she watched her father attempt to argue in his defense, while lacking the ability to breath.
"It would appear that your mother, at the least, would think so," Sarutobi said, before moving on down the list, "Master Smith Kuroda similarly owes the Uzumaki clan one daughter, as well as a complete field kit of Kunai, Shuriken, and Senbon."
Tenten, unlike Ino, immediately realized what her father had done, and took advantage of her position wrapped around his head to bite down on his ear, and attempt to strangle him with her legs. Due to the massive muscles that formed the majority of Kuroda's neck, her strangle attempt was unsuccessful, and it was hard to tell if he even noticed her chewing on his ear, given how he was smashing his face into the floor repeatedly. Given the vigor of his face-smashing, the Hokage was rather impressed that Tenten was managing to maintain her grip; it seemed that she had already begun to inherit her father's strength.
"Neechan," Naruto said to Anko in a complete failure of a whisper, "These people are weird."
"I know, Boss," Anko said, posture slumping in mock fatigue, "It's hard being surrounded by crazies all the time, but don't worry, I'll protect you from them."
"Moving on," The Hokage said, making use of decades of experience at keeping a straight face to not burst into laughter, "One of the merchants was unable to be here, but has already arranged for a shipment of clothing to the new Uzumaki residence, which brings us to the matter of the Hyuuga's losses."
This time, the Hokage didn't bother to hide a small grin as he began to read off the Hyuuga's losses.
"First, the Hyuuga clan also owes the Uzumaki clan two females, though who they are to be was not specified beyond their status as 'maidens.' Second, the Hyuuga have lost the very residence we are within now to the Uzumaki. Finally, the Hyuuga have lost custody of the Konoha Hot Springs Resort to the Uzumaki clan. Do the Hyuuga possess the funds to redeem any of these properties?"
"Not at this time," Hiashi said, his expression suggesting that, perhaps, his tea not being ready at this time would be of greater concern, that is, any concern at all.
"Well then," The Hokage said gravely, "It would appear that you have arrangements to make with your new landlord, as well as a decision to make regarding which two maidens shall join Clan Uzumaki."
"Hinata Hyuuga," Hyuuga Councilor One said.
"And Hanabi Hyuuga," Hyuuga Councilor Two said.
"Have been selected to serve in this regard," Hyuuga Councilor Three said.
Hiashi didn't groan. He didn't tremble, even in the slightest. And small tears certainly did not spring to his eyes. None of these things happened.
"You appear to bear no reluctance in the clan losing custody of both of its potential heirs," Hyuuga Hana remarked calmly, "Do you not bear reservations about so upsetting the succession?"
"Hmph," Councilor Three said.
"It is of no consequence," Councilor Two said.
"We can simply wait for a proper, male, heir to be produced," Councilor One finished.
"I see," Hana said, her voice perfectly calm, before turning to Hinata, "Hinata-chan, why don't you go play with Naruto-kun there, while I go and collect your sister?"
"Un," Hinata said, nodding up at her mother, before climbing out of the graceful woman's lap, and padding lightly over to where Kurenai was rejoining Anko and Naruto, while her mother silently slipped out of the room.
"And with that dealt with," Sarutobi said, reclaiming the attention of the majority of the room's occupants, "We come to the final, and most heavily indebted family. The Uchiha."
Fugaku groaned at the mention of his clan, and began to recover some degree of awareness of the world around him.
"The Uchiha clan, should they have failed to come up with sufficient funds to redeem the, owe the Uzumaki clan one Mikoto Uchiha, currently the only female Jounin of the Uchiha clan, and... The Secret."
The Hyuuga elder's eyes widened; they had not been informed that The Secret was up for grabs at the previous night's game; perhaps they had been overly harsh in their judgment of Hiashi, after all, nearly any risk would be justified for a chance at attaining... The Secret.
"We'll give you-" Elder Two burst out.
"Three quarters of a million Ryo," Elder One blurted out.
"For The Secret, Uzumaki!" Elder Three Snorted out, having been in the middle of a sip of tea, which now came spewing out of his nose.
Naruto, who had been trying to coax some words out of the terminally shy Hinata, abruptly gave the Hyuuga Elders his full, and very irate attention.
"Did you jerks just offer me money for some stupid secret," He snarled, glaring at the trio, utterly uncowed by their greater size or numbers, "When you wouldn't cough it up for Hinata-chan?"
"Foolish boy!" Elder One declared.
"The Secret is far more important than," Elder Two continued with a glare.
"Than ouch," Elder Three was cut off by Naruto kicking him in the shin.
"You guys suck," Naruto declared fiercely, "Get outta my house, and don't come back until you've learned not to be meanie stupidheads!"
Elder Three, incensed by the assault on his person, lashed downward at the blonde, his finger glowing with the chakra characteristic to Jyuuken strikes. He was interrupted by the Hokage snapping his fingers, and all three Hyuuga disappeared in a whirl of cloaks and ANBU masks.
"Well," The Hokage said, glaring at Hiash, then the other ninja still in the room meaningfully, "Now that that little distraction is dealt with, we can move on to the matter of the Uchiha's debt to the Uzumaki."
"Preposterous!" Fugaku blurted out from beneath his wife, his voice revealing that he was clearly at least half dazed, "The gaki must have cheated, Kitsune are tricksters, he must have received help from the-"
Fugaku was cut off by another snap of Sarutobi's fingers. Mikoto, moving like the Jounin she was, managed to not only get out of the ANBU's way as they moved in, but also get one last kick in at Fugaku's nuts as he was spirited away.
"It would appear," The Sandaime growled, his voice clearly indicating that his patience had just ended, while he somehow projected Killing Intent towards everyone except for Naruto and the new members of the Uzumaki clan, "That the Uchiha are unable to pay their debts with cash. Now, unless there are any other parties who wish to dispute my arbitration of this affair?"
None of the non-Uzumaki present dared raise a hand. In fact, none of them so much as moved, failing even to breath. When the God of Shinobi glared at you, you got glared.
A knock at the door drew said God of Shinobi's attention, and the Killing Intent subsided, allowing everyone to breathe again.
"Who is it?" Sarutobi said, his voice as placid as a leaf upon the wind.
"ShiroKuro deliveries," A gravelly voice replied, "Got a few crates o' clothes here for one 'Uzumaki Naruto."
"You may bring them in," Sarutobi said gracefully.
Shoji panels slid open, and a dozen men, either black-skinned wearing white uniforms, or white-skinned wearing black uniforms, carried in three large crates.
"What's in the boxes?" Naruto asked curiously.
"Let's find out," The group's foreman said, before pulling a mallet from his belt, and knocking the front panel of the first crate open.
Pouring forth from within the crate, came dozens and dozens of bright orange jumpsuits, sized and cut for everything from an infant to a full grown man.
((()))