Part XIV: What's Inside My Heart
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Katie Singer continued to work even though it was way passed working hours – Something she had never been known about since she came back from London. She even outdid Grace Manning who usually ends up closes the office. Truthfully, Katie was fighting all her urges. She did have a lot but none of them could compare to the urge she had for Jessie. Jessie urges were defined as the following: Urge to kiss her lips, the urge to hold her tight, the urge to say that they could start over, and the urge to say "I couldn't find happiness when I wasn't with you." Anna, that assistant who became her so called "girlfriend," kept these urges at bay. It gave Katie an output for her feelings. Although, we all know she's channeling to the wrong person.
Tick. Tock.
The clock could complain if Katie wasn't planning to take a break. Anna was nice enough to leave her with dinner and coffee. The woman was sweet and definitely beautiful. After Jessica Sammler, Anna must have been the first to actually date Katie Singer exclusively. The brunette's encounter with Jessie a few days ago seemed to be a normal thing. She neither mentioned nor had the interest to let Jessica Sammler know what happened. Of course, this was what Katie was doing physically, deep inside she was already screaming for Jessie.
If she could she'd bully herself just not to fall.
Not to fall in love again.
"Aren't you going home?" A voice spoke in the darkness.
Katie pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to figure out who the person was but she was too tired. She smiled a little before giving out her reply.
"I still have paperwork to finish. I'd feel better if I finish this ahead of time."
"So you can leave Chicago earlier?" The person emerged from the darkness and set Katie aback.
Jessica Sammler.
"It's none of your business but yes. I would really like to go back to London."
The two shared an uncomfortable silence. Neither wanted to voice out their feelings nor did they even try to show it. Jessie stood there right in front of Katie's desk while the other sat silently.
"Are you hungry?" Katie asked, wanting to be polite.
"No. I already ate. You should go home."
"Maybe later."
Katie took a sip of her coffee then noticed Jessie walking towards her. Her eyes grew wide-eyed when Jessie leaned to her, cupping her cheeks.
"What… Are you doing?" Katie asked nervously before she felt Jessie's lips on hers.
The kiss started slow, Jessie's hands ran through her hair. Katie wanted to stop. She was with Anna now. Why was she kissing Jessie back? Her shoulders stiffened and Jessie's tongue came into contact with hers. She felt the rough skin caressing the sides of her mouth – sucking, tasting her. The cloud of anger, resentment and pain left her heart the minute her fingers touched Jessie's milky, smooth skin – caressing, feeling.
Jessie moved away but rested her forehead against Katie's. She slowly unbuttoned her blouse as Katie watched her intently, eyes filled with desire.
"This is a dream. Isn't it?" Katie mumbled, a sad smile creeping out of her lips.
"I wish it weren't…" Jessie replied taking Katie's hand to places Katie missed so damn much.
"But it is…" Katie sighed opening her eyes.
She lay half naked in bed with Anna still sound asleep beside her. Sarah reminded her about being attached but Katie didn't care. She didn't have the outlet for these burning feelings for Jessica Sammler. Katie felt if she didn't let it all out she might end up raping the poor doctor. Dreams were another escape but it couldn't take away the physical need as bad as it may seem.
There were times Katie wished she found Jessie drunk and out of her mind again. At least Katie could hold her in her arms again. At least Katie could feel whole again.
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Jessie stared at her room. It's been two days and she had no way of finding out who took care of her. To add insult to her oh so big injure was the thought of Katie, her Katie Singer going steady with the assistant Anna – a blonde who seemed luscious for the older woman's taste.
"Hi. I'm looking for Katie Singer." Jessie said politely.
She had no idea why she would think it was Katie who took her home, but the lips she felt, the scent she remembered could only belong to Katie Singer – Or so she thinks.
"She's inside, you are?" The blonde asked with a smile on her face.
"Jessica Sammler."
"Just a moment." The blonde smiled and stood up from her seat.
"Katie?" The blonde called out sweetly.
Katie. Why would this assistant call Katie, Katie? Of course its Katie's nickname, but why would an assistant call her that? Isn't it supposed to be Miss Singer? That how the corporate world works right? Or is Jessie a little bit too late on the latest trends?
"What is it dear?" Jessie heard Katie's voice ask.
Dear? Dear? Jessie kept repeating the word. Dear? Why would you call your assistant dear. This is far from what corporate courtesies are, right?
Jessie was starting to get confused now. If Katie was her angel, why would she be with someone else. Shouldn't she be in love with Jessie?
While her mind was still deducing the fact that Katie might not be her angel, Katie emerged from the door. Slowly Jessie watched as Katie's lips touched her assistant's lips.
Ok. So maybe it wasn't Katie.
Jessie sighed, relieving herself of the burden hanging on her chest. There were two things she had to do. One, get over Katie. Two, find her secret angel. She can't forget about Katie Singer all in one day, but she could look for the person who cared when she was at her worst.
She could post up posters. Now that… Can either make the person resurface or… Make random people from all walks of life pretend they were her savior.
She could call up witnesses in the bar. That can actually have results if you can sort of all the drunkards, whores, dirty old men and random people who actually made a one time visit.
Or…
She could just repeat the whole thing and hopefully find her angel. By repeating the whole thing meant all the elements included. Katie getting angry at her. Russell not coming back for her. Her driving a cab. Wait. Driving a cab.
Now that's an idea. Find the cab.
Next problem. Which fucking cab?
----
At the office…
Midday…
Extremely…
Terribly boring…
Katie shook her head. She was starting to worry about Jessie now. That early morning she found Jessie, drunk and clueless, was a constant image in her mind. Tonight was not making it any easier.
Friday…
Week off…
Even doctors have day offs, Katie thought to herself. She didn't really know if Jessie had become alcoholic. She did want to make sure Jessie was safe though. The other blonde, Anna, was standing in front of her and the rest of the directors discussing the outputs Katie and Grace had analyzed. Katie saw Grace glancing at her, urging her to put a little more energy on her behalf. But of course, as stubborn as how Katie became, she did not comply.
Sighing she stood up and excused herself. She earned a worried look from Anna and a confused look from Grace.
Katie just had to sort the things running through her head. She can't escape Jessica Sammler now that she's within the same state, the same city, and the same area Katie was in. She just had to make do with what she have, try not to force her feelings and just be a friend.
Friend…
Can she do that? Can you be a friend with someone who can hardly stop yourself from kissing? From loving?
"Shouldn't you have a meeting?" A voice asked halting Katie's thoughts.
"I was not feeling well. Thought I needed some air. Why are you here?" Katie replied giving Sarah a hug.
"Missed you…"
"Really?" Katie smirked, wriggling her eyebrows.
"Yes. How's Anna?"
"She's fine. Not that you really know each other." Katie frowned.
Sarah raised her hands before speaking once more.
"I was just asking. I don't think there's nothing wrong about asking how your girlfriend is."
"She's not my girlfriend."
"Really? Why do you sleep with her EVERY night then?" Sarah asked crossing her arms on her chest.
"Just a…" Katie searched for the words earning a sigh from her ex girlfriend.
"Companion..." She finally finished.
"One day… You'll be regretting this Katie."
"Now where did I hear that before?" Katie put a finger on her chin playfully remembering the day she decided that she and Sarah were over.
"Shut up… Singer…"
----
Jessie sat on her desk silently. She was feeling a little tired, her mind filled with questions and answers which sometimes contradict the other. If she was going to get over Katie Singer, it had to be with someone worth it.
More worth it than Katie Singer…
Ok that's a lie.
Jessie wanted to find her KATIE REPLACEMENTS. Until she finds the real person, Jessie would always, and I mean always think of Katie Singer as the person who took her home. She would always be the person who took care of her, who didn't take advantage.
Why was she putting these on to her head?
Was she really that desperate to get Katie back?
Jessie surrendered to her frustration and placed her hand on her forehead. If only she was drunk then maybe that person would come rescue her again.
Get drunk?
Bright ideas Sammler.