Italics is the voice inside Ziva's head.

I apologize for the delay in posting this chapter, it has been done for quite some time but I felt something was missing, so I picked through it and added a little something more, I hope you enjoy it. :D

FIGHTING YOUR DEMONS

CHAPTER 13:

~*~

How much longer until you finally fall through, until it all becomes too much that you can no longer hold yourself upright? How much longer until your thoughts finally take over and there is no more light in your once bright world? How much longer until you give up completely?

Her stomach rolled with uncertainty, she now stood on shaky ground, nothing was stable anymore and she didn't know what she could hold on to. Her world was flipping on her, and before long she was going to end up in a complete free-fall.

--

Ziva didn't know what had happened, the moment Dalton spoke the words "Callie was such a sweet girl, I couldn't wrap my head around anybody wanting to kill her" something inside of her seemed to shift. It was like her whole existence slipped away from her for a moment and something else took its place. She felt unsure of herself and having people around her was causing that feeling to come out even more. She reasoned that that was why when Tony placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and whispered a "let's go," she snapped. She all but shoved him out of the observation room, shouting a "leave me alone" follow in his wake.

Tony stood in the hallway torn between bursting back into the room and forcing Ziva to speak to him, and between leaving her alone just as she had asked. Before he could make any sort of decision Gibbs walked out of the Interrogation room and he momentarily switched his focus to the case, Ziva's wellbeing lingering within the back recesses of his mind.

"You let him go, Boss?" Tony questioned in surprise. He was used to Gibbs keeping the person at least an hour after they were let off the hook, but Dalton didn't even sit in the interrogation room for a second.

"He didn't do it." Was Gibbs stoic reply. His mind was already sifting through the facts of the investigation, looking for more leads and finding any possible loop hole.

"Well yeah, but –" Tony didn't get anymore words out of his mouth for he was cut off from a long suffering sigh.

"DiNozzo, look through Callie Steele's phone records please."

Tony found himself frozen, Gibbs had actually sighed, Gibbs had said please. "On it, Boss." He announced, walking down the familiar orange hallway with a resolute stride.

Gibbs shook his head briefly, before poking his head into Observation only to see Ziva tracing her reflection in the glass. "Ziver?" He announced his presence before allowing himself to enter the room. He was greeted by hollow laughter that shook him to the core.

"I told him I needed some time to myself." She continued to stare at herself, cataloging all the flaws in the person she saw before her. "He is treating me as if I am glass." She shook her head, her hand curling slightly into tight fists as a voice floated into her mind, that is because you are breakable Ziva. Very breakable. The voice was familiar yet she couldn't quite pinpoint its origin.

"He cares for you." Gibbs stated, hoping to shake her out of the state she was in. He wondered if Tony noticed this before he left, he doubted it. Tony would have never left her alone in such a state, of that he was sure.

She sniffed silently, her shoulders sagging under the weight of his words. No one can care for you, the voice mocked and she shivered.

"We all do." Gibbs reiterated, but she continued to stand there staring at herself as if she were some sort of scum.

He is lying, the words were spoken louder than before, a hiss in her ears that seemed to ring throughout. She nodded her head whispering her answer to the unheard voice, "I know."

A breath flowed out of Gibbs lips in a wave, he was glad to finally get through to her on some level. "I'm glad, Ziver." He took a step towards her, only to stop as her shoulders stiffened.

"I would like to be left alone." Her voice was soft, and her eyes were no longer set into thin lines filled with hate so he complied.

"Alright," his voice was still soft like a tickle in the back of his throat, "Come out when you're ready." With those parting words he left the room, leaving her on her own.

As soon as the door shut the voice grew louder, seeming to be screaming her unworthiness in her ear.

"Stop it." She whispered brokenly, as the voice began to tell her just how badly she had failed. "Stop!" She shouted, gripping her head tightly as a piercing sound seemed to streak through her brain. It stopped as quickly as it had begun and she wondered if it had ever truly happened.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts before moving towards the door trying her best to ignore her shaking limbs. As she reached for the handle she gulped down a huge breath of air hoping that the voice was gone now, she didn't need any more pain today. It had already caused enough damage.

--

As soon as she walked into the bullpen a hush seemed to fall over the rest of the team. Her eyes shifted from one person to the next and she wondered what was wrong with them.

They're judging you. The voice sneered and she shook her head once more before forcing a thin smile upon her lips.

"I am fine." She announced before making her way to her desk trying to ignore the heat of their stares upon her back.

She wanted to scream at them to stop looking at her, she wanted to throw things and cause a scene to give them something to really look at, but she did neither because she knew they would just worry more, and she didn't deserve that.

She sat upright in her chair trying her hardest not to let her shoulders slump with the defeat she was feeling. "I am fine," she softly whispered to herself hoping it would help to convince her of this fact but the mocking no you're not that flew through her ear didn't help at all.

She hid her shaking hands beneath the desk, and shut her eyes tight as she willed the voice away. It wasn't helping her concentrate and right now that was all she wanted to do. Up until this point she had been able to suppress the voice, to keep it locked within her nightmares, but not it seemed to be invading her mind and screwing with her head and she found herself wondering how long it would be before someone noticed.

A fine layer of sweat broke out on her forehead and her breathing became just a bit heavier as the room seemed to shrink in size.

"Ziva?" A voice questioned and her head snapped up only to see worried expressions from her co-workers.

"I am fine." Was her immediate response but she saw that that did little to assure them.

"I think you should go home for the day." Gibbs stated, standing in between his own desk and McGee's. "Drink some tea, and relax a bit."

"I am-" She started to say again, wondering why her words weren't getting through to any of them.

"I know, you're fine." Gibbs glare was firm as he spoke. "But do it anyway."

She found herself nodding, hoping that the rest of the day to herself would help her get the whole voice issue under control.

As she packed up her stuff and headed toward the elevator she wondered if she was going crazy, and what she was going to do if the voice didn't stop. As soon as the doors closed, shielding her off to the bullpen she allowed her head to fall and her shoulders to droop.

She knew her body couldn't take much more of this, and her mind was not far behind.

~*~

I know this is out of character a bit, but stay with me, Ziva's mind is not in the same place it is in the show so she is bound to be off, which in turn would through the other characters off because they are concerned about her. There, that is my explanation for it all.

So, as you can probably tell, Ziva is not getting better. :/ And I know there wasn't much character interaction in this but I was kind of introducing the whole haunting voice thing.

The story is about to take a turn, I will not yet say if it is for better or for worse but you will soon find out.

Anyway, PLEASE review, I honestly do not know about this chapter. :[

Thank you for reading!