A/N: Oh my god this took a long time. So much trial and error with this chapter, it's not even funny. My confidence definitely took a trip on this one... One minute I thought it was brilliant the next I wanted to start over. But thankfully I realized it had been about 8 days since I last updated and starting over on a whim was not an option...

I just want to point out, before you read, that this chapter is rated M for a reason. (It is not, however, like most smut fics you see here on this site. I wanted to make it different somehow, and hopefully I haven't made it unbearably boring...) If you do not wish to read the "gory details" of guy sex, I've conveniently edited it out in another version of this story and will be posting that to my Deviant Art account. My username is obsessed9fangrl.

Again, I want to thank every one of you for reviewing/favoriting/following this story. It does unspeakable things to my confidence and really helps motivate me to keep trucking. :)

Edit: I forgot to mention, and am very honored to say, that this story is in the process of being translated to Spanish by Hikari Akaitsuki on this site. :)

Chapter 14: Colorful Surrender

The sky was grey when 2D opened his eyes. Too grey to just be another cloudy day, he thought. And too early to wake up.

He closed his eyes again and smiled blissfully, snuggling closer to Murdoc.

His eyes flew open.

Murdoc?!

He struggled to sit up, to jump off of the bed. He had to apologize and run away and beg for mercy and oh god what was he doing in Murdoc's room-

"Mmph..."

2D froze. His teeth gritted in fear. He slowly looked down at the arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Watching them, he tried to pull away. They wrapped tighter around him, pulling him back down onto the bed.

He knew how much danger he was in, how many bruises he'd wear for the next week if Murdoc woke up now. He was a mouse in a lion's den, waiting for the beast to wake up so it could devour him, bones and all.

And yet, a part of him was thrilled. Wasn't this what he'd wanted for years? To wake up one fine morning and be graced with the surprise that he was curled up against Murdoc in bed?

Of course, he'd never actually thought this day would come...

2D wasn't particularly intelligent, but he was a dreamer. His hope knew no bounds. To him, there was always, always a light at the end of a tunnel. That was just how he saw the world, how he saw everything.

Everything, of course, except for this.

This was the one thing he wanted and the only thing he thought he couldn't have. This innocent hope he was constantly giving to everyone was useless when he tried to use it on himself.

Suddenly, Murdoc shifted behind him. He snuggled against 2D like a child to a teddy bear.

Death, imminent death, 2D's thoughts warned. Murdoc was readying for the kill. A snake coiling up like a spring, a cat getting ready to pounce. As soon as the bassist opened his eyes this would all be over. This safety, these fantasies, this wish that could never be granted. It would float away like dust, and be replaced by screams, scratches, and broken things.

He felt scared. He felt hopeless. He felt... something rubbing up against his arse.

Something hard, and impossibly hot...

2D's cheeks bloomed with bright pink as he realized what Murdoc was doing in his sleep. He didn't move. He didn't make a sound. He just laid there, staring ahead of him and seeing nothing except for colors. Mostly reds this time, and oranges, and yellows. The colors of fire. Not raging flames, but something softer. The dull, calm burn of coals, glowing in and out of bright, hot colors.

He shivered. Something was burning within him, and it wasn't coals. With a tight feeling of embarrassment, 2D glanced down at his crotch. A hard bulge greeted him, pushing against his too-tight jeans. He was already ready for Murdoc to do unspeakable things to him.

Go away, he hissed in his mind, you're the last thing I need right now!

"Ah..." Murdoc breathed suddenly into 2D's ear.

2D bit his lip, his eyes closing as he tried to concentrate. Things were getting out of hand. He needed to stop this before it was too late. Who cared if he left this room with a few bruises? It was better than a heart full of regret.

"Murdoc, wake up..." 2D tried to sound firm, but his voice cracked. "S-stop..."

"Why the fuck should I?" Murdoc responded, whispering directly into 2D's ear. How long had he been awake? Why wasn't he beating the singer within an inch of his life? 2D didn't have time to wonder, because a moment later Murdoc's long, warm tongue dragged slowly and deliberately along the singer's bare neck.

2D barely managed to contain a soft you're right, keep going...

"B-because," 2D began. Murdoc didn't pause in his teasing. His hips kept grinding deliciously against 2D's arse and his tongue kept stroking each sensitive nerve in 2D's neck. "Because..."

2D didn't get to finish his sentence. In one fluid motion, Murdoc sat up and pulled 2D toward him, laying him flat on his back. Murdoc leaned over him, staring down into his eyes with a sudden intensity.

"Because why, face-ache?" asked Murdoc, sounding anything but angry and everything but nice. He suddenly grabbed at 2D's bulging crotch and squeezed. 2D cried out, his back rising off the bed. Murdoc smirked, a cruel glint in his mismatched eyes. "We both know you want this..."

"I-I do..." 2D breathed on an exhale, the words escaping him without his consent. Mouth, we talked about this. Stop saying things I don't want to say. "B-but..."

But you have a secret I think I know. But you love someone else. But you can't just use me like this.

Murdoc chuckled darkly and licked his lips, his hand rubbing 2D through his jeans.

"B-but..." 2D stuttered, trying to ignore the flying colors that danced around in his useless mind.

But you're going to regret this. But I'll just get my hopes up. But this will break me.

"But... ah..." 2D's eyes closed. One of his hands found Murdoc's head and his fingers combed through the thick black hair. The bassist gave a low, satisfied purr.

But that song still exists. But we're broken.

"I know what you're thinking," Murdoc's face was inches from 2D's, his voice low and placating. "Don't say it. Just let it go..."

He was asking him to forget Murdoc's music. Past the green skin, terrible hygiene, and snarky persona, there was a single diamond. It was tiny, perhaps a bit dusty, but if you held it up to the light, angled it just right, you could fill an entire room with color.

Murdoc wanted him to forget that?

2D was good at forgetting. He was always forgetting facts and dates and names. But he never, ever forgot a face, or a good story, or the colors he saw when music played.

This was definitely some kind of music.

Murdoc wasn't hoping 2D would actually forget. They knew each other too well, and Murdoc was no idiot. What Murdoc was really asking of 2D was that he pretend.

Murdoc paused, staring down at 2D. He seemed to be searching for an answer in the singer's eyes, waiting for a response. In that look 2D saw something like desperation, just a tiny hint of please. Please don't argue. Please pretend this is okay. Please pretend nothing's broken.

I can't say no to you, he thought. You arse.

He wrapped his arms around Murdoc's neck and pulled him close. At first, Murdoc resisted, watching 2D with careful, distrusting eyes. Even during sex, it was so hard for Murdoc to trust.

"Closer, dullard," 2D whispered gently, repeating the words Murdoc said to him last night. "I'm not gonna bite you."

Their lips met and it was a spark. Their tongues danced and it was fire. Hungry, raging fire that 2D felt burning everywhere, deep in his thoughts.

His thoughts were everywhere. There goes my shirt and why am I in Murdoc's room and fuck, that feels good and is that Murdoc's hand in my pants?

Neither of them spoke, which struck 2D as odd. He'd always thought Murdoc was a talker. He always had been before. Before, when they weren't stranded in the most isolated point on the planet and actually had birds to fuck instead of each other. But this was different. This was more than scratching an itch.

"Off," Murdoc breathed. His voice cracked, and 2D bit his lip at the sound.

He was referring, of course, to the pants that were somehow still clinging to 2D's bony hips. It was the only clothing left on either of them. Murdoc didn't waste time. Annoyed, the singer undid his button and kicked out of the jeans. Murdoc did the rest, peeling his briefs down and revealing the singer's most pressing need. Then he wrapped his hand around it and pumped.

2D's heart exploded, pounding against his ribcage as if it were trying to break free and join Murdoc's. But of course that was impossible. Yet, so was everything that was happening.

"This is nothing," Murdoc whispered, his lips back at 2D's ear again. "Alright? All of this... just another..."

Just another lay? Just another shag? 2D knew Murdoc wrote songs of heartache for another, but no, he was not going to let him forget this. He refused to be just another face in a sea of people Murdoc had fucked.

2D gathered all his strength and pushed, rolling them over until he was on top of Murdoc. He tangled his fingers in Murdoc's hair and guided their lips together. Careful to work around Murdoc's teeth (though somehow, they felt a lot less sharp than they looked), 2D twirled his tongue around the bassist's.

When they broke away, they stared at each other. They just stared.

Of all the things we thought we'd never do, this is probably the biggest one on the list.

Neither of us want it to end.

Murdoc was the first to look away. Too close, 2D thought, that was too close for him.

The bassist reached over for his nightstand, opened the top drawer. Inside were all the things that made 2D uncomfortable. Condoms, lubricant, handcuffs, and a few other toys 2D couldn't put a name to. Murdoc pulled out a condom and a bottle of lube, and smirked when he looked back up to see 2D's expression of terror.

"So you are a virgin," said Murdoc.

"No!" 2D squeaked, "I just haven't done it... this way before."

"You at least know how it works, right?"

2D looked away.

"Sorta," he said, "I-I mean, the knob's got to go into something, right? A-and... And we only have so many holes..."

"It goes up your arse," said Murdoc. Not a hint of embarrassment. Not a touch of modesty. "Or down your throat, if you want. Some people do it in the ear. Not nearly as fun."

"I-I'll stick with the, erm..." 2D hated how badly he was stuttering. How embarrassed Murdoc was making him feel. He'd slept with plenty of girls before, he should know all this. Yet he'd been reduced to a shy, ignorant virgin just because this was Murdoc, and not some bird 2D had brought home for the night.

Somehow, Murdoc understood him. He sat up and wrapped one arm around 2D's waist, supporting him with his thighs. He set the items down and kissed 2D once more, their tongues dancing to unheard music. When they broke away for air, Murdoc stayed close, his dark eyes hiding behind his hair.

"Relax," he whispered, "You're losing it."

2D glanced down at himself and blushed. His stupid grin found its way back to his face.

"Not anymore," he breathed back, tilting his head to kiss Murdoc again. He couldn't get enough of his taste. It was rum, with a hint of cigarettes, yet underneath it was surprisingly sweet, like sugar.

The flames were back, licking their way up 2D's bare sides, caressing his back. Soon the world around 2D melted away, and all that existed was Murdoc. Murdoc kissing him and Murdoc making those low, delicious purring noises as the kiss grew hotter, hotter, until Murdoc lifted him up and-

"Nngh!" 2D cried out, breaking the kiss and pressing his face against Murdoc's neck.

This wasn't supposed to hurt, was it? Murdoc didn't say anything about pain. Was Murdoc going to have all the fun while he suffered? How was that fair?

"Relax," Murdoc whispered into his ear. His voice sounded deeper, more hoarse. "It'll get better."

It'll get better, 2D repeated to himself. I trust you too much. It'll get better...

It took a long time to get better. A lot of whispered promises, soft commands, curses when Murdoc's patience broke, and a few apologies when Murdoc realized his frustration wasn't helping. And then he was in, all in, and 2D wondered how his insides weren't splitting.

Then they moved, and 2D sighed air he hadn't breathed in for years, directly against Murdoc's neck. A neck he could see was covered in little beads of sweat, shining like jewels, and a wild thought ran across his mind like a stallion.

If I held them up to a light, how many colors would I see?

The pain faded into nothing, and he was left breathless. Murdoc kept pressing a button within him, a strange area he hadn't known existed, and it was driving him mad. His hips moved of their own accord, grinding circles into Murdoc's. His arms and legs clung to the bassist like they were high, so high in the air and if he dared let go, even to sneak a peek below them, they would both fall. Thousands and thousands of miles until they fell into nothing.

Distant stars were born that morning, and they came in black and red. Worlds where this was all okay, pretty normal in fact, were created in 2D's head. They rode the waves of intimacy and bravery and crossed all the lines that had been drawn for them. Fuck those lines! Who the fuck can tell me how many colors I'm allowed to see?

Years later, it came, the overwhelming feeling of a connection so deep it transcends time, and space, and probably even music.

Murdoc leaned back against the bed frame, his lungs heaving. 2D tried to fall with him, to curl up against his chest.

Murdoc stopped him.

He gently pushed 2D off and sat him down beside him. 2D felt the afterglow sizzle away like cheese in a frying pan, reduced to nothing but grease. There was an aching in his chest that hurt worse, far worse, than the aching in his arse and hips. That gesture, that tiny little rejection of an after-shag cuddle, was all the answer 2D ever needed to know.

Do you love me?

No.

2D rolled onto his side and stared out the window. The morning sun greeted him, and even the dead rays of sunshine streaming through the window were more comforting than Murdoc.

The shower turned on, and ran for a while. When Murdoc was done, he got dressed and headed for the bedroom door.

"You can stay in here," he told 2D, "Your arse is gonna hurt for a while."

He closed the door.

2D didn't want to cry, because that would mean he was expecting something different. It hurt, but it was nothing he hadn't felt before. Nothing like when he first realized how he felt about the bassist, all those years ago. The very first time he realized it was impossible. That was when it had hurt the most. Everything after that was a blur.

He knew from the start that this was no romance novel, no soap opera. Shagging Murdoc wasn't going to make them any closer. Not in the way 2D wanted, anyways.

With a heavy sigh, 2D tried to stand. He immediately felt a stab of pain shoot up his back, and fell forward, his knees giving out. His face hit the carpet once more. Nice to see you, old friend. I wish our meetings were less painful.

So Murdoc wasn't kidding, then. His arse did hurt, and it didn't seem like it was going away any time soon. Rubbing his bum and lower back, he carefully brought himself back to his feet. He hobbled over to the shower and stepped in, letting the warm water sooth his aches and pains. The physical ones, anyways.

He couldn't help but feel like he'd made a terrible mistake. All this time, he'd been a ladybug crawling up a tree trunk. The only way to go was up. Then this mad tree snake had said there was another way, and the ladybug followed him like the idiot he was. Then the snake had zipped up his pants and said to stay here and left him all alone on that branch, with an aching arse and no way to get back down and find the real way up.

That's where he was now. Lost, trapped on a branch of a tree he didn't want to be on, waiting for the snake to come back and tell him what he was supposed to do with himself now that it was too late to undo everything.

Now that he'd been used.

And that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that the ladybug still cared enough about the snake to not question him, to just believe that the snake had his reasons and that was that.

He couldn't even find it within himself to blame Murdoc, because none of this would have happened if he hadn't agreed to follow him.

And here he was, giving himself a headache. He didn't need any of this drama. He hadn't wanted all of these extra worries. He wished he could be like Murdoc, and just put on a mask and pretend everything was fine. But 2D wasn't one to shut things out.

He turned the shower off and stepped out. His backside felt significantly better, but he still walked funny.

What he needed now was to talk to Yukimi. He didn't want to be alone in here and drown himself in useless thoughts. He needed to be with people and learn to be happy again.

He stared at his feet as he walked down the dark hallway that lead to the living room and kitchen. When he opened the door, his bare foot kicked against an empty can of beer. It rolled along the carpet, forcing 2D to look up at the rest of the room.

It was a wasteland. People and food were scattered all over the floor, along with an assortment of empty alcohol cans and bottles. His eyes fell on Cyborg, who was vacuuming around people's sleeping heads. No, not sleeping. Some of them were awake, writhing around like it hurt to move.

Not everyone was here. Some of the older, more respectable musicians had the sense to go down to their rooms for the night, instead of just crashing in heaps in the living room.

This is why we can't have nice things, thought 2D.

The party. The music Yukimi had played. That was why he'd gone to find Murdoc. Or, part of the reason at least. He still wasn't sure what he'd planned on saying, or doing, once he was there. Maybe he never had a plan to begin with.

"2D?"

2D looked for the owner of the voice and found her, curled up with an acoustic guitar near the window. She reminded him of a sunbathing cat, letting the rays warm her up. She didn't seem nearly as hungover as everyone else.

Yukimi, just who he needed to see. 2D hobbled over to her and knelt next to her.

"Why are you walking like that?" she asked weakly, squinting up at him. She was just starting to wake up.

2D didn't answer her. He wanted to tell her, to ask for her advice, because he knew he wasn't going to get it from the tree snake. But now was not the time. People were already shifting around them, waking up with splitting headaches and bad tastes in their mouth. This he needed to tell her in private.

Of course, it wasn't like she didn't know already. He could see it in her eyes, how they darted around his face, reading him like a book. He couldn't keep any secrets from her if he wanted to.

"Murdoc-" 2D began, but couldn't think of anything else to say. She nodded, understanding. She could read his empty eyes just like Noodle, all those years ago.

He helped her sit up, propping the acoustic on the window behind her.

"What happened to everyone?" 2D asked.

"Too much alcohol," Yukimi muttered, looking around her and shaking her head. She seemed half-amused. "Too much fun."

Just then, the living room door slammed open, and without looking 2D knew who it was. Who else would wreck their own stuff without considering how it might feel?

Love, hate, understand. 2D couldn't decide. He wasn't sure he wanted to.

He turned anyways, and wasn't surprised in the least to see Murdoc in the kitchen. The demon was trying to pry a trumpet from one of the eight Hypnotic Brass brothers, who was slumped over the table on his tummy. Murdoc managed to take the instrument, and then held it up, blowing into it as loud as he could.

2D plugged his ears at the noise. It was a sound a dying elephant might make. It did the trick, though. The collaborators begun to stir, groaning and begging for it to stop.

"Bloody hell..." Murdoc whispered, glaring down at the instrument in his hand. He turned to the Hypnotic Brass brother and set it down gently beside him on the table. "Might want to clean that out, mate."

The brother glared.

2D met Murdoc's eyes, just for a split second. And in that second he saw nothing. No anger, no regret, no embarrassment. As if they hadn't made sparks fly just minutes before.

"Alright, you lazy sods!" cried Murdoc, turning to the rest of the room. "Get off your arses! We've got work to do!"

Maseo, who was laying in the same exact spot as he was the night before, groaned. He lifted one arm up to block the sunlight from hitting his eyes and the other to point somewhere nondescript across the room.

"I thought Lou Reed was up first," he whined.

"I scrapped the schedule," said Murdoc, "Since everyone's here at the same time, we might as well go at our own pace. So, who's the least hungover?"

Two people in the back of the room sat up, raising their hands. Ashley and Kane, better known as Bashy and Kano, stood up from the couch and walked toward Murdoc.

"Perfect," said the bassist with a grin, "White Flag it is."

A/N: Alright, lay it on me. How'd I do? Seriously, I have this feeling that my writing's going downhill...

Also, I wanted to personally thank "Heart" for sitting down and reading this entire story and reviewing every chapter in a few hours. I was pulling out my hair because I wanted to respond to your reviews, but you weren't logged in, so I settled for waiting until the chapter was posted and here I am, thanking you because you're beautiful and awesome and I love you. :)