Chapter Fourteen- The Wind that Blew My Heart Away
You swear that your heart is about to burst out of your chest as you step out of the car and approach Emily's front door. Your clutch is tucked under your arm and you're trying hard not to drop the corsage that you're holding, but your shaking hands aren't making it easy.
You don't know why you're this nervous. It's only prom, and you're only going as friends. You don't even like Emily in that way. You aren't gay.
You convince yourself that you've probably just had one too many cups of coffee and it's made you a little jittery, and you raise your fist to knock twice on the Fields' door.
"Spencer." Emily's dad greets you, pulling open the door and ushering you inside, "My goodness, haven't you grown up. Now," He smiles, "What exactly are your intentions with my daughter?"
Your heart is in your stomach as you stutter out a response.
"Um, I intend to take her to prom, sir."
You cringe, unable to believe that you just called Mr Fields 'sir'.
He laughs and pats you on the shoulder.
"I'm just kidding with you, Spencer. There's no-one else I would rather have her going to her senior prom with."
You smile and start to relax, catching sight of Mrs Fields heading your way from the kitchen.
"Spencer," She gushes, taking one of your hands in her own, "Don't you just look beautiful tonight? That dress looks wonderful on you."
You blush a little bit, and you're about to respond when you see Emily starting to descend the stairs. And all of a sudden you feel as though you've forgotten how to speak.
Her hair is in loose ringlets over one shoulder, and there are tiny white flowers weaved into her curls. Her eyes are smokey and her lips are pastel pink, her cheeks bronzed and glowing. Her dress is powder blue, and its shape fits her like a glove.
"Spence." She whispers and you take a step forward, holding out your hand to her as she climbs down the last of the steps.
"Em," You breathe, meeting her eyes and feeling- for some unknown reason- like you may start to cry at any moment, "Em, you look more beautiful than I could ever have imagined."
She smiles and runs her fingers down your cheek to rest on your collarbone, her eyes lingering on yours for a few long moments before she finally pulls away, seeming to remember that you're stood in front of her parents.
"Well, what about you?" She grins, "I feel like I'm going to prom with my very own Audrey Hepburn."
You smile shyly, and ask for her hand, slipping the corsage of white and blue orchids over her hand on securing it onto her wrist.
She laughs nervously, biting her lip as she pulls out a small box from her clutch and slipping an arrangement of red and white lilies onto your arm, tweaking the flowers until they're in the perfect position.
"Em…" You whisper, "It's beautiful."
She smiles.
"I can't take all of the credit, my mom helped me make it."
You mouth falls slightly open and you look up at her in shock.
"I feel like I cheated." You murmur, "I went to a florist."
She laughs, telling you not to be silly and she wraps her arm around your waist as you turn to face her parents. You're pretty certain you can see tears shimmering in Pam's eyes as she insists on taking photographs, and you gladly oblige, standing behind Emily and snaking your arms around her middle to hold her hands.
Pam's past tearing up and fully on the way to bawling by the time she finishes taking photographs and telling you how wonderful you look together.
"What time should I have her home?" You laugh, only half joking, and eyeing Mrs Fields warily.
"Be home by one. And Spencer, usually I wouldn't dream of letting Emily and her date share a bed, but if you'd like to sleep over you're more than welcome. I hate to think of you being home alone."
You thank them both and take Emily by the hand, leading her out to the car, unable not to grin as she sees the white Rolls Royce in the driveway.
"The dealership owed my dad a favor." You whisper, motioning for Emily to get in first. She shakes her head, astounded, and thanks the chauffeur twice as she slides into the car. "It's my parents way of saying 'we're sorry for missing your senior prom'."
She nods understandingly, and you move as close to her as you can without creasing either of your dresses.
You spend a large portion of the evening sharing Emily with Hanna and Aria, and the girls from the swim team, and by the time she's finally back with you the DJ's calling all couples to the floor. You take her hand and lead her over to a spot, near where Hanna and Aria are dancing with Caleb and Ezra, and she falls into your arms, resting her head against your shoulder and looping her arms around your neck. Your hands slip down to her waist and you begin to lead.
"Seriously? You know how to slow dance too?" She groans, looking at you in amazement, "Is there anything you can't do?"
You shrug and pull her hips closer to yours, taking her hand and guiding her through the next step.
"I'm pretty awful at card games." You chuckle, and she laughs as you spin her around and catch her again. Her eyes twinkle, and you place her hand on the small of her back and dip her, admiring the way her hair falls down her back.
"Card games are a small sacrifice for being wonderful at pretty much everything else." She smirks, stepping impossibly close to you and pressing herself into your body, and resting her head on your shoulder.
You hold her there, swaying slightly, until the song finishes and she pulls away.
"Spence, do you want to step outside with me?" She asks, and you nod, waving to Aria as you pass her.
You follow Emily off of the dance floor and outside, sitting down on the wall in the courtyard. She sighs as she opens her clutch and pulls out an envelope with her name and address on it and hands it to you. As you take it, you notice that it's watermarked with Princeton's logo.
"I can't do it." She whispers, "I've had the letter for three days and I can't bring myself to open it. I want you to do it."
You raise your eyebrows, your mouth agape and she looks at you, anxiety written across her face.
"Are you sure?" You ask and she nods. You take a deep breath and she closes her eyes, slipping her hand into yours. You squeeze her fingers in what you hope is a reassuring way and you pull the letter from it's envelope, scanning the first paragraph and muttering fragments of it aloud.
"Em." You say slowly, your breathing shallow and nerves swelling in your chest. "Em, you got in."
She opens her eyes and looks dead into yours, her lips parting slightly.
"You got in!" You squeal, squeezing her hands and thrusting the letter in her direction. She reads it over twice and her face gradually splitting into a smile. "Em, you're going to Princeton with a full scholarship."
Tears are streaming down her face as she looks back up at you, the letter discarded next to her, and flings herself into your arms.
"I got in." She whispers into your ear, her voice wobbling, "I got in."
You smile and kiss her hair repeatedly.
"You did it, Em. You did it."
She pulls away from you, dabbing at her eyes gently.
"Do you know where you're going yet?" She asks, folding up the letter and pushing it back into her purse.
You take a deep breath and nod.
"I got accepted to Harvard and UPenn too, but, if you'll have me, I want to go to Princeton with you."
Her mouth falls open and she hugs you again, even tighter, if possible, than before.
"Of course I want you to. But, are you sure? I mean, UPenn's been your dream since we were five."
You nod, and, as you breathe in the scent of Emily's perfume and relish in the sensation of her skin against yours, you're finally certain that UPenn is not your dream any more.
She is.
Emily checked her watch before pressing a kiss to Spencer's cheek and jumping off of the bed, pulling Spencer with her. Together, they quickly brushed their teeth and Emily french-braided Spencer's hair- that had grown entirely too long- so that it stayed off of her face, and the two of them made their way out to the living room.
As they approached the door, Spencer paused nervously.
"Everything alright?" Emily asked, noticing the anxiety on Spencer's face.
Spencer shook her head.
"What do I say to her, Em?" She panicked, wringing her hands and biting her lip.
"Spence, she's six. Say anything you like." Emily laughed, taking hold of Spencer's hand for moral support.
"But, what if I say something wrong? She's Aria's daughter, what if she hates me and then Aria hates me?"
Emily let go of the door handle that she'd been about to open and cupped Spencer's face in her hand.
"Spence, she's going to love you. Okay? If you're really worried about what to say talk about school. And art. And books- she loves to read more than anything in the world. And if you get really stuck, ask her what her favorite things are. You'd be amazed how long a conversation about colors can last with a six year old."
Spencer nodded. She knew it was irrational to be afraid of a child, but she was also far too aware that children noticed things more, and asked questions that adults didn't.
"Scar?" Emily asked, picking up the TV remote and turning it off, "There's someone I'd like you to meet."
Scarlett jumped up off of the couch and walked over to where Spencer was standing a few feet away. Emily followed, seeing the anxiety in Spencer's eyes and crouched down besides Scarlett, encouraging Spencer to copy.
"Scarlett, this is Spencer."
"Pleased to meet you." Scarlett said, sticking out her hand for Spencer to shake. Spencer looked at Emily in bewilderment, shaking the childs hand gently.
"The pleasure is all mine." Spencer beamed.
"I've heard lots about you," Scarlett said, and Emily held her breath, wondering where this conversation might be headed. "Auntie Emily said you were very, very smart."
Spencer blushed.
"I did okay in school." She admitted. "You like to read, right?"
Scarlett's face lit up and she ran over to her backpack, returning seconds later with a book in her hands.
"Look!" She said excitedly, "It's called 'Charlotte's Web'- it's about a spider named Charlotte and a little girl and a pig! I'm reading it all by myself."
"I remember reading this," Spencer smiled.
Scarlett turned and whispered in her aunt's ear. Emily chuckled.
"Ask her yourself, Scarlett." She said, ruffling her niece's hair. Scarlett smiled shyly.
"Would you like to read some with me?" She asked quietly, looking down at her book.
Spencer's mouth dropped open and she looked over to Emily for direction, who nodded.
"I'd be honored." Spencer agreed, letting Scarlett take her by the hand and lead her over to the couch. Emily followed a few minutes later with coffee for herself and Spencer, and apple juice for Scarlett.
Scarlett happily settled down between Spencer and Emily on the couch, reading aloud- slowly, but pronouncing all of the words correctly- until she reached the end of the chapter.
"Auntie Emily?" Scarlett asked, closing the book and taking a big gulp of her juice, "I'm hungry."
Emily rolled her eyes, looking over the top of Scarlett's head to Spencer.
"She's always hungry."
Spencer smiled. She liked Scarlett, a lot, despite her nerves at interacting with Aria's child. Scarlett didn't seem bratty or spoilt, and her manners seemed to supercede those of most adults. She was bright, too, Spencer could tell, and an extremely beautiful child.
"What are you hungry for?" Emily asked her goddaughter, "You want some cereal?"
Scarlett shook her head and crinkled her nose in thought.
"I want to make pancakes." She announced, looking up at Emily, "Blueberry ones. With ice cream. Like we did when mommy and daddy went away for their special weekend together and we had a sleepover and Auntie Hanna came over and we made those special pancakes."
Emily laughed and pressed her finger to Scarlett's lips.
"Okay, chatterbox. Why don't you go and look in the fridge and see if we have what we need?"
Scarlett nodded gleefully and sprinted into the kitchen, leaving Spencer and Emily alone.
"You're doing so great with her." Emily said, placing her hand on Spencer's shoulder. "She really seems to like you, a lot."
"I really like her, too. Smart kid."
Emily nodded in agreement.
"She's the best in my class by a long way. Granted I'm a little biased, but test scores don't lie. She could skip a grade if Aria wanted her to."
Spencer said nothing, but craned her head over the back of the couch to watch as Scarlett climbed up on a stool and started looking through the cupboards.
"She reminds me of you." Emily admitted, slipping her hand into Spencer's. "She's just as smart as you were at her age, and she's chatty and she has this really great, dry sense of humor."
Spencer blushed beet red.
"She's way too beautiful to be like me." Spencer disagreed, the note of humor in her voice poorly disguising her insecurity.
"She is gorgeous," Emily said, looking over to where Scarlett was busying herself finding cooking utensils, "But so are you, Spence. Really."
Spencer's blush deepened.
"You're just saying that because you feel sorry for me." She muttered, and Emily rolled her eyes, capturing Spencer's face in her hands.
"Spence, I don't say anything for the sake of saying it, you know that. But you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Inside and out."
Emily was sure that they would have to invent a new shade of red to describe the color of Spencer's cheeks if she carried on, so she stopped talking and kissed her forehead gently.
"Now come on, we have pancakes to make."
Scarlett chattered away whilst they ate, telling Spencer all about her swimming lessons with Emily (she thought she might like to be a swimmer in the Olympics if she couldn't be a doctor); what she'd been learning at school and the museum that her mommy and daddy had taken her to at the weekend (it was in Philly and she could touch lots of the exhibits, which was very exciting).
Emily caught Spencer's eye as they ate and Spencer smiled, looking shyly away from Emily for a second before catching her gaze again and giggling. Emily was sure that neither of them had been this happy in a very, very long time.
"Finished!" Scarlett announced, licking what she thought was the last of the ice cream from around her mouth.
"You've still got some on your face, baby." Emily said, pointing to a smear of ice cream on Scarlett's chin.
"Where?" Scarlett asked, running her tongue around her lips.
Emily smiled, dipping her finger in her ice cream and smearing it across Scarlett's nose, making the little girl squeal.
Spencer laughed as she watched Scarlett try, in vain, to make her tongue reach the tip of her nose.
"What are you laughing at?" Emily giggled, grabbing another fingerful of ice cream and plonking it on the end of Spencer's nose, "You two match."
Spencer's eyes narrowed devilishly, the corners of her mouth twitching up as she grabbed the whipped cream off of the table and held it up to Emily's face.
"Say you're sorry." She said, in a mock- threatening manner. Emily giggled. "Emily Catherine Fields!"
Emily gaped.
"You did not just middle name me!" She cried, jumping up from her seat and moving around the table so that she was almost nose to nose with Spencer.
"So what if I did?" Spencer laughed, lowering the spray can of cream and looking Emily dead in the eye.
"Spencer Jill Hastings, put the cream down." She ordered.
Spencer was silent for a second, casting a sideways glance at Scarlett who was looking on gleefully. The little girl gave her a thumbs up sign and Spencer raised the can, squirting whipped cream straight into Emily's face.
Emily scowled, moving gradually closer to Spencer until her nose was pressed against the other girl's and the cream was rubbing off against her face.
"Are you two going to kiss?" Scarlett interjected from the other side of the table, causing Spencer and Emily to spring apart in shock. "Because if you are, I'm going to turn around. Kissing is yucky."
Emily's eyes widened and she looked over at Spencer nervously. She hadn't meant to make things weird between them.
Spencer looked white as a sheet, with cream still smeared across her face, and for one horrible moment Emily was convinced that she had royally screwed things up between them. She caught Spencer's eye and the room fell so quiet that it would have been possible to hear a pin drop.
Spencer started to laugh and Emily breathed out a huge sigh of relief.
"Scarlett Hanna Montgomery-Fitzgerald!" Emily yelled, unable to keep a straight face, "What have we talked about?"
Scarlett shrugged.
"We talk about a lot of things, Auntie Emmy." She replied coyly, still giggling. "Besides, you haven't had any special friends like mommy has daddy and Auntie Hanna has Uncle Caleb in a long, long time. I just thought-"
Spencer cleared her throat, trying to mask her amusement, and began stacking up their plates and carrying them over to the kitchen counter.
"Scarlett!" Emily screeched, "Enough!"
Scarlett giggled and Emily was more reminded of Spencer by the little girl than she had ever been before.
"Sorry." Scarlett grinned, not sounding apologetic at all.
Emily sighed, resigning herself to having lost this battle with her niece, and sent Scarlett off to wash her hands and face, before walking over to where Spencer was filling the sink with soapy water.
"She's something else entirely, isn't she?" Emily sighed, leaning against the counter and scanning Spencer's face for any sign she was uncomfortable. She could tell that Spencer had been genuinely enjoying herself for the most part of the morning, but she felt a responsibility to her to ensure that she still felt at ease.
After all, Emily knew all too well how good Spencer could be at putting up a front and hiding how she felt, especially for the sake of protecting other people.
Spencer nodded, beginning to wipe over the dishes. Emily picked up a dish towel and started drying up the plates that Spencer had washed, stacking them neatly in a pile.
"I'm sorry if I made things weird between us." Emily whispered sincerely, avoiding Spencer's gaze and focusing intently on drying up.
"You didn't." Spencer said quietly, shooting her a reassuring look. "It was nice."
Emily was about to enquire as to what it was, exactly, that was nice, when Scarlett reappeared in the doorway, her face and hands now clean.
"What are we doing now?" Scarlett asked, hopping up onto the kitchen counter where Emily and Spencer were finishing the washing up.
Emily leaned over murmured something in Spencer's ear, and the two engaged in a hushed conversation for a couple of minutes whilst Scarlett sat back, intrigued.
Though Emily had made it very clear to Spencer over the past few weeks that they had spent in contact, and especially so in the five days that they had been living together, that their relationship was one of complete equals, Spencer still felt uneasy when Emily asked for her input. She knew that Emily was trying her best to engage her, but she couldn't help feeling like she was taking advantage of Emily's hospitality.
"Scarlett, why don't you check the calendar?" Emily asked, helping Scarlett down from the countertop and pointing in the direction of the calendar on the wall. Scarlett scuttled across the kitchen and traced her finger over the boxes until she came to the right day.
"It's December 10th." She announced. "But you haven't got any plans."
Emily whispered something to Spencer, who formed an 'oh' shape with her lips, before smiling and whispering back.
"What?" Scarlett asked impatiently, jigging up and down, "What are we doing?"
"Scarlett, why don't you open up the linen closet and see if you can find a couple of boxes. When you find them, come back."
Scarlett disappeared out of the room and Spencer shuffled awkwardly away from Emily, looking down at the floor.
"Look, Em, this is your thing with her. I really don't want to intrude," Spencer confessed, "I'll get dressed and leave you two alone."
Emily was lost for words.
"Spence-" She stammered, taking Spencer's hand, "You're not intruding. I want you here, okay?"
Spencer shook her head.
"Why? You have a pretty perfect life here. You have friends who are practically your family and doting parents, even if they do live in another state, and you have this amazing little girl who absolutely adores you. You don't need me around to fuck up your life."
"Listen to me, okay?" Emily said evenly, trying to contain her emotions. It was when Spencer said things like this that Emily noticed the most just how much her experiences had changed her and what a long way they had to go until they could get back to the way they were before, if that were even possible.
"You never have been, and never will be, an imposition on my life. I have great friends and parents, and I have Scarlett, and she is the light of my life. But there hasn't been a single day in the past five years that I have not thought about you. And nothing I did could fill that Spencer-shaped hole in my life. Not my job, not Hanna, not Aria. If it hadn't been for that little girl in there, I would have probably left the state a long time ago. So, do not tell me that I am happier or better off without you, Spencer, because that could not be further from the truth."
Spencer swallowed the lump in her throat.
"Really?"
Emily sighed. It was impossible, she thought, to not melt at the sight of Spencer's wide eyes and trembling lips.
"Really. Spencer, I want you in my life. You have to believe that, okay? I want to be a part of your life and I need you to be a part of mine. And I will say that every day until you start to believe that."
"Christmas decorations!" Scarlett bellowed, making Spencer jump from her position in Emily's arms. Emily pressed a kiss to Spencer's head and snaked an arm around her waist as they walked towards the hall.
"Of course. What took you so long?" Emily asked, pushing open the door to the hall. Scarlett beamed up at her, now clad in pink plaid footie pajamas.
"You two are having a pajama day," She smiled, referencing the fact that neither Spencer nor Emily had bothered to get dressed yet. "I love pajama days and I left my onesie here when we had our last sleepover and I wanted to join in!"
She pointed at the boxes she'd found.
"I found all of the tinsel and the decorations and the paperchains we made last year but some of them are all squashed." She said, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. She bent down to pick up the box, straining to lift it just an inch off of the floor before dropping it again.
"Woah there, champ." Emily laughed, stacking the boxes one on top of the other and lifting them with ease, carrying them forwards into the living room. "Why don't the two of you start separating the decorations into piles and I'll look for the tree."
They passed the afternoon lightheartedly, listening to a variety of Christmas songs as they decorated first the tree and then the rest of the apartment. Scarlett had done the vast majority of the decorating, only using Spencer and Emily for places that she couldn't reach. When it came to putting the star on the top of the tree, Emily had lifted her, but she was still far too small to reach the ceiling- even sat on Emily's shoulders- so she had relented and let Emily and Spencer hang the border of fairy lights around the room.
"Alright, little lady," Emily said as she secured the last strand of lights to the ceiling, "Is that it?"
Scarlett smiled mischievously, pulling a clump of mistletoe out of her pocket.
"If I hang this up, will you go all red again, Auntie Em?"
Emily closed her eyes in exasperation, deciding her best play would be to go along with it. She shook her head and lifted Scarlett high enough so that she could tape the plant over the front door.
"Anything else?" Emily asked, setting her back down on the floor and waiting for Scarlett's confirmation before switching out the lights.
"Do the honors, Scar." She instructed, handing Scarlett the remote for the Christmas lights.
Scarlett grabbed it and pressed it forcefully, her face as glowing as the walls as she took it all in.
"Awesome." She whispered, surveying the apartment.
The doorbell rang and Emily sent Scarlett to gather her things, straightening out her pajamas before opening the door to Ezra.
"Hey," She greeted, giving him a quick hug, "Scarlett'll be out in a second. She's just getting her stuff."
Ezra nodded, taking his daughter's backpack from Emily's hands as the little girl came hurtling through the apartment towards him, leaping into his arms.
"Daddy!"
Ezra looked her up and down, placing her firmly on the floor before attempting to wrestle her into her coat and boots.
"We had a pajama party!" She squealed.
"So I see." Ezra smiled. "Say thank you, Scarlett."
"Thank you for letting me come and play." She smiled, hugging her Aunt "I had a really, really good time." She paused for a moment, "Back in a sec, I think I forgot something." She announced, disappearing back inside.
Spencer felt a tug on her pajama bottoms pull her out of her daze. She was stood in Emily's kitchen, waiting for Ezra to leave and not wanting to interrupt their goodbye.
She looked down to see Scarlett stood in front of her, holding out her arms. Spencer smiled weakly and let the little girl wrap her arms around her waist, and she patted her on the back gently.
"Thank you for letting me play today." She said sincerely. Spencer let go of her and crouched down to her eye level.
"It's been lovely to meet you." She smiled, squeezing her hand.
Ever so gently, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on each of the bruises on Spencer's face.
"When I get ouchies, my mommy gives me kisses." She whispered, and Spencer had to bite her lip to keep from crying at the innocence in the child's eyes.
"Thank you." Spencer whispered back, tearfully, "Thank you so much."
Scarlett grinned up at her, showing Spencer her missing front teeth.
"Can I tell you a secret?" She asked, beckoning Spencer closer. Spencer nodded, unsure of how else to react, and Scarlett dropped her voice to a very low whisper.
"Auntie Emmy doesn't smile all that much. But every time she looks at you, she does. You make her all smiley."