The Full Moon

Kurama breathed heavily. What was Hiei going to do to him? He watched as Hiei, seemingly angry, advanced toward him. Kurama panted, gasped, but did not weep. He held back his tears of pain, anger, sadness, fear, and something else he did not know. Hiei growled deep in his throat. He knew Kurama would not fight back, because he was too weak right then.

But Kurama didn't know that Hiei could perceive this. He had to fight back, even if this fight would cost him his life. He stood up, shaken. He reached behind his red locks and pulled out a rose, but Hiei saw this and grabbed his wrist before he could make any movement. "Uh. Let go of me, Hiei. What point is this going to prove?"

Hiei didn't loosen his grip, but his voice was harsh and blunt. "And killing yourself will prove a point? Which point are you trying make? The biggest mistake of your life?" He was frustrated and angry.

"Stop it!" He fought against Hiei.

"I won't stop. Not until you stop trying to kill yourself. Not until you tell me what's going on! Why are you doing this? What purpose does it have?" He yelled. Kurama brought his left hand up to defend himself.

"There's nothing left, Hiei! There's nothing left for me! Why do you care? You hate me! Let me go! Let me die! Why wont' you let me die! Why?" He reached to slap Hiei but Hiei dodged it and twisted Kurama's wrist.

"I do not hate you! Is this what all of this is about? You are trying to kill yourself for me?" It sounded highly improbable to Hiei. As insignificant as the fire demon was why would Kurama fight so hard for him? Why would he sacrifice his life for him? There had to be more. But what else could there be? What would cause Kurama such grief and pain that he would want to take his own life for?

Abruptly Hiei realized that Kurama had stopped fighting. He seemed to be thinking. His grievingly sad eyes were cast down as if he were too insignificant to look at any one. As if Hiei were of a higher rank than him. "Hiei… Below the top of this cliff are sharp rocks and deep waters. If the rocks don't kill me I will be too weak to resist drowning. Either way, after I jump it is the end for me. Don't you understand? I am destined to die! Please let go of me, and let me be, let me die in peace."

Hiei growled. "This is not the way to ease your problems, fox! Do you think, though I have done so many terrible things in the past that I would try to kill myself because of them? That's not how I replenish my soul and it is not how you are going to either!" Kurama shook his head.

"You don't understand." Hiei back handed Kurama. Kurama could only gasp, when he realized what Hiei had done and that he was on the ground. His hand went to his left cheek. Yoko was muttering something in his mind. Yoko, am I doing something wrong? Please help me! Please, oh Yoko, please help me. Please… He decided to make his confession to Yoko. Ever since I was aware of you and we became closer I felt that you were… are… like… like… You are like a father to me! Please…! Please! Yoko only tilted his head to the side, seemingly unawares of he way he had spoken, pretending not to have herd, to have ignored him. Yoko… Don't abandon me… not yet…

And why not? You have abandoned your own soul, your mind, your body, everything right down to you life and your skin. Why should I not leave you now? Surely you do not need my assistance to jump off a cliff? Do you? Hiei cannot stop you. Once you jump it's over. And he knows nothing about what's happened or why.

But Yoko, it is not time yet. The moon is not yet above me. It's not time.

Consider your options once more , Shuichi.

I would never be able to explain why I want to kill myself to any one. I must end my life immediately. Only a few more minutes. It is too late. My mother will never forgive me, and she will never be able to look at me again, or trust ever again. And what of Naynoku- san? What will he think of me? Surely Hiei doesn't think highly of me…

Not now… For all the Gods' sakes you're going to kill yourself! What's he gonna do, sit by and laugh and watch as you jump off! You are an idiot! Hiei doesn't hate you, he's your friend, you best friend, other than me of course. He got mad because you yelled at him to leave! And now you blame him?

Yoko… Tears filed his eyes. Yoko! Before he could stop them the tears slid down his cheeks. And he began to weep. "Oh Hiei…." He sobbed. It was not a trick. Kurama had finally broken down. He didn't know whether it was because of the slap or because of something else: his sense coming back, or perhaps Yoko.

"Kurama, tell me what happened." He knelt beside Kurama who grabbed his cloak and buried his face in it.

"I though you hated me! But it was all my fault! I got angry because of pressure every where! I could not take the fact that kaasan was going to get married, it was too soon! And then Botan! She hates me because she thinks I use her as… as a sex machine! I didn't mean to… I mean for any of those things to happen! And then school! I wrote something embarrassing on the board instead of a math problem… And… and I got detention… Oh if my kaasan knew I got detention she would be so ashamed of me and herself… Oh Hiei it's all my fault! And if kaasan knew about what I used to do as a profession, a thief! what will become of me? What will she think? She will see her son as a monster! He once 'wonderful' son a monster, a liar, a thief, a bad person, a rapist, so many terrible things!" He continued to sob and gasp with anger and unbearable shame.

"Kurama Botan does not hate you." He said slowly at first, be very gently, softly.

"How do you know!"

"Because," He snapped. "I spoke to her yesterday morning before I visited your mother and stepfather…"

"You did what!" His head jerked up.

"I had to find out what was going on. There was no other way, Kurama." But Kurama refused to listen,

"You went to my mother? What did you tell her? Did she see the letter I wrote her? What did she think? Hiei what happened!"

"Calm down!" Yoko was saying that too. So Kurama was quiet, holding his tongue, waiting with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"I asked her if she knew where you were. We discussed… you being suicidal…"

"You told them! You told them! How could you? I wanted her to know I had runaway, so she wouldn't have to grieve for my death, thinking that it was her fault I killed myself. Then she too would have committed suicide. How could you, Hiei?" It was then that he realized that the moon was almost directly overhead. It was time. Hiei had not seen.

"And do what?" He snapped, reaching the end of his ropes. "When you're dead," he said the word with scorn, "You want her to believe that you are alive somewhere? To give her false hope like that is despicable!"

"I want her to be happy with a child that she can love, that has no secrets from his or her mother and father. I can't live with that Hiei. I can't." He stated lamely. He glanced at the sky. "She will call the police."

"They know where you are. I told them." Kurama shook with rage, fear, expectancy, loss. Hiei could see the different emotions play across his friends face. Kurama would not be able to hold on that much of a load. He needed help. "What of your psychiatrist? Did you not talk to him?"

"I did." He said quietly. "But it didn't make a difference. He didn't help me. He was afraid me. Afraid I would unleash Yoko again." He lowered his eyes, again as if he were inferior to Hiei.

"You did what?" Kurama turned away, holding his arms.

"I love my mother, Hiei. And my stepfather. School. Botan. The spirit and demon realms. I love you too, Hiei, but I can't go on living. Let me leave this world in peace. I would do it for you."

"No you wouldn't." Hiei didn't even have to think about it. He just knew that answer. "You care too much to see a friend die. Just like me. Kurama, you can talk to your psychiatrist some more. He can help you, guide you. Please Kurama." Please? Hiei had never said please before. "It can all go back to normal, fox. Don't worry about it. Pick a night to talk to your mother and stepfather. Tell them how you feel about their marriage. Tell them about yourself, and about how you feel about yourself. Tell them your secrets that you hide away deep inside you locked in the cavern of your heart, fro fear that they would hurt someone. Your mother, if she truly loves you, even your stepfather should too, then she won't care too much about your secrets and lies. You are NOT a rapist. Botan let you do that to her. It was sharing pleasures. I assume when someone loves another that they share pleasures to show each other more about how they feel, to increase their relationship." That was more than Kurama had ever heard Hiei say in one lifetime, and yet Hiei was blushing, and Yoko was chuckling in the background of Kurama troubled mind. "Talk. It will help." It was all Hiei could say to Kurama. The rest was up to Kurama to struggle through. "I know you're hurt and confused, but think about it Kurama. Think about the ones you will hurt if you kill yourself. You will your mother, stepfather, Botan, Koenma, Keiko, Yusuke, the fool Kuwabara, everyone. Including me. I will miss the third most, after you mother and stepfather." He gave Kurama a brief smile.

Kurama swiftly turned into Hiei's arms. "I'm so sorry!" Hiei knew Kurama sis not act like this. This was too emotional for Kurama, but he was breaking down and Hiei could forgive him just this once for hugging and practically laying on him.

Let me talk to Hiei. Yoko insisted. Besides, it's time for you to jump.

I know, but I'm talking to him.

Shuichi, are you or aren't you going to jump? He doesn't know, Yoko thought. He has absolutely no idea. Well?

I… I'm talking to Hiei right now.

Don't ignore me! Are you or aren't you going to kill yourself? There was no reply. Shuichi?

"Hiei?"

"Hn." Kurama was quiet for a few minutes while the sat down where he had been camping.

"Thank you, but…"

"But?" Hiei rolled over onto his elbow. There was a concerned undefeated look in his walnut shaped eyes.

"I have to… go. It is my duty. I can't change it. Even if I didn't I would be taken to the hospital for analysis. I could be arrested for trespassing, and deliberately disobeying the law about drinking. I couldn't live my life in prison when I know I would be better off dead." He said no more. So, the fox has actually thought about this. Damn! Nothing slips pass his Kurama's intelligence. He has spent too much time in Ningenkai.

"You could lie. About getting drunk."

"No, Hiei. How can I live with my guilt if I keep lying? I can't and I won't."

"Fuck, Kurama! Get over your damn self." Kurama's eyes widened. "Go back to Makai, maybe it will ease your troubles for while. I can see you doing that but not killing yourself, not even in my wildest dreams have I thought that you would kill yourself! Think, baka kitsune! Think!"

Kurama sighed and turned his head away. "Are you not at least somewhat glad that I didn't kill myself, or are you going to continue ranting at me?" Hiei gaped. Kurama never said things like that. Bit then again Hiei thought Kurama would never kill himself either.

SORRY THIS WAS A LITTLE WEIRD AND I KNOW THEY ARE OUT OF CHAR! DON'T WORRY, THE NEXT ONE WILL BE BETTER! REVIEW PLEASE!