Yay! Ungrounding soon? You bet your ass! MMM, NOT speaking of which... Guess who's not sleeping tonight? ME! Yay! Guess who's heart beat is so erratic it could put 'Thumper' the bunny from Bambi to shame? ME! Yay! And uh, since he wasn't in the last one, Kisuke-san WILL indeed be a tea snob in this one. MMMMMMMM, tea. MMMM, Kisuke... MMMMMMMMM! I OWN NOTHING!

"I got a big big big heart beat, yeah,

think you are the sweetest thing,

think we are the right age to start our own peculiar ways,

with good friendly homes?"

"Can I tell you that you are the purple in me?

Can I call you just to hear you, do you care?

When I saw you put your purple finger on me,

there's a feeling in your bottle, found you bottle,

there's a feeling from your bottled little part..."

Animal Collective - 'The Purple Bottle'

I did not respond to his suggestive wiggling eyebrows, or his comments. I only poured myself a cup of tea. I frowned at the table. Why was it all wet?

I picked up a pack of sugar and stirred it in, followed by a bit of cream.

Sip. Blegh, bitter. I took another couple of sugar packets and poured them in. I made sure they were stirred in, and reached for another.

THWACK!

"What the hell?!"

"Four packets of sugar? Seriously?"

"..." I picked up another packet and poured it in.

"Would you like some more tea or cream with your sugar?" He sipped his tea, acting disgusted.

"... Now that you mention it, I do need more cream..." I reached for it, but he swiped it away.

"...Or not?" I took a drink. Still a little bitter, but it was better.

"I guess you're still not adult enough to enjoy the fruits of tea..." He said airily.

"No, your tea is just bitter as fuck. I mean, you own a sweets shop!"

"What? Kurosaki-kun likes sweet things?"

"Well... Yeah! They taste better."

"So how sweet is Hichigo's c-"

"I'm going to stop you there, Sandal-Hat-Perv..."

"Hichigo! Where is Rukia?"

"Calm down, don't get your panties in a twist. She's alive and coping. Well... alive." I reach for his tea, and take a sip. "GODDAMN! HAVE ENOUGH SUGAR IN IT?"

"You tell him Hichigo!" Urahara cheered.

"Huh, you even managed to NOT tease me about the panties, WHICH I DO NOT WEAR, line..."

"Yeah, I couldn't think of anything quick enough." He sighs.

"What about 'You could always get him to untwist them'?"

"BOTH OF YOU?! C'MON!" AUGH! Two perverts now. This is so much better.



"Hmm, it's not snappy enough to be my style." Hichigo shrugs and sits down beside me.

"SOOOO... How'd you hook up?" I sputter into my tea. It dribbled down my chin and I wiped it off.

"Oh, it is a fantastical story indeed..." THAT FUCKER! (A/n: Oh, but Ichigo has NO idea how much of a 'fucker' Hichigo can be... laughs maniacally)

RUKIA! (SHE'S NOT DEAD YET!):

(Jesus fucking crust, I've never been this emo in my life, except for that one time when -blah blah blah- Yeah. This was funny to write. I nearly died my hair black, got thick rimmed glasses, and started listening to 'Chimera' and 'avenged seven fold' and 'atreyu' and crap that like. But then I remembered that MY GOD, that music sucks, I don't wear glasses, and I like my normal dark dark brown hair, and I don't have enough hair to make angled bangs... AND I DESPISE MARBELLOS! MARBS SUCK! I am a cig snob, unless I'm dirty halving. Either the OLD Camel Filters, not those new fraken-cig ones, or Turkish Royals. TURKISH ROYALS ARE THE BEST! YEAH! WHOO! MMM, nicotine...

But, really, I can't consciously be that pathetic and lame for so long...)

I was so foolish. So dumb! Hadn't I learned my lesson already? This wasn't fair! It's never fair! Why had I fallen for him?! He's so arrogant and loud! But so nice... and AUGH!

I had of course already made numerous lists of his good and bad points in my head. I had no need for another.

How could he love another? No one knows him better than me! No one knows me better than him! Why? What's wrong with me? Why not me?

Then it hit me.

Ichigo... Ichigo was... was GAY?! NOO... That's wrong. Something is wrong. Ichigo wasn't gay, ... There's no way Ichigo was gay! What had his hollow done to him? There's no way Zangetsu would let him be... Brainwashed, or anything like that...

What was going on? Was this some sort of elaborate plan to get me jealous? No, it had gone to far for that... Or had it? Ichigo wasn't gay! There was no way he was gay! He couldn't be!

But... that would explain his prude-ness around Rangiku-san and... Yoruichi.. And.. Me and Orohime... But no! He wasn't gay!! I slept in his closet for the longest time! Maybe... NO! ICHIGO WAS NOT GAY!

I KNOW! He's confused! He's confused! Tatsuki, and Me! We're so masculine! And that one chick! Who's always all over Orohime! AUGH! We've made Ichigo think he was gay! We've got to fix this! (A/n: MY GOD! SHE JUST DOES NOT GET IT DOES SHE?! Seriously... What the hell.)

No! I can't bring any of those other girls into this. Definatly NOT Orohime. She likes him too. Kurosaki will be mine, and ALL MINE.

What about his hollow?

"Rukia... You're going to be alright, right?" Urahara peeks into the basement.

SNIFF "I just need to think things over..." I give him a teary look, and he leaves.

HEH...



So... The hollow... If I told his friends... and... no, that wouldn't work. ISHIDA! ...No... How can I make sure he doesn't get in my way? Who in Soul Society can I trust...? Perhaps not even Nii-Sama...

No... I know what to do.

Hichigo's POV!

"How is Rukia doing?"

I roll my eyes.

"I don't care if you hate her, she's still my friend!"

"Even though y'know, she tried to kill us?"

"She was overreacting!"

"I think it's safe to say that kicking you in the nuts and socking Shiro-kun in the ribs was overreacting. After that, it crosses the line." I nod, and raise my tea cup to Sandal-Hat.

"Indeed."

"Look, I'm sure she'll get over it."

"That makes one of us."

"I concur." Urahara agrees.

"She will! Rukia's the type of person-stop- who accepts things - STOP- and, she's reasonable, she'll -HICHIGO I'M NOT SICK! I DON'T HAVE A FEVER! I'M NOT HAVING A HEART ATTACK, OR GOING INTO CARDIAC ARREST!"

"Just making sure. You sound delusional."

"You're just jealous! You think that she's going to try and steal me away!"

"I certainly to not put it past her."

"THAT'S LUDICROUS!"

"IS IT?"

"Yes! I'm going home." He quickly stands up. "Tell Rukia I apologize and-"

"There's nothing to apologize about!"

"He has a point... Kind of." Renji has been rather quiet through out the whole ordeal. He sides with no one, but is not a voice of reason.

"Don't give me that look, Ichigo. Rukia is just as well my friend as yours! You broke her heart, it shall mend."

"Well I'm still going." He turns to leave.

"What about Shiro-kun?" Urahara points obviously, as if there is a million of me, or Ichigo had no idea who I was.

"It seems Ichigo would despise my presence right now."

He sighs. "No, I-"

"Would just minorly hate it?"

"DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! I'M GOING HOME!" He spins on his heel and stalks off.

"My my my Shiro-kun... Ichigo must be very high maintenance..." Urahara says with a mock look of surprise.

"That... took me no time at all to figure out..."

"Well, power to you, blessings, good luck. You'll need it. Now, let us quit with this small stuff, let us drink the drink of men."

"Sake?"

He nods and opens a cupboard with a flourish, "Quite right old bean! I dare say!"



I say nothing, but take the glass from him. As far as shinigami and humans go, Ichigo knows a fair few. Well, maybe four... Urahara, Kenpachi... Ichimaru Gin and Aizen aren't too bad either, just a little fucking crazy. But sometimes that's a good thing. "Cheers."

"So... How... long can you be here?" He asks.

"... I don't really know. I assume I'll find out. It is interesting. AND we can talk through our heads."

"Like..."

"Like now! I mean, I suppose that's how we usually talk, but I mean, when we're not face to face."

"You've got some crazy mental connection?"

"Well we are technically the same person..."

"So... then what you guys are doing... its like some incredibly complicated narcissism?"

"What ever do you mean?"

"No, that's limited to personality. It's like some bizarre self on self masturbation? Like in a mirror?"

"Nah, it's normal sex."

"Wait... but... I thought..."

"No, you're right, not yet. He's too much of a virgin."

"What? He's holding out on you? Waiting for marriage?"

"PFFFT, we just kissed about well, however long ago it was. I mean, of COURSE I would have fucked him, but SOMEONE, had to go and freak out."

"Ah. Remind me to hit Renji with something when he comes back."

"Where is eye-brow guy, anyways?"

"A good question. I will drink to that." I nod, and we raise our glasses. Ha, and Ichigo thinks this guy is insane.

YEAH! WHOOOOO! YEAH! ALRIGHT! WHOOO! YEAH! I'M STOKED

To Chibi Hichigo: Grabs video camera WAIT FOR MEEEEEEE! As long as Ichi-Hichi's in there, I can stand it. WEEEEEEEELLL, not with Rukia or Orohime. I think I'd puke. And uh... marriage? Hmm, how to say this... get a sex change, then we'll talk? X.P I can't help it!

YEAH! Rukia and Renji's corner's return in the next chapter! God, I really hope Rukia's perspective thing wasn't too bad. It pained me to write. I have a hard time pretending to be someone I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate. I didn't REALLY mean to make her so ignorant and... well, yeah I kinda did. It's the only way the story line goes how I want it. BLAAAAAAAAGH! Y'know, I've got 30+ reviews. Do you have any idea how happy it makes me? If not, MY GAWWWWWWD IT MAKES ME HAPPY! X)

Till next time... ON DRAGON BALL Z!