Standard Disclaimer
Man this holiday season has been expensive for me. More so than normal, which stinks. Time to do anything has been obliterated as people I know just keep messing with me and taking whatever free time I have. But I preserver! And it turns out PitTesting is a damn nightmare at times. But going to Con-Alt-Delete and anime con this weekend to run a game room so…hey that's different.
X-X
With Nothing Else
Chapter – 14
Conspiracy surrounded her and permeated every aspect of Nerv. Misato had to tread carefully, those who were trustworthy were rare and even then she had to not push too hard. Slip the wrong information to somebody and the talked…well both of them would suffer. Kaji knew more than she did, but why did he? Ritsuko was another person that knew secrets that she didn't, but Ritsuko was a scientist that HAD to know. What of Makoto, Shigeru, Maya, or any of the other countless number of people she had to deal with? An angel…Nerv had an angel in its bowels and Ayanami knew it!
"Alright, we're about done you two so try your best for the last spurt," Misato told her two flatmates. Asuka had that irritated expression that never left anymore, a real pill over the last two weeks. The other occupied test plug had Shinji, and he just went with the flow. Better than he was a while ago, a full month now since the last angel, Misato still worried about Shinji's mental health. And the third plug was empty, at her demand. Rei…what happened to that girl? "These numbers right?" Misato asked Shigeru. Was he trust worthy, or a toady of Gendo?
Leaning in closer to the screen, Shigeru scratched under his chin, a small patch of hair was being cultivated into a soul patch. With a grunt of acceptance, "Yeah those are right Major. Guess Ikari-kun finally took the lead. Well assuming Ayanami hasn't climbed more. Why isn't she here right now anyway?" He grabbed his can of soda, sipped it and tossed the empty thing away with anger.
"Misato isn't wanting to over stress our other pilots right now with the whole Ayanami business," Ritsuko saved Misato's bacon. Reclining back in her chair, it popped and strained showing its age, Ritsuko smiled softly. Time away from that abusive relationship must have done her good, Misato was glad for that. Didn't hurt Maya had been sniffing around her more often, or so the rumors said. Flipping through a few pages or reports, "Ayanami will be having her test tomorrow. Best to keep her apart thanks to her condition."
Tomorrow Misato would make a point to watch Rei like a hawk. Something was wrong about that girl and Misato needed to know. If only she had paid Rei more mind before that last angel, maybe then something would stand out more. Personality wise Misato did know a little of Rei thanks to their time living together, but nothing physical! Scratching her belly, she wanted to go home and eat, and wanted to bathe. Another run in with Kaji, he brought her a report about Asuka fighting with a girl, well Misato wanted a little relief and got Kaji to perform admirably.
Were they a couple again or was it just a fling, Misato didn't know. Hell she didn't know what she wanted from Kaji, yet he was content to go at her pace. "Yeah, wouldn't do good to force Ayanami to go at their pace while she's recovering," Misato sucked back her anger. Recovering, as if that girl would ever be the same again. The more Misato thought of it, the more she had to accept the insanity of it all. That girl wasn't Rei, she might look like it and sound like it, but she wasn't.
"Poor kid, must be hard on her," Shigeru shrugged as he worked. He didn't know much or was a great actor. Finalizing the process, he chuckled just a little, "Well looks like Ikari-kun really is the new highest sync score. Think he'd be happy to hear that? Soryu might be a bit angry at that. Girl has that whole superiority thing going for her." He played more with his attempt at cultivating facial hair, it didn't suit his face at all.
Like it or not, Asuka needed to be knocked down a peg! Misato didn't like the cold shoulder and bad attitude Asuka was oozing with. Being the main recipient of the German's wrath, Misato was all about knocking the girl off her horse. Flipping the microphone on, "That's all for today kids. Looks like you're number one today Shinji-kun. Congratulation's for taking the high score." She flashed Shinji a bright smile and a mighty thumbs up. Maybe it would do him some good, good news was so rare for him lately and it hurt Misato to be the barer.
"What? That's bullshit! You sure you can read those reports right?" Asuka raged as the LCL drained. Her hair clung to her body, the syrupy fluid clung to both teenagers giving them a glossy sheen. Rushing over to Shinji's plug, she grabbed the exiting boy in a painful looking headlock. It wasn't playful or even painless in appearance, "Don't let this get to your head!"
For a brief moment, Ritsuko's expression was pure malice and contempt solely focused on Misato. Leaning forward, she grunted as she spoke into the mic, "Asuka stop picking on Shinji-kun. Yes the reports are correct, but it's not by much. Taking your frustration out on him won't raise your score though." The kids separated and Asuka walked off in a huff leaving Shinji dejected and rubbing his neck. Pointing a filed and unpainted nail at Misato, Ritsuko was unexpected angry, "That was stupid of you Misato! Why egg her on when you know she'll just take it out on him?"
Suddenly on the defensive, Misato was flustered and waved her hands, "What, I thought it'd be good for him! Get his mind off things, show him he's improving and doing better!" A lie, even she knew it was a lie. Shinji didn't care much about his scores, that was Asuka's thing. She had said it purely to aggravate Asuka, turn about fair play for all the little 'accidents' in the apartment. Turning the hot water on in the sink while Misato was in the shower, missing cans of Yebisu, and countless other conflicts just gave Misato the need to get some revenge. Shinji would forgive her, he always was a dear like that. "Anyway, she'd find out one way or another," why did Ritsuko get so angry at that!
"I don't know, Katsuragi-san, but that did seem a bit petty. Soryu has been touchy lately. Maybe it would have been better to let her know in private," Shigeru timidly added his two cents. He alternated between Ritsuko and Misato, but didn't truly side with either. The man was aloof and distant as ever, Shigeru just didn't leave much an impression on Misato. The man worked at Nerv and left his personal life out of things. Pointing at the screen, a hint of worry, "Ikari-kun is still there…"
Oh yeah, Misato forgot, she had asked Shinji to hold off heading to the locker rooms after the test. He remembered, even when Misato hadn't. "Sorry about that Shinji-kun…for Asuka and forgetting," Misato bashfully admitted. He was suffering in silence, Misato could still see the way he looked at Rei when they were forced together. "I just wanted to remind you not to stay out too late with your date tonight. But if things do go long, just call so I know not to expect you. Go easy on her," she winked at Shinji and hoped smiled.
Nodding sharply, Shinji didn't smile but his expression did soften from pensive to relaxed. "Just a movie and dinner, Misato-san. And am I really doing better than Asuka is?" Shinji shook his arms free of LCL.
"This is what, the fourth little meeting with that girl though. Girl's expect a little something around the fourth date," Misato had to tease. When he did smile, his uneasy yet earnest one, Misato watched him head off. Both pilots would have half a day of school, and then Asuka would be back and Misato would have to suffer her. It was going to be even worse thanks to her little comment, but it was worth it to see Asuka's shock. Shigeru grabbed his stuff and left the room leaving the scowling Ritsuko alone with her. Getting herself ready for the rest of her shift, she didn't like Ritsuko watching her, "What? It's true isn't it? Four dates is actually a lot at that age, hell at four I'd expect they'd even…"
Slapping the flat of her palm on the console, the meaty smack echoed loudly. "You don't get it do you Misato?" Ritsuko got out of her seat and made a beeline for Misato. Arms folded the wrinkles around her eyes more prevalent, "Did you ever stop to think maybe he doesn't WANT to be with that girl? He's doing all this to please you, I bet. Have you been pushing him towards it?" Blocking the chair, Ritsuko held her defensive position keeping Misato seated and unable to flee.
"I haven't forced anything on him! All I've been doing is trying to get him out of that depression he's been in!" again she defended her position. Maybe she did asked about that Sakura girl a lot, but it was because she was the only girl that had any interest in him. Leaving Shinji to stew in his own funk, brooding and sulking about was wrong. She didn't have time dote over every aspect of his life, so Misato found a good solution and stuck with it! Showing her larger size, Misato stood up and Ritsuko backed away. Smugly she added to her defense, "And why do you care anyway? His scores ARE rising, so it has to be working somewhat!"
Head lowering, unable to keep eye contact with her friend, Ritsuko pensively walked about the room. "I care because he's…a friend," it came out weak and fragile, "as are you. I don't have many friends. And seeing you causing him problems because you're angry at Soryu…" Hands stuffed into her pockets, Ritsuko heaved a massive sigh and finally found purchase in Misato's face. "What good is pushing him towards a girl he confessed he doesn't trust? Why aggravate Soryu when she'll only take it out on him? Why are you doing this Misato…you've been acting different lately," Ritsuko's accusation hung in the air.
"To get his mind off of Ayanami and…" Misato suddenly wasn't so sure. Why was she so adamant he be with somebody? She'd been so wrapped up in breaking those secrets out of Nerv, understanding what's happening she lost sight of things. Wasn't she supposed to be helping Ritsuko too? "And I didn't know he doesn't trust that girl. He never said anything like that to me," but he had Ritsuko? That was something, why did Ritsuko know and she didn't? Shinji was her ward, he was her family, and yet Ritsuko knew Shinji's opinion of Sakura and she didn't? "I'm doing what I think is right, Ritsuko. Trust me on this. It'll work out in the end," she dodged the further questions.
Head down, Ritsuko headed to the door and stopped. Pulling one hand out she pressed it against the metal door, "I hope you're right Misato. I really do. My head's not been in the game for some time. Gendo, the breakup, Maya's interest, and…I feel I haven't been as good a friend to you as I should. So I'll trust you this time, but just think about why you're doing what you're doing. He trusts you so much, does so much to please you…don't abuse that." Without another word, Ritsuko left Misato alone with her thoughts.
"I don't abuse that," Misato said lamely as the door shut. She wasn't abusing Shinji's nature, truly she wasn't! Just with Kaji and her maybe starting up again, she wasn't sure yet if she wanted that or just the stress relief, and her findings at Nerv…she didn't have all the time she used to! The nights of game playing, watching movies, and just hanging out with him…well maybe she had been neglecting life at the apartment a lot. So maybe she was compensating in moments like this, maybe she wasn't. She had obligations! "I'm doing my best," she said to the empty room.
Her remaining shift was full of pointless paperwork and the nagging feeling that maybe she had been causing more harm than good. Makoto could be overheard talking to Shigeru about his latest date, Maya was under Ritsuko's foot, and the commanders' watched everything from above like kings. What did those two know that they weren't telling!? LCL coming from that thing, Shinji had been right all along about the stuff and she teased him for it. Now she didn't want to even touch the stuff, and yet forced the pilots to bath in it, take it inside them, breathe the stuff! Hypocrite, she was a hypocrite, and yet she couldn't tell either Shinji or Asuka about it.
With Ritsuko heading out to supper with Maya, Misato headed home alone. If Maya was on the make for Ritsuko, Misato didn't know or care. If something came from it, good, Ritsuko needed somebody, deserved somebody. But without the good doctor, Misato realized how little people she actually hung out with. Kaji, Ritsuko, and on the rare occasion Maya, Shigeru, or Makoto were the max of her adult friends. College friends would call for wedding invites and the like, but the passing meeting was all she had anymore. Was that her life now? Work, conspiracy, and pushing people around like chess pieces.
"If I fail though nobody has a future," Misato haggardly made her way to the apartment. Hoping Asuka was off at a friend's house, give her some peace and quiet, Misato doubted she'd be so lucky. Getting to her floor, she stepped out of the elevator and nearly bounced off of a pair leaving the stairwell. A boy and a girl, a girl with blue hair…Misato suppressed the shiver of repulsion. "Sorry about that, didn't expect anybody," her mind filled with the image of that giant. Just what was Rei's connection to it!?
While the boy blushed a little, captivated by the older woman, Rei just smoothed her skirt and tilted her head. It was so animalistic, different than a human action, Rei stood out, "Oh, Katsuragi-san, is it that late already? We didn't go to school today." Rei pointed at the slightly taller boy to her side.
"No school? Did you skip?" Misato continued on her way to the apartment. Rei was back in her apartment? When did that happen, nobody told her that Rei was not staying at the base any longer. And who was this boy with her, he looked older than she was. "What were you two up to if you weren't at school?" she knew but prayed it just delusion.
Following behind Misato, dragging the boy with her, Rei didn't halt for a moment. "We were at a love hotel. Kenichi is better than the last, but still something is missing. Thinking maybe if the environment is like the vision it might help," Rei was candid and uncaring. Pulling her keycard out of her pocket, Rei held it out for Misato to see. "I've found this in my things, I visited the other day and it was vaguely familiar," she yanked the boy's hand harder. He was trying to flee, embarrassed by Rei's open dialogue and crass comment.
For a moment Misato just stood with her hand on her door handle, her brain unable to continue. Her fear made real, Misato didn't know what to do or say. "You haven't tried that with Shinji-kun have you?! Ayanami you shouldn't be skipping school to have sex! And you…where did you meet her?" Misato turned to the boy. Brown hair, dingy blue eyes, a little pudgy, but not unattractive for his age.
"I-I-I ran into her on my way to school. I've had a little crush on…sorry ma'am," Kenichi flubbed and finally freed himself from Rei's grasp. He took a few steps backward uncertain and afraid of the authority figure and her obvious disdain for what she found. Waving his hands widely, "I wasn't expecting what happened, really!" With his last expletive he turned and fled leaving Rei watching him go and Misato just watching everything.
Clicking her tongue, Rei sneered as he prey escaped. "I doubt the location would have mattered. But would have been good to check. As for your question, I have been forbidden to interact with Ikari-kun. Though with how many people comment about him…makes me want to try. Is he home?" Rei's eyes danced with a queer light, it was unnerving.
"He's out right now," was all Misato could say. A small creature before a mighty predator, she should not have felt that way but she did. Those eyes, that expression, it wasn't human…alien…angel? Fleeing the unknown and the safety of her apartment, Misato watched Rei standing outside the apartment for a full ten minutes. Not moving, not changing, a living statue. Was she going to wait for Shinji to come back…no. Misato would not let her see him, not now, not her. Thankfully a phone call did drag Rei away, and Misato headed into apartment. Asuka was watching television, didn't say a word to her all night. Supper was eaten alone as Asuka too hers to her room…great just great. She got her petty revenge, so why didn't Misato feel good about it?
X-X
Anger and frustration just continued to cycle in Asuka's mind, a cycle that billowed up and out of her. Everything just had to confront her and challenge her, but not in the way she wished for it! Sitting on the floor of Hikari's apartment, game controller in hand, she just couldn't relax. Katsuragi's words the other day just sang into her ears thanks to mental cherubs. Misato, just thinking of that woman made Asuka clutch the controller to near splintering. How dare that woman!? Every word out of Misato's lips was either a lie or a slam against her.
"Asuka, are you doing alright? You've been playing for over an hour and you haven't said anything," Hikari asked from the safe distance of the couch. The Hokari household was empty except for the two of them. The siblings having left together to see a movie the moment Asuka came in, good riddance. The sole hostage of the Hokari siblings sat pensively, but adorned with concern. Calling out louder, just in case the game drowned out her voice, "Anything you want to talk about? You were pretty hard on Ikari-kun at school today."
Her teeth gritted hard, pain split out of her jaw, Asuka dropped the controller as she was defeated. Just not enough attention to dispense on everything she needed. So rather than add to her frustration with digital aggravation, she opted to pay Hikari the needed attention. "He's being a pig is all. You saw how that insipid rat was hanging on him," Asuka spat out. Turning off the system, she cleaned up after herself. She didn't want to burn that bridge…or the one with Shinji but she just couldn't pull back the reigns of her anger. "Nagato was even over with them with that geek, egging both of them on. Kiss him in class, and he just went ahead with it," she could see it though.
Shinji hadn't wanted to, Asuka knew that, but with both his dorky friends pushing him on and the bitch all but throwing Sakura. Shinji had been trapped by them, she could have helped, wanted to, but didn't. All she saw was his face when Misato told him he had beaten her, so Asuka wanted him to suffer. She had to ache so everybody did! And after the show of Sakura sucking face with him…that beaten and submissive expression she learned to hate all over his face Asuka felt even worse. Some friend she was.
"I don't think Ikari-kun was really into that, Asuka. Suzuhara and Aida were really goading him into it if I heard right. Plus you know how forceful Nagato-san can be when she wants something," Hikari only confirmed what Asuka already knew. Sliding off the couch, and into the danger zone, Hikari scooted along the carpet to Asuka's side. Putting a comforting hand on Asuka's upper arm, "And up until recently you've wanted Ikari-kun to move on. So what changed?"
Flinching her friend's hand off her, Asuka didn't want to be touched right now. Nobody needed to look down on her! She didn't need sympathy! She didn't need anybody or anything! Alone, she was alone and in a cage of her own making. It was safe there, she knew what to expect there. Betrayal, animosity, and disappointment. The only good in her life came at her own hand. "What changed is him. Just going along with what they want. He used to have some spine, until Wondergirl went and…" Asuka sagely shut her mouth. Images of Kaji flashed into her mind, her pain at knowing she lost him to that whore.
Uncomfortable at the rebuffing, Hikari rubbed her biceps and aimlessly looked about the living room. Words came out carefully and leveled, "Is that really why you're upset, Asuka? I don't know about Ikari-kun, but if I saw…if I saw Suzuhara doing what Ayanami is doing I'd be upset too. So is this really about Ikari-kun, or did Koji do something?" Hikari had been quite adamant Asuka go out on that date with her sister's friend, her conscious dripped out of her pores.
"It's part of it, I won't lie about it. If he doesn't want that doormat all over him, push her off. And no, Koji wasn't a bad guy, just not my type really," Asuka sniffed hard. That stupid date, that horrible day! Having to see Shinji have his breakdown in private, the feeling of shame from spying on him, for not helping him, hiding from the one person that had treated her like family and she cowered away. Next thing to happen was she took from him again when she climbed into his bed seeking comfort. Damn Kaji! Why couldn't he have waited for her to grow a little more! Why did he have to betray her like all the others! All except Hikari and Shinji…and here she was being a bitch to Hikari.
Head still downcast, Hikari's eyes dared go where most of her wouldn't, "Something happened didn't it. Something with that Kaji guy you're always talking about." Hikari had an innate ability to see through Asuka's ruses and bluffs. A car backfired outside causing Hikari to jump up, her hand going to her chest and whipping her head about wildly, not nearly as calm as she tried to show. "I kept telling you that he'd only hurt you in the end, Asuka. He didn't…" Hikari fell back as Asuka's hand swiped out at her nearly smacking her.
"He doesn't even look at me!" Asuka's hand was still out stretched. Getting up fast, eyes blinking rapidly, Asuka saw the hurt and shock on Hikari's face, the betrayal that was so evident. Taking two steps back, shame radiated out of her, "It was Katsuragi, he smelled of her. Then she goes and rubs Shinji having a few points higher than me on the last sync test in my face! That woman just lives to torment me! Doting on her quasi-son and ignoring and hating on me! I'll show them though, I'll show all of them!" Asuka stormed off to the door and threw it open in a huff. Panting hard, vision going darker as her anger grew.
Rushing after her, Hikari recovered quickly from the near hit. "Asuka wait, don't go like this. I overstepped my bounds. But after what happened with…you know who…my mind keeps going over stuff like that. Don't leave angry, talk," ever the selfless girl, Hikari tried her best to aid whenever she could. Out of friendship, compassion, or just her want to help others had Hikari standing in the doorframe pleading.
"No, it was me. Sorry I almost hit you, but I don't want to talk right now. Some other time," Asuka continued to leave. If she stayed now she'd either break or she'd break Hikari, and she wasn't sure of which scared her more. The disappointment was evident in Hikari, but Asuka was firm and the other girl relented. After exchanging pleasantries Asuka waved and left for the apartment. Looking at her fist, Asuka growled, she had almost hit her, almost slapped Hikari for just talking. Kaji, why couldn't he see her as she saw him! Because Misato, everything just went back to her. Everybody loved Misato, everybody caved in for her, she was the queen of the goddamned world!
Passing through the late afternoon walkers and shoppers, Asuka just forced them to part for her as she walked. The smart ones saw her coming and got out of her path, the dumb ones were bull rushed or shoulder checked aside. Hunger was starting to gnaw at her gut, she had left Hikari's before they had supper, great. She couldn't ask Shinji for food, she couldn't stand the sight of him right now. The effortless way he surpassed her score, not trying and yet he still beat her. Conflicting emotions stormed in her, her want to help him to be his friend warred with her need to be the best and not rely on anybody.
"I'm back early," Asuka kicked her shoes off in the pile. Both Misato and she had a wealth of shoes of various styles and uses that Shinji kept maintained for them. No flack jacket on the wall next to Asuka's rain slicker, excellent no Major bullshit! Rounding the hall into the living room through, Asuka came to a stop, not what she was expecting at all. She could see the back of a mop of black hair over the back of the couch, great the underhanded rat was here. "Oh you're here. Get out Tachibana, not in the mood for your simpering. Shinji, supper, now!" Asuka rounded the couch and stood over them.
Falling off Shinji, quick to her feet, Sakura was thankfully fully clothed but red faced and out of breath. Asuka's powerful brain could easily place the scene based on the evidence. Open school books, worksheets half filled out on the table, Shinji laying on his back, it was proof he was just going with the flow. Sakura invited herself over to 'hang out' and one thing led to another and she pushed herself on him, and Shinji being depressed just let her hoping it'd dull the pain. "Oh um…Soryu-kun we didn't think you'd be back until later," oh how deliciously upset she sounded. Daddy's little rich girl not getting what she wanted.
"S-sorry Asuka, we didn't intend for…" Shinji just sat up and rubbed the saliva off his lips. Gathering both his books and Sakura's, Shinji packed the girl's bag and stood up. When Asuka pushed him back down, rather forcefully, he turned to her questioningly.
In a show of defiance, a rare occurrence of spine, Sakura stepped between Asuka and the assaulted Shinji. Arms crossed, she barked our haughtily, "What was that for, Soryu? First you say you'll help me, then you won't, and now you're actively getting in our way! What did he do to you? What did I do to you? All I've seen Shin-chan do for you is help you and hey!" Sakura yelped out defiantly as Asuka grabbed her wrist, the bag Shinji packed and drug her out of the apartment.
"I don't have to answer to you. Go tell your master I yelled at you, and for what it's worth I don't want you in my apartment ever again," Asuka hurled Sakura out of the apartment and threw her bag out after her. The books spilled out as did some of the papers, but Sakura just stepped on them to keep them from blowing away. Glaring at the girl that refused to cow down, Asuka was not in the mood for this, "What, something else to say princess?"
Her fury was evident, Sakura was positively vibrating with it which extraordinarily made her even more attractive. "You can't stop us from seeing each other. I've heard some rumors about Shin-chan and you. Chidori is friends with boys that knew Fukuyama and she got them to talk. You're the girl Shinji got beat up over…you're just trying to keep him for yourself now! But I won't lose to a-a-a bitch like you!" the word came out peculiarly as if she was uneasy with swear words.
It was only a matter of time before somebody spoke, enough boys had seen Fukuyama beat on Shinji. But Asuka would not let this waif lord it over her with false symbolism and meaning! "I'm not stopping anything. He doesn't like you, you're a recovery girl if anything. Has he said he cared about you, has he said anything even hinting he even really cares? As for that pig, I admit it, yeah, but that ass is gone now…and if you're not careful you'll be right with him," Asuka smirked and shut the door. She didn't care what Sakura had to say, girl wasn't worth the effort.
"Shinji, you better be cooking, I'm in a bad mood and hungry," she stormed back into the apartment proper. Not finding him in the living room, she thankfully found the boy had already started cooking before she had gotten home. His shoulders were sagging, and his knees bent slightly, and she knew why. "Look, I wasn't wanting to put up with that girl in my home. If you want to play kissy face with her do it at her place," no, not like this. She didn't want to take out her frustration on him, but it was happening. She HAD pushed Shinji to be with Sakura, now that it was working why was she so angry!
He didn't say anything, just continued to cook without turning around, "Food will be done in about twenty minutes. You can have the TV if you want." He didn't confirm or deny anything about Tachibana, or Asuka's throwing the girl out. Neither did he go out of his way to talk to Asuka, and Asuka knew why. Every time he did since Misato's little news drop, Asuka lashed out at him for it. The princess of mixed signals, she wanted to show her appreciation for his friendship and yet she just criticized and hurt. "Want to eat at the table or should I bring you a tray?" he asked already pulling out plates.
"Tray, I don't want to worry you with my little problems, oh great hero," Asuka slighted. Grabbing a can of soda, she stopped as and just watched. Mechanically moving about the stove, a scolded child, Shinji's head was hung low. Did he feel he betrayed the memory of Rei by his little lip locking with Sakura? With Ayanami off with every man she could find, that ship had sailed and had been sunk while aflame. Why did he care so much about it? Because he cared about Rei, just as Asuka cared about Kaji. And while Asuka just had to smell perfume and speculate…the rumors about Rei were so rampant…
Apologize to him, be there for him, do SOMETHING for him, Asuka's mind pleaded for her. Sadly Asuka's pride overrode that impulse and she left the boy alone in the kitchen. A dutiful friend, Shinji brought the trey and food a little later, and left her to eat in peace. He asked if she was doing alright, if the food was to her liking…she just grunted and ate without answering. Words, she couldn't get them to work right! Whenever she opened her mouth to try all that came out was more vitriol and pain. Once she'd eaten, Shinji looked almost pleadingly at her to say something…anything, and she didn't. So he just took her plate, did the dishes, and returned to his room.
When his phone rang, an extreme oddity, Asuka's interest was piqued. Silently, she turned the TV louder to mask her, and snuck over to his door and listened. "Now who is calling I wonder. Your jerk friends asking for details of your conquest or is it the princess herself?" Asuka didn't worry about an angel as her phone would have rang as well.
Missing the first part of the conversation Asuka heard Shinji start with, "She's just having a few bad days is all…don't take offense Sakura-san, Asuka didn't mean it." Shinji paced his room eyes on his feet as he cleaned up what little mess he had. Sitting heavily on his bed, he sighed heavily, "You know about that? Please don't tell anybody, it would only…yes I did get hurt over it but I don't want to make a scene…alright…next time we can study at your place, bye Sakura-san." He hung up and let the phone drop to the ground.
"Little bitch, using this just to…" Asuka's phone in the other room started to ring as did Shinji's again. Her heart lurched. Two phones, to calls at the same time…she rushed to it and answered it. "What is this about?" she asked with baited breath. Maybe crushing an angel would help alleviate her pain. It was Ibuki and it was an angel…excellent!
An hour later all three pilots were on the launching bay and Asuka found staring into Misato's face caused her anger to rise again. So she did what she could and undermined Misato's authority. Goaded Shinji to acting, throwing his score in his face, and in the end…she was victorious. Shinji took the bait and attacked the angel before anybody could get in place to help him.
"I'm sinking! What is this, I can't get free!" Shinji cried out as the mighty Unit-01 started to vanish into a sea of inky blackness. "Misato-san, Asuka, Rei help me! Please…hel…" and the signal was lost. Asuka felt coldness wash over her as the retreat order was given. It got worse when the umbilical cord was pulled back without Unit-01. What had she done?
X-X
Time was against her but she had to adapt and try harder! The Magi were spitting out several different possible solutions to the current angel, but none of them were to Ritsuko's liking. At current the best case scenario for victory didn't save the pilot just Unit-01. If she couldn't get something with higher percentage for success Gendo would pick it without a second thought. But she didn't want Shinji dead! He was a very caring young man, a true friend she realized, and yet all her best solutions resulted in his demise! Why was she the only one that was being tapped for this! Nerv had other branches, other sectors, yet she was in charge of this.
"Until he calls me in I have to keep trying," Ritsuko tossed away her latest failure. Two hours of observing the floating ball now known as the Angel's shadow, more bad news kept coming in. The US Branch of Nerv was gone, eaten by a Sea of Dirac, likely the same that now held Unit-01 and its pilot. Balling up some random paper, she felt helpless, nothing she thought of was suitable! The Magi refused to be tricked into thinking the other units could be used to pull out Unit-01 or even find it! Slamming her fist down, biting back her emotions, "There has to be an answer that I'm just not seeing!"
Her phone rang on the table, it vibrated over some papers causing the sound to amplify into deafening bangs. Time was up, and her best option was an execution of the pilot. Ignore the call, just ignore it and get more time! No, that wouldn't work, either the phone would never stop or Gendo would come personally to her lab and be angry. An angry Gendo was a dangerous thing and uncontrollable. Flipping open the tiny device, "Akagi here, and this better be important as I've only…"
Cutting off Ritsuko's diatribe Gendo said simply, "Report to my office with your solutions now. The UN Security council wants our plan for evaluation." No emotion, no care, no hint that Gendo and she once shared meals over wine, no anything. Just a request based upon logic and need, nothing remained of their relationship if it ever truly existed.
"I'm sorry, Shinji-kun, I did my best," Ritsuko gathered the necessary documents for her best three solutions. The front runner, dropping all remaining N2 mines into the shadow, backup being the only one that tried to save Shinji being dropping lines in, umbilical cables to be precise, and last and least likely crushing the shadow between Unit-02 and Unit-00's AT fields. Passing others on the way to the commanders office, Ritsuko saw the pale and nervous looks on their faces. Funny they only acknowledged her when problems happened. Well aside Misato, Maya, and Shinji nobody cared in fair weather times. The bridge crew all had eyes on her, Misato was red eyed and pulsating, she was disappointing all of them. "I'm here sir," she announced as she walked into his office.
Kozo and Gendo were at the desk with no evidence that the current events were upsetting or even a problem. All part of the scenario, even this, they had it all planned so neat and tidy. How did Rei's fucking every teenager she was allowed to part of that? Was it even Rei, Ritsuko was doubting it now. "Here are my three best options for success. This is the best given the Magi's opinion," she handed over the trio of reports. And just as she expected both men dropped the other two instantly. They didn't even bother looking at them. Why should they, they had to go with the best option, not just the most humane.
"We'll go with this option then, if it has the best chances for success," Kozo said as he thumbed through the report. His eyes opened a little and let out a low whistle as he read. Setting down the report he turned to Gendo with a small frown. "Using all the N2 mines, we'll need to make more in case we need them later. Coordinating all those planes will take time too. We better get going on this if we want to try it while the Third Child is still alive," at least Kozo cared that much about the boy's life.
Reading slower than Ritsuko and Kozo, Gendo's brow was a mighty set of peaks and valleys. "If this works are we guaranteed to get Unit-01 back or is that part of the fail scenario. Unit-01 is imperative for our plans," Gendo shut the report. Leaning over the document, his gloved hands entwined, he knew Ritsuko hated it when he hid his mouth.
Only Unit-01 mattered, and Ritsuko was starting to learn why and it explained so much if true. "Yes, if the chain reaction the Magi predict goes off, everything recently lost, within the last day, will fall out of it. It won't give us back what as lost from the Second Branch, but Unit-01 would," just the pilot wouldn't be there. Shinji would have to have power left, start the Eva, and have his AT Field up to save himself form the blast. Unit-01 wouldn't be pretty, but it would be salvageable. "With the timeline we have thirteen hours until the pilot runs out of oxygen," she knew better than to use Shinji's name. It was a trigger for Gendo, the man 'shifted' when that name was used, but Ritsuko didn't know to what end.
"Then we'll pull some strings and get this started before then. We should at least attempt to save the pilot, even if the operation is just to recover Unit-01," Kozo knew his place too. The room filled with silence, the two that cared and the one that didn't about the lost pilot stood waiting but doing nothing. When Gendo grunted and nodded, Kozo pulled on his collar, "A second issue to discuss while you are here, Akagi-kun. We have seen the reports of some…differences in Pilot Ayanami's mental state. Since she has followed every order without hesitation since the new activation we've let it slide. But we wish to know if you've noticed any cause in this change?" Never before had the old man been so squeamish.
Much like her theory that Yui Ikari was more active inside Unit-01 than people expected, Ritsuko had a theory about Rei. How much to divulge and how much to keep back though was the issue. With both looking at her, Ritsuko got that odd sensation again. Stupid emotions! He didn't care, likely never did, but Ritsuko felt herself moisten just the same under Gendo's gaze. "I don't think the transfer of soul went as expected. Leaving her with just the base conditioning and a few vague memories of…what she considered better times. So she is going off those to try and recapture it," Ritsuko hated how she enjoyed Gendo reclining back with a smile. Once a fool always a fool.
"Any reason to suspect the transfer failed, or that creating a fourth incarnation would suffer the same issue?" Gendo adjusted his glasses. The setting sun was streaming through an opening in the plating in the Geo-Front and bathed the room red. A unreadable emotion hinted into his voice different than the deadpan delivery he was known for, "Do you have any theory what she is looking for. She has been better at following our orders than the last incarnation, but any improvement is wanted."
Oh she knew what Rei was hunting after, that was easy. Shinji, Rei was trying to find the same connection with those other boys as she had with Shinji. It was obvious, Gendo had to know it but the order was absolute. Rei was to have no connection with Shinji baring a mission requiring it.
Though…Ritsuko didn't think it was the same soul looking. No, the thing in that vessel wasn't truly the same Rei, the same soul that the previous had. Something new took up reigns, while Rei II was still alive something else got inside that body which has memory dumps from the Dummy Plug and it just didn't know what or why things were.
"Likely just teenage hormones running rampant. Now if you don't need me for anything else I need to brief Major Katsuragi about the mission," Ritsuko saluted and waited for them to stop her. When they didn't, they took her answer however they wanted, Ritsuko headed out and into the waiting arms of Misato. Big sister wanted to know how little brother was going to be saved. Great, disappoint another friend, slash Misato's heart in half. Pointing to a hallway, Ritsuko lead Misato out to a smoking area. With one in mouth she lit up and took a drag, "Best not to let the others know about this until ready." She handed Misato the plan.
Going through the plan faster than most would think the woman capable, Misato just let each page fly away after finishing. "What the fuck is this? How does this save Shinji-kun?" Misato wadded up the paper and threw it at Ritsuko's face. There was the fury and beauty that only those that truly upset Misato got to see. Grabbing Ritsuko's labcoat Misato pulled the woman in close, almost burning herself on the end of the cigarette. Lifting Ritsuko slightly off the ground, "This is the best you could do? H-how could you even suggest this? He's your friend, he's…he's…" Words failed the Major.
"It was the only thing that I could get that would work," Ritsuko admitted. But she kept her mask up, somebody had to be the villain here, and she did come up with the plan. Misato had enough problems, was going to be hurt more by the success than she was…so why not make it hurt more for her. "We have to think about the big picture not just the small. Shinji-kun is a soldier and times soldiers…" and there it was, the smack and shove.
Her hand still extended, Misato towered over the fallen scientist and still had every fiber of rage as before. "He is NOT a soldier, don't try and justify this! Those children were pulled into this, Shinji almost kicking and screaming to do it! And you…he trusts you…he likes you and this is how you, how WE repay him?" no time for tears yet, just raw anger. Maybe later in Kaji's arms, if Ritsuko suspected correct, she would but for now was just hate.
"What do you want from me, Misato? A miracle? I'm sorry but I've not the praying type and that is what is needed here. He disobeyed orders, attacked early, and this is the result," Ritsuko just laid there. Tired beyond belief, both physically and emotionally, she just had nothing left to give. Everything drained from her, psychic leeches that feed on all that was good in her, leaving her an empty husk. She'd miss him, Shinji, and it was sinking in just how deeply. A soul like hers, abused and cast aside…
The door shut, Misato stormed off leaving her alone. Where her smoke went, Ritsuko didn't know or care. Tears, honest to god tears started to well in her eyes as it all hit her. Failing those she wanted to help, the story of her life. Misato would probably never talk to her again outside of Nerv over this. Misato was losing family, and it was her fault. "No more lunches, talks, backrubs, games, or anything…he's alone in the dark and is going to die there because I failed," her life was one big failure.
She just laid there for a few minutes to collect herself, wouldn't do good for people to see her weak. If the masses saw the cold and unapproachable Ritsuko Akagi emotional they would panic! Naoko would be upset, her daughter was causing a scene and making her look bad. No good daughter did that to her mother, no she was dutiful and poised. Getting off the hard ground, she fixed her coat and rejoined the command bridge with any hint of human emotion crushed under her growing depression.
"Oh, Sempai, I've been told by Katsuragi-san to have the pilots suited up, and that you'd be telling them the plan. We have a plan now?" Maya asked as she looked away from her work. The bridge was a buzzing hive of activity, was plenty to do now. Analyzing the angel, preparing the defenses, organize the shelters, and for the lucky few deal with the pilots and Eva's. Taking a moment from her time prepping Unit-00 for launch, "Where have you been Sempai, the timeline is only a few hours left."
Checking her watch, Ritsuko felt the startling revelation that she had lost five hours! How long had she been laying there? Nobody came to look for her, nobody cared. Vaguely aware she was hungry she suppressed it, "Been taking care of a few things. I'll go see to the pilots as you finish up here. I'll be back as soon as I can." Part of her wanted to just take Maya into her arms and breakdown, tired of always being strong. But now wasn't the time, everybody needed to be ready. They were about to witness a teenager that did everything he could for them die.
Making her way to the changing rooms, unhurried as the mission would only take a few minutes to start and end, Ritsuko heard something common at Nerv, Asuka yelling.
"I can't believe this shit! This isn't a rescue operation it's a farce!" the rich and young tones of only one in the grasp of puberty could echoed. Something crashed, a waste bin or chair, something with mass collided against the wall. "Sure the idiot ran off acting like a damned hero off to war, but this isn't what I wanted," Asuka's ferocity dropped.
Just standing outside the door, Ritsuko listened. Asuka had goaded and pushed Shinji into acting, all but forcing him against the wall for it. Fallout from Misato's foolish comment about sync scores. Girl just had to get her retaliatory action, tit-for-tat. Misato ticked Asuka off with her comment so Asuka got even by getting under Shinji's skin. "Not fair, not a bit of it," she whispered to herself.
After the crash's echo died down, that unfamiliar and energetic new voice Rei used responded, "Why do you care so much? These things happen don't they? Accidents happen, people come and go. What makes the Third Child so special?"
There was an audible hush after that question was asked, both Ritsuko and Asuka lost their cognitive abilities for a second. This truly was a different girl, who had none of the love that Rei II had. Asuka went off in a vibrant display, "You of all people should care! I can't believe…I just can't believe you could forget so much about him! My Gott, you were obsessed with him! And these things just don't happen! He's done so much for so little and this is his reward? And the last time I saw him…this…this…" More sounds of devastation and shattering glass as Asuka took her frustration out on everything that wasn't human.
After it had finally ended, Ritsuko walked in to find Rei just sitting there waiting for her with that smile. Ritsuko hated that smile, those clones all shared that inhuman expression. Asuka was nowhere to be seen. "Good you're suited up, if Soryu is as well both of you are to be ready to go within the hour. Any questions?" she prayed the girl didn't have any.
"Not about the mission, but about the Third Child. Everybody comments about my relationship with him, yet I'm forbidden from interacting with him, tell me why," Rei moved close to Ritsuko. Uncomfortably near the scientist, the young child just rocked on the balls of her feet and gazed deeply into Ritsuko's eyes. Deeply…deeply…eyes so red and inviting, deep…spinning…wheels within wheels…deeper…
Rocking Ritsuko's shoulder Maya was frantic and worried, "Snap out of it Akagi-sempai! We're to start in less than an hour!" Maya was near frantic.
"Wha-Maya? What happened to Ayanami, she was here," Ritsuko was stunned and her head throbbed. What the hell was that? All she remembered was Rei walking over to her, almost standing on her feet and asking why she was forbidden from talking to Shinji and then… "Maya how long has it been since I left the bridge?" she blacked out? Stress could have caused that, worry, even depression, but she doubted it.
Getting Ritsuko a cup of water, Maya was uncomfortable, "Ayanami has been in Unit-00 for over an hour now. Lets get you back up to the bridge to get you a nice sit down." Maya helped the woman to the bridge and let Ritsuko sit in her chair.
Just what the hell happened there! Ritsuko would have to check the security footage after the battle, if they survived. She'd have plenty of time, with Misato all but sending pure mental hate her way from across the bridge. "Begin run now," Misato's voice was dead and empty, yet Kaji was behind her supporting her. But before even the run got started, the sphere started to change, Makoto yelled out, and they all bore witness to Unit-01's rebirth in blood and gore. Maya got sick, Shigeru paled, and Ritsuko smiled as the pilot's readings were confirmed.
X-X
Laying in the hospital bed, Shinji felt tired even though he had been sleeping since yesterday. Doctors came and went, blood was drawn, pills given, and through it all Shinji just sat and wondered. In the end of his entrapment, had he died? Was that really what it was like when life was fleeing the body? His mind was having a hard time coping with the events in that white void, total sensory deprivation. It hadn't been for long, little over half a day, but Shinji felt the world was different. Maybe he had passed on and this was all in his head right before he moved to what he knew not what.
"And how is my main man this morning," a male nurse asked as he walked in pushing a tray of food. Tall and muscular, the man's black skin stood out as a rarity in Tokyo-3, but the man's smile was broad and jovial. Forcing Shinji's bed into the sitting position, the man filled a cup of water and handed it over. "Got some good news for you, hero, you've been cleared and can have some visitors today. Your doctor, Akagi, said you'll be free to go tomorrow after some observation," not for a moment did the man come off as mocking.
His throat was itchy and dry so the cold water was ambrosia for it, and Shinji drank greedily. Noticing he was being watched by this man, Shinji sheepishly put it back down, "Sorry, just a little thirsty is all. And did you say I could have visitors?" With only a day or so in the hospital, he doubted anybody would come. Hoped they wouldn't really, he hadn't sorted out his feelings about what happened. At the end, before everything turned to white, he was so sure he saw his mother there. Added a big hint to the fact he was dying, his mother was dead so he was finally going to meet her and have peace.
"Don't fret Ikari-san, after the medication they put you on last night I'm shocked you didn't drink right from the pitcher," the man refilled the cup and set the tray out for Shinji to eat. Once the food was set out, the man set about other business. Checking the IV still in Shinji's vein, setting out two chairs, and pulling out a bedpan and smiling as he set it within reach. "In case you don't think you can make it to the bathroom. You should be fine, but ring if you need anything Ikari-san. Think two chairs will be enough for you?" the man had a rich voice, deep and soothing, somebody happy with life.
Knowing the food was going to be tasteless and bland, not the first time he'd eaten hospital food, Shinji didn't want to eat. "I'm sure it'll be fine, sir. But if you could leave the pitcher I'd enjoy that," Shinji didn't want to look at that man. He was just to happy, and anybody that referred to Shinji as a superior left Shinji feeling they wanted something. They were buttering him up for something, or hoping to get something out of him. Sakura wanted him to be her boyfriend, smothered him with affection, but Shinji didn't know why. She could do better, and yet she was doting and pushy. Others at school only talked to him when they wanted him to help or for false friendship. Drinking more as the man nodded with a smile, "Th-thank you."
"You need to relax a bit more, being tense all the time won't help," the man put the pitcher within easy reach. Prepping his cart for the next room, more trays of food showed he had many more to go, the man started for the door. Stopping at the door, he turned and waved, "It's been an honor to meet one of the three Children. You three have a hard lot, saving us from those things. Don't take offense to this though, but I hope I never see you here again, rather you kids be safe." With a small head nod, he walked off leaving Shinji alone again.
Knowing what the man meant, Shinji agreed with him. If they meet again it was because either he or somebody he knew was hurt. Eating the bland food, just as tasteless as he expected, he wondered if anybody would come. Nerv personnel likely, question him about the encounter, but other than that he really hoped not. "I don't want to hear how worried they were, or happy they are I'm safe," he didn't know if he was safe. An odd smell colored his senses, pulling his hand to his nose he sniffed and grimaced, "Still smells like blood."
Laying back down after the food was gone and another two glasses of water drank, Shinji felt confusion on a way he didn't know possible. What was it all for, why keep on fighting? Rei was gone, well his Rei anyway. Misato was hardly around the apartment anymore, and when she was there it was in her room or in a drunk haze. Something turned Asuka against him, making her bitter and angry over things he had no influence over. Nothing really worth his continued vigil and pain. He knew, just knew he'd have nightmares about that place. Alone in his own casket as his oxygen left and his stomach ached…alone.
"Hey Shin-man!" Touji was the first to intrude on Shinji's introspective review of his near death. Sitting on the closest chair, Touji pulled out a book and tossed it on Shinji's bed. "Thought you might…you know…want something to read," it was a romance novel, not something either boy believed was a gift for Shinji. Touji had been awkward around Shinji for the last few days, not looking him in the face, always pensive and worried. Something happened, something Touji wanted to keep secret.
Flipping through the latest Motoko Urashima novel, Shinji colored at the cover. A warrior woman stood with katana in hand over the fallen body of a turtle priestess. "This is for your sister isn't it," Shinji said deadpan and then smiled. Had to hand it to Touji, at least he tried to get Shinji a gift. Nobody was expecting the angel, nor his hospitalization. Handing the book back to Touji, "I think I've had my fill of romance." He tried his hand at it, and that hand got burned. Try as he might to force himself to like Sakura, Shinji just felt it was hollow.
"Sorry, she asked for this a few days ago. Going to see her after you," Touji shuffled about. Putting the book away, Touji just rubbed the back of his hand nervously. The silence that filled the room allowed both teens to hear Touji's labored breathing. With his hand at the back of his kneed, his elbow jutting out like a thorn, "Tachibana visit you already? She was talking about how you're seeing each other now in the shelter."
Of course that girl would think that, a few little things and she was already calling ownership. Just what Shinji expected from an entitled girl. She was nice, a real lovely girl, but she just wasn't what Shinji wanted in a relationship, call him spoiled if you wished. Shaking his head, "No, you're the first to get here. Maybe she won't come. I guess you can say we're seeing each other too. She's…a great girl." For anybody else she would be, but Shinji missed his Rei. Rei…that thing at school wasn't her. That Rei just had the same face. That's when it struck him, Touji's odd behavior, Rei's sudden zeal for other men. A coldness spread down from stomach to feet, "Touji, is something bothering you?"
Jerking in his seat, Touji fumbled with his hands and got to his feet fast. "N-nah man, everything is fine. Just worried about Mari and all. I mean…Kensuke said he had images of your Eva being eaten, and then it came back later. If you get hurt, what will happen to the rest of us? And you are seeing Tachibana then?" just the wrong amount of emphasis was in his voice, the pleading justification.
"Go see Mari-chan and tell her 'hi' for me, Touji. And don't worry, if something does happen to me, Asuka and Ayanami can take care of it," Shinji felt that cold grasp tighten. Both boys exchanged a glance of knowing. Shinji knowing what Touji did, and Touji knowing that Shinji knew. When Touji was out of the room, Shinji relaxed his hold on his sheet and saw he tore through it. "It doesn't matter…she's…he's…" but damn it hurt! And here he thought he cried enough over this, but he could feel more coming. Touji was another of Rei's conquests, another notch on her belt. And while he wanted to feel betrayed by Touji, how could he? They weren't together, Rei was obviously doing what she wanted, and Touji even commented ages ago that he found her attractive.
It wasn't until after lunch when Shinji got another visitor and it was a trio of them. Holding a large vase of beautiful flowers, Sakura stood to Chidori's left as the taller girl held Kensuke's hand. Rushing over to his side, the timid girl put the flowers on the stand, and all but fell on Shinji. "Oh Shinji-san you had me so worried! Aida-kun showed me all kinds of things! Are you alright, is everything ok?" she was practically laying on his chest. Her full bust rubbed against his chest, fear and adoration in equal measure poured out of her.
Pulling the amorous girl off the fallen boy, Chidori forced Sakura to sit, "Down girl, breaking him now would be just a little to ironic." Taking Sakura's place at Shinji's side, Chidori and Kensuke showed their handhold accidentally. "You look good enough for us not to worry. That one, "she hiked her thumb over to the wiggling Sakura, "Was beside herself with worry. Best not to do that to her again." A thin and baseless threat, as they all knew Shinji had no way of preventing it.
"I'll do my best, I don't like being here either," Shinji put on his best fake smile. Why were they here? Couldn't they wait for him to come back to school before they smoothed him with this garbage? Even from her seat, Shinji could see Sakura's faux hero-worship flooding out of her. If he wasn't a pilot she'd not be here, she'd not care. And that made him hate her just a little. "So how have you two been enjoying," he flinched his head towards their hands.
Kensuke grinned like a happy idiot while Chidori blushed a little and looked away. Not comfortable with others knowing they were a couple, Shinji could relate. They joined Sakura in seating, Kensuke standing at Chidori's side still holding hands. They chatted lightly, they had come more to insure Shinji was alive and well and not for any real social visit. Sakura maybe wanted more private a moment, and against Shinji's wishes after an hour of them visiting, Chidori and Kensuke left first leaving the two alone.
"Shinji-san…I'm so glad you're alright, I was so worried," Sakura sauntered back over to Shinji's bed side. Kneeling down, hovering over Shinji's face, a rosy sheen over her features allowed Shinji to notice she had a hint of makeup on. A lovely looking girl, a big heart, but just not… "I love you, Shinji-san. I just wanted to tell you that again before leaving. I won't let Soryu stop that," she leaned in and embraced him. It was awkward with the angle and her over exuberance, but she put her whole heart into it.
Not wanting to be alone, having no other alternative, Shinji swallowed his self-hatred and gave in just a little bit more. After she broke apart, Shinji caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, "How about we have a date after I get out of here?" it was what she wanted. He was good at that, doing what others wanted, just go with the flow. Maybe Ritsuko and Asuka were right and he should just let it happen. Maybe in time he'd grow to actually love her. "You best get to them, or Nagato-san will get upset," he knew Sakura would always jump to keep Nagato placated.
And she did, after another quick peck on the lips Sakura rushed off to the waiting duo. After the door shut, Shinji thought he saw a spot of red hair flash under the window. He could see her standing there, her hair gave her away, but she didn't come in. "Asuka…" he called out weakly but the girl didn't come in. Couldn't let herself be seen as weak, couldn't acknowledge any form of attachment to anybody, even if he knew she cared. He laughed at that, did his heart good to know not everybody was going to bend over backwards to accommodate the bed-ridden. Sipping more of his water, "I'll have to ask you why you're so angry lately."
For ten minutes that main of red stood guard outside Shinji's room, and for each one of them Shinji wondered if she'd come in. Of all the people that had come today, she was the one he'd actually like to talk to. She'd understand better than others, and she was somebody he could talk to. She'd not lie or candy coat anything, it wasn't in her nature. Yet after those few minutes passed, she walked off or was chased off, Shinji didn't know which. Misato never came, and Shinji was glad Rei didn't show her face, he didn't know how he'd handle Rei visiting.
Time passed by and Shinji just lay their thinking. Lunch and supper had been more of the same bland drivel, that morning orderly hadn't shown up again. Shinji didn't even taste what little was there, to lost in his mind. Tired and spent, not what he expected his life to feel like at fourteen, but here lay. Why hadn't Misato visited, he would have liked to see her too. Busy most likely, an angel did attack, but still he'd have wanted a small peak.
So when the door opened late into the evening, Shinji sat up quickly with a bit of hope. It was dashed, but only slightly, "Ritsuko-san, good evening. Here for more tests?" Shinji had his fill of those, but his self-debasement was getting harsher. Ritsuko was a good person, one he had grown quite fond of, "Or are you going to tell me about what happened with the Angel. I only know I somehow got out of it and it killed it."
"Actually I was here just to see how you were doing," Ritsuko shut the door. Finding the chair that was used more than Shinji expected, Ritsuko sat down with a heavy sigh. Taking Shinji's glass, she helped herself to some water, "Been a long day. You made a big mess on your way out. And all your readings are fine so you'll be good to go in the morning. So I wanted to see how YOU were." She drained half the glass.
Warm, he felt a little warm inside hearing her say that. Drawing his sheet up to his chest, "I'm…it's hard to say really. Pensive, I've a lot of these memories that I don't know if were real or dreams." Half of it he was sure was dreams, while he couldn't be sure of anything. Noticing how Ritsuko was gazing off into nothing, something playing on her mind, he couldn't help himself. "How are you doing Ritsuko-san? I'm sure after I was…eaten things went strange. I didn't mean to, but Asuka just…" she was so adamant and brash he had to do what she said.
"You don't want to hear about that, Shinji-kun. As for your encounter, oxygen deprivation causes people to have visions, so likely you saw a lot of oddities," Ritsuko offered. Just like Touji, Ritsuko had that look about her of somebody being beset with a secret.
She was his friend, even if she was older, she was somebody he cared about. So when he took her hand, and she tried to pull it out he kept firm, "You can tell me, Ritsuko-san. What happened?" Was it about Rei, Misato, or maybe Asuka…something happened and he knew it.
Crumbling, her façade of control broke in that small humid room with the green speckled laminated tiles. "I'm so sorry, Shinji-kun, my only plan…the plan we were going to use to stop the angel…it wasn't to save you," Ritsuko went into the full plan, even the others that didn't get selected. Not trying to save face or cover herself, Ritsuko presented it all openly and freely.
"I understand," Shinji said with full understanding. "You did what you could, and in all honesty I think I did…die in there. You have more than just me to worry about," Shinji hated seeing Ritsuko like this. This poor woman, beating and tossed around. She was so caring and nobody seemed to notice or care, just because she was a little aloof. So the commander didn't even bat an eye at his death, somehow Shinji felt that hurt more than anything. But it wasn't a shock. Few cared about him, the real him.
Sniffing hard, Ritsuko shocked not only Shinji but herself but putting her palm to his cheek. "You're to forgiving, Shinji-kun. It's ok to be angry or selfish from time to time," she blinked a few tears from her eyes. That was when Shinji hugged her, it was hard with her being so far away, but she moved in closer. And they just stayed like that for a few minutes, Shinji stroking her back as she ran her fingers through his hair. What did it mean, did it mean anything, or was it just two lost souls seeking solace in the watches of the night…regardless they both needed it and felt a new found appreciation for the other.
X-X
Oh god was he tired, but Makoto did his best to not show it. Two days after an angel was no time to be showing performance problems. Nerv employees had to be adaptive and ready to go at a moments notice, it was para-military after all. Even though he could hardly keep his eyes open, the fourth cup of coffee was finally kicking in, he was happy. Happier than he had expected to be.
"Oh god, did you see the angel disrupted the entire sewage pipeline in the western part of the city?" Maya yelled out in disgust. She had to deal with those issues, Makoto only had to handle defensive repairs to the turret system and plating. He got off easy. Grumbling and gnashing her teeth at the screen, "I'll be here all day at this rate! I want to go take a shower, I want some wine, I want…"
Shigeru, who was worse off than Makoto but not as bad as Maya, chimed in with, "You want to go home. We all do. The major's been here longer than all of us and if you know what's good for you, you'll keep quiet around her." His own hair was greasy and he had rings under his eyes, nobody got off easy after an attack. Maybe the pilots, but then again…
"I was supposed to pick up Shinji-kun three hours ago! He's sitting at the hospital waiting for me, so you can shove the fucking mayor's requests up his ass!" Misato yelled over the phone to some poor civil servant. Storming around the command deck, the vibrant woman was a storm of anger and hostility.
Yeah, it didn't help to be a pilot at a time like this, Makoto felt for the poor kids. One got her brain scrambled she was fucking every boy that came her way, another just got angrier and angrier, and the last nearly died. Mere moments shy of death, everybody was stunned and relieved that the lone male pilot lived. Makoto wished Shinji was older so he could take the kid out for a beer or something. Not the type to talk to teenagers, he hated it when they did his fast food, he couldn't relate to the young man. "And it's his ex that is now the subject to all those rumors," section-2 was having a field day telling everybody.
"What is that about an ex? Aoi dump you or something? With how she acted I'm shocked she doesn't come to work with you!" Shigeru rolled his seat over. It was time for an on the clock break before the stress ate them all alive. Haggard and irritated, Shigeru wasn't looking like he'd take 'no' for an answer, and when Maya slammed her palms down it was a sign, all of them were taking fifteen. "Maya get this, Aoi actually broke up with her boy-toy!" Shigeru laughed half heartedly.
As Maya walked over with a 'what' plastered all over her face, Makoto just clicked his tongue and waggled his finger. "Aoi did NOT break up with me. I was just thinking about how hard the pilots got it. We have it bad, but…" he rolled his hand over and pointed at Misato. The woman that had been such a massive crush of his so long ago still looked vibrant yet he didn't see her like that anymore. An impossible mountain that he had once dreamed of conquering, now just a friend he hoped. Under his breath so the woman wouldn't hear, "Just thinking about how close to dying he got, and that Ayanami's been…you know."
Humming perplexedly, Shigeru tapped his foot, "I don't know if I agree with those rumors. I mean its hard to see that girl acting all crazy like those rumors say, amnesia or not!" But Maya and Makoto just looked at him with disbelief. Everybody saw the drastic change in the girl's personality. "Anyway, I don't want to think how our survival rests in the hands of those kids. Each and everyone of them has some issue, not that I'd do any better, just helps to not think about it," he mumbled with just a zest of shame.
"Shinji-kun is doing better," Maya said out of the blue, and the odd stares from both men. Tugging on her collar, she must have realized how out of place her comment sounded. "Akagi-sempai and I've been coming over to Katsuragi's place a bit more often. Trying ot help Akagi-sempai out of her funk. While their we can't help but talk to the other two pilots. While Soryu is a pill, Shinji-kun is quite different than you see in the plug." In a desperate effort to get focus off her, Maya poked Makoto in the chest, "So when is the wedding for you and your loving Tachibana?"
Oh dear god Aoi had been talking about that hadn't she? Only dating for about three months and she already wanted to move in and was hinting that maybe they could get married. Beautiful, intelligent, and insatiable in the sack Makoto should be in love with the idea. But at times he just wanted to be alone, sex wasn't the end all be all he thought it might be. Hell at times he just wanted to masturbate as he knew how he liked to be handled and Aoi had her own theories. Still he did love her, and they were great physically…just man she was draining.
"I don't know, but if you ask her it'll be for the next day we both have a day off," damn Makoto wished he was joking. What was it about the fear of death that made women want to get married? Seeing Misato literally throw the phone at the wall and start walking over towards them, Makoto stood up and gave the others the signal to hurry back to their desks. The Major was on the warpath and all in her path would suffer. Since he had the best day of his friends he'd take that bullet. Saluting the frazzled Misato, "Something wrong Katsuragi-san? Repairs are on schedule and Unit-01 has been cleared for service again."
For one moment Makoto was worried Misato was going to slug him in the stomach for being in her personal space. Standing firm, an unflinching half smile on his face, she relented and her head drooped. "I hate to do this to Makoto," she wiggled one leg showing off her thigh…she wanted a favor. It was a tell Makoto learned after being with Aoi, Misato would tease when she wanted something hoping to make him distracted. She didn't need to, she was a friend and he'd help. "Somebody has to deal with the envoy from the UN due in an hour and Shinji-kun is still at the hospital. I'd ask Ritsuko to get him, but she's on special detachment from the commander. And they'll only release him to somebody from Nerv as per my orders. Would you stay?" oh how her brown eyes begged.
"Sure thing, Katsuragi-san," Makoto sulked internally. Damn he was tired, but he again felt he was better off than most and wanted to do his part. But where was that Kaji now when Misato needed somebody? Guy was only around it seemed to flirt with her or other women and then leave? Sucked for Misato that her guy was unreliable, but Makoto had a good thing now. Even if his crotch was worked to the extreme now. Both Aoi and he loved their coupling but man he wished she didn't enjoy it as much.
Kissing his cheek, Misato gushed, "You're a life saver. I'm sure Shinji-kun would thank you if he were here." Rushing out of the deck, Misato left the others behind to see to her task…just like her. Makoto wasn't so blinded now by hormones to not see Misato's bad side now. A great tactician and coordinator, but maybe not the best person in the world. NO matter, eventually the shift would end and he'd go home, call Aoi and take her out for supper. Things were looking up for him.
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Authors Notes
Things start their down slide from here, but its going to be a fun ride. Trying to show the proper amount of 'depression' with functionality. Depression is hard to write subtly, and I think I failed to show that in some of the cast before so I'm being a bit more blunt now. Hope you enjoyed this, hope you have a great holiday and new years…thanks for reading.
Ja Mata
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