1 month later
Christina's POV
Bad dreams have haunted my sleep for a month. I keep reliving Tris' death in different ways; as myself, standing outside the door; as Tobias, watching her take her last breath; even as Tris, fading into the darkness and nothingness of death. The last few nights, I have all but given up on trying to rest.
The baby doesn't help.
Uriah and I had a discussion after she died. We knew Tobias wouldn't be able to take care of the one who had killed his wife; he may even ignore her cries for food and comfort. But the rest of us couldn't let the last surviving piece of our friend slip away so easily. I, despite Tobias' feeble protests, took over caring for the baby girl, moving into Tobias' home to watch over her, like her mother would have.
A scream pierces through the darkness, then crying ensues. I sigh. This has been happening every 2 hours the whole night, and every night since... since... since a birth and a death.
I walk as quickly and quietly as possible to her cradle, trying not to wake the sleeping form of Tobias, although if his daughter's screams don't, I don't know what will.
I heard somewhere that a baby's cries are tailored especially to irritate her mother the most. I do not know if that's the case, but I think it is, because it isn't bothering me as much as it should. Tears fall down my face slowly as I remember that the only person who would know is the only person we cannot ask anymore. Tris.
The baby calms down as I pick up her tiny body and cradle it against mine. She is just afraid of the dark, and of being alone. Hiccuping slightly as she bounces against me, her tiny eyes open, and I gasp, just as I did when I saw them open for the first time. The shock of seeing her has not worn off.
She has the same pale blue eyes as her mother; as my best friend. Just looking into them makes me think that Tris may not be all that gone.
A shock of brown hair peeks out of the top of her head, the spitting image of Tobias. All the rest of her features are her own, mixtures between her mother and her father, or maybe neither. One thing she has that neither of them had, is a small dimple on one of her cheeks. I kiss it and whisper in her ear, " You have been blessed by an angel, Beatrice Eaton."
And with this, she slowly drifts back to sleep.
And her father wakes up.
Tobias' POV
The sun sets as my hopes do. The field around me is growing dark, and as the last rays of sunshine dwindle, there is a sudden gloom in the sky. The sky is a dark gray, with streaks of red and orange, casting a sharp contrast against my thoughts. As the evening falls, the normal bright reds and oranges don't catch my eye. Instead, my attention is pulled to a raven. A single, lonesome raven, a shadow against the colors of the night, flying away from me, straight to setting sun. And just as the sun disappears from my view, the raven does too.
Waking up never used to be so hard.
The pure nothingness of night is the only comfort in this world that I have left. Dreamless nights are the only things that I wish for anymore, because forgetting about it all... makes it... better, somehow.
If only I could live in that nothingness.
Because, when I wake up, the deep crushing agony of my wife's death is too much to bear. Finding out that the world is dark and cruel all over again is pushing me over the brink of sanity. Reliving her death every morning when I wake up, kills me.
And I let it kill me. I let it pummel me to pieces each night, each day, with each thought. I know I shouldn't. I know I should be strong; be brave... but I can't, and there is a part of me that doesn't want to. I have yet to discover why.
I push myself out of bed. I still feel heavy with grief, heavy with sorry, heavy in hope to acquire things I will never again have. Will this last forever? Will I never heal?
When I walk into the kitchen, I see Christina trying to lull the the kid into sleep. The little girl accidentally named after her mother. Just looking at her face hits me with a wave of sadness. She looks so much like her work, I can see it now.
I remember the moments after I lost her. The world around me disappeared, all I saw was her body. Her corpse. Somewhere along the way, I was supposed to name the kid. Although I didn't hear the nurse ask me. I didn't hear anything, except the cries leaving my mouth. All I could say was Beatrice. And so now, all I have is a kid that reminds me so much of her mother, it causes me pain. I decided to call her Bea.
Christina's POV
I see Tobias walk into the kitchen. He still has deep grief lines etched upon the surface of his skin mixed with dark circles, and I know his sleep has been haunted with memories. And I want to feel sorry him, to comfort him as Tris would have done. But I am too afraid afraid of him, I haven't seen this side of Tobias, and it frightens me. He's never been like this before, and I'm scared of what he might do to himself.
We are both grieving, some part of me blames him for what happened. I know it's irrational, but I can't stop thinking about how it's partly his fault. And I hate him for it. For taking my friend away from me. My conscience is telling me he is not to blame. But it doesn't stop my heart from burning with anger when I see him. A part of Tris is still alive, and yet he does not see it. I have to make him see it.
A/N: Wait just a minute before you throw your copies of Allegiant at us. Let us explain ourselves. We are sorry for the shock of Tris' death, but we never meant for her to be such a big main character. It was just too awesome to write from her POV. We wanted Tobias to be a single father and to watch his kid grow up. The rest of this story is going to mostly follow Bea's life. Bear with us, we are only just starting the story. I apologize if the feels have been crushing, they have been killing us too. By the way, one of us is going start a Lord of the Rings fanfic if you want to check it out. And we may start a Hunger Games fanfic in the near future, if you want to keep an eye out for those. Thanks a trillion for all your support.
-Primpriorpotter