I'm writing this right after 14... I don't know how to feel about getting no reviews because I haven't had time to get none!
;)
She's so beautiful in this dream.
It's like she's a god, and she's mine. This is my 4th dream about Cat, and this is by far the one that she looks prettiest in. It's like someone is shining a magical light in her face that makes her look heavenly, like an angel or even a god. I don't believe magic but Cat is just that. Magic.
We're in a living room, but all I can look at is her beauty and that light she's in. She reaches over and grips my hand; this dream is so utterly realistic that I can feel her squeeze each finger individually as if she was squeezing them for real.
Where are we? It's a nice house, and it's my style; the walls are a rich purple with white trim to brighten them a bit. The couches are chocolate brown and there's a large flat-screen TV. Cat's holding an infant; she's wrapped in pink and looks no more than a month old.
"We did it," Cat tells me, and her eyes are brimming with tears. Her eyes are sparkling. "Do you want to take her, Jade?"
I feel an odd urge to, even though I don't really like kids much. But this baby is beautiful, and she's warm and soft in my arms. Her little blue eyes open; it's only the second time I've seen them. For some reason tears drip out of my eyes. This is my child; I know it. I can feel it.
The baby opens her mouth in a tiny yawn. It makes me smile, but I'm overcome with emotion and I can't stop shaking. "I love her so much," I tell Cat. "She's ours, right?"
"Ours forever," Cat tells me, and her face is glowing with pride. "Part of our family. Welcome home, little Ari."
The dream starts to fade away even though I want it to say SO very badly. I try to reach and grasp it but it keeps slipping.
Then there's pain.
It fills me and overpowers me but I can't seem to open my mouth and scream. It's in my arms mainly, but it runs up them and all the way into my body.
Then there's light.
I can't stand it. It blinds me and numbs my senses; I can't think. I try to shut my eyes, but when I do, the pain intensifies. I want to go back into the dream with Cat and our child where happy ever after is already there. "Please, NO!" I try to shout, attempting to slip back under. But it doesn't work, and the ache in my body harms me so much that I can hardly breathe.
But I realize something over all this pain: that the happy ever after in my mind isn't real, but the happy ever after with all this pain and the bright lights is not far away.
Do I love Cat?
Yes. Romantically, too, with all my heart. I realized that from the dreams; I wasn't follwing love, like Cat said. I was following stereotypes and labels. I can like boys except for Cat; no person's romance life is perfect.
This pain is going to get me to Cat, so I embrace it. I open my eyes and look at the ceiling tiles. "Is someone there?" I choke out.
Someone rushes up to me and starts talking in another language. I realize in a few seconds that it's not a foreign language; it is, in fact, English. The sound is so harsh on my ears that it feels like they person is talking rapidly and accenting random syllables.
"Call her family," the man commands to someone else, who I can't see.
"No, no," I try to protest, but it comes out jumbled. "Please don't. I don't want so see my family."
"No, Ms. West, your friends," he tells me. "Err, uh, dates. Or something. Not your sexually abusive father and the prostitute that lives with you and who has asked to be called your sister."
"WHAT?" I shriek, but I don't have the energy to talk above the whisper. "Who told you that?"
"They told us not to tell you," he tells me. "Your friends will be here in a sec."
He then leaves.
I'm left with pain and tears that refuse to rise to my eyes in the form of liquid. I feel like I want to throw something, but my hands are all bound so tightly.
Cat and Tori come soon enough. They're followed by others: Beck and Tori's parents. Everyone looks so incredibly emotional, and I don't really want to deal with this right now, but I have to. For Cat.
"I realized something," I say when everyone files into the room. They're all looking at me, and I realize I have the attention I wanted. It feels awful. "Cat, I love you."
Someone "awws" and I realize it's the dude who talked to me earlier. "OUT," I command, but my commanding voice isn't working very well today. He still leaves.
"I only dreamt about you," I tell her. "You told me lots of things in those dreams that made me realize that I did love you all along, even through all of this. In one of my dreams we-" I suddenly get so choked up that I can't continue. I start to cry, and the monitors start beeping all over the place but I can't stop.
"It's okay, Jade," Cat whispers. "You don't have to continue."
"Let me, let me," I sob, wanting so badly to gain control of myself. "In one of my dreams we were married, and we had a house and a little baby named Ari." I try to wipe the tears off my cheeks but can't do it, so Cat does, lovingly. "That's the best dream I've EVER had."
Everyone in the room is crying now, even Beck. But maybe it's just out of jealousy.
"But I realized that although I had to wake up," I tell her, "I could still dream." This is so cool because of how inspirational it's becoming without a lot of effort. Someone should write this down so that I can reuse it in the future.
Cat bends down and kisses me, and I'm so drained I can't kiss her back. Everyone in the room claps, and Cat gets so incredibly emotional she can't even look at me without choking on her sobs. "I love you so much, Jade-y," she tells me, and then tries to cuddle me awkwardly sideways.
"How much?" I ask like a child.
"Much more than you could ever imagine," she says. "And if you want to stay together forever," she pauses and it agitates me. "Okay."
I'm not emotional, so I don't really cry, but if I was the average female I'd be in tears. This is NOT the last chapter! I have an epilogue coming, but it's second to last I guess. Which makes me really sad because I want to keep writing this, and I love you guys. Insert more mushy stuff here.