14

She wasn't coming. That realization made Marissa feel as if someone had just torn out her heart. Again.

The excitement that she had felt only seconds before evaporated into nothingness, and suddenly she was perfectly calm. So this was the end.

Marissa had been sitting there on her living room floor for a long time, hoping Alex would come to save her. But she wasn't coming.

Clutching the knife tighter, she put it to her wrist, exactly were the fresh scars were painfully visible. She closed her eyes. "You're not coming to me," Marissa mumbled. "So I am coming to you."

Marissa took a deep breath, but then hesitated a second, and another, and then –

"– No, don't!"

Marissa's eyes shot open just in time to see a dark figure jumping in through the open window. Within a fraction of a second, the person was kneeling in front of her.

Marissa slowly dropped the knife and stared at the more than familiar face.

"Alex," Marissa whispered. She cautiously stretched out her hand, as if she feared the girl would disappear if she moved too quickly, and then tenderly touched her hair.

"So it is black."

A little smile brightened up Alex' pale face. "Yeah, it is," she said.

They stared at each other for another long moment, in silence, then Alex softly put her fingers to Marissa's mistreated wrist.

"Please – don't do this again," Alex said quietly.

Marissa nodded slowly, then, as if awakening, she suddenly shook her head.

"Alex, what's happening? I'm not dreaming, I know I'm not. You saved my life two nights ago, and now you're here again."

"Yes," Alex whispered – that was all she managed to say.

The confusion Marissa felt was written all over her face. "But… But how?" she demanded. "I-I saw you on th-the street. You were dead, for God's sake!" Marissa's voice had been rising with every word, and now she was actually yelling. "You were dead, Alex! I saw the blood around your head, I held your lifeless body! I was at your funeral, I cried at your grave!"

Tears of anger and desperation were rolling down Marissa's face, and Alex just sat there, paralysed. "How? How can it be? Damn it, fuck! How could you do something like that to me?"

Marissa closed her eyes, trying to stop her tears from falling, and before she had opened them again she felt strong arms enclose her. A shudder ran through her body, and sobbing she pressed her face against the other girl's shoulder. She inhaled the scent that was so unmistakably Alex', and eventually her breathing slowed again.

"I am so sorry, Marissa," Alex said, and when Marissa let her go to look her in the eye, Marissa saw that she was not the only one crying.

"I wish this hadn't happened. I wish so badly that everything could be like before. That we could be like before."

Marissa saw not only sadness in Alex' eyes, but also incredible pain and desperation.

"It'll be okay," Marissa said softly, suddenly feeling that it was her turn to do the comforting.

"We'll be alright. You're here, that's all that matters."

Alex closed her eyes. "No. You don't understand. We can't be together anymore. You –You have to forget me."

Marissa suddenly felt sick, as if she'd have to throw up any minute. She slowly stood up, and Alex followed suit. "Why are you saying that? Damn it, Alex! You fucking owe me an explanation!"

Alex flinched at Marissa's angry voice, and Marissa shook her head in confusion. Marissa took her hand in hers. "Do you love me?" she asked straight out.

Alex, who had been staring at the floor, jerked her head up. "Of course I do," she said quietly. "More than Anything."

"Then… Then tell me the truth."

Alex' breathing quickened, and suddenly something in her face changed. Her sadness seemed to be replaced by anger – and hatred?

Alex pulled her hand away from Marissa's soft grip and took a step backward. Marissa shuddered.

"So, you want to know the truth? I'll tell you. I am a monster, Marissa, nothing but a fucking monster! I kill animals and drink their blood. Do you want to know why? How it began? Some bastard jammed his dirty fangs into my neck and sucked the life out of my body. But I didn't die. Nor did I really survive. I'm just a monster, nothing more…"

Alex' anger disappeared as quickly as it had come, and now she just stood there, staring into nothingness. And yet her shoulders were straight and there was a hardness in her face that never used to be there.

Marissa didn't know what to think. Alex was telling the truth, Alex would never lie to her – of that Marissa was positive. But still, it simply made no sense.

Completely confused, Marissa did the only thing she could think of and put her hands on Alex' waist.

"Marissa…"

"Shhh."

Marissa's face was moving closer to hers, and Alex had to muster up all her willpower to stop herself from giving in to her carnal desire.

"No, wait, Marissa – don't you understand?" Alex voice had adopted a desperately pleading tone. "I'm a vampire! Here, look!"

Alex opened her mouth slightly, and her pointed canine teeth became clearly visible.

"Oh, wow," Marissa mumbled, touching one of the teeth with her finger. The thoughts whirled around inside Marissa's head. Vampires didn't exist. But Alex seemed to be one – that kind of explained everything. Something in Marissa wanted to turn away and run from this unreal situation. But then again, Alex was here, alive, and that was all that mattered, really.

"Just be sure you don't hurt me," Marissa whispered, and then she pressed her lips to Alex'.

For a split second, Alex stiffened, but then she let go of everything she had been holding back. She cupped Marissa's face and kissed her back passionately.

Soon they had forgotten everything around them, and when they finally let go of each other, both of their lips were heavily bruised. Marissa put off the remaining candles that had not gone out on their own and then took hold of Alex' hand, pulling her toward the bedroom.

"I'm not sure this is –" Alex began, but Marissa shushed her – and Alex did not try to stop her again.

Alex resumed kissing Marissa, and when they had reached the bed, she picked up the taller girl seemingly without any effort and softly lay her down on the bed.

Time seemed to stand still while the two young women indulged in their love, soon forgetting the sorrow of the last months in each others arms.

*

Marissa yawned and turned over. She felt strangely peaceful, and suddenly she remembered what had happened the previous night. She swallowed hard and felt fear creep into her heart.

She opened her eyes – and then a huge smile appeared on her lips.

Alex was there. She was sleeping, lying on her stomach, her face turned away from Marissa.

Marissa sat up and blinked a few times, her eyes adjusting to the bright bedroom. She bent over Alex and looked at the face of her sleeping love.

And then all color drained from Marissa's face at the sight in front of her: Alex was so pale she seemed almost white, and she wasn't moving. With a trembling hand Marissa touched Alex' wrist. No heartbeat. No breath.

"Alex, no, please," Marissa pleaded desperately, grabbing Alex' shoulders and shaking her.

Alex' eyes shot open. "Marissa! What's up, is something wrong?" she asked alarmed.

But Marissa just stared at her in shock.

"A-Alex! I-I thought you w-were dead…You weren't breathing, and I-I didn't find a pulse…"

"Oh Marissa," Alex said, and sighing, she sat up, too. "I know this is difficult to understand, but I am not alive. May heart has stopped beating months ago, and it is not necessary for me to breathe."

Marissa stared at her in horror for a whole minute, and her face was now nearly as white as Alex'.

"I-I need to go," she finally stuttered. Jumping out of the bed, she grabbed her clothes and stormed out of the room.

She pulled on her clothes as quickly as her shaking hands allowed her. Not long afterwards, she was sitting in her car, driving, trying to escape from reality.

Marissa didn't know where to go – but she was well aware that she was in no good condition to drive.

The beach. That seemed like the right place for her to be, and sure enough as soon as she felt the sand beneath her toes, she felt herself calm down somewhat. This was a place she knew, it was real, it was good.

Marissa sat down and then began to try to sort out her thoughts.

Alex… She remembered the night, the way they had touched each other – it had been so wonderful, so exhilarating, so familiar.

Then the picture of a pale, unmoving Alex came to Marissa's mind again, followed by the memory of holding Alex' lifeless body on the street months ago… Her beautiful green eyes wide open, unseeing…

Marissa turned her body sideways just in time, and vomited onto the sand.

Shaking, she stood up and walked down to the shore. She bent down and gathered some salty water in her hands. She wiped her mouth clean, and then washed her face.

She sat back down on the sand and, shaking harder than ever, she began to cry.

As the tears flowed freely down her cheeks, Marissa slowly began to understand her own emotions. And finally she knew what she had to do.

*

Merely a minute after Marissa had left the bedroom Alex heard the front door slam shut, and she flinched. But it was the following silence that was truly unbearable.

Alex was not even able to cry. She was a monster, and it seemed Marissa had finally understood.


A/N: Ok, this chapter was rather short – but hey, at least it was a quick update, right? =)

Thank you all very much for reviewing, it means a lot.

I don't know how long it'll take me to update again, but I'll try my best.

Cheers!

- Elanor

*

… Oh, and I can't help but to mention: Tarja Turunen is an amazing singer, especially live.

I sometimes really don't know how I would survive this world without music.